The day after Kieran's visit, Naomi felt better about her situation. Greg's answer would be no, robbing them of their shared dreams, but it wasn't worth sacrificing her well-being. She had good friends like Shivanna, and she wasn't alone on this journey.

After searching the AVEN forums for comfort, she saw she was among several others who'd swung and missed with their allosexual crushes. But at least she'd worked up the courage to try. If Greg couldn't accept her asexuality, that was on him, not on her.

He didn't call just texted to ask if she was home. She wagered he didn't want to talk on the phone and invited him over. Nervous energy coursed through her, sending her pacing throughout the house, enough for Cleo to jump up as if they were going for a walk. It wasn't the worst idea, and Greg lived far enough that even if he got a ride, she'd have extra time before he arrived.

She and Cleo ran their short walk route in about twenty minutes, five minutes quicker than usual. Cleo panted at her side as they approached the greening yard. Greg wasn't on the porch and hadn't texted so she ran inside for a quick shower while Cleo grunted as she flopped onto her dog bed.

Still no word from Greg and that energy wouldn't dissipate. Shivanna was teaching an evening art class, so Naomi texted Kieran instead.

Naomi: Greg's coming over. Can't imagine it's good news. Wish me luck not bawling my eyes out.

Kieran: We can hit up Tavern if it ends badly. Might as well have a tasty side of fries as you drown your sorrows.

Naomi: I'll keep you posted. Won't drink much with work tomorrow morning.

Kieran: Screw his timing. Ask him to reschedule.

Naomi: No use dragging it out longer.

She jumped as the doorbell rang.

Naomi: Shit, he's here.

Kieran: You got this, Ace Girl :) You're a catch no matter what he says.

His reply put a smile on her face for the briefest moment. She set her phone to silent and tucked it in her pocket. After a deep breath, she answered the door. Greg's eyes landed everywhere but her. At least she'd prepared herself for his rejection, not that it hurt any less.

He met her gaze. "Hey, Nomi."

"Hi, Greg." Her tone was more defeated than she expected.

"Can I come in?"

He left his suede boots on the rug and entered the living room. Cleo watched him from her dog bed, not getting up like she usually would to greet him. Naomi would have to reward her with an extra treat for her unspoken loyalty. He sat sideways on the couch, one socked foot resting on his pants. His fingers tapped on his leg, almost as if he were nervous. About what?

"How've you been?" Greg asked as they hadn't spoken since she revealed her identity.

"Up, down, sideways, inside out. Yourself?"

He let out a brief chuckle as if the pain lurking beneath her words was non-existent. "Work's been chaotic, but I'm making it through. Been thinking a lot about us too."

He met her gaze with tenderness, but it hurt to hold it for too long. Optimism was a dangerous thing.

If Naomi promised herself anything tonight, it was not to plead with him and accept their fate. Boundaries were okay and healthy. She wouldn't be happy otherwise.

Greg glanced from the floor to her. "You're sure about your asexuality, right?"

His phrasing made her cringe. She was as certain as he was about his sexuality. "Not a doubt in my mind."

Greg's forehead wrinkles deepened. "And your estimate of once or twice a month was a lowball or best-case."

"Once every one or two months is the best case."

Why did he treat this like a business proposition? Like her boundaries were up for negotiation. Still, she would stick to them.

"And you're sure?" Helplessness gleamed in his eyes as if that would change her body's natural reactions.

Naomi ran her palms over her blue jeans. "You act weird when I mention Luke, but he and I were very open and tried for over a year. I'm well aware of what promises I can and can't make."

"You don't think it would be different because it's us?" A plea echoed in the final word. "I'm not a random guy you dated. We've known each other for almost half our lives, and I care about you more than anyone. Always have and always will." As he looked into her eyes, her stomach squirmed. That dangerous, naïve hope would sink them.

"I do too, but that's not how asexuality works for me. Even after the best date when I'm on top of the world and completely into you, we might try to hook up, and the connection might vanish at that moment with no logical explanation. It's not linked to my feelings, just how I'm wired."

"Nomi, I want to say this won't bother me with every fibre of my being. I've dreamt of us taking this step together for years." He sighed and gazed at the blank TV.

Naomi knew him well enough to sense what he wasn't saying. "But it's not the relationship you want."

"I want all the other stuff too, the flirting, date nights, cuddling, kissing, not having to hide that I'm so into you it physically hurts to see you with other guys."

"But regular sex is part of your ideal relationship."

He shifted his weight on the couch. "It's a lot to give up."

Naomi sunk deeper into the cushions, wishing they would swallow her like one of Kieran's hugs. Knowing he'd run to comfort her after this was keeping her composed. "I know," she muttered. She'd offered Greg everything she could, and it was insignificant to him.

He turned toward her and took her hand. "And you don't think it'll be different because it's me? What if you're demisexual? That happens to people who are asexual. They find the right person."

Naomi sighed. She'd had that hope before when she'd wanted to conform to the allosexual world, but if she was demisexual, she would be sexually attracted to Greg, and that had never happened despite her romantic attraction. "We've had a close emotional bond for ten years. I am very drawn to you in all the ways that my body experiences attraction. If you're only dating me to see if I'll become someone I'm not, that's unfair to both of us. I don't want that."

Greg grimaced. "You don't want me, you mean. I'm an asshole for hoping to sleep with you."

She caressed the back of her hand with her thumb. "You're not an asshole. You're allosexual. I'd be a hypocrite to fault you for experiencing sexual attraction when I want to be accepted for not feeling it."

"You've never been sexually attracted to anyone? Not your exes?" When she shook her head, he continued, "A celebrity crush, that guy you were obsessed with senior year?"

"I made him up because I thought you'd tease me if you found out it was you."

His gaze softened, and he squeezed her hand. "And not the electrician?"

"Kieran?"

Shit, Naomi was sure Greg had sensed her tense through her grip. Why was she nervous? She and Kieran had connected in the kitchen where she'd drunkenly violated his personal space and there'd been a literal spark of static electricity and again when he leaned down to whisper in her ear this week, but those weren't sexual attractions. They simply made her heart race like Greg had done plenty of times in pleasant ways.

Greg observed her. "Are you attracted to him?"

"I'm not sexually attracted to any person. I'm willing to have a sex life with you, but it won't be anything like you imagined or had with Tara," she muttered. Even if he accepted her asexuality, would he regret this choice when his ex was an option? With her presence at his party, that was quite possible

"But you won't enjoy it."

Naomi readjusted her position on the couch, tucking her feet under her legs. "It's often okay. Sometimes, it's almost fun, although it depends on many factors. It's never at the top of my intimacy list."

"I wish you would have told me sooner. How did this never come up?"

Because at first, I didn't understand it, then once I did, I feared this reaction. It seemed normal to keep their friendship as it had always been and just discuss this with her partners and Shivanna when she needed support or advice.

"We never talked about this part of our lives. I hoped that meant it wasn't that big of a deal."

Greg's slow exhalation and lack of response conveyed plenty.

"Nomi, you're amazing, and I care about you so much..." He looked at her with the pain of a doctor breaking the news of a life-altering diagnosis.

Naomi had heard this speech before, and it twisted the knife in her chest. She wanted to plead with him, make promises she wasn't sure she could keep, but that would delay the inevitable and cause them more pain. As much as this killed her, she had to be strong for them both.

She stood up. "No matter how you spin this, it'll end and hurt the same. Let's end this misery."

He rose from the couch, wiped some dog hair off his slacks, and stepped toward her. Those eyes would be the death of her composure, so she focused on a photo of her and Shivanna.

"You don't even want to try?" he asked.

"Can you tell me your feelings for me are as strong as they were two weeks ago?"

"That's not fair. I'm still figuring this out."

In other words, no. Her chest constricted. It grew hard to breathe as she choked up, and tears formed in her eyes. If he saw her as less of a partner because of her asexuality, their relationship would never work. Either he'd resent her for having boundaries, or she'd try to push past them, making their intimacy too uncomfortable.

"Nomi, I didn't mean it like that. I meant..." He glanced around the room in a panic. "I—fuck–-how do we fix this?"

The next words caught on Naomi's larynx as she tried to force them out. Drawing this out into a relationship would only hurt both of them. "We don't."

"We don't? What does that mean?"

Her breath trembled as she voiced the fear she'd had all week. It sounded colder than the storm brewing within. "That our dreams are too different for this to work."

"That's not true."

"You didn't say anything in the days after I came out to you." She turned to hide the tears slipping down her cheeks, leaving them lingering on her skin like the ache in her soul. "Now you question my asexuality and try to spin it into something that better suits your needs. Both actions hurt me and invalidate my identity."

He stepped around so he faced her again. When he wiped away a few tears, his fingers comforted her with the elegance of sandpaper, and she flinched.

"Nomi, I'm sorry. I don't know how to handle this. I was scared to say the wrong thing, which was a valid fear." He stared at her with wide hurt eyes, searching for her reassurance, but she didn't have it in her to give today. Not when he'd chiselled down her self-worth and did nothing to build it back up.

"We can't keep doing this. If we're apart, you'll figure out what you want, and I'll..." Try not to slide into a pit of despair where she resented her asexuality. Her eyes brimmed with more tears.

In the movies, Greg would realize she was what he wanted, and they'd find a solution to make intimacy comfortable for both of them. Then he'd hold her until her pain was but a whisper.

But in reality, he shot her a forlorn look and said, "This sucks, Nomi. I always thought you and I would be end-game." The anguish in his voice only conveyed a fraction of hers.

It took everything for her not to burst into tears. She kept her face as still as possible to say, "Welcome to my world. I think it's best if you go."

He shot her another puppy dog look but didn't fight her this time. After he'd put on his shoes, he reached out to give her an awkward parting hug. Gone was the warmth she'd had a week earlier. She craved a more solid and lasting connection. The door clicked shut, and she turned the lock with a sigh.

She pressed her back against the wooden door and slid down it until she hit the floor. Tears poured out of her as she buried her head in her knees. She'd known this was coming, but it didn't make it any easier. Deep down, Naomi knew there'd be no more date nights when Greg kissed her in the kitchen, no more flirting at baseball, and no possibility of strolling a tropical beach hand in hand where he told her she was the love of his life. They hadn't uttered the words once, even though they burned in her heart like an eternal flame.

Her phone buzzed, and for a second, she thought Greg might have found the words to heal their bond. But it was Kieran.

Kieran: How are you doing?

The question conjured up a fresh batch of tears until she calmed herself with deep breaths. Once she'd settled, she sent him a GIF of a broken heart failing to put a bandaid on itself.

He replied with a picture of a child eating an oversized slice of pizza that made her laugh. She watched it again and again until she almost smiled. He added a question mark after it.

She replied with a cartoon heart hugging a slice of pizza.

Kieran: I'm on it.

His response gave Naomi the energy to stand on her shaky legs and wash some tears off her face. She stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, at her bloodshot eyes and splotchy skin, and muttered.

You are worthwhile.

You are kickass.

One person's opinion does not define you.

But her heart ached because that person meant everything to her for so long. Now she had to stash his thoughts in a box like the rest of her exes. How did she do that when she valued him so much?

But he values you less because you're ace.

That thought triggered more tears, and she struggled to keep it together until the doorbell rang twenty minutes later. If that was Kieran, he was a speedster. Cleo raced to the door. 

***

Did you see this happening so soon?

Do you think it's actually Kieran at the door?