A/N: Oh, boy, are you guys READY? Who is prepared to go DARK? Get your masks and oxygen tanks, my darling readers, because we're about to dive DEEP (and you CANNOT pass by this chapter without dropping a comment, it's one of my best to date). The conversations might be a little too mature for their age, but no one here really cares about this kind of detail.

Nico's Flashback

MONDAY, 20th February

Nico entered his room, the only place he hadn't searched yet.

What if she actually escaped?

And where would she go? Besides, I have trouble believing she'd be able to sneak past Cerberus.

Still, we just got back from school and her food bowl is still untouched.

"Pssst, Anima, come on. Where are you hiding?"

Kneeling by his bed, he checked underneath, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw the white fur curled up in a ball.

Of course, she would find the darkest and most forgotten corner of the whole house to take a nap.

I won't judge, since I would've done the same in her place.

I just want to be sure she didn't eat because she was sleeping, not because she's sick or anything.

Lowering his body to the floor, he reached underneath the bed to try and grab the kitten, that managed to be just out of his reach. He huffed and tried to stretch more, but barely brushed the tip of his fingers on her soft fur. His eyes squinted in a glare, but the sleeping kitten remained undisturbed.

Now what? Should we move the bed? Or wait it out?

Oh, remember what Annabeth said? What if we bring her food here? Maybe the scent will wake her.

Right, I'd forgotten she said that.

He grabbed one of the pouches with a puree treat Annabeth had advised him to get and kneeling back by his bed, stretched his arm with the treat in hand and waited. Before he could ask himself if this was going to work, Anima stirred, her nose reacting to the treat before her eyes even opened. Nico couldn't help but chuckle.

"In the end, your stomach speaks louder."

Did you still have any doubts?

He moved the treat closer to himself, baiting his pet to follow until he could grab her and remove her from under the bed. Anima didn't seem to particularly care, to focused on scratching his other hand to bring the treat closer to her mouth.

I think it's safe to say she didn't eat just because she was sleeping.

Taking the kitten to her food bowl and making sure she was eating before leaving, Nico went back to his room, kneeling to see under the bed again.

Should we try to block her access?

How?

I don't know, but I'm sure Niel would be able to come up with something.

What about just pushing some shoe boxes to the far side? She can still hide beneath the bed, just close enough that we can grab her if this happens again.

How many do we need? At least five? Do you even have enough shoe boxes?

... No. But Hannah might. Her new wardrobe just arrived, right?

We could ask them.

Something on the floor caught his attention, and he reached his hand to slowly pull it in his direction. Finally picking it up and removing some dust and lint from it, it took them less of a second to recognize it as one of the blades Nanni would use before Nico arrived.

Oh. I thought you'd gotten rid of all of those.

So did I, this one must've escaped.

... I guess.

Will you still do it? After I leave?

... I don't know. I haven't thought about it for a while now.

How much is a while?

You know how much.

Nanni, I know you manage to hide some feelings and thoughts for me.

... two months?

You're asking me?

There is a difference of thinking about doing it and think about it.

Sitting on the floor and leaning against the bed, Nico kept the turning the blade with his fingers, being careful not to cut himself by accident.

And two months is about thinking of doing it?

No, just thinking about it.

Why were you thinking about it?

It was Christmas. The holidays were always...

Harder?

Yes, but... not harder because of any particular feelings, more like... feeling almost like the perfect excuse to do it. Almost as if 'anyone would expect me to do this during this time, might as well do it' kind of thing.

So you were not thinking of doing it?

No, I wasn't.

...

I swear it. I thought more of how my last Christmas had been so different. And there was a fraction of a moment I realized I would've been... you know.

And the last time you thought about doing it?

I can't remember exactly, but I think it was after we'd just met Niel.

Why?

I don't know. I think we were talking about how weird it was that Niel and Lucy were suddenly always around us.

And this caused... what, anxiety?

More like... hopelessness? I thought they would leave anyway and things would go back to how they were.

And now?

Now?

Do you still think they'll leave anyway?

I don't know what they'll do.

No one does. But what do you believe?

I... don't know what I believe. Faith has never been my strong suit.

Do you want something to believe?

Like what?

Like Hannah. I know you haven't properly met yet, but if she's anything like Hazel, she won't leave you alone. And I think she's showed she cares, even if through Hazel.

Nico stayed silent, letting Nanni work through his feelings. The blade felt innocently light between his fingers, but Nico could see the scars on his wrist shinning when the light hit just right.

... She'd worry if I did it again.

She would.

I don't want to disappoint her.

... But?

But I don't know if I'd be able to promise her. And keep it.

You could not promise.

And disappoint her from the get-go? What a great brother I'd be.

Maybe she'd prefer for you to be honest instead of great.

Do you speak from experience?

Nico sighed, leaning his head against the mattress and closing his eyes for a couple of seconds before staring blankly at the ceiling.

My relationship with Hazel is different.

Tell me, maybe it'll be helpful later.

It's not about sharing the same father. It's not even the same father.

Pluto and Hades.

They are not that different, not like some other divinities. Still, not quite the same.

Is that why your relationship with her is different?

No, it's because being a child of the Underworld means more than the powers we have.

Meaning?

Meaning we have a... reputation? Romans and Greeks might be different, but the fear of death is universal. Because of that, our presence it's... it can be unsettling. I don't know how to describe what they feel, mostly because no one actually says it out loud.

Maybe it's like knowing someone who studied with you died? A reminder how death can come to anyone at any time?

Maybe. I don't know if we actually have a different aura or people just imagine that because of who our father is.

What do you think?

I think that, if this aura really exists, some demigods must be immune to it.

Why?

I know Frank was never intimidated, even when he was probation who didn't know his own father. Jason as well never seemed uncomfortable around me.

And Will?

Will is... odd. One could say that with his father being the god of light, he's unaffected. But even his siblings are not that comfortable around me.

Is there no cabin fully at ease with you?

Hecate. Their mother works constantly with my father. And there is a necromantic side to their powers. Some explore it, others no. Still, they all seem more... less tense with the subject of death, comparing to other campers. There was an odd Aphrodite child that kept insisting death could be as beautiful as life.

Can it?

It depends on what you consider beautiful. Dying peacefully of old age can be an easy answer, but not necessarily the only one. A sacrifice to protect someone you love can also be beautiful. Or for doing the right thing. A death can be a heart-wrenching level of sad, so intense and unsettling... but still beautiful. Sometimes, there's almost a poetry on how someone's fate comes to end. At least, that's what he would say when his siblings criticized him for romanticizing death.

Do you think he was romanticizing death?

He was, but humanity has been doing that since the beginning of time, both fictionally and in real life. I don't see how he was wrong to do that. Drew was the daughter of the goddess of love and defended breaking someone's heart. There are always several interpretations to everything, especially for such primal things like love and death.

And this also means you and Hazel represent different sides of death?

You could say that. Hazel physically died and then had a chance to try again. I forgot everything I knew and had to start from scratch. In a way, we both died. 

You were the one to bring her back, right? You told me this in the beginning.

Yeah, I did. A part of me wonders if she was destined to go back from the start and I was just a convenient pawn...

Or if you changed her destiny and by doing so, also the prophecy.

Even if that was also a possibility, Nico had a hard time believing it. He mostly wondered how much their fates had been intwined, even before his own birth.

It's hard to interpret the future, especially with prophecies using vague metaphors.

Do you feel responsible for her fate? Is that why you said your relationship is different?

I don't feel responsible for her fate. Not anymore, at least. She's made it clear to everyone she was taking her fate into her own hands. I brought her back, but she's made her own life. That was not what I was referring to.

Then what?

Not only being children of the Underworld, but we're also out of our original time. She sometimes has a harder time because she remembers her past, but even without remembering it fully, doesn't mean I don't feel it at times. Being out of my own time, I mean.

What else?

Well, you could say we held secrets about the other that could put our position in the Legion in jeopardy.

She knew you were Greek?

Just like I could feel she wasn't Greek, she could feel I wasn't Roman. Even if we trusted each other and had no intention of betraying the other, it's something different to lie and pretend in front of dozens of demigods knowing one of those knows the truth about you. I don't know how to explain it, but it creates an extra bond.

I guess I'll have the opportunity to find out because once you leave, whenever that may be, Hannah would be the only one knowing the truth.

Yeah, I guess you will.

Nico wasn't completely sure about bringing the conversation back to the topic Nanni had done his best to avoid and divert for the last months, but he felt this might be the best occasion to do it.

Why did you?

Sorry?

Why did you cut yourself before I arrived?

Just... different reasons.

Will you tell me about them?

Why do you want to know? They are just stupid reasons.

I don't want to judge or make you feel bad about it. I just... I guess I want to hear you. I could've been you, so I want to know.

When Nanni didn't say anything for almost two minutes, Nico had almost lost hope he'd say anything. Anima chose this moment to wander back into his room, moving to climb and settle on his lap, purring as soon as he touched her fur, petting her delicately. He knew Bob adored and spoiled Small Bob, but he'd never realized how much he could like cats.

Because I couldn't do anything else.

What?

I guess the main feeling was not having anything else to do. Not in a bored way, but a no-other-way-out way.

No other way out of what?

Everything! I know you made several changes to life from the moment you arrived, but you've seen it. You've also lived it. You remember when Percy defended you from Skull? I didn't have that!

What about Niel?

I've seen him fight some people, but he never defended me personally. I don't think he even did it for me that time, it was just some convenient excuse! Thankfully, it seems Niel hanging around kept Skull at bay, but I didn't have that in the first month of high school and certainly didn't have any of that in middle school. I was always the weird kid.

I can understand that.

No, you DON'T. Even if you were the weird kid, at least you knew WHY, you knew it was because of your father and how uncomfortable he made others just by existing. You KNEW you were from another time. Even if you couldn't change any of that, you knew the reason. I never had any chance of changing anything because I never knew why I'm the weird kid. I never wanted to be the weird kid and I'd have gladly changed. I wouldn't have cared about pretending to be somewhere else if that meant I wouldn't be seem as the weird one, the one to be avoided, and made fun of, or isolated and ignored. You could embrace your weirdness, you could revel in it, I couldn't!

I never reveled in it! I never wanted to be the weird kid, not more than you.

Then why did you choose to hang around ghosts all the time? I know you still spend as much time with dead people as you do with living ones; YOU told me that.

It's different from your case.

Is it? Because it sounds to me that maybe you didn't know how to deal with being the weird kid all that well, you didn't know how to be with living people, and you didn't have any answers because you didn't even know the questions to ask! And when you felt you had no other choice, there was no solution, no place for you, you hid between the dead. You still do. You justify as something that had to happen because that's who you are, son of the Underworld and all that. Guess what, my way was with pain. But a pain I chose to inflict, where I decided and for how long.

You think it's the same?

You think it's not? Isn't you choosing to interact with the dead your own way of avoiding all that those feelings living people would give you? You didn't know or couldn't change anything about them. It didn't matter how bad it made you feel, how rejected, empty, hated, hurt, or frustrated. And you also had just lost your sister, the one person that could get you. The one person who might've helped you. And because there wasn't anything you could do, you left. I couldn't leave, so I found my own way. I wasn't trying to die, I was just...

...

I just wanted some kind of relief. I know pain might not sound like relief, but it was. I could focus on something I could control, instead of everything else. Instead of everyone else. It was just...

... just?

It was just a way to feel... I guess, some sort of control? You know when people having migraines complain they would like someone to drill a hole in their heads? They don't want medicine or doctors, they just want immediate relief, even if that means a different kind of pain. Or when someone gets hurt and to distract themselves, they bite their own hand or arm? It's painful, but it's a pain THEY are inflicting where THEY chose to. It's a way to regain some kind of control. The cutting was my relief from... everything.

Nanni's admission had rattled Nico. Not only because this was their first honest conversation about it, but it also made Nico question some things about himself. On his lap, Anima lazily snoozed, not aware or caring for the electricity running through his veins.

Sorry. I was bit... I went off a little too strong in the end.

No, it was... I asked you to tell me.

Are you... what do you think of it?

I don't think it matters what I think about it. It's just... you said about having no way out.

Yes?

Because you had no one to turn to and didn't know how to change yourself to... I don't know, make friends.

Okay?

That's not the case anymore. You have Hannah now, and I know she'll be there for better or worse. You also have Niel and Lucy.

They are your friends; they know you.

They know us. And I remember you telling me to be more lenient with Lucy than I would've been. Maybe you'll become closer to her without me in between.

And Niel?

Niel does what he wants. And if he can deal with Sierra's hot-and-cold without blinking an eye, I don't think any changes you show will be enough to push him away.

Do you really believe that?

Like you, faith was never my strong suit. But I'm working on it. Besides, I think Anima and Cerberus might work as a good distraction from other problems.

... I guess.

Flashback over, back to present

TUESDAY, 21th February

He was woken up from his nap by someone insistently ringing the doorbell. Peeling his face from the Biology homework he'd been working on before falling asleep, he rotated his neck trying to alleviate the pain from having slept on his desk. Meanwhile, whoever it was, kept ringing the doorbell.

Are we waiting for someone?

No?

Could it be Niel? Or Lucy?

They would break into the house three times before even wondering if we have a doorbell.

Deciding to get it over it, he marched towards the gate, opening it without bothering to check who it was. That was his mistake, because before he'd finished opening the steel gate, a shadow jumped and took him to the ground. Distantly, he could hear Cerberus barking and running in his direction, but the culprit for ringing his doorbell almost until breaking it had managed to wrestle the shadow back to his side, in time for Nico to grab Cerberus and calm him down before he mauled their visitors. For someone who came really close of becoming Cerberus' chew toy, the son of Poseidon looked a little too relaxed.

How does he even know where we live?

If I have to guess, Annabeth told him from when she came to help with Anima.

Then why is he here?

That's what I want to know.

"Why are you here?"

Percy grinned, gesturing casually to the enormous dog by his side, excitedly waving her tail.

"I'm here because Mrs. O'Leary is in desperate need of exercise and it happens to have a dog-friendly park around here. I don't think you knew that, did you?"

"No, but-"

"Why don't you bring Cerberus? Let them play rough a bit, burn some excessive energy. And how about you don't try to find an excuse, that we'll both know will be just that, an excuse?"

There was an edge of challenge in the end of that sentence, but Nico also didn't feel like playing games.

"Why are you really doing this?"

"Why should I have a hidden agenda?"

Nico didn't try to hide his skepticism.

"Are you saying you don't?"

"I'm saying 'why should I'."

"Did someone ask you to do this?"

"No, I'm here by my own free will."

Surprisingly, that felt like the truth, even if Nico couldn't think of a reason for Percy to randomly decide to check on him.

"What do you want?"

"To let Mrs. O'Leary play around with a dog her own size for once. You know, let go with someone equal to her."

What does he actually mean by that?

I don't know, but he's kinda right; Cerberus could use the exercise.

The problem is that I don't believe for one minute that's all he came here for.

***

It didn't take them even five minutes to reach the park Percy had chosen; although Mrs. O'Leary constantly pulling on her leash and egging Cerberus to do the same might have shortened the travel time. Still unsure about Percy's intentions, Nico walked beside him around the park, their dogs still doing their best to rip the leashes from their owners' hands.

"How many times did you dream of Tartarus since coming here?"

The question caught Nico by surprise.

"How did y- Hazel."

"To be fair, she didn't tell me you had any, she asked me if I looked tired yesterday because of one."

Nico groaned, knowing what must've happened.

"And then she asked you to check on me."

"I already said I'm here by my own volition. And she didn't tell me, I simply guessed."

"You GUESSED?"

He hadn't meant to sound that skeptical, but it was too late now. Percy was still unnaturally calm.

"It was too specific of a question to have come out of nowhere. Only three people could've dreamed of Tartarus, and Annabeth would've come to me before Hazel. It wasn't hard to guess."

"Congratulations, you're a genius."

Percy ignored his sarcasm, not bothering to beat around the bush.

"How many times?"

"Why does it matter?"

"How many?"

The son of Hades sighed, knowing there was no way he was going to escape this interrogation. If he didn't face Percy now, Nico wouldn't put past the son of the sea to tattletale on him to Will, or Jason, or Reyna. He could deal with each one separately, but he couldn't risk Percy telling more than one.

"Two full ones and three interrupted."

"Interrupted? You managed to wake yourself up?"

"No, Cerberus woke me up before the nightmare had a complete hold of me. After the third time, they just stopped coming."

That seemed to surprise Percy.

"How did Cerberus know to wake you up?"

"I don't know, instincts?"

"Is that why you got him? To stop the nightmares?"

He realized Percy truly hadn't known about the Nightmares, not even when they had been. Maybe Hazel didn't out him.

"No, it was to stop nosy people from breaking and entering into my place, not that it worked."

"Well, at least it worked for your nightmares."

"Yeah, at least that."

"So, he is not, like, a therapy dog?"

Nico scoffed, glaring at his dog when Cerberus tried to bolt and almost made him fall on his face.

"He was supposed to be a guard dog. A lot of good that did."

"I see. I did have one, you know."

"A what?"

"A Tartarus nightmare while in Peter's body. It just wasn't yesterday like Hazel thought."

The easy admission caught Nico unprepared, and he wasn't sure what to answer.

"Just one? Lucky you."

"It was triggered by some worrying news about Peter's stepfather. The next day the news changed to fantastic, so no more dreams."

Percy didn't feel the need to share what the news were, and Nico wasn't about to ask.

"Do you remember the dream?"

"Not really. I could remember some things that scumbag did to Peter, along with some things Gabe did to me. On the other hand, Peter could remember falling into the Cocytus."

"That's it?"

"That's what we could remember, but the way my body was electrified and dripping in sweat when I woke up, I doubt it was only that. Do you remember yours?"

Nico shrugged like he couldn't feel the shivers running over his skin just thinking about it.

"Some of it. I could hear it talking to me."

"It? Tartarus?"

"I'm not sure. It could be Tartarus or Gaea. Maybe even the Giants."

"Wha- Mrs. O'Leary, down, I said DOWN. What was it saying to you?"

"You know, the usual. It's your fault, sacrifice for the goddess, things like that."

"Laughing as well?"

"Possibly, yeah."

"In my opinion, worse than the voices, is the burning sensation in your lungs, that acidic air slowly killing you from the inside."

He knew what Percy meant. Nico had once confided in Hazel how easily was to remember the sensations Tartarus provoked, how he could feel it all over again just by thinking about it hard enough. Those memories had a different kind of power.

"Do you still feel it?"

Percy cut in front of Nico to open the gate to a fenced area.

"Awake or asleep?"

"Cerberus, heel! ...Both."

After Nico managed to pass through the gate Percy was keeping open while barely preventing his dog to jump on Percy, he waited until the gate was closed and the older teen joined him. He had almost forgotten his own question, but Percy still answered.

"Yes, especially during summer. The temperature at camp is regulated, but when you go outside the limits on a really hot day, it's impossible not to feel. Doesn't matter if it's humid or dry, it just needs to be hot. I know it's mostly inside my heads, but that sensation is hard to shake. Like when you lightly burn your hand and forget about it, then take a hot shower and that area stings so badly out of nowhere."

Nico knew the feeling. Even if they came back, sometimes it was hard to believe it was over, like they could still feel a part of Tartarus nestled inside them.

"I was afraid of shadowtraveling."

If this shocked Percy, he didn't show. Moving to be the shade of a large tree, he put down his backpack close to his feet, removed the leash from Mrs. O'Leary, and allowed her to run along with the other free dogs. Nico did the same for Cerberus.

"Why?"

Percy gestured for Nico to hand him the leash, putting both inside the backpack.

"I feared Tartarus still had some kind of pull on me, and that the moment I entered the shadows..."

"It would deviate you back there. Then why did you offer to shadowtravel the statue to camp?"

Nico scoffed, knowing that volunteering had been the last thing he'd wanted to do.

"You mean other than the fact that we had absolutely no other choice?"

"Yeah, other than that."

Nico's sighed at Percy's unbothered tone against his sarcasm. That wasn't a moment he'd ever wanted to revisit, but despite the carefree attitude the son of Poseidon was displaying, Nico knew he wouldn't relent.

"I guess a part of me hoped the powers the statue held were enough to keep me from being dragged away. Reyna ended up helping a lot too; she had to share her strength with me a couple of times and that helped ground me."

"Does she know that?"

"I don't know. We never talked about it."

Instead of commenting, Percy let out a loud whistle that would've stopped three taxis in New York. Nico could see Mrs. O'Leary abandoning her pursuit of a dog a third of her size and running back to them. The older boy reached into his backpack and pulled out a frisbee, throwing it with all his strength and watching the black mastiff run full speed towards it, followed closely by Cerberus. Percy stood up with his hands in his pockets, the casual posture not fooling Nico.

"Is this the first time you talk about Tartarus?"

"No, I spoke about it with Hazel before. And some Hypnos campers accidentally walked into my dreams before they managed to block it. Will also forced me to answer some questions so he could know about what I might need to be treated and the safest way to do it."

Percy nodded. Despite water healing him, he and Annabeth were also kept under observation for a couple of days and had to do constant check-ups over the next three weeks before the son of Apollo was satisfied with their recovery.

"But did you talk about what you experienced there or about what you brought with you to the surface?"

"... Did you bring something with you?"

Percy laughed, but there wasn't an ounce of humor in it.

"Does a fear of myself count?"

"Why would you fear yourself?"

Cerberus had managed to steal the frisbee from his new friend and was proudly presenting it to Nico, who passed it back to Percy. After throwing it again as far as he could, Percy sighed.

"Shouldn't the question be 'why wouldn't I fear myself'?"

"I never saw you fear yourself or what you're capable of, not even during the Battle of Manhattan, carrying Achilles' curse."

"Oh, but I did; I just didn't show. Nico, half that battle is a complete blur to me. When I would come to myself, I'd be covered in monster ash and the other campers were several yards behind me and looking every bit impressed as they were scared. I'm pretty sure I even laughed a couple of times."

That was not how Nico remembered it. Percy had been impressive, giving orders as if he'd been born to do it, inspiring respect and immediate obedience from the other cabins. Slicing through monsters to guard Olympus and protect the other demigods, adapting, planning, and improvising in the moment. Although he bore the curse of Achilles, that had merely protected his skin; everything else that made him a hero worthy of the prophecy had been all Percy. The Romans, with all their hierarchy and order, couldn't dream of inspiring loyalty and bravery as Percy had done it. He'd looked unshakeable.

"I never would've guessed; you seemed very confident."

This time, Mrs. O'Leary managed to be the one bringing back the frisbee.

"I was confident in what needed to be done. I did what I had to; doesn't mean I would feel at ease about it. I must also remind you that I had caused a dormant volcano to erupt just the year before, by myself. Hephaestus did say I wasn't aware just how powerful I actually was."

"But you didn't fear yourself then. Did you?"

"Not really. I mean, I knew I had a hidden potential, but I never thought I would actually unlock it. I always thought I would stop just before things got too serious. And for a while, that was true, even during the Titan War or the Alaskan quest. Then came Tartarus."

Nico nodded. No one could've predicted they would've had to face the land of the monsters, let alone what they'd have to do to survive.

"And the potential you unlocked there made you fear yourself."

"Not exactly. That's what Annabeth believes, but it's not the whole truth."

It surprised him to hear Percy admit that Annabeth didn't know everything, especially about him; Nico wondered if Percy outright lied to her or just hid it. Cerberus had almost delivered the frisbee to his owner when Mrs. O'Leary stole it from him and ran away, the male hot on her heels.

"What is the whole truth?"

"It's that what scared me wasn't the potential I had, but how easy it was to cross into that territory, and how hard it was to step back."

He couldn't explain why, but Percy's sentence felt incomplete.

"And?"

"Of course, you'd sense it. And how I'm not completely sure I managed to get back safely."

That wasn't exactly the answer he'd been expecting.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that crossing that limit wasn't something that could be undone. It's like, before Tartarus, the limit was clear, like I could see a line on the ground. After I crossed it, that line vanished. Sure, I'm back on 'safe' territory, but I cannot see the limit anymore. I'm in constant fear of accidentally crossing it again and not realizing it until it's too late. And you know the worst part of it?"

Nico knew, because he felt the same after forcefully turning that Roman legacy into a ghost, slowly sipping away his thoughts, his will, his memories, his fate, and lastly, his life.

"You don't trust your own feelings to let you know you crossed it. Because what you felt when you crossed wasn't foreigner; it was actually more familiar than you'd like to admit."

Percy stared at Nico and nodded, not looking surprised the son of Hades knew the feeling.

"You too, huh? How natural it felt to cross that line really screws with your head. And then you realize you already had those feelings and thoughts inside of you, they would just get dwarfed by nicer – safer – feelings."

Finally managing to shake off her pursuer, Mrs. O'Leary allowed Percy to take the frisbee and throw it again. As much as he wished to, Nico couldn't hold back from asking.

"How did you manage to step back?"

"How do you think?"

The answer was so obvious, he didn't know why he'd bothered to ask in the first place.

"Annabeth."

"Yes, but the kick is how she managed to do it."

"Why? Is it any different from other times?"

"I wasn't the first person I scared that day." 

Taking the frisbee from the two dogs who kept fighting about it, Percy stuffed it inside his backpack and took out a rope a yard long, offering the knots on the tips for each dog, letting them play tug-of-war. Nico used this time to hide his surprise, both at hearing Annabeth had been afraid and at Percy admitting it.

"I have trouble even imagining Annabeth scared of you."

"It took me some seconds to realize I was the one scaring her. And even then, I didn't fully feel the horror I would've expected from seeing her so scared of me. Taking that step back was less of an emotional reaction and more of a conscious choice. And that also terrifies me."

Nico could identify with him.

"Because you can't trust your own feelings by yourself or your feelings for her."

Percy nodded and they kept watching the dogs pulling on the rope, trying to drag each other or make their adversary relinquish the new toy.

"And you, how did you step back?"

"I did what I felt I needed to do. And when I didn't have a target anymore, the feelings died down and I could see the result of what I'd done. Seeing Reyna's expression was what made me realize I had crossed the line."

"Was she also scared?"

"She looked shocked and a bit unsettled, but I don't know if she was scared. You know it would take a lot to make her scared."

He didn't expect Percy to respond, but he heard the whispered answer anyway.

"You could say the same about Annabeth."

The conversation lulled into silence, while they kept watching the dogs playing. In this world, Cerberus was smaller than Mrs. O'Leary, but not by much. Still, judging by the male winning the tug-of-war just slightly, he could hold his own just fine.

***

"I used to dream of Bianca."

Nico didn't know where the confession had come from, but it was now too late to take it back. Unsurprisingly, Percy caught on quickly.

"Used to?"

"I still do, sometimes. But it's less frequent."

"Why do you sound scared?"

He hadn't realized how scared he'd sounded just then. It was something he had told no one, but Nanni. Still, this time, he felt that Percy was the best person to talk to. He was, after all, one of the two demigods besides Nico who remembered Bianca alive.

"Because I fear I'm forgetting her. Sometimes I have trouble remembering her face. And when I manage to, I keep worrying the smile is not quite right, or that her hair was actually longer than I remember. Bianca is my whole past. My father ordered my memories of my mother to be erased. The Lotus Hotel was..."

He wasn't sure how to describe it, forgetting for a moment Percy had also experienced it.

"My days there felt like a drug-induced fever dream."

It wasn't how HE would've described it, but it sounded accurate enough.

"Yeah, that. The only normalcy I had, the only memories I had just for me, were about Bianca; half are from after her death, and now they are all disappearing."

"I'm truly sorry I couldn't protect her."

He waved away Percy's apology, that wasn't his concern this time.

"I couldn't see it at the time, but that was her thing."

"What was her thing?"

"Abandoning me. First, she chose the Hunters. Then, she chose to sacrifice herself. And just to close the triad, she chose rebirth."

"Nico-"

Percy tried to cut in, but Nico kept going, both to express his sentiments of grief and betrayal and to remove Percy's unnecessary and useless feelings of guilt.

"I'd asked you for an impossible promise. Even if she'd survived, she would've spent eternity following Artemis. Who knows if she would've stopped by during her endless immortality to check on me before I died of old age or during a stupid quest? I shouldn't-"

"Allow me to interrupt."

The hand connecting to the back of his neck in a quick and powerful hit almost sent him to the ground.

"Ow! Why did you do that!?"

For the first time in the afternoon, Percy had crossed his arms and looked seriously pissed. 

"Because you were not the only one to ask me for an impossible promise. She also wanted you to be safe and happy. And hearing you questioning her love for you dishonors her memory. Her last thought, and her last wish, were about you. I didn't speak with her ghost frequently like you did, but from what I got to know of her alive, she only held back on rebirth for so long because of you, to keep an eye on you and make sure you were not destroying yourself."

Nico opened his mouth to retort, but Percy wasn't done.

"And I wouldn't be surprised if she chose rebirth with exactly the same motivation, to free you from your obsession and allow you to heal and move on. She never wanted to abandon you, not even when she chose the Hunters. All she wanted was for you both to become your own people. She felt like she needed her freedom as much as you needed your freedom from her. That doesn't mean she loved you any less than you loved her. The Hunters were not a chance to abandon you, but to give you both space to grow. Are you really going to distort her essence just to give you an excuse to hold a grudge against a sister who would've done anything for you? That risked everything for you? Grow up, Nico. Instead of resenting her for her death, you should honor her by living, for the two of you."

He didn't know what to answer, but Percy didn't seem to expect one. He simply turned to watch their dogs, keeping silent. Still, Nico was glad he didn't stalk off, that would've been salt on the wounds Percy had just opened.

***

They had moved to sit by the tree, leaning against the trunk side by side. It had been peaceful – except for the barking and growls while their dogs kept trying to up each other. Nico had expected Percy to interrupted their silence, just not the question he would use to do it.

"What is your self-destructive method of choice?"

Nico felt his blood freeze inside his veins.

"What do you mean?"

"Nanni used to cut himself. What about you?"

"How do you-"

Percy didn't even bother letting him finish.

"Sorry to say, Nico, but you're not nearly as conscious about the scars as Nanni would've been. You constantly forget to hide them, and I'm pretty certain I'm not the only one who noticed them."

I'm sorry, I truly am. It was not my intention.

...Well, not much we can do about that now, can we?

"I'm not here to discuss Nanni. My question was about you. What questionable method do you use to FEEL?"

"What is yours?"

Percy didn't seem to be surprised by the deflection and answered easily.

"Cold. Most of Tartarus was hot to the point of being suffocating, so I choose the cold. Either keeping my window open during a storm, staying outside without a coat during fall or winter, or going to the basement of an abandoned building close to my home where is always cold, even during summer. Putting two or three ice cubes in my mouth also helps. Your turn."

For some reason, it's easier to admit than he'd have expected.

"I can't do that here, but I would touch my sword and feel the spirits that are trapped there. Sometimes I can feel their emotions when they're awake."

"How do you awake them?"

Nico flinched; he had hoped Percy wouldn't ask.

"A smear of my blood on my blade usually works."

"Does it only work with your blood?"

"Yes, but I usually already have an open wound or two when I'm feeling like that, so..."

Percy didn't seem to fully believe him, but he didn't contradict Nico.

"How does that help?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe because I disconnect a bit from myself and what is tormenting me?"

So that's what you really do, not only spending time with the dead.

Before he could answer Nanni, Percy kept prodding.

"What do you do here?"

"I have been visiting a cemetery when I feel too overwhelmed."

"I see you're still enjoying your cemeteries, like always."

"It helps me put things in perspective. In our world, I could talk to the ghosts, which worked more or less like feeling my blade. Here, I just read the tombs. Some hold a bit of information that helps you to understand who died and how."

"And that helps?"

"Like my sword, it helps me remove myself from the center. I think about others' lives when I can't bear to keep thinking about mine."

So, you DO know what I feel.

Yeah, apparently more than I realized.

Or more than you wanted to admit.

"What about the bracelets? Are they Nanni's, to snap against his wrist before reaching the cutting stage?"

He hadn't realized he had been gently rubbing his wrists, bringing Percy's attention to the red and green rubber bands against his skin. He fingered the red one, turning so Percy could read the words and see the skull printed on it.

"Uh, no. This one was actually a gift from Niel, he has a similar one."

"And the green one?"

"Lucy. She said we needed color in our life, but that she ended up choosing a glow-in-the-dark one to be a light when we had no other."

Percy nodded, and to Nico, he looked almost relaxed; this time for real.

"That's really thoughtful. You've made some good friends here."

"I didn't do anything. Full disclosure, I tried to avoid them. 'Tried' being the operative word."

"Luckily, it seems they saw through your act and stayed put."

"My act?"

Percy's expression looked almost patronizing, but his voice was gentle.

"Nico, you forget that I met you before everything. I'm probably the only demigod who spent time with you before everything happened. True, I was worrying too much about Annabeth to care a lot, but I do remember. Deep down, you are not the frightening lonely wolf you believe. More like an over-excited puppy."

Nico spluttered, turning to glare at the other boy.

"Puppy!?"

"Yes, that puppy that keeps jumping up and slobbers everywhere."

Nico opened his mouth to protest, but then he saw Percy's teasing smirk.

"Remind me to sic the real Mrs. O'Leary on you when we get back; this way you will get the real experience of a slobbery over-excited puppy."

Percy's laughter this time contained a great amount of humor.

"I already did; how do you think I knew the comparison to make?"

A/N: Everyone alive? Everyone back at the surface? Good! I have a lot to say about this chapter. Any thoughts on my interpretation for Nanni? My only experience with someone I knew cutting themselves was 15 years ago, and I only had contact with that guy for a month before changing schools. I tried to do some research and understand the mindset behind it, and it was not easy. I never even developed a habit of eating my own nails as a kid (let alone self-mutilation), so I might not have expressed the emotions and thoughts behind self-harm correctly; if so, I apologize and would gladly receive any criticism you might have for me. And my PMs are ALWAYS open to anyone who might need to talk, I mean it.

I know Nanni stayed a little too quiet by the end, but that was a conversation Nico needed to have with Percy. As you can see, I ADORE dark!Percy within limits. Not fully traumatized and all alone like some fics, but actions have consequences and Tartarus-causes-PTSD-even-on-demigods like my fic. I have constantly hit on dark!Percy throughout my fic, but it was about time I actually dive into it, and who better to follow our darling down that road than our Nico? There was someone who requested Nico and Percy interacting many years/chapters ago and I'm happy to FINALLY have done it (I don't remember which chapter they commented and can't go searching for it now).

Sorry but yes, I absolutely believe Percy would hide some of his darkest thoughts from Annabeth. Not because he thinks she's fragile or doesn't deserve to know, but because she's the antidote for it, so he doesn't actually feel/think those things while with her (and now that I read Chalice of the Gods, I'm even more sure of my choice). It has been a few years since I last read HoO for the last time, but I remember missing a clear feeling of guilt, horror or regret when Percy or Nico realized what they had done; their reaction was mostly at seeing their companions' emotions, not their own actions. And I HAD to elaborate on that.

Unlike other fics, my dark!Percy doesn't stop caring. Quite the opposite, he cares so much, and he fears he will care for the wrong thing. The ANGST it holds! Oh, so glorious! And our boy Nico, so much trauma he refuses to acknowledge or admit, finally doing so after realizing Percy is his equal in this. Percy FEELS, and so does Nico. They absorbed Tartarus much more intensely than Annabeth, who managed to keep a clear head. But our boys? They were running on instincts and feelings, anchoring their powers onto such intense and fragile emotions. Rick gifted us dark moments for both boys, who am I to refuse the opportunity to make it only the tip of the iceberg? Hazel, Leo, Nico, Percy... can these chapters stop being so damn DEEP and DARK? (and why do I get a feeling you guys are actually loving it?)