Amira Sarker

After I successfully dropped Meredith and Aria home, I headed back to my place. I couldn't help but think of Damon. His touch burned me, igniting an inner flame that awoken dormant desires. Every second that he was so close to me I felt my body go into alarms, warning me to step away.

I sighed, the things that boy did to me. How could something so wrong feel so right?

I was aching to be loved, to feel the comfort of a man's arms, to feel the gentle press of his lips, to be close to him in every possible way. It was almost as if I was open to the idea of breaking all the walls of moral beliefs I built up just to get with Damon. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't.

I had to be patient. Surely, the pure hearts were for the pure. I had to trust Allah. This was a test that I have to pass, but so far I looked pretty average.

I parked Tanwir's car and got out. I really hoped Tanwir kept good to his words because although I trusted my brother, there was a small tinge of fear for what he was capable of.

Oh Allah, please don't let his anger have controlled him while I was gone. Fear settled deep in my stomach as I unlocked the door. I felt guilty that I was thinking so low of my brother, but what if something bad happened?

"Assalamualaikum," I called out as I walked in and shut the door behind me.

"Amira?"

"Oh... uh... Mum?" I stuttered, realizing that I had been caught.

"Where were you?" she asked, suspiciously.

"I had to pick up some friends because they didn't have a ride."

"From where?"

"Uh... a person's house?"

"Whose house?"

Oh Allah, this feels like an interrogation.

"A classmate's. Don't worry. Nothing bad happened and I safely came home. I wasn't even gone too long. Less than an hour," I reassured her.

Mum stared at me with a hard gaze that made me shift in my position. Lord, she's scaring me.

"Amira, don't leave without telling me next time. It's not nice behavior," she sighed.

I looked at the ground. "I know."

"Go to bed now. We need to go to the hospital in the morning."

"How's Nanu?" I asked.

A look of despair crossed Mum's features. Her eyes dulled down and her lips were in a thin line. "The doctors don't know yet. They're still running tests."

"Oh."

Mum walked up the stairs and I followed after. Poor Nanu, he didn't deserve this. Neither did Mum.

I remembered how I used to sing nasheeds (Muslim songs) to Nanu whenever we went to Bangladesh. He took me to the marketplace and bought me anything in the bazaar. Even though I only saw him for two months every few years, I still felt a connection towards him.

I still had a strong love for him. He was a special person in my life that contributed to helping me become who I am today. Oh Allah, please protect and save him. Please help my Nanu.

I shut the door to my room and took my hijab off, changing into more comfortable clothes. I laid on my bed and pulled out my phone, feeling the urge to talk to Damon again.

Lucky for me, I had a new message from Damon. I bit my lip. I shouldn't talk to him anymore. I had to end this before these feelings grew even more. He didn't feel the same and he never would. I knew this, yet I kept hoping that it was a lie and he really did like me.

I groaned. Why couldn't life be simple? Why couldn't he be mine? I had to stand on the side lines as he flirted with whoever he wanted. This wasn't fair! I sat straight and clutched my head.

I felt tears prick my eyes but I held them back. A heavy weight placed itself on my shoulders, dragging me into my sin to an even darker abyss, reminding me of all my faults, all my imperfections were written in ink. On the Day of Judgment, I had no excuse to give Allah.

Slowly, tears began to streak down my cheeks, rolling down the smooth surface. "Oh Allah. Hear my call. Please help me understand my feelings. Please protect me from the forbidden desires I hold deep in my heart. Help me, Allah. Only you can help me," I whispered into my pillow.

Damon didn't feel my struggles. He would never understand why Allah put restrictions on Muslims in an effort to protect their hearts from heartbreak and impurity. He would never understand my love for my Creator that I always put Allah first.

"I'm so scared, Allah. I know this is a trial, but it's getting to hard to pass now. I'm scared I'll do something I'll regret. I'm afraid of my desires. Help me, please. I beg you, Allah. Save me."

This was too hard. I bitterly laughed at myself. We're not even together and I'm acting like this is a break-up. How pathetic of me.

Stop, Amira. Calm down. Don't do this to yourself, my thoughts chimed me.

I took a shuddering breath, sitting up and wiping the tears with the back of my hand. I heard a beep from my phone.

Meredith: Thanks so much for picking us up. But we really need to make Aria feel better :(

I flipped through my contacts till I found Aria's.

Me: How u holding up? U can talk to me if you like y'know. I'm here for u :)

I leaned back against the headboard of the bed. Allah, why do you give so many trials in life? It's so hard and I know I should trust You, but it's so hard. These feelings inside me; they were almost deadly, stabbing me with knives that threatened to shatter my form. Damon was a temptation, an attractive face behind a mask.

Another beep sounded from my phone.

Aria: To be honest I feel like crap. I want him back, but it's too hard. I hate him, yet I still love him. What do I do?

Me: Aria, guys don't think with their heads now. We're young and can be stupid. ur a very mature girl and some guys take longer to get on our level. i know heartbreak isn't easy to get over but take things slow with urself. Have patience in life because with every hardship comes ease.

I reread what I sent. I had to be patient as well. I trusted Allah. He would never give me a trial that I couldn't handle.

"Whoever puts his trust in Allah, He will suffice." (Surah Al Talaq 65:3)

The ghost of a smile feathered my lips as I thought of the verse. I was going to be okay. I had to be. I had Allah with me. At that moment, I felt as if a weight was lifted off me as I began to feel the seeds I planted begin to grow inside me in an effort to stand bolder, stronger with no force dragging me down because I had Allah's radiance protecting me.

I pitied the people who didn't have Allah in their hearts. How could they not? I couldn't imagine losing my relationship with Allah. He was the only one I can count on to help ease my pain in life.

No medicine in the whole world could make me feel better the way Allah could. Sure, drugs distracted the pain, but they could never get rid of the roots of the pain because surely Allah only had that power.

My phone buzzed beside me, and I saw it was a text from Damon, making my heart flutter in my chest.

Damon: Did u get home safely?

Me: Yeah.

Damon: Can I tell you something?

Me: Sure, what is it?

Damon: There's this girl that's really amazing. She doesn't see it, but everyone around her does. She can break my heart if she wanted to. I don't know how but she put a spell on me and other girls can't even compare to her. I trust her with all my heart, and the fact that she might not feel the same kills me. What do I do?

I felt my heart drop. He liked someone. The green vines of jealousy wrapped around my form, choking my insides in a deadly grip that threatened to escape me.

Me: She must be pretty special.

Damon: Oh, she is. Her eyes are what get me everytime. I could lose myself in her beautiful eyes every time I talk to her. She doesn't even know how the smallest movements she does manage to kill me inside.

Who was this girl?

Me: Is she pretty?

Damon: Absolutely beautiful but that could just be because of how amazing her personality is.

Me: She sounds great.

Damon: Who do u like?

I wanted to tell him that I liked him, but now he liked someone. It was a lost cause.

Me: Y do u care?

Damon: Because ur my friend. We trust each other.

Me: I don't like anyone.

Damon: Ur lying.

Me: I'm not.

It was quiet for a while. How I wished I was the girl he was talking about, but if I was it would be dangerous as well because I would be heartbroken in the end. Damon and I couldn't be together.

As harsh as it sounded, we would never work out. I was a Muslim. Allah told us that we should stay away from these relationships because he had someone special saved for us. I trusted Allah, which was why I'd try my best to stay away.

"Oh Allah please forgive me," I whispered.

After several minutes, Damon responded.

Damon: I have to tell u something.

Me: What?

Damon: I like u.

Assalamualaikum everyone!

I rewrote this chapter so many times. 

I want to clear some things up. I want Amira to be portrayed as a strong Muslimah that faces the temptations other Muslim girls are facing. I want it to show that even the strongest Muslims face these temptations.

Anyway, remember to vote, comment, and fan!