I already received the news about the universities that were accepting BS in Mass Communication, which is the course I've finally decided to pursue and wanted to strike in. I still don't know if I should tell him the results too. Should we have a meet-up sa safe place ko... which is sa Cafe? Or maybe I should just own this burden?

I thought that everything will be normal... But may dumagdag na naman sa problem ko. My thinking was disrupted when I received a call. And it was my mom.

"I went to the university website, and we should've told you to get a B.S. in Political Science or whatever related to our agency! Marketing and public relations, for example, Fiorella!" I received a loud voice coming from her. She didn't even greet me. Or maybe asked my feelings regarding my decision. "You're creating stupid decisions every single day. My goodness! Wait until we get home, you'll be damned!"

I never had the chance to explain myself through the phone because she turned it off after her speech. Was the world really unjust or... I really deserved those words... those ungrateful events that were happening to me?

Itinapon ko 'yung phone ko sa may bed as I slowly sat down sa sahig, covering my face with both of my hands. I hate this feeling!

I slightly left my door open. I know that my parents don't even go to my room since lumipat ako sa sarili kong kuwarto. It's just that... maybe he could borrow my things freely and he still could feel safe while I unrestricted my room's security.

When I went outside, I fixed my hair because it was getting out of my vision. And while walking going to the staircase, nakasalubong ko si Fremont. He was inspecting my face just before he suddenly looked downward, and has become odd, I suppose. I went ahead and said hello to him because I thought he might need it.

"You good? Do you need help?" 

Iniling niya na lang 'yung ulo niya, wiping his mouth using the back of his left hand. I wondered why. 

"Just call me if you need me okay? I'll be going out." Just after the moment I saw him walk away, and I saw it was safe that he entered his room, I continued to walk first in the garden while waiting for my service, Clayden.

Whilst I went inside of my little garden filled with various plants and surrounded by butterflies, I heard my Gouldian finch named Jiyuu. While my eyes caught Liberte, the Electus Parrot, on top of her.

"What the?! Geez, these birds!" I immediately covered both of my eyes as I sat on the wooden bench. I wasn't shocked anymore kapag may dumadapo sa aking butterfly. But this time, it was color black. It seems unhappy, dark, miserable... fraile. When I'm suddenly going to touch it, it flew away.

Kasabay no'n ay ang pagpasok ni Clayden sa little garden ko. Yes, we've been playing here since chilhood dahil bawal siyang makita ng parents ko na nasa room ko siya. Typical Asian parents who want to protect their daughters from "maybe" getting pregnant early. 

While I was thinking that thought, pumasok na naman sa isip ko 'yung 2 birds. Are they going to have a baby? What would it look like? I-I'm... thrilled!

"Say butterfly! 1...2..." There he was again, capturing me. "...3!"

"Butterfly!" I slightly rose the side of my lip as he clicked the shot. "May I see the photo?"

"Do you want to take another shot or—?" He held now his camera with his two hands and playfully clacking it.

"Save up your storage," I plainfully said.

"Sus! Ikaw na nga umubos nito, eh. Paano ba, puro ikaw laman nit—" Bigla siyang nasamid then he taps his chest repeatedly. "S-Sabi ko nga dapat nag-sasave ako."

While I was looking at his beautiful capture, he suddenly asks me. "Saan pala tayo pupunta? Sa safe place natin?"

"Can we... go to the mall instead? I have something to buy." I gave back his camera after I answered.

I recall purchasing cosmetics. I wasn't sure about my little brother shade, and thank goodness Clayden accompanied me to the store. He even asked me if para kanino raw 'yon and I just replied that it was for my special someone. I believe that I don't have the right to reveal my brother's identity. His life, his own coming out.

I even soft-sniggered when Clayden asked if sino raw 'yung special someone. I simply stated that he is aware of who he is. Hindi niya ako tinantanan hanggang hindi ko sinasabi kung sino siya so I bought him an ice cream kapalit no'n. After that, he realized that he should respect someone's decision and he apologized for what he acted. 

We were already outside, surrounded by the garden and night lights. The cold air wrapped us that made me secure my place. I still could see his ice cream melting... I guess this is the right time to confront the results and my final decision.

"I didn't pass in CDBL," I sighed after whispering. Being in a university together wasn't really meant for both of us. I just can not figure out why it was such a big deal whether we were together or not. Perhaps because you could meet a lot of people and make them your friends at school. The people you meet at university have the potential to change and mold you. They can make you happy, help you with your studies, and so on. Maybe that's why it was such a huge deal that we were supposed to be in the same university.

When the silence passed, my head slowly turned at him, finished eating the ice cream cone. "Ayos lang! Ano ka ba?" He gave me a big smile, a smile that assuring that it was really okay. "Pero kung paano..."

"Paano?" I repeated the last word he mentioned because he paused.

"Ah! Wala-wala." He averted his eyes from me at hinawakan ang batok.

"Tell me! Are you manifesting or something?" 

"What if... may mahanap ka na mas mabait kaysa sa akin?" I felt layers of unsettling emotion to him. 

"I wouldn't find anything," I simply said. "Mabait? That word isn't even suitable for you!" I played. "You're even smiling by the way. What's the catch?"

After massaging his nape, he looked me into my eyes. "Nag-promise ka, eh. Alam ko namang hindi mo 'yon sisirain... at alam mong hindi ko 'yun sisirain. Halos magkakilala na nga tayo ng kaluluwa!" He suddenly shook his head repeatedly, a sign of changing topic. "Gusto mo kuhaan kita? Palubog na araw, oh. Bagay ka sa hitsura ng kahel." 

I immediately replied, "Yes! Wait, take me a photo using my phone. I'll upload it on Insta." Ever since he was my photo taker. I always credited him through captions kaya some of my followers were asking if I'm paying him. But some of the people who knew us never had any suspicion of that.

"Lagay mo ulit ako sa caption, ah? Last time kasi may nag-DM sa akin kung puwede ko raw ba sila kunan sa pre-debut photo. Ayun, natuwa naman ako sa talent fee. Angas talaga nu'n!" 

"Of course, I won't forget you." When I gave my phone to him, I immediately went far away kung sa'n magandang kuhaan. "Is this angle good?" 

"Lahat naman ng anggulo sa'yo maganda!" He joked or maybe I just thought... that made me palm my forehead. "Totoo nga sinabi ko. Oh, siya! Anong approach mo ngayon? Fierce or?"

"I want... something... summoning or giving rise to. You know, bringing out," I explained as he nodded after.

He instructed me to bend my hand gracefully as if I were holding the sun that was setting. In the next pose was I angled my legs and arms slightly as I keep my fingers loose. The next shots were just all simple standing and three-quarters. Everything went smoothly and comfortable with him as my cameraman.

"Nice! Ganda grabe!" I heard him. I don't know who was or what was he pointing with his appreciative word. Was he talking about the shot... or me? "Tara na! Maggagabi na. Wala pa naman message guard ninyo, kaya hindi pa nakakauwi mama papa mo. Safe pa tayo."

My brows met each other, pondering. "How... did you get my guard's number?"

"Ah... eh, binigay niya sa akin mismo. Hindi ako humingi, ah! Baka mamaya iba iniisip mo." While he was responding, he avoided my curious gaze.

"I never judged you. If that is, then fine," I ended the argument.

Just because Clayden brought Yoda, his motorcyke, mabilis lang kaming nakauwi. He even tried to make singit and overtake! My heart and soul almost dropped!

"Take care of Baby Yoda!" I waved at him, looking at it. 

"Ah, si Baby Yoda lang natin 'yung mag-iingat? Sige, paandarin ko nga 'to mag-isa kapag pauwi ako." Even though it was already dim outside, I can see he pouted. 

"Goodness!" I shook my head repeatedly. I mean, their house was just 3 kanto away from ours! 

I now bid my goodbye to him and just whispered to say hi from his parents. After it, I saw Fremont was in the kitchen, probably baking something. Binaba ko muna 'yung mga gamit ko and I found out that he was baking a gingerbread cookie. 

"Did... you design that?" I pointed to the genderless gingerbread. It has white eyes and different emotions. They say that sometimes art defines your mood, feeling, and even your trauma. When I looked at the other cookie, I saw that it has a red dress design. 

"I-I do." Fremont, my li'l brother gave the cookie to me after I had a glimpse of it. "I beg for your pardon if it's not that great." He immediately looked back at his cookies, avoiding my gaze.

"Hey, thanks! I do appreciate this! It matters to me. But... anyway, I have a gift for you too!" I slowly took the paper bag from the couch filled with profuse brands of make-up. I know that I shouldn't be making a hunch about his likes... but also I want to open the gates and break that tiny wall so he could let me in inside of his story. I felt like we're both trapped in our different boxes, jailed... waiting for someone to open and use a missing key. But, I would use this opportunity to give light inside his gloomy box. Even just a small spot.

When I finally stood beside him again, "Close your eyes, okay?" 

"What kind of buffoonery will happen?" He thought. 

"Just close it, hmp! Don't be so makulit!" 

"Fiiine!" He sounds so over it kaya I presented it agad. 

"Open it now!" I hang it on the air with the use of both of my hands. "Since you like arts, maybe you should now start to paint your mugs! What do you think, Frem?"

He was stunned to speak. No words coming from his mouth. 

"H-Hey, I'm... sorry. I didn't mean to. I just thought maybe... you want to take this path. Don't worry, I won't be mad at you." I slowly mentioned to him, almost no voice. 

Crickets. It's just the oven timer I could hear and my fast heartbeat.

Did I offend him...? Is it the wrong timing?

"If I'll say... I-I already took that path..." I saw him leisurely speaking, even stuttering but I could feel he's making an effort.  "... Will you still be here at my side?" 

"I will support you. I will be always by your side," I smiled at him. I took his back at inilapit sa akin. "Your sister loves you so much!"

"Even though I'm always sneaking at your room just to borrow your make-ups?" he sulks.

I pat his head, "Even you use my dress and pair of branded heels, Frem!"

"I'm gay and I like doing make-ups, Ate. Am I still valid?"

 "Of course you do! You're valid."

I suddenly felt his arms surround mine, hugging me back tightly. He's the only brother I have so, certainly, I'll treasure him. I'll do anything, I'll sacrifice everything just to be with him eternally. 

"Fremont, my little brother, I accept for who you are. You matter. And I love you," I whispers and smiled widely before we decided to put out the genderless gingerbread cookies outside the oven.

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