Hogwarts is in chaos, and getting through the day without a trip to the hospital wing is almost unheard of. Dan is first to strike come April Fools' Day, but Phil retaliates mercilessly with all his 6th year magical might. Meanwhile PJ and Chris are locked in a prank battle to the death.

~

It was a day not like other days at Hogwarts. To an outsider, the shift was only subtle. It might take a while to notice it. But when a whole class jumps at the sound of a dropped textbook, the tension becomes all too tangible. It was the way teachers were glancing warily around each corner and mouthing silent spells before entering each classroom. The way students inspected their quills every time they picked them up to write, almost as if they were expecting it to turn into-

"A turkey? Really, Chris? It's not even a turkey feather!"

April Fools' Day was a day in which students and teachers alike feared for their lives.

"We haven't even had breakfast yet and he's already got me four times." PJ said wearily as he and Phil headed down the stairs towards the Great Hall.

"Four? That's impressive. Toby had his bed turned into an inflatable paddling pool, but that's all we've had so far." Phil smirked at the memory.

"Honestly, I forgot what day it was. If I'd known I would have sent Chris back to his own bloody dormitory last night."

A Gryffindor girl pushed past them sporting a large red beak and squawking uncontrollably, and they jumped to the side to make way for what appeared to be a giant, threatening marshmallow bouncing down the stairs and emitting a high pitched wail.

Dan was waiting for them at the foot of the staircase with a mischievous grin on his face, and Phil sighed resignedly.

"Hey, you. Happy April Fools' Day I guess. Are you gonna get me now, or can I digest my breakfast first?"

"We can have breakfast." Dan said cheerfully, tilting his neck to peck Phil on the cheek.

"You guys are going to have to help me," PJ said as they made their way into the usually boisterous but especially cacophonous Great Hall and took their seats. "I need to launch a serious counter attack on Chris, and I haven't given it any thought at all. Totally unprepared for this battle, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go down without a fight."

"Where is he?" Dan asked, buttering a slice of toast that crumbled into fine sand as he tried to put it into his mouth.

"He went off to the Gryffindor common room to set up some big pranks with his pals, because obviously he's involved in that. He said he'll come join us, though."

"Well, that gives us time," Phil said thoughtfully. "Something with a PJ spin. Apparently every good book of hexes has been checked out of the library, and most of the human transfiguration too. We can use our imagination. Madam Pomfrey's drafted in a couple of her retired healer friends in preparation; they've temporarily extended the hospital wing. You can be thankful that Chris is pretty good. You're probably not going to end up with a botched elephant trunk on your forehead like poor Charlie."

To their left, a girl's nose began to grow at an alarming rate and she sighed heavily, creating a small wind storm.

"It needs to be proper revenge. You know how he loves the limelight, I'm thinking something he can't shake off that will ensure he's centre of attention whether he likes it or not." PJ said, stroking his chin. "Maybe a portable rainbow, or a flock of songbirds, I could do that. Oh, Dan, I wouldn't. That's not actually muesli, it's dried insects."

Just then, they were interrupted by the arrival of the post owls, the following buzz of noise punctuated by the odd scream as students opened something particularly unpleasant.

PJ was just unfolding his copy of The Prophet (today's headline: Fudge resigns as Minister of Magic to be replaced by Paul the Puffskein) when he was interrupted by a sharp intake of breath and an expletive from his side.

"Phil?" He asked, alarmed.

Phil was frozen to the spot, staring eyes bulging at the envelope on the table in front of him. It was bright crimson in colour and sealed with a ribbon, and it seemed to be smoking slightly.

A gleeful grin spread across PJ's face. "You better open it," he said, with a glance at Dan across the table. "It'll be worse if you don't."

Phil glared daggers at Dan, who was feigning innocent curiosity. He took a deep, steadying breath, before slipping a finger under the ribbon.

There was a sound like a whip crack and suddenly

"I LIKE YOUR BUTT."

boomed throughout the Great Hall. The howler exploded as the words echoed off the walls, the Hall suddenly silent.

"Wow," PJ said, exhaling air through his nose. "Kudos, to you, Dan. That's got to be the loudest howler Hogwarts has ever played host to."

"Actually," Dan said, overcome with glee. "I think you'll find it was a Howeller. Get it? Howell- OW!"

(As Professor McGonagall later informed them, Dan's howler didn't quite make it to number one, coming a close second to a particularly loud message Professor Flitwick had received from his mother back when they were at school together. He had, allegedly, accidentally (and illegally) given his baby sister large butterfly wings and been completely unable to reverse it, so had caught the first train back to Hogwarts before his mother could find the cupboard he'd locked her in.)

~

"Look, are you in or not?" Chris said impatiently, pushing his dripping wet hair out of his eyes. With a little help from Phil, PJ had conjured up a personal raincloud for Chris. It poured steadily and occasionally sprouted lightning, giving Chris a small electric shock that made him yelp. After the incident at breakfast where the benches that flanked the four house tables had flung their contents several feet into the air, no one seemed too keen to help Chris get rid of it. As such he had resigned himself to regularly replenishing a water repellent charm over his robes. Right now, he was trying to persuade the other three to help him turn the third floor corridor into an overlarge bouncy castle.

Dan shrugged. "I don't know why you're looking at me, I'm a fourth year and a slightly below average one at least."

"Can you do multi-coloured bubbles?"

"Well, I guess but-"

"You're perfect. Peej?"

"If we get caught, I'm going to say you had me under the imperious curse."

"Excellent." Chris beamed. "Phil?"

"Can we have slightly sinister fairground music?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

"I'll do it."

~

Chris flew through the air with a whoop, bundling into PJ and sending them toppling. Phil stood in a corner massaging his nose after a nasty brush-in with a biting teacup, but he looked pleased. The bouncy castle had turned out better than even Chris could have planned. Two seventh years had cast some kind of antigravity over the corridor that meant each bounce sent students almost to the ceiling, and the agile could spin ten somersaults before touching back down again.

Dan sat in between Phil's knees, moving up and down as the floor bulged underneath him, lazily sending bubbles into the air. Phil had tried to teach him how to make them sing, but Dan's spellwork was a shabby to say the least and it came out more like a scream. Still, what was April Fools' Day without a little dissonance. Dan quite liked the effect. It was certainly unnerving.

He sighed heavily as his left foot turned into a potato. He lifted his wand to try undo the damage, but Phil stopped him.

"Dan," Phil reminded him. "That's human transfiguration. Takes a little concentration."

"If you don't want me to accidentally maim myself, you should probably stop transfiguring my limbs." Dan pointed out.

"Do you want me to fix it for you?"

"Yes please."

 "..."

"Phil,"

"Mmm?"

"You just baked it."

"Oh, sorry. Did you want cheese?"

~

Dan wasn't sure whether to trust the thin rope bridge strung out across the gaping chasm, but he couldn't see any other way to get to the other end of the corridor and he was already running late to Charms after meeting a flock of Ever-Bashing Boomerangs on the stairs. He took a few tentative steps and then broke into a nervous jog. He knew he couldn't really fall far, but the illusion was very realistic. If he looked really closely, Dan was sure he could see pointed shark fins in the black water that churned at the bottom of the canyon.

The bridge wobbled and Dan looked up to see Ben and Carrie coming towards them, arguing over the price of a screaming yo-yo.

"Dan!" Ben yelled, grabbing the rails of the bridge and sending it swinging precariously.

"Thanks," Dan muttered, clinging to the sides as he edged along towards the middle. "How're you holding up?" He called.

"Chipper, ta. Couldn't be jollier." Indeed, the grin that was plastered across Ben's face was one of elation. This was his favourite kind of day. He liked a little chaos. "Would you like to buy some belch powder?"

Dan considered for a moment before shaking his head. He'd already spent a lot of his money on stink pellets and the like in an attempt to prank Phil. At this rate he wouldn't have enough left to buy his mum a birthday present, and he would have to explain that he'd chosen to make someone burp for a few hours instead.

"Have you seen Sophie?" Dan asked. "She's got a hex that makes your nose hair grow and so I'm trying to avoid her."

They had met in the middle and were now carefully manoeuvring around each other, the bridge only really big enough for single file.

"That's not all she's got," Ben said, cursing as he lost his footing and nearly fell through a rotten plank. "I just picked up Carrie from the hospital wing."

Dan raised an eyebrow questioningly and Carrie sighed.

"She turned my boobs into marshmallows," she said wearily. "I had to beat everyone off with a broomstick. They wanted to know if you could actually eat them."

"I think she's just jealous," Ben said with a wink, and Dan shook his head disapprovingly.

"Were you not tempted to try yourself?" He asked.

"Of course I was tempted, but it really wasn't worth it. I mean, what if Madam Pomfrey had turned them back and there'd been a huge bite mark missing?!" Carrie shuddered at the thought, and Dan sniggered. He wondered how many more hexes Sophie had been preparing for today, and made a note to take whatever measures necessary to not find out.

"We are now all late, however," Ben said as he tussled with some pixies that had just flown around the corner. "So we'll be bidding you a fond farewell, Danny boy, and good luck on your travels."

Dan made it to the end of the bridge without any further incident and was about to turn the corner when he heard a scream from the other end and jumped. Dan wondered what it was, but didn't have time to turn back and find out. Perhaps Carrie had finally noticed that Ben had turned her hair pin into a slug.

~

There was a hole in Professor Binns' classroom floor that went all the way down to the lowest dungeon. Most of the toilets were regurgitating, and in Dan's transfiguration lesson all the students' quills had leapt up into the air to form a very terrifying bird raining ink all over the classroom. Then, lunch had been interrupted by a herd of goats and Peeves had ridden a camel through the corridors for half an hour before anyone had been able to catch him. In short, the castle was in chaos, and the teachers were intervening only to stop any serious harm coming to the students.

"Dan, how are you, and Phil too?" Chris asked, sitting down beside them looking exhausted but ultimately cheerful.

"Not so bad, thanks," Phil said, with a glance at Dan. "Can't say the same for Dan, though. He's been running into glass doors all afternoon. Very unfortunate."

Dan glowered silently at Phil, most of his face black and blue with bruises. He'd got Phil back with a couple of dung bombs and a canary cream, but Phil was an unstoppable force of revenge after the howler at breakfast, and his magical ability was both more advanced and more creative than Dan's.

"You need a detection charm, or maybe some smoke," Chris advised. "Or I could lend you a stick to poke?"

"Thanks, Chris. I can usually spot them now and push Phil into them. Punch him in the face too, if I get the chance." Dan said darkly.

"That's boring, Dan. Get him back while you can." Chris urged. "I've got a crate full of puffskeins you can have when I'm done? I'm putting them in PJ's bed, reckon that will be fun."

"Chris," Phil said suddenly. "Are you talking in rhyme?"

"Yes." Chris said shortly. "PJ's very good, you know. Now I really need to go. Puffskeins to plant and banter to bant."

Dan watched him go with a wistful sigh. Now, that was a battle. He and Phil, on the other hand, well. It was more like a slow and lazy slaughter. He really did need to come up with something better with which to knock Phil back a few pegs.

~

It had been two days since Umbridge had become headmistress, and the swell of mutiny could be tasted in the air. It seemed like too much of a coincidence that she'd been called away on 'Ministry business' on this day of all days. Dan had a strong feeling that she probably wouldn't have made it through the day in the castle with all her limbs. After all, a full crate of 'indoor' fireworks (seemingly on steroids) had been set off to welcome her into the role two days before the day it was probably intended for.

The corridor outside her office was overrun with ghouls and Dan had a sneaking suspicion some of the more elaborate pranks were being pulled so as to practice and perfect them for her return. The students certainly seemed to be pulling out all the stops this year. There wasn't a square meter of the castle without some sort of modification, and so many clumsy spells had been cast that they were starting to glitch and interfere with each other.

In the astronomy tower a lightning storm had started raining marshmallows, while the flock of headless chickens had lost all their other limbs as well and were just rolling at high speeds through the corridors squawking loudly and spraying feathers.

The portable lake that had been set up in the dungeons had been inhabited by Hogwarts' very own Loch Ness Monster, but as the incantation on the lake had begun to fade she had become beached, flopping about on the flagstones angrily.

The suits of armour in one corridor had been enchanted to line dance, and then to sing, and then to sing in Latin, and finally to hug every unwitting student or faculty member that walked past. But all the spells had left them confused in a corner, mumbling broken Latin, convulsing slightly, and launching themselves all at once on any poor souls that tried to walk past in a crash of metal that was proving pretty hazardous.

As for Chris and PJ, their battle had reached new heights.

"Hey Phil look, that guy's got a melon for a head." Dan chuckled.

Phil lowered his book to look up, quill between his teeth, and squinted. "Dan. I think that's PJ," he whispered. "Look, he's coming over." Phil tried to keep a straight face as the melon bobbed its way towards them, a mop of curly hair resting absurdly atop the shiny shell.

Dan saved the place in his textbook and tossed it loosely into his bag. This was far more interesting than History of Magic. "Hey, what's up?" he smiled innocently as melon-PJ sidled into their little corner of armchairs. "Are you okay? You don't look yourself."

Yeah," Phil agreed. "You're looking a bit pale."

"A bit waxy in the skin." Dan said, the corner of his mouth twitching.

If a melon could look dejected, this one certainly did. PJ gestured with his hands at where his mouth should be, throwing them up in the air and slumping down beside them, his melon drooping.

"Here, let me get that for you." Phil chuckled.

With many a snigger, Phil carved a crude mouth in the melon with his wand. As an afterthought, he added a few pointy teeth. That was about all Dan could take and he dissolved into giggles, only to be silenced by a stony-meloned look from PJ.

Tentatively, PJ opened and closed his melon-mouth. "Wow," he said, his voice surprisingly normal. "I didn't expect that to work. Because I can see fine without any eyes."

"Just a stab in the dark here," Phil said, still chortling (Dan groaned). "Were you being a bit melon-headed?"

"Yes." PJ said dryly (despite the moist, succulent nature appearance of the melon mouth. Really, it looked very refreshing.) "I've been trying to fix it for fifteen minutes now, only I couldn't get the spell out non-verbally. It's not something I've practiced a lot, I'll admit. Melon vanishing. And I'm hungry, too."

"I think everyone's getting a bit exhausted now," Phil said as PJ began to shrink his melon, the juicy flesh retracting and remoulding into a much more PJ-ish shape. "Like, we're all out of lessons now. Dinner's in half an hour, it could get really messy now. But so many people are in the hospital wing, and we've been running away from those horrible three-legged soup bowls all day. I just don't have it in me anymore. I want to go to bed, but it's an alligator at the moment." He chewed the end of his quill absentmindedly, stopping only to extinguish it as it burst into flames in his mouth.

"They've made a safe space in one of the classrooms," PJ said. Most of the melon was gone, but what was left was almost more disturbing. His skin was just a little bit too pale and yellow, and his features ever so slightly smoothed and flattened. Dan was grateful to see his long, crooked nose growing steadily outwards and his cheeks regaining some pink. "The teachers, that is," PJ continued. "They've just put a bucket load of protective charms over it so no magic can be done inside at all. I don't think people would try, though. I mean, this is the most hilarious, wild day of the year. We'll be talking about it for the next 365 days. You wouldn't want to miss out on it unless you were really truly done. You wouldn't be in there unless you really couldn't take any more. It's supposed to be fun, after all. No one here is quite awful enough to cross that line."

They were sitting in one of the only corners of the Hufflepuff common room that wasn't currently consumed by sickly sweet smelling pink foam. A group of first years played in it gleefully, sculpting fortresses and engaging in violent foam wars. First years were, of course, an easy target for pranks, but mostly the students of Hogwarts were conscientious enough not to take advantage of this. Their peers, however, were attacked mercilessly, and gave as good as they got. The most serious injuries usually occurred between seventh years, with one group of friends rumoured to have been carted off to St Mungo's earlier that afternoon.

The problem was that once students had reached Newt level, they had started to discover their own strengths and specialities. One person's transfiguration was no match for another's, but they in turn could cast a charm that the other simply could not shift. Dan was poignantly aware that Phil was probably going easy on him. Today had highlighted their age gap, and he was feeling low.

It wasn't just Phil's years that made him a better wizard than Dan. He was generally incredibly bright, one of the top in his year, while Dan floundered around at the bottom of his (despite having retaken a year). It came easily to Phil. He never had to revise all that much, and the magic seemed ready and willing to flow through him just as he wanted it to. Dan on the other hand had no such luck. He had to pour every ounce of concentration he had into performing even the simplest of spells, and all the while he felt as if he were battling with it. He knew he shouldn't, of course. He knew he should try to let it flow through him rather than force it out of him. But that was a battle in itself – a battle with his own mind.

And then there were Chris and PJ. They, like Phil, never had much trouble with school. Right now they were engaged in bizarre sort of duel on either side of the foam pit, launching household items at each other at lightning speeds.

"We should probably go down to dinner soon," PJ said, narrowly missing a collision with a washing machine and vanishing it with a pop before it hit an alarmed bystander. "Today has really taken it out of me. I'm starving."

A whole roll of carpet flapped menacingly towards Chris, and he cursed as he tried to vanish it only to find it twisting into a set of curtains instead. "Kay." He said through gritted teeth, firing a volley of pots and pans at PJ's head. "Yay," he added, then slapped his head angrily. PJ's rhyming enchantment was showing no signs of wearing off any time soon.

Dan suspected there wouldn't be a lot of students dining in the Great Hall tonight. A perhaps worryingly large percentage were in no fit shape to go to dinner, and many more would probably be too apprehensive of what fate might befall them if they did.

Phil lay his head on Dan's lap and closed his eyes. Dan stroked his hair gently (quietly filling it with worms at the same time) and watched Chris and PJ battle it out, now fencing with a pair of swordfish. It was quite a day. After all the trauma they had been through since Umbridge had arrived, the students needed this time to unwind and really let loose.

Although frankly, Dan thought as he spat out the cockroach cluster he'd accidentally been snacking on, he'd be pretty relieved when it was all over.

~

It was easy to see which teachers were most disliked by the students on a day of wild pranking. Professor Flitwick had been on the ceiling for a matter of seconds before someone had got him down, but Snape had been chased by an array of inanimate objects emitting loud noises all day. He was a highly skilled wizard and could get rid of them as quickly as any one student could conjure them up, but one man was no match for the sheer number of teenagers setting tails on him. Worst of all he couldn't even hand out detentions to the culprits, because the kettles and stools were jumping out at him from broom cupboards and desk drawers with no students in sight.

As he swept into the Great Hall, his billowing robes bristling with the anger so clearly plastered across his face, he cast a shield charm around his chair and sat down heavily, glaring down the length of the staff table as if daring someone to comment on the menagerie jumping up and down a few feet behind him.

Dan, Phil and PJ sat down at the Gryffindor table with Chris. They were pretty sure that if anyone had a finale prank planned it would be the Gryffindors, and if so it was probably safer to be by their sides than in the line of fire.

The food that appeared in the great golden dishes was, thankfully, untampered with, and it seemed that everyone was too hungry to remedy this. They tucked in, wolfing down their food in a hurry to eat it before it turned into something else.

Phil pulled another worm from his hair and dropped it in Dan's plate. "You're the worst." He said conversationally, a slight flick of his wand sending Dan's plate spinning.

Too tired to counter the spell, Dan took a stab-and-hope approach, which worked pretty well until his fork melted.

"Look, Phil," he sighed. "I'm just. I'm so tired. All I want is a potato. Please? For me?"

A potato hit him square between the eyes and he shrugged, catching it and shoving it in his mouth with his hands.

~

Desert was taking a long time coming, and Dan was very aware of the way Chris kept glancing impatiently up at the ceiling. Was it going to rain ice-cream? He probably wouldn't mind that. Or cakes. As long as they weren't heavy enough to knock someone out.

A redhead at one end of the Gryffindor table coughed, and then someone in the middle, and then a tall Ravenclaw. All at once, everyone stopped eating. That was a signal if ever there was one. The students of Hogwarts collectively held their breath.

And then, with a loud CRACK, a huge, unflattering effigy of Dolores Umbridge was hanging from the ceiling, a rope around her neck, and most of the Gryffindor table had jumped up and were handing out wooden bats yelling "Piñata!!!"

It took a solid ten minutes of frenzied whacking before she finally burst open, spraying the students with hundreds upon thousands of brightly coloured sweets and chocolates. Phil caught chocolate egg the size of his face and Dan could have sworn he saw a whole toffee pudding implant itself on a Hufflepuff's head.

It was quite an ending to quite a day. The teachers, however, were talking nervously amongst themselves. Very aware that, while lax rules throughout the day was practically a Hogwarts tradition, if they didn't do anything and word got back to Umbridge they might find themselves a nice row of cells in Azkaban with their names on them.

McGonagall was the only teacher who didn't seem in the least bit worried. As Dan filled his face with Fizzing Whizzbees that sent him floating several feet in the air and filled his stomach with a delicious lightness, she pulled Professor Sprout (who'd been in the process of getting worriedly to her feet and drawing her wand) back into her seat and forcibly plopped a Cauldron Cake into her mouth.

To Dan's left, Ben had shoved a whole fistful of Pepper Imps into his mouth and was chasing down a group of first years, breathing fire and roaring realistically. Dan smiled and bent down to scoop up some exploding bonbons. He was scrutinizing a fudge fly when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"You ready?" Chris asked in an undertone. ("You steady?")

Dan nodded quickly, abandoning his sweet haul and following Chris as he ducked down under the table. In the semi darkness they squatted and drew their wands.

"Dan," Chris said gently. "That's a liquorice wand." ("They're nice but I'm not too fond.")

"Oh yeah," Dan said, fumbling for his real one. He pulled two mice and a pack of exploding cards out of his robes before he found it.

"Okay," Chris breathed. "We're only going to get one shot at this so we need to time it perfectly. We have to just hope Ben and Sophie haven't forgotten (furflectly)." (The spell was finally starting to fade, the results enough to raise a few eyebrows at Chris's broken speech.)

Dan shook his head. "They were both doing something perfectly interesting and abandoned it to go talk to Phil and Peej. I reckon they're just better actors than you give them credit for."

Dan and Chris were watching the other four deep in conversation as they snacked on coconut ice. In the process of scratching her head, Sophie gave them a thumbs up behind her back. Intently yet quietly, the pranksters got to work.

First, Chris sent a silent nudge spell to Charlie (who had finally had the trunk removed, but had missed most of the day.) He jumped a little at the invisible tap on the shoulder, then turned to Carrie and whispered in her ear. Her brown eyes bulged wide as he explained the plan, and under the table a wide grin spread across Dan's face.

Carrie and Charlie were approaching the other students now, ushering them away and spreading the word. The pranksters knew they would have to act fast before their victims noticed, but they also needed to get everyone out of the way. Sophie and Ben would be working too now, casting a very subtle charm that created an artificial hum and buzz of chatter to fill any suspicious silences left by the hastily retreating students, and blurring the edges of PJ and Phil's visions with something not dissimilar to a confundus charm.

Dan had borrowed a whole box of Pixie Puffs from the kitchens an hour earlier when he and Chris had finished scheming their plan, and now he tipped the contents onto the floor and started muttering under his breath. He was really going to have to master non-verbal spells if he was ever to take up pranking full time.

Also, he decided as he transfigured puff number six, he would have to learn how to mass transfigure small objects.

Chris two had brought some supplies for their scheme. He was setting up a box Dr Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks and was directing a flock of white doves into the upper corner of the room.

Dan wiped his clammy palms on his robes. He was nervous, and Chris had noticed.

"Hey," Chris said quietly. "You don't really have to do anything. Like, you don't have to say anything or do a dance or anything. When it happens. I know everyone will be watching. That's the whole point. But literally all you have to do is stand there, you couldn't fuck it up if you tried. You won't embarrass yourself."

"I know but like, centre of attention. Not my thing. I'm not confident enough to be the 'class joker,' you know?" Dan fixed his hair nervously.

"I'll do all the joking for the both of us. No sweat. Now let's sort out some suits."

~

The fireworks were launched into the sky, rocketing off the walls and raining sparks on the students. White doves flew in heart formations and a thousand pink streamers fell from the ceiling. With a great rumble, Phil and PJ were forcibly lifted fifteen feet into the air on what appeared to be-

"Is that a giant cake?!"

An arch hung heavy with pink climbing roses plopped up in front of them and jangling bells chimed noisily. Then Dan and Chris appeared from under their table, looking dapper in dress robes and bow ties, and were walking arm in arm up the aisle stairs that led to the top of the cake (Dan's face burning hot enough to fry a whole cow).  A rainbow boomed and two pink hearts made out of sparks, one on each side of the hall.

D+P 4eva

C+P 5eva (that means more than 4eva)

Finally, to put the icing on their giant wedding cake, the head of the Umbridge piñata was raised on a spike in the middle of the frosting.

The whole hall cheered and whooped and jeered, and Phil and PJ buried their heads in shame as their boyfriends approached them with open arms and grins of triumph.

"Happy April Fools' Day, dearest." Dan sniggered to Phil, glowing with smugness.

"Oh and, just to clarify," Chris said, pushing a curl fondly away from PJ's eyes. "We don't actually want to marry you. Ew, gross."