Ever wondered what we Goblins do all day?
Well I, Ulk, the only Goblin who knows how to read and write, will tell you.

Schedule for the Goblins of Moria:

4:00am: Wakey, wakey, don't get up, and you'll get a screech or cold water to the face.

4:30am: sharpen weapons and scrounge for mice and whatever else is crawling around in the tunnels of the cave.

5:00am: Meeting with the boss. (This is where we discuss on who does what and gets what post. Also, snack and breakfast time.)

5:30am: Clean up after breakfast. (Yes, we do clean. But bathes are never an option. Cleaning oneself is unthinkable in our society and highly frowned upon. As a Goblins smell is his pride and joy. Washing it away is like cutting off a dwarf's beard for us.) Also, our clean is different to a human's clean. We just store stuff in 'neat' piles and call it a day.👍😎

6:00am: Lookout duty time, but only in the caves. The sunlight is too bright for our eyes. 😬

6:30am: Switch posts, check for intruders.

7:00am: Bathroom break.
~7:15am: Someone comes and finds us if we're not back in time. 🙃

7:30: Switch posts again, and trade weapons so we don't get bored.

8:00am: Off guard duty, nap time 😴

9:00am: Snack break, and back on guard duty.

10:00am: Briefing with the great and mighty Sarumon. All hail the white wizard, giver of jobs. May he live long and prosper.

10:30am: On guard duty but this time with our good weapons and on an actual post . Our favorite, underneath this well thingy. (It's empty, so don't worry, we won't drown.)

11:00am: The hunter and gatherer goblins go on a search for lunch. The rest on our usual job of watching and guard duty .

12:00pm: Lunch time! Usually containing of mice, weird mushrooms, or the occasional unfortunate creature that comes around.

1:00pm: (Yes, we take an hour for lunch okay? Unlike you humans, we're not limited to 30 minutes while we're at work.) Back to guard duty, usually it's pretty boring. Nothing to report either. 😕

1:30pm: Still on guard duty..... 😴 Maybe I'll snooze a little...

2:00pm: Shift is finally over for the meantime. Time to go back to the wife and kids or your lonely little spot in the corner by yourself....

3:00pm: Nap time. 😴😎 (What, I'm tired okay? No, I did not snooze on duty, alright, maybe a little....)

4:00pm: Hunt for dinner, today it's orc.... Unfortunate, I think I knew this guy once.... 🤷
(No, I did not kill him, I found him. Someone else did it.)

5:00pm: Sharpen weapons and teeth. Get ready for the midnight shift.

6:00pm: Report for guard duty.

6:30pm: change guard with the afternoon crew.

7:00pm: Guard duty, what else?

8:00pm: More guard duty...

9:00pm: It's finally starting to get dark outside. We are allowed to scrounge around.

10:00: Check for intruders, and bathroom break again. Or snack break if you don't have to use the washroom.

10:15: Guard duty.

11:00pm: Still on patrol.... 😴

12:00pm: Check the tunnels and listen for noises. Also, trade spots with another goblin. Or trade shifts for the early risers.

1:00am: Breakfast. 😊

2:00am: Clean up time. 😕

2:30am: Guard duty.... (I need to get a different job... or hobby. This is boring. 🙃)

3:00am: Talk with the other nearby goblins. (We're not supposed to do this, but come on. What else are we supposed to do?)

4:00am: Check the surrounding areas for intruders again.

5:00am: Back to our posts.

6:00am: Sleep! 😴 The other goblins get to trade shifts with the night post.

So yeah.. this is our daily schedule. Did it amuse you, or bore you? Because it certainly sometimes bores me. Also, no, we don't get weekends. But we sometimes get half of the day off. Be glad you're not a goblin, because humans at least get one day off. Or be jealous, the choice is up to you. 🤷
And no, I don't know what the other goblins in other places do. I've never left the caves. 😕 So yeah, be glad you're not one of us.

A/N:
Thanks to ChroniclesofFiction  for inspiring this idea with their last podcast. 😁 So yeah, this story is for you.