Karina

The small house Simar had been lodged in was fairly stark. Used by the Council to host visitors to Gregorn, it was only fitted with the basic necessities one might need to live. Even compared to her three days hiding in Manna's cabin in the woods, the space felt lonely and barren. The High Priestesses' presence did little to alleviate her feelings of isolation. Simar barely spoke to her at all, aside from giving her clipped commands at the start of each day of the tasks she expected completed, before busying herself with, what Karina imagined, were important works.

Karina had tried to stay out of trouble in the days since the sentencing, following the High Priestess's instruction without question.

"I am a fair woman," Simar had told her, "and I will act as your teacher, providing all the knowledge you will need to take on your new role among our people. But I expect respect and absolute obedience in return. You must never forget that the Council would not have spared your life without my advisement. It would take little for them to turn against you again."

"I understand, Priestess," Karina had answered. And she did understand. The threat in the woman's words was not subtle. If Karina did not do as she was told, if she disappointed the High Priestess in anyway, she might find herself once again at the mercy of the Council without the benefit of the Initiate to support her. With Fiona gone, and Manna sentenced to soon join her in death, Karina had no other allies. Still it was not an easy task to please Simar Temdin. Though she did her best to prove the knowledge and skills Manna had taught her, Karina's best efforts seemed to already fall short.

"I suppose it can't be helped that there are gaps in your training," The High Priestess commented when Karina failed to properly recite properly a list of herbs associated with the element of air. "Still," she added, with a frown. "There is truly no excuse for your inability to recite basic herbal knowledge. Surely Manna taught you better."

Karina had been filled with shame mixed with a hint of anger. She was doing everything she could to please the High Priestess, yet it seemed the Simar would be happy with nothing but perfection. It was impossible that she might satisfy such lofty standards. 

Still, Karina knew the woman was right. The few mistakes she had made were careless ones, and Simar had every right to be disappointed in her. Karina realized that if she was to truly take on the role of Nita, as expected, she would have to do better.

The High Priestess had made it quite clear that the tasks and tests of knowledge she gave now were of the most basic sort. She would, no doubt, have far more difficult studies to complete once she reached Sithrah. But it was hard to focus on much of anything, let alone the recitation of meaningless lists. Though she tried to reign in her mind to concentrate on the priestess's demands, Karina could not help but think of her teacher. Simar planned for them to leave before the execution, and Manna only had four days left.

The idea still seemed impossible. Her teacher couldn't possibly die at the hands of her own people. But Karina knew that her own denial would not save Manna from her fate. Simar had made it clear that nothing could override the Council's decision. Karina wondered if she would be allowed to see her teacher before they left, though she didn't dare ask. The High Priestess had told her clearly she was not to speak of the Elder Nita. This did nothing to quell her fears.

 If her teacher was free now, Karina could not help but wonder why did she not come to them? Did Manna blame her for what had happened? At the assembly she had told her to stay strong, she had assured Karina that none of this was her fault. The woman had even smiled. But how could any of her comforting words have been truthful?

 Manna couldn't possibly see her as blameless. Every misfortune that had befallen her teacher would not have come to pass if she had simply never been born. The fact that Manna kept her distance now seemed proof of that fact. Of course her teacher didn't want to spend her final days with the girl who had led to her destruction. Karina didn't blame her. But now she feared she might never see Manna again and be granted the chance to apologize for her part in the woman's death.

Karina worried about her own future as well. If she continued to disappoint the High Priestess, a woman who seemed to have every reason to wish for her success, how could the Initiate possibly accept her? What if the Initiate was entirely disappointed when she was asked to prove herself as this powerful being Simar and Manna seemed to believe she was? And if the women of Sithrah did indeed reject her as Nita, what would happen then?

 Could the Council decide to revoke their decision to spare her life? Their ruling had been contingent on Simar's word that she was indeed the next Nita after all. Would her teacher then lose her good name? It was all Manna had left now. Karina was terrified she might, in the end, manage to take even that from the Elder Nita with her failure.

"Karina."

Karina turned from the book in her lap, startled to hear her name. The High Priestess had been silent all morning and had given her more work than she could possibly have completed yet. Still she felt guilty knowing that she had indeed not been focused. It seemed however that Simar had not noticed.

"Forgive my interruption," the woman said, "But I must leave for the rest of the day and I thought it best to inform you. We will leave for Sithrah the day after tomorrow. I expect you to be ready."

Karina could not imagine what else she might do to truly prepare. The day after the assembly the High Priestess had brought a large bundle of Karina's clothing and belongings, presumably obtained from Manna's house. They were already packed neatly in the bags they would take on the journey. Still, Karina nodded her head.

"I will be ready, Priestess," she replied dutifully.

"Do you wish to see your teacher before we leave?"

Karina stared at the woman in shock, not quite believing she had heard her question properly.

"The Elder Nita has sent a message requesting your presence one last time. It had already been my plan to visit Manna Sayers again before we set off for Sithrah. If you would like, I will bring you with me."

Do you wish to see your teacher?

The question echoed in Karina's head. Of course she wanted to see Manna. She had thought of little else for the last three days. But now confronted with the question, she was surprised to feel her own hesitation in answering.

 Karina had resigned herself to the idea that she would never be with her teacher again. She had tried to accept it, to focus on her studies, on pleasing the High Priestess. But in that moment she began to worry about the implications of facing Manna. What if she had been right in her fear that the Elder Nita was angry with her, resentful for the unfair sentence the Council had passed...

"Karina?" Simar prompted. "I believe you owe a great deal to the Elder Nita. If she desires your presence, you have an obligation to go to her one final time and pay your respects."

Karina nodded, the woman's words pulling her from the litany of worry in her mind. "Yes," she answered. "Forgive me, priestess. Of course I will be exceedingly grateful to see my teacher again before we leave. I thank you for that opportunity."

Simar stared at her for a moment, perhaps trying to determine the reason for her hesitation in answering immediately. Karina wondered if she thought her entirely ungrateful. Denying her teacher as cold heartedly as the Council had passed their sentence. The idea filled her with even more guilt.

"See to it that you have completed the passages I left for you before then," Simar said finally. "You have much to review before we reach Sithrah and though the journey will be long, you will need all of that time to prepare properly. The elder's of the Initiate will not be as easily swayed to accept you as the Council has been. You will have to prove yourself. The more knowledge of the great texts you can prove to be in your command, the easier it will be for them to overlook the gaps in your practical training."

Karina nodded again, feeling a tight knot of discomfort forming in her stomach. She had known all along that they would be leaving Gregorn soon, but now that there was a date set, Karina could already feel her anxiety mounting. It seemed strange to imagine that only a few months ago she had been begging Manna to take her to Sithrah. Now, the prospect of visiting the home of the Initiate seemed far more ominous. If Simar noticed the fear in Karina's eyes however, she did nothing to show it nor provide comfort. The woman merely grabbed her cloak and went to the door.

"Do not wait up," Simar said as she left. "I will not be back until late this evening. I expect dinner to be prepared for me, and you to be asleep by the time I return. We will visit Manna tomorrow morning and leave at dawn the following day. I wish for you to be well rested for the journey."

"Yes, Priestess," Karina answered, "I will not fail you." But her words were lost to the High Priestess, the door closing behind her before they were out of Karina's mouth. It seemed Simar in too much of a hurry to even wait for her response. "I will not fail you," Karina repeated to the closed door, her resolve mounting. "I will not fail you Manna."

----------------

The sun was barely risen when she woke the next morning. Karina was exhausted, having been unable to sleep at all, despite the priestess's command. Her mind was too filled with thoughts to release itself to slumber. Simar was already awake and dressed by the time Karina forced her eyes open, the sound of the woman's movements at the stove enough to bring her fully back to the waking world. The woman must have sensed her stir.

"I expect you to eat and dress as quickly as possible," she said, setting a bowl of porridge on the table without so much as a glance in Karina's direction. "I already allowed you to sleep longer than I should have."

Karina nodded. Her eyes were heavy still, and her head pounded in protest as she forced herself to comply with the priestess's command. Luckily, with a splash of cold water on her face, and the hasty meal forced into her stomach, Karina soon felt more awake. Still, she marveled at Simar's ability to move with the speed she did. 

While Karina felt as if every step she took was clumsy and slow in her exhaustion, the priestess's movements were quick and exacting as she went about the room collecting various items and packing them away in the bags prepared for their journey. She knew Simar had not returned until well after dark. Karina wondered how the woman could possibly maintain such energy on so little sleep. Perhaps it was her power that gave her this exceedingly useful skill.

The Priestess said no more to Karina as she dressed and washed her dish. It seemed that the woman too was too much engaged in her own thoughts to speak more than was necessary for basic communication. Seeing Karina dressed, Simar asked her to saddle Arrow, as she had learned the priestess's white gelding was called. Karina readily complied, happy to escape the uneasy silence of the house.

"Good morning Arrow," Karina said cheerfully to the horse as she approached, trying to force her own mood to brighten. The animal gave her an uncertain glance, his ears pinning back slightly. It seemed Simar's horse was no friendlier than his owner. Still, he allowed her to place the saddle upon his back and fasten the girth around his waist. When she was finished, Karina stood there for a moment, stroking Arrow's white neck, trying to find comfort in his soft warmth before heading back inside to the cold priestess.

"I'm scared," she told him. "I want to be brave. I need to be so. But I am frightened." Of course Arrow didn't respond. He lowered his head to the ground, absently chewing on a mouthful of grass in spite of the bit in his mouth. If only her life was as simple as his, Karina thought to herself with a sigh as she gave the animal one more pat before heading back inside.

-------

Simar remained stoically unresponsive as they rode down the familiar path to Manna's home, but Karina was content to sit behind the priestess in silence. Instead of even attempting conversation, she allowed herself to close her eyes and relax into the rhythm of the horse's pounding hoof beats. Still, the closer they came to the house, the more unease Karina felt. The porridge in her stomach felt uncomfortably heavy as her body moved up and down, carried by the animal beneath them. Her head ached as her mind flitted through a myriad of concerns, unable to focus on just one.

Karina had never before known someone who had been sentenced to die. Would it have changed her? Manna had seemed so weak at the assembly. What would these last few days have done to her? Karina wondered if her teacher was frightened. She knew that she would certainly be frightened if she were in Manna's place. Karina couldn't imagine what she could possibly say to her. And what if she said the wrong thing?

She had forgiven Manna for lying of course, for having deceived her for so many years, for having kept so many secrets... but Karina knew a part of her was still angry. Would Manna be able to see it? She had always suspected that her teacher had the ability to peer into people's true thoughts.

 Karina didn't want her to see. She had no right to feel anything but gratitude towards her teacher and it was selfish of her to give Manna anything less than complete, unwavering love. No matter what lies she had told, Karina knew her teacher had made the ultimate sacrifice to save her life.

The thought filled her with guilt and shame. Karina knew that that too would not do. Manna expected her to be strong, and that was what she must be. But in truth, Karina had never felt so uncertain and weak in her entire life. What if, in their final moments together Karina disappointed her teacher entirely! 

As the house came into sight, Karina was reminded of a day so many years ago. She had misbehaved and the Nita had dragged her home to Manna. She felt that same sense of dread now at the prospect of facing her teacher. She wished she didn't. She wanted to feel something else. Happiness? If she could not enjoy the opportunity to be with Manna again, in their shared space for the last time, the whole visit would be ruined. 

Even more importantly, Karina knew she should show excitement for the great honor Manna had bestowed upon her in naming her as Nita. But how could she? It was never what she had wanted. To pretend otherwise would be a lie. Surely her teacher knew that.

As Simar pulled the horse up a short distance from the house she dismounted quickly, offering Karina a hand which she accepted, allowing the priestess to help her from the horse without hesitation. She was determined to show no sign of trepidation in facing her teacher. Karina was surprised however when the woman then handed her the horse's reins.

"Take Arrow and find him some water," Simar said. I have things I must discuss with the Elder Nita alone. Matters pertaining to her final arrangements. I will find you when we are finished and give you the chance to say your goodbyes then.

Karina felt a bit of her anger flare towards Simar as she watch the woman walk away, leaving her alone and disappearing inside the house without a second glance. The High Priestess acted as if she and Manna were discussing were entirely banal. How could the woman speak so casually of Manna's death? But Karina's anger quickly faded to sadness. The woman was not being cruel. Final arrangements were necessary after all. Manna was going to die. Karina felt sick as she imagined Manna kneeling before the wooden block, the executioner's sword above her head. And then...

No! She told herself as she angrily wiped the tears from her eyes. She would not think of these things. Not today. For Manna's sake and for her own, she would do what she could to make the most of their remaining time together. 

-----------------

Poor Karina :-( This kid has had to face a lot in the past week...I thought it was necessary to give a chapter to check in on her and see how's she's holding up. Thoughts? Next week will be the final week of posting for book 1. Three chapters still remain. How will it end? You will know soon enough;-)