***** Flashback *****

Matthew's voice was laced with bitterness as he confronted Teddy. "So Jesse seeks you out, and suddenly you need to demand my time, which I clearly don't have?"

Teddy remained composed as he responded, "Your Commander expressed concerns about your mental well-being. The duty of care protocol necessitates this discussion."

As Teddy made himself comfortable in the armchair opposite him, Matthew reclined in his chair, his steely gaze locked on his psychologist. The room was charged with silent tension until the older man finally broke the silence.

"One aspect of trauma that's particularly challenging to articulate is the loss of self-identity. Between gaslighting and the constant fight for survival, survivors of abuse often miss the opportunity to explore and grow. Recovery can feel like starting over entirely."

Matthew's gaze shifted from a distant point on the wall to Teddy, studying the man who had his glasses perched precariously on the tip of his nose.

"Basically, Sera was here to get the chance to discover herself and develop," Matthew drawled, "that's what I took from your spill."

Teddy nodded, "Is that such a bad thing? Her chance to heal and become the person she's meant to be was by being with you on this journey, wasn't it?"

But Matthew shook his head, "You've said that survivors of abuse don't love properly under these conditions, which implies that she doesn't, and never did."

"Misconstrue, as you tend to do with my sessions. While the young woman tells you that she loves you, given her current situation, I would tend to lean towards the latter of the truth behind it. All love is different, and it is not up to us to define or regulate those specific types of rules. Love is present instantly and can develop over the years; we are not the guardians of Sera's journey."

"She's a survivor." Matthew stared at Teddy. "She started over, I know that. She started over here with me because Sera, as you have just said, has experienced trauma, and one of the effects is the sense of not knowing who they are. Sera had no idea who she was; she barely understands that now. So, no, Teddy, I do not believe for a moment she loved me. She doesn't have the capacity to."

"My advice," Teddy adjusted his glasses, "is to have this conversation with her."

"I wasn't looking for answers." Matthew scoffed. "There's nothing to be gained."

"You might not be seeking answers, Matthew, but the young queen is, especially from you."

"Have you been talking to her?" His eyes narrowed, and Teddy nodded in affirmation.

"I talk to anyone who needs help, and she's no exception. You need to give her the answers that haunt you and allow both of you to move forward. Whether that's together or apart is something you both need to decide. Hiding behind Allegiant does no one any favors."

***** *****

Eko's eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness enveloping her room in the palace. The familiar contours of shadows emerged, and the comforting softness of her bed embraced her. The quiet of the room was punctuated only by the throbbing in her head, and fatigue weighed heavily on her. As she blinked to acclimate to the darkness, she turned her head to the side, attempting to alleviate the queasiness that lingered.

To her astonishment and disbelief, she found Matthew beside her, asleep in a chair, his head resting on his folded arms against her bed. She squinted, almost doubting her own senses, but then she reached out and gently ran her fingers through his soft hair, seeking confirmation of his presence.

It was real... he was really there.

Startled, Matthew abruptly lifted his head, causing her hand to fall back onto the bed.

"Matthew?" she croaked, her voice filled with surprise.

"You're okay," Matthew's voice was laden with choked relief, echoing her own feelings. He squeezed her hand tightly and pressed it against his rough, stubbled cheek.

This time, she gently tugged at his hand, turning her body to nestle into it, holding it close to her chest. She didn't want to let go, not now that she was reassured of his safety.

"How's your heart?" she whispered, her gaze lifting to meet his as his brows knit together.

"I'm alright. My heart's okay," he assured her, a hint of irritation coloring his voice. "What were you thinking?" he chided gently, his fingers intertwining with hers, holding them as if in prayer, silently thanking the gods that they hadn't taken her from him.

"You fucking scared me out there," he confessed, the darkness unable to conceal the intensity of his emotions. Eko could see the fear etched in his features, the terror of the thought of losing her.

Matthew drew closer, his free hand gently cupping her chin, his eyes reflecting the depth of his fear. He had always tried to shield this fear from her, but now it overwhelmed him.

"You can't come after me, y-you just can't...  I couldn't protect you if things went really wrong out there. And fuck, things were going wrong," he said, his voice quivering with a fear she had never heard before. It was the kind of plea made in the most desperate moments when you're begging the heavens not to take away the one thing that matters most.

Eko's voice quivered with emotion as she pleaded with Matthew, the space between them causing her heart to ache. "How can you ask me not to come after you? I love you, and I almost lost you out there."

Matthew fell silent, his quiet only deepening Eko's pain.

"How?" Eko's tears streamed down her face, "How, Matthew, can you ask me that?"

Matthew swallowed, struggling to find the words, but Eko pressed on, her question gaining urgency. "Matthew, look at me, please... I don't understand this...we only end things with someone because we're not in love with them."

Yet, he remained silent, tears now spilling down his cheeks. Eko understood the vulnerability in the man before her, and she softened her tone even further. "We don't end things with someone when we're completely in love with them. What you've done to us—"

"I know what I've done," Matthew interjected, his hold on her hand tightening. "I did what was necessary. I did what was... the right thing."

"Says who?" Eko challenged, her voice trembling. "Because it wasn't right." She paused, searching the depths of his blue steel eyes. "This doesn't feel right. You can't tell me you want this?"

Matthew's gaze wavered between her eyes, his voice barely a whisper. "You are to be Queen." It was drilled into him the past 8 weeks with the boards and courts, Allegiant's  high council. Being with her had ruined him Becuase they all still believed in a motive that he sought power. They believed in the publishing houses that he forced her to do this.

And right now he believed it all, everything he buried, there were truths to it, Madison would not of fiercely fought with him and gone to all lengths to get her away from him, if there wasn't some truth. He was a creature soaked in blood and war, and her lightness does not deserve the darkness he's been molded from.

"So? And? you would be King," she asserted. "If you would just accept it, accept us?"

"But I'm not, I can't be...I just can't," he murmured, his conviction evident in his hushed tone. "And you shouldn't do this; you shouldn't feel obligated to me because of our past. We both know we can't be together. It was childish, Sera. Stupid in thinking... It's not right. It's not... the way it's meant to be."

Eko clung to his hands, her grip firm, unwilling to let go. She straightened up, her voice gaining strength, "what? Seriously, what?"

"It's all too much," he whispered, it had been a weight he had been carrying around for weeks now, maybe even from the start is heart chided.

"Matthew, no, hey, please, look at me," Eko implored, her hands cradling his face. "You're more than enough for me, for Allegiant, for our worlds, you have no idea how much we need you. And, I understand your fear, I really do. I know you're terrified, and you're pushing back on this finally. I've dumped so much onto you on top of what you do."

She took a quick breath in, "I know you've hit your breaking point. I know that now. But... you are my best friend, Matthew, and we're a team."  She continued, her voice unwavering. "I know we can do it together, we seem to be able to manage it when we are. That's why I need you to swallow this shitty fear, it sucks, it fucking sucks, and it won't always go away... but... please. It is time you come back home to me. Stop fighting it. Stop pretending that there isn't anywhere in this world that you would rather be than here with me."

Eko exuded strength and control over the man who yielded to her, for Matthew had no other reason to resist her but to admit his own fear. He loved her, my God, till there was nothing left of him in this world, deeply and completely, his love enduring until the end of time. But what Eko failed to realize was that Matthew understood her grief, perhaps better than she did herself. He knew she was navigating through it, and he was merely a means to an end in her journey.

There was nothing wrong with that, everyone was on their own journey, and while she was smothered in grief, perhaps she was simply buried in destruction and pain.

"Let me go," so earnest, so impassioned – a zealot. The whisper of his plea was so unexpected and disarming to her senses when he asked that of her and it caught Eko off guard.

Eko's denial was fierce, her head shaking vehemently. "No, no, no," she insisted, her grip tightening on him. "I won't let you go. I need you in my life, with me. I'll fight for us, for you."

Matthew felt her struggle against him, her desperation palpable. "You have to stop," he pleaded, trying to gently push her away. "I need you to just fucking stop."

"I can't stop. You love me, don't you?"

Except this time he doesn't answer anymore, he doesn't admit and he doesn't deny it, but there was more resentment than love that lived in his bones now.

Eko's voice trembled with emotion, realizing she was truly losing him. " why do you keep pushing us apart?"

"Sera—" Matthew's attempt to explain was cut off as Eko's expression hardened, her resolve strengthening.

"Don't call me Sera! I am Eko... your Eko... I want you in my life, I am your wife," she declared, taking his hands and pressing them to her chest. "And ...I want to be with you! I don't understand it?" Eko's frustration was palpable, but beneath it lay a glimmer of hope as Matthew began to open up to her. "Why? It's not love that's the issue here! I know you love me!"

"I have a duty to you as our Queen, to Isadora, to soldiers at Allegiant, to this war," Matthew confessed.

"Okay, so? What does that have to do with us being together?"

"Don't," he replied sharply, locking eyes with her through the darkness. "I haven't been what these worlds needed, Your Highness, not for a long time. . I need to return to that. They deserve that from me. I need to be better. To do better."

Eko's heart ached as she absorbed his words, torn between irritation and understanding. "But don't you see that pushing me away doesn't help anyone? It just hurts both of us more."

"This wasn't designed to hurt you, Your Highness. I'm just focusing solely on protecting what we've built."

"Then what about us?" She pleaded, tears rolling down her cheeks. "What happens to us?"

"There will be conditions." He cut her off and Eko stopped, taking in a breath.

"Conditions?" She didn't know if that was good or bad.

He was harsh with the words, "there is conditions to you and I."

"So there is an us?" She shook her head and warmth spread through her with the offering of hope, "what are the conditions? I can do conditions."

"No, Sera... you're misinterpreting my words... There is no 'us'. Not ever again. Do you understand that? And the conditions are that we are merely civil to one another. Then maybe we can just .. be acquaintances. Otherwise it won't be anything else."

"Acquaintances?" Her bottom lip trembled as it evaporated as quickly as it came. "Is this some kind of ultimatum?" she gasped, touching his hand, her heart sinking. "I do what you say, or I have nothing to do with you?"

"Yes," he replied, realizing the gravity of his words. "But this choice will be yours. For me, this is the only path forward. It's all I have left to offer. Either way, you will stop risking your life to save mine. My duty is to protect you by all means necessary."

"No, no, please!" she sobbed, shaking her head frantically, terrified at the prospect of losing him. The haunting image of his lifeless body flashed in her mind, now a chilling possibility. "Don't say it... don't... I can't bear the thought of burying you... please, it would destroy me!"

"It would destroy me more. I do not want to be apart of a world where I have to bury you" His voice broke with anger at the mere thought. "That's why I'm saying this... this is the boundary. We would have an alliance. That's it."

"Alliance?" She repeated, stunned by his choice of words. "Oh God... Oh God!" Eko cried out, her emotions overwhelming her as his hands gripped her more tightly. "Jesus Christ, Matthew-"

Except He knew this was necessary, even if it tore him apart to see her like this. The truth was, he had been falling apart since the moment he let her go, and it was kinder to do this now than to let it continue on with false hope that they could ever be something again.

She would move on, he knows she will, he could see it written in the skies that this would be her rebirth and the time she held as queen to come would be the most peace anyone would ever feel. She would bring that to them. He was war, and she was peace..

"No! No! There has to be more!" She pressed her hands against his chest firmly. "You're hiding something, I know it in my bones! Something that is driving this decision!"

"Sera?"

"NO I WANT THE FUCKING TRUTH!"  Eko screamed, her anger boiling over.  "TELL ME! THE FUCKING TELL ME!?"

"The truth?" He whispered, his voice a stark contrast to her fury. "You have to know Sera, you must of thought about it all this time, you must of come to terms with this way before I ever did. Madison knew, you know that right? I didn't get it till ... now."

Her brows furrowed not understanding anything of what he was saying.

"If this war hadn't come into our lives, we wouldn't have ever met. We wouldn't have been part of each other's lives the way we were. You must of known that, I mean even I know that."

"You can't know that for sure," Eko stammered, caught off guard. "We might have found each other somehow."

Matthew's voice quivered with raw, unchecked emotion as he fought to keep himself together, yet he was visibly falling apart. "Can you please Stop lying to yourself. I've stopped living in this delusional state, and when reality hit me, it led me to that conclusion. You and I were never supposed to meet. There was no logical way we could have. You and I are a product of circumstances from this war. Our... whatever we were, that was born out of grief."

"What's wrong with you?" Eko sobbed, "it wasn't like that. How many times do I have to tell you that? Our love, our friendship, our relationship, our marriage, none of it was born out of grief!"

Suddenly, Matthew pulled away, removing his hands from hers as if giving up on the argument. He was defeated, she knew that about him. Could see it in his posture, in the lines of his face. The bags under his eyes, the whole world had beaten him down and now she was the catalyst to it all unraveling.

"Matthew, please don't, please." Eko cried out in panic, watching him get ready to leave as he leaned back from her. " you need me, I need you."

"I don't need you, I've lived my life without you, it's not a need, and you are a 'want' I cannot have."

"But you can... you can have me. No one is saying you can't."

Matthew shook his head; there were greater forces that did want them together, that wanted him gone from her side. The courts. The boards, people that had an opinion, the ones he respected in some form, they saw him as a dangerous creature with too much sway over their Queen. She was pure, and he held blood on his hands.  He had done atrocious things as a child, the massacre that took place, they knew it was him, and they feared him utterly.

As one of them had pointed out during the meeting with his lawyers, their  king should not be bathed in blood and war as he was. Their king shouldn't come form a place of child abuse, tainted and broken as he was, if doenst fit the mould or inspire hope, he was a broken soldier like the rest of the lost cases were and he should know his place in the world wasn't with his queen.

And now that he had done the unthinkable, he could also not give her a bloodline, there would be no future with him, and in some way, they made sure he understood that he was everything that was wrong of a future king. 

His place was away from her, and somewhere deep down he knew that. Maybe ... he knew it the moment Madison made him realize it all the time ago.

Besides he couldn't give her a life now anyway, not after what he's done, she woudl never hold a child of her own with him, there woudl be no days where happily ever afters felt attainable, no mornings where they are bathed in sunlight drinking coffee together, or nights at dinner where she was bathed in love and friendship and peace, none of that could ever happen, not being who he was. There was no future for them. Perhaps there never had been.

"Sera I want you to decide," he insisted. "Now. So we can move forward. We've lived in this state of limbo for too long now."

"I can't," her bottom lip trembled.

"Sera there are only two choices here to make, they are easy ones to make"

"You're forcing my hand!"

"I know," he exhaled. "I know, but I am doing this with the right intentions. I promise you. I am not doing this to hurt you."

"Then don't... don't please, don't make me lose you!" She pleaded, her voice thick with desperation, fighting to hold back tears. "Stay, just... please, stay."

" I can't ... Sera... I just can't."

The past eight weeks had excruciatingly demonstrated his determination to distance himself from her life. So, in this moment, she conceded to his demands. It was the only way she could ensure he stayed a part of her life, even if it meant submitting to his wishes. The truth was that having even a small part of him was better than having none of him at all.

Matthew moved in closer, softly resting his head against hers, and took deep, deliberate breaths that seemed to last an eternity. These were the deepest, most meaningful breaths she had ever heard from him, each inhale and exhale resonating with his own grief.

"For what it's worth, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do," he whispered, his voice breaking with the realization that this was as close as he would ever get to her again. It was the closest he would ever be to someone he loved in his entire existence. To hold her again, to breathe in the scent of everything that made his heart stop.

"I love you," Eko whispered through her tears, "I-I love... I can't... I don't want to let you go."

He pulled back, grasping her cheeks and Eko could only stare to those eyes that were brimming with tears, swallowing the pain as his throat burned to say the next words.

"I-It wasn't love."

Eko lost her breath as the world lost its beat in those words.

"W-what?"

Matthew swallowed the dread of what he needed to say, it was the words of the board, the elite, and they were utterly true.

"W-whatever we were," he bit down the vile in the back of his throat, "whatever that part of our lives was, we didn't love each other, it was impossible. It wasn't love - nor was it real." he urged her, battling against the ache in his gut.

Eko's mouth hung open at the words he was saying.

"And the most important part to all on this, is that I want you to keep reminding yourself of that, when things are just ... when the world comes at you, and you have your bad days, and you get those thoughts that I was someone worthy of you. When you meet someone one day, and for some stupid reason you compare him to me. I want you to remember we weren't love. There is love out there but we weren't that. We... couldn't be that. You and I we don't have the capacity to love each over."

Eko gasped as the tears rolled down her face, more shellshocked that he believed that over everything else, that he had convinced himself of such an enormous lie.

How could he not believe that the love she held for him had taken on a life of its own, it had grown and evolved from the very moment they first met. It was a love that had woven itself into the core of her being, inseparable from her identity and her existence. The thought of replacing or comparing that love was unimaginable to her.

"M-Matthew," she tired to begin but he cut her off.

"-but, whatever happens, we will make it through this," he whispered, conscious of her shaky breaths and frantic gasps for air.

Maybe, he thought, even suggesting an alliance was too much to ask, the boards and elite would not approve of that.
But the truly, how could he be in such a close proximity of her after all they had been through. How could he bear to see her fall in love with someone, knowing what she felt for him was just a scratch of the surface of what was possible for her. The mere thought made his skin crawl, the sheer agony of it crippling.

But that was the truth wasn't it at the end of the day? They would never had known each other and he would never of made her stay in this life had he known she was the future queen.

This was his fault for making her stay, he put her life in danger, if he wasn't so blinded by wanting to fuck her and flirt with her, he would have seen that at the start when it mattered the most.

Matthew bit his lip, knowing that he would completely erase himself from her life the moment he plunged his sword into the beast to end this war. That was the only thing he could ever do to make amends for not being the soldier he was raised to be.

"I'll see us all through this war and everything else..." Matthew clasped her hands, and as she looked up at him, he couldn't stand to see her cry over him. There was so much pain that he had caused her. Pain that he should be easing on her, not compounding.

"Listen to me... Sera. You are a woman like no other. You are a force to be reckoned with. I have always had an unwavering faith in your strength and the difference you will make in our world.. and I promise you that I will get us all through this war. I promise you." How he had said it with desperate conviction.

Eko struggled to grasp the full weight of his words, feeling as though they were suffocating her soul and she sat there numb in every bones of her body as he spoke softly about his plans for the war, her eyes filled with fresh tears, she was under water ... barely understanding his words, until her own desperate ones came out from her mouth.

"I don't want to do this,"

Matthew gazed at her not even hesitating. "You're so good at this," he said, his voice carrying a smile as if it was something he had always known, something he had never doubted.

"You forget Sera, I know you do. You forget how strong you are, that you're a survivor," he reassured her. "This is what Isadora needs; this is what our destiny is. You as our sovereign Queen. We're all going to be fine, Your Highness."

"What if-"

"No 'what ifs,'" he said firmly. "I will end this war, just like I'm meant to. You be will be safe, and you will remain out of this war. Do you understand?"

"Matthew?" Eko pleaded.

"Just Skarsgard," he gently corrected, maintaining their distance by asking her not to use his first name. "Your Highness, stay out of it. Let me do what I'm good at. My focus will now be solely back on what matters to these worlds. My commitment to it is unwavering, and I won't allow my attention to falter going forward. I won't fail you again."

"You've never failed me?" Eko pressed, missing the deeper message that reflected his state of mind, but Matthew interrupted as if he could read her thoughts.

"Sera, you are done with fighting this war on the front lines," he declared firmly. "That crystal is weakening you, and the best thing you can do now is stay behind these walls that are built to protect you. There you will guide us to peace. That is your purpose here, that is what your age of era as Queen will be about. Peace, lasting peace."

Overwhelmed by a whirlwind of emotions and recognizing that their conversation was going nowhere, Eko did what she had learned from her mother and what she knew best—she nodded in agreement. She nodded because facing the alternative was too excruciating to bear.

****** ******

"For a relationship is about inventing your own language" Teddy quoted Sciamma to him at the end of the session.

"You have got the jokes, you've got the songs, you have this anecdote that's going to make you laugh three years later. It's the language that you build. That's what you mourn for when you're losing someone you love.

This language you're not going to speak with anybody else. That's what you feel like you've lost in all of this."