my curly headed past

i miss you the most when stand up comedians air
– those were the nights we'd let our laughs intertwine.
my fingers start to miss the feeling of your curls when i can't sleep.
five a.m. car rides with coffee and your morning smile haunt me.
i never liked laundry, but for you, i did it with joy
because i saw the appreciation in your grin.
we never felt this kind of love before.
i loved playing games and we'd look over and smile.
these are things that make me want to call you.

i can't ever hate you.
i can't stop loving you.
i can't ever let you go.
even though i know our paths can't cross.

it was early mornings when you'd roll over and tell you loved me.
i remember late nights we'd talk about how we felt.
we never liked sharing a shower, but yet we'd sit and talk for what felt like hours, while the water washed away all our worries.
i've typed a hundred messages just to be deleted.
i'll wear your shirts at night and remember the way you kissed my forehead in early mornings.
we never had a chance, did we?

if you ever reached out, i'd be foolish enough to jump right back.
but that's not foolish when you made me feel pure comfort.
two souls were so in love that it was treacherous.
fear is what broke us.
i miss you.
these words i'll never say to you.
for fear, you've moved on.

— e. gould