being alone is different than feeling lonely

i don't mean to hurt you,
to seem as if i don't care.
but the depression has me
on a threshold,
tightening its grip around my neck.
i want to be alone,
but i don't want to feel lonely.
i want to feel your arms wrapped around me,
hugging me against your chest.
i want to hear your soft breaths
as your fingers run through my hair.
i want to feel the gentle touch of your kiss to my forehead.
but i don't want to hear you speak,
not a single word.
no asking me why i'm being this way,
no asking what you can do.
just to feel you there with me,
reminding me that you do care.
i just wish to be left alone,
but to not feel the emptiness of loneliness.

– hrg