14.08.1989 - Moscow

Richie's point of view

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes, was long, light blonde hair. It was Vince who was asleep in my arms, breathing calmly. It was the day after the Moscow Music Peace Festival and today there'd be a party to celebrate the compilation of it. I was looking forward to it, because there were no women allowed so I didn't have to see Jon making out with Dorothea. And it also was a good opportunity to spend some time with Vince. Talking about him, he was just waking up, yawning and looking up at me. "Hey Rich, slept well?", he mumbled and rubbed his eyes. "Yes, you?" "Good as well", he whispered, pecking my lips and snuggling a little deeper into my embrace. "Will you go to the party with me tonight?", I asked him and played with his long hair. "Yes, of course sweetie", he replied, kissing my cheek and finally sitting up. He looked really cute and good as well right then. His pyjama pants covered his skinny legs and his upper body was exposed, showing his abs. His long hair was lightly falling over his eyes as he looked at me lovingly. "Well Rich, wanna get dressed?", he asked and I nodded, getting up as well and gathering some clothes out of my suitcase.

He got dressed as well and we finally headed off to the breakfast buffet of the hotel. Nikki and Tommy joined us on the way because Mick was still asleep. "Hey, how'd you sleep?", Nikki asked me, his fluffy black hair falling over one of his bright green eyes.

"Uh, good. And you?" "Good too, T-bone snored though", he replied and stuck his tongue out at Tommy, who hit him playfully on the arm. "I didn't Nikkers, you did!", Tommy squealed like a little kid, causing Vince, Nikki and me to laugh. Finally Tommy wrapped one arm around Nikki's waist and led him to a table which was free. Vince and me followed them after a while and we all then got some food. While taking bread, I saw Jon coming out of the elevator, Dorothea clinging on his arm. He didn't look really happy though, his eyes were searching something in the room. As he looked at me, he started to smile and waved at me. I was just frozen in place and stared back, confusion in my eyes. Dorothea finally pulled him away to some table on the other side of the room. In confusion I walked back to Tommy, Nikki and Vince, eating in silence.

Mick joined us after a while and after he had eaten too, we headed off to the bus with whom we would drive to the party. Outside there were already standing the Skid Row guys and the Cinderella guys, which waved at us, we waving back. After a while Ozzy Osborne and his band, the rest of the Jovi guys and that russian glam metal band, Gorky Park, arrived and we drove with the bus to that club. I sat next to Jonny, because Vince left to sit with Mick. We didn't talk all the way, even though I caught Jon watching me quite a few times. After a while I just wanted to leave the bus and go back to the hotel because I felt so uncomfortable. But at last we reached the club, leaving the bus and splitting up in groups to go onto the dance floor. First I danced with Vince, but he and the other Mötley guys soon left to get themselves a whiskey. So I went over to one corner of the club, watching the others dance.

Jon was dancing with Dave Sabo, both of them laughing and chatting with each other. What I'd give to be in Dave's place now... Even though Jon had hurt me, I still wanted to hold him, to protect him and kiss him. I had done so much for him, I wouldn't just give us up because of a random woman which was obviously a groupie. He was in my heart and I couldn't let him out again. Drowned in my thoughts, I stumbled over to a little room next to the counter of the bar, finding a guitar inside. That was luck. I just sat down on the cold floor and let my emotions flow freely once again, tears trickling down my cheeks while I was gently strumming the guitar and humming something along randomly. Soon it turned out into lyrics and a song.

If I can't have your love
It's hard to remember a time
When I didn't have you
When I didn't have nothing
But a cold bed to come to at night
That was all I knew
Until there was you

And then you took my world
And turned it all around
I couldn't live without
You now

Baby, if I can't have your love
If I can't feel your touch
I got nothing
Baby, if I can't taste your kiss
Then I don't exist
I got nothing

No I can't imagine living life without you
I can't imagine living life without your love

I wake up with you by my side
Can't let go
Can't even bear the thought
Of you in another man's eyes
I would loose control
I would die

'Cause now you're in my heart
And I can't let you out
I gotta keep you here
Somehow

Baby, if I can't have your love
If I can't feel your touch
I got nothing
Baby, if I can't taste your kiss
Then I don't exist
I got nothing
If I can't be your man
I wouldn't know who I am
I got nothing, I got nothing

No I can't imagine living life without you
I can't imagine living life without your love
But believe me baby I won't mean to doubt you
But if you'd ever leave, that would be the end of me
Baby

Baby, if I can't have your love
If I can't feel your touch
I got nothing
Baby, if I can't taste your kiss
Then I don't exist
I got nothing
If I can't be your man
I wouldn't know who I am
I got nothing, I got nothing
Baby, if I can't have your love
If I can't feel your touch
I got nothing

No I can't imagine living life without you
I can't imagine living life without your love

The song was so beautiful that tears rolled down my rosy cheeks and I couldn't stop crying anymore. After a while I just laid down backwards onto the floor and closed my eyes, thinking of the love of my life which had shattered my heart into pieces. Suddenly the door opened and someone stepped inside, kneeling down beside me. "Hey Rich, please don't cry!", that angel's voice whispered and the man I knew so well caressed my cheek, wiping the tears away. "Jon... Why are you here?", I replied, my voice broken. He locked his beautiful blue eyes on mine and simply, but seriously, said: "We need to talk."