Amara walked back in to the room with a bottle of white wine in her hand to see Rhys misting a lemon. She rolled her eyes and sat in the seat that had been previously occupied by Amren. Their glasses had been switched around, Amren taking Amara's seat, so that Amara and Azriel were sat beside each other.

"What are we talking about?" Amara asked Azriel down the bond, pouring herself another glass of wine as Cassian rubbed small circles on her wrist to let her know it was all okay.

"How we met. Are you okay? Do you need a minute?" Azriel asked her softly, running a hand through his hair as five different strands of shadow reached out to her to join the other three that were already there swirling through her hair.

"I'm fine," Amara lied but she knew Azriel wasn't likely to push her any further in front of everyone. She finally turned her attention back to the conversation that was taking place at the table.

"My father and mother, despite being mates, were wrong for each other," Rhys started, but Amara decided that she wasn't actually going to listen to the story. She pretty much knew it all by heart anyway.

Instead, her thoughts drifted and she felt a piece of shadow twining around her wrist and in between her bracelet and her skin. She thought about that sentence... about mates not necessarily being right for each other. She would never admit it out loud but it kind of struck a nerve for her. Maybe that was part of her situation.

Amara's gaze shifted to Azriel a bit and she couldn't help but wonder if that was why he had never wanted to bring up the mating bond that so obviously tied the two of them together. He had never once brought it up. He had never said the word. Up until recently he hadn't even looked at her, let alone spoken to her. She had been so surprised when she had seen his handwriting on that note all those months ago and now here she was, sat beside him with him making sure that she was okay. Him coming to her room to comfort her whenever she woke up from a nightmare or whenever she felt like she just couldn't be alone.

So what was it about her that made him not want to talk about the bond? Was it really that horrible to be mated to her?

She guessed it made sense. She was damaged, broken, unhealing. She wouldn't want to be mated to herself either. It wasn't exactly a pleasant experience so far. She was on the edge of crying constantly and she was pretty sure that everyone was close to kicking her out so that they didn't have to hear her sobbing when she woke up. She wasn't even pretty anymore. Scars covered every inch of her body and it wasn't like she could easily fix them. Even if she got the splinters out they would still be there so what was the point in bothering?

Amara glanced over at Azriel as she sipped her glass of wine, completely oblivious to the entire conversation around her. She excused herself from the table and made her way out to the balcony, taking her glass with her. She just needed to be alone for a minute or two. She sighed softly and ran a hand through her hair, trying to muddle through her thoughts. There had to be a reason. There just had to be a reason that he had never wanted to acknowledge the bond.

There was always a reason for everything so what the hell was the reason for that decision?

Was it really just because it was her? Maybe he would have been happier with someone else as his mate. That was the thought that kept coming back to her mind. That it was purely because she was the one that was his mate. If it had been literally anybody else then he probably would have been a lot happier and the two would be extremely content in their lives together. Maybe the two of them just weren't as made for each other as the Cauldron seemed to think they were.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Azriel asked Amara softly down the bond, making her jump a little since she hadn't been expecting it.

"I honestly don't know how to answer that question anymore. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Amara hesitated. He'd asked her that a lot in this past year. He'd asked in the notes, whenever he had snuck in to see her at the Spring Court, when they had talked on the balcony or by the pond. He was constantly asking her if she wanted to talk about what wrong and she always said no. Why didn't she just ask him that? Well, maybe because she assumed he would offer the information and his thoughts when he felt ready to. She wasn't going to force him to talk about something he didn't want to... but this was going to have to be an exception.

"Can we talk about it later?" She asked him softly as she leaned against the balcony railing.

"Of course. Anywhere specific that you want to?"

"The pond?"

"I'll meet you there after dinner."