It was one thing to write down your drunken, uncensored thoughts. It was therapeutic and Amara had definitely felt a lot better after doing it. However, knowing that someone had read them, someone who was mentioned multiple times in those thoughts, was something else entirely. Amara chewed on the inside of her bottom lip from where she sat in her window seat, debating whether or not she wanted to actually pick up the note and see if he had written anything back. She actually couldn't remember what it was that she had written to begin with so the fact that he of all people knew her drunken thoughts from the previous night was embarrassing enough. She didn't need to know what he thought about them on top of that.

Then again, the mystery that now surrounded these notes was starting to draw her in. The mystery of what it was that she had written. The mystery about how he had reacted when a random piece of paper filled with stupid scribbles and random thoughts had appeared before him. The mystery as to what her mate had written back in response to Amara's drunken thoughts.

So Amara made her way over to her bed, picked up the piece of paper that Azriel had written on, and the conversation between the young High Fae and the (slightly) older Shadowsinger began.

You're aware that it's basically impossible to figure out what was going through your head, right? Because I asked Cassian as well and he has no idea so I think that says a lot. He tends to understand what's going through your head better than anyone. 

Ever think that maybe it's because those thoughts weren't meant for you to figure out?

Well, my name did pop up a lot in those little scribbles and thoughts.

So did Rhys'. What's your point?

Do you want to talk about it?

I don't know. Maybe. I just don't think I really can handle being stuck here much longer. 48 years is a long time to be stuck in a place that made you feel suffocated in the first place. 

Amara never did receive a reply after that so she just put the note in to the drawer of her bedside table. She wasn't sure why she felt like she needed to keep the note but she did. One of the reasons was probably because it was the most that her and Azriel had spoken, or well... written, to each other. The two had very rarely ever been in the same room, both of them silently agreeing to not bring up the mating bond or the longing that they felt to be around each other. Well, she felt the longing anyway. For all she knew, he didn't even care that she existed. For all she knew, he just wanted her to stop showing up at the Night Court so he could forget that he had a mate altogether. She wouldn't exactly be too surprised by that last part. If he didn't have a mate then he wouldn't feel obligated to be with his mate. Amara didn't want to be an obligation. She wanted to be his first choice. 

So far she wasn't. Mor was. 

A soft sigh left Amara's lips as she leaned back against the cushions of her window seat, hearing the slam of Feyre's door as she went into the room that had been declared as her painting studio. Previously, it had been Amara's piano room, somewhere that she went whenever she felt like the world was taking over. Then Feyre had arrived, and Tamlin was so damn desperate to make her fall in love with him that he didn't even care that the small room with the piano had been the one place in this damn manor that Amara had felt safe and like anything was possible. The piano had been moved in to a different room but it was on the other side of the manor and Amara didn't really feel like keeping it together for that long to get to that room. She just didn't touch the piano anymore. It stayed in that room, collecting dust. 

She was about to pick up the book that she had originally planned on reading from her desk when she heard a flutter of wings and looked out the window, a soft and quiet curse leaving her lips when she noticed the sapphire blue that basically haunted her dreams, both waking and sleeping. 

Knowing exactly where she was going, Amara grabbed her cloak, stuffed the note and the pen in her pocket, and left the manor without anybody noticing. Well, she hoped that nobody noticed anyway. They weren't exactly observant the day after a bunch of festivities. 

Spring Court was basically fast asleep and originally, Amara had been as well. But now she was wide awake. It seemed the possibility of seeing her mate did that to her.