The trip back to East Draulin was blissfully uneventful.

The Draulin Guardian gathered quite a bit of attention in the East Draulin port. It was a huge ship, after all. Acen took the knights and some of Roland's sailors down to clear a path, and soon we were on our way up to the castle.

Things settled down fairly quickly. When Mayah wasn't with Jalor, she threw herself back into managing her city. Her advisors had, for the most part, continued working on her various projects. In theory Tannix was supposed to be helping her, but she didn't need him. Their planning meetings all quickly turned into Mayah talking her way through ideas and Tannix nodding or chiming in with the occasional remark.

The knights settled into a guard rotation. They took it as seriously as they always had, but there was a new sense of relaxation. Watching Tannix in a friendly city wasn't a hard job, compared to what they had been through. They even somewhat adopted Castin into the fold, when the knights realized that training him was much more fun than training me had been.

Kovin came by from time to time, but mostly he stayed in the port on the Guardian. Roland had grudgingly allowed him to stay onboard, even though he still wasn't allowed to work.

I rarely saw Jalor. He had accepted a private room in the castle, after Tannix had ordered him to take it. Food was delivered to his room, so we never saw him at meals. He let Mayah and Tannix into his room, but turned away the rest of us whenever we tried.

It was about two weeks after our return to East Draulin when I was walking through the barracks with Castin. We had just finished eating dinner with the knights while Tannix and Mayah were deep in a meeting. Castin never did night shifts, but Acen had sent him to walk me back to the castle. At least Castin didn't feel like a guard. We joked and taunted each other, and then I suddenly stopped, because I'd seen something.

Castin followed my gaze, and he narrowed his eyes when they landed on the bird perched above us. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. That's Jalor's hunting bird. He must be around." I took off down the little alleyway beside us.

"Finn," Castin grumbled, but he followed me.

A few turns later, I found a small private courtyard. Jalor stood in the middle of it, hacking at a wooden figure with his sword. A dark cape hung over his left shoulder, hiding his missing arm. It didn't quite work. The cloth didn't hang as if it was draped over an arm.

I waved at Castin so he would stay back, and stepped into the little courtyard. "Jalor?"

"Of course." He hacked at the training dummy again. "You would be the one to find me."

I knew his bitter tone wasn't really meant for me, but it still stung. "Your fighting looks good."

"Don't give me that, Finn," he said through gritted teeth. "I'm useless." At that, he slammed the sword into the wood so hard that it stuck there. After a moment he gave it a halfhearted tug.

I walked around to his side, where I could lean again the wall in his line of sight, but still be out of reach of the sword if he swung at the figure again. "That isn't true."

"Of course it is. What kind of knight has only one arm?" He gave the sword a violent tug, and it came loose suddenly. He stumbled back a step. His balance was compromised without his arm.

"You lost your arm in battle," I said. "And nobody expects you to stay in the guard. Hasn't Mayah asked you to marry her?"

He slashed at the figure again, leaving a clean slice across its neck. "Yes. But she doesn't want to marry me."

"Of course she does."

"She doesn't want a one-armed husband," Jalor snarled. "And her people don't want a one-armed lord. She asked me out of pity. Because of what we had before."

"You can't actually believe that," I said. "She sat with you every day in Deorun. We talked about you." He looked at me for the first time, eyes narrowed. I pressed on. "She said she was worried this would happen. That you'd doubt her feelings. But she doesn't care about your arm. She loves you because you're brave and kind and noble. She doesn't want a bodyguard; she wants a husband and a partner. You can be those things without your arm."

The sword clattered as it slipped from Jalor's hand. "Being with the leader of a city isn't that simple. If I agree to marry her, I'll be Lord East Draulin. I'll be in the public eye constantly."

"She won't force—"

"Tannix doesn't force you because he can't." Jalor took a step closer to me. "You get to be a secret. If I marry Mayah, everyone in this Goddess damned city will see that she married a ruined man. I refuse to do that to her."

I didn't let his proximity intimidate me. Jalor was angry, but he wasn't dangerous. I stared up at him. "Nobody thinks you're a ruined man. Nobody pities you. You didn't lose your arm to a sickness or an accident. You sacrificed it, to save Tannix's life. Given the choice, you'd do it again. You don't deserve pity, Jalor."

His eyebrows furrowed.

"You deserve respect. And that's what you have. From me, from the knights, from Tannix and everyone who knows what you did. You chose to lose your life for Tannix, and you were strong enough to survive it anyway. You're a hero. And if you marry Mayah, everyone will tell stories about Lord East Draulin and how he lost his arm in the Deorun war, saving Lord West Draulin's life."

Jalor held my gaze for a moment, then his hand went to the clasp on his shoulder. "Catch this," he said, clumsily undoing it.

The cape slid from his shoulder. I reached out just in time to catch it, and held it bundled against my chest. The sleeve of Jalor's tunic was sewn shut, and I stared at it as he tugged at the lacing around his neck and pulled the tunic over his head. He tossed it at me, but I barely noticed. My gaze landed on his missing arm.

It was the first time I had ever seen it unbandaged. His arm was narrower than it should have been. The skin at the end was shiny and marked by dark stitching. He held it up, which looked incredibly odd, and pointed higher on his shoulder. His tattoo was crisp and dark on his pale skin.

"When we got these, we knew one of us might not make it," Jalor said. "We knew that getting them was a preemptive way to mourn each other. But instead, do you know what it reminds me of now? How I was part of a brotherhood. How I used to be a knight." He shrugged, throwing his right arm out exaggeratedly. "What am I now? How do I become someone else when so much of my life has been dedicated to those men?"

There was pain in Jalor's voice. It shook me more than seeing his arm had. The knights were usually so composed. As a lord, Jalor had been trained his whole life to hide his emotions. Now he sounded on the verge of tears.

I shifted my approach. I'd been sharp before, but he needed something gentler. "You're still one of them. You always will be," I said. "You're always going to be their brother, no matter what you do next."

His chest rose with a slow breath. "You all think I should marry Mayah."

I nodded. "You're a lord. I know you left the title behind, but you are one. You know how that world works. You would make an excellent Lord East Draulin, and you know it."

He didn't seem convinced. "I would have, before the war."

"Losing your arm doesn't change who you are. The way you think or lead. What would have happened if you had come out of the war unscathed?" I asked. "What would you have done? Leave the guard to marry Mayah? Or break both of your hearts by turning her away? Now you don't have to make a choice like that. It was made for you." I shrugged. "Maybe that isn't fair, but it must be some sort of relief."

Jalor sighed and rubbed his face. "It should be. When I'm thinking clearly, I understand that. But then I remember this." He flicked his hand towards his left arm. "Mayah deserves—"

I interrupted him. "She wants you. She's one of the smartest women I've ever met. She knows what she deserves and what she wants." I dropped Jalor's cape and tunic to catch his hand. Mayah's green ribbon was tied around his wrist, and I pointed at it. "This was a token of love, and it saved your life. Lovi blesses love tokens. Maybe your Goddess does, too. If you won't believe Mayah, or any of us, maybe you'll believe that. This token means that you belong together."

Jalor stared at the ribbon. "If it was just a matter of marrying Mayah, I would agree. But being that kind of lord... it changes the way life works. There's an expectation to live for the city and not for yourself. We all watched Tannix struggle with that. He's still struggling with it. Becoming the lord of a city means sacrificing independence. Before this I thought maybe I could get used to that, but the more I think about it the less convinced I am. As Lord East Draulin I'll be surrounded by people. I won't be able to walk down to the barracks alone, because I'll have guards following my every step. I am—" he inhaled sharply. "I was one of the best knights in the kingdom, and I'm supposed to trust other men to protect me instead of doing it myself? I'll need servants to help me with every menial task that I can't do with one hand. Getting dressed, bathing, cutting up the meat on my dinner plate. I won't be able to do anything for myself anymore."

There was so much going on in his head. It was impossible to alleviate every worry, but I could do my best. I'd already done a decent job convincing him that Mayah's feelings were unchanged. And that nobody would think he was any less of a leader because of his arm.

"Needing help doesn't..." I hesitated, rethinking my words before they had a chance to leave my mouth. I changed direction. He didn't want pity. "It's hard. Needing help," I said. "I spent years alone because I didn't want to need help." My eyes found Castin in the alleyway, where he was still quietly waiting. "I think it's harder to ask for help from people you don't trust. The servants and guards you're worried about are strangers. For now. But you'll build connections and friendships with them, and then asking for help won't be so hard. You'll get used to your arm, and you'll find other ways to do the things you used to do."

Jalor gestured at his tunic and cloak, still lying in a heap at my feet. I picked them up and helped him put them on. He trusted me, maybe that made it easier. He didn't say anything until I'd done up the clasp on his cloak.

"What if I can't do that? What if I can't adjust?"

"You can. Being on Tannix's guard wasn't only about being a good fighter." The words Tannix had said while he knighted Joen came back to me. "It was about being loyal and trustworthy, smart and brave. You're a really strong person, and not just physically. That's why I know you can adjust. You can be an amazing husband and Lord East Draulin. I've never seen you shy away from a challenge. In Deorun, Evrik told me that none of you are designed to back down."

For the first time, the ghost of a smile flickered across Jalor's face. "We used that as a bit of a rallying call. Before every skirmish, after every injury. Mandell first said it after he... lost his fingers."

"Well, is it still true?" I asked.

Jalor nodded slowly. "It is."

"Does that mean you'll marry Mayah?"

His smile grew, and he glanced up. Towards his Goddess, maybe. "You're persistent. Yes." His eyes met mine, and he took a deep breath. "Yes, I suppose I will. Part of me has always wanted a legacy."

I grinned. "Lords and their family lists, right?" I echoed something Kor had said before the war, the night we had gotten our tattoos. I even managed to mimic the way his accent came through when he was drunk.

Jalor shook his head and laughed. "You sound exactly like him. I'll miss them. That's part of what makes this so hard."

I could relate to the feeling of leaving family behind. "We'll be right across the straits," I said. He would be closer to us than I was to the thieves.

"That's true." Jalor glanced up again, but this time I followed his gaze to see Jalor's bird standing on the roof nearby. He was picking at something he was holding in one foot. "Too bad Fiar isn't a messenger bird. Thank you." He was looking at me again. "When Tannix came back to West Draulin with you in tow, we had no idea what to make of you. You were half-starved from prison and not much to look at, but we knew Tannix had just spent a year trying to get you back. And then you kept surprising us, without fail, over and over again."

"Oh, I..." This wasn't a direction I had expected the conversation to take.

"I'm glad you joined our family, Finn. That's all I'm trying to say. And when you all go back to West Draulin, or Zianna, I'll miss you just as much as I miss the others."

He held out his arm. It took me an embarrassingly long moment to realize what he was doing, and then I stepped into his hug. I was going to miss him, too.