Friday, December 30th

December fucking 30th. The day before New Years Eve, and here I am without my Trouble! I'm here without my Trouble, and I have to still get us ready for this stupid ass party tomorrow night. Trouble graduated before we left, will she be there? What will she be wearing? How will she have her hair? Who will she be with?

I know that Kayli's letter said that Sang misses us probably as much as we miss her...but then...why doesn't she talk to us? She's Academy now, if she wanted to get in contact with us she would. Which means she doesn't. And it's all my fucking fault! If she would've stayed, we could've explained. I could've explained better! Worked it out...something. Now we're all just moping around like a bunch of lost dogs. And no the irony isn't lost on me.

I swear half the time Luke looks like someone kicked his puppy whenever he's in the same room as candy. Probably thinking about that day with Sang in our room back at school. I can't even pick up my sketch pad without drawing her. Only her. Her and us. Her alone. Her happy...without us. Is she happy without us? Is that why she hasn't stopped this stupid separation?

Will she even show up at school in a few weeks? Will she be different? How will she have changed? Will she even want us? Would we be able to convince her to give us a second chance? I never even got to tell her I love her. I never got to hear her say it back. And no, her saying it in a letter is not saying it back. Even if I heard her musical fucking voice saying it inside my head. What if I never hear her sing again? What if I never get to sing WITH her again!?

Did you know that I can't even go to a fucking club without thinking about her? Not that I tried, but even music playing on the radio makes me tense up. How the fuck am I supposed to be sane at this fucking party tomorrow. They'll be playing all the fucking music in the world and I'll be there sitting in a corner crying my fucking eyes out because every single melody reminds me of Sang.

I just need to see her. To know that the last few months of my life wasn't some big cosmic fucking joke, and now the world is laughing at me, giving me the big "fuck you". Well up yours shithead! I don't give a damn how much you try to keep my Trouble away from me! I'll find her, and I'll bring her back to the family, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it!

I will have my Trouble again. I know it. I know it because I need to tell her I love her, and I need to hear her say it back. And then when she does, she's never allowed to fucking leave us again. I'll fucking handcuff her to my-fucking-self if I have to. She's not leaving us again. I need my trouble.

Trouble...

Where are you?