Rufus

I'm conflicted over whether to hate or love them.

As I stood in the living room tying my bowtie with the tv as my mirror they walked in behind me. It was my 17, soon to be 18, year old daughter and her "just a friend" Roy. I didn't turn around as I heard them approach because I could see their faces in the reflection of the dark television. They could also see mine.

"Hey dad can Roy Chang hang out here tonight?" Agnes asked as if she already knew I would say yes. Normally I would, but tonight my wife and I were going to a formal dinner set up by my publishing house. Agnes was supposed to be babysitting. The scenario of having two opposite sex teenagers in a house empty of chaperones seemed much too "afterschool special" for my liking.

Of the two parents, I'm the softee so if she wanted approval she came to the right place. I love the idea of love and I thought Agnes and Roy were a cute couple. They were always exclaiming that they were just friends but I refused to believe it. After all, the Thompson's don't do "just friends". We do true love and marriage. Agnes is very much like me in that aspect. At five years old, when she learned to tie laces, she decided to double knot every pair of shoes she owned so that the knots could never be untied. The shoes were hell to put on and off but Agnes wouldn't have it any other way. She said that she never wanted the loving laces to be apart. According to young Agnes, once they tied the knot they should be bound together forever.

The sound of clicking heels coming down the stairs sent relief through my heart. It was the sound of this decision no longer being my cross to bear alone. I saw Agnes's reflection frown as she heard her stricter parent walking towards her. My angel to the rescue, as always.

"What's going on here?" Asked my Clara in a rightfully skeptical voice.

"I was just asking dad if Roy Chang could hang out here tonight." Agnes stated, only slightly hinting at the fact that she wanted me to make the decision and not her mother. Clara stood for a second with her hand on her hip as she looked the young couple up and down. She then stole my mirror idea as she started putting her lipstick on in front of the tv.

"Rule number 1?" Clara asked with only half of her top lip painted ruby red.

"Always keep the bedroom door open." Answered Agnes, slightly agitated but without missing a beat.

"Rule number 2?"

"The two of us are never to be on the bed at the same time."

"Rule number 3?"

"If we are suspiciously quiet for more than 5 minutes you're going to barge in on us. But, you won't even be here." Agnes said under her breath with some extra attitude. If I could hear it then Clara could hear it too. My wife didn't say anything, however. She must have been in a good mood because normally that kind of comment would have earned Agnes a slap across the room.

"Rule number four?" Clara asked. I didn't know there were more than three rules and apparently neither did Agnes because the look on her face sported eyes so wide that I thought her eyeballs would fall out.

"Don't do anything with Agnes that I wouldn't be willing to also do with her father." Answered Roy Chang. When did Clara come up with that rule? Wait! I'm Agnes's father. I am uncomfortable with the terms of that rule. But, I would not dare cross my wife by bringing it up.

"Have fun tonight kids." My wife stated as she grabbed her coat and headed for the door. Even when laying down the law Clara kept her cool. I shot a smile at the kids before running past Clara just in time to open the front door for her. It's the man's responsibility to make sure the romance never dies.

 RT

Hi I'm RT and I can guarantee you've never heard of me. Don't worry about it, I'm used to it and I prefer it. People call me RT because it's short for Rufus Thompson Jr. If you haven't guessed already, I'm Agnes's younger brother and I'm nine years old.

*thump*thump*thump*

Ahhh what's that sound!?!? I think someone is coming up the stairs. My bedroom shares a wall with the stairwell so I can hear what's going on out there if I try hard enough. Spying is my current profession. Momma pays me to keep her up to date on what goes on around here. The money is a big help toward my goal of getting out of this house. It's not that I'm not happy here. My family loves me and I love them too. This house is a little too full of love and I'm basically a perpetual fifth wheel on a double date between my parents and Ragnes (Roy+Agnes). Without a significant other of my own, there's just nothing for me to do around here. Most of my day is spent at school so summer break is the only real problem. Every year since I was five I have been going away to summer camp and this year my spy income will be funding a summer at magic camp in Reno.

"I can't believe my mom created a rule like rule #4." Says a voice from the stairwell side of the wall. It sounds like my sister but I press my ear against the wall to make sure.

"Honestly, as a heterosexual teenage male, I would have been offended if there wasn't a rule like rule #4." I'd recognize that hint of accent anywhere. It's Roy Chang. He's a cool dude.

I hear the footsteps continue past my closed door and into Agnes's room. Across from the wall I share with the stairwell is the wall I share with my sister's room so I do a quick action tumble over the bed and end up with my ear against the other wall. Although I make some loud noises while doing this, no one on the other side of the wall seems to notice. The fact that I can make all this noise without anyone checking on me is probably a negative commentary on Agnes's babysitting skills.

"How are things going with you and Penelope?" Agnes asks Roy Chang. I don't like Penelope. She's pretty with blond hair and blue eyes plus she always wears short skirts which I like. But, the longer she is with Roy Chang, the less likely it is that I will one day have half black half Chinese nieces and nephews. Not to mention the fact that any guy Agnes brings in after Roy Chang will be stupid by comparison. I don't have time for stupidity.

"She's been getting pretty clingy lately. I think we might break up." My ears perk up at this statement. A Roy Chang/Penelope split is just what the doctor ordered.

"You guys break up and get back together every other day. And, it's not clingy to want your boyfriend to hang out with you more than he hangs out with his best friend." Agnes is right. Roy Chang and Penelope never stay broken up. I always get my hopes up for nothing.

"Yeah but she always wants to do things I don't like doing and I like doing things that she hates. We really don't have anything in common." As I listen to Roy Chang speak I realize that teenagers are weird. Why would he be with someone if they have nothing in common?

"Why do you continuously get back together with her if the two of you like none of the same things?" That's what I'm wondering! Finally my sister asks something important.

"Because of all the girls I've dated, she's the one who puts up with me the most." Is that what relationships are, finding the person who's willing to put up with you? That can't be true. I watch my parents together and they have never merely put up with each other. They live and breathe each other. I don't think Roy Chang is doing this dating thing right.

"You mean she's the one who puts up with ME the most." Oh snap! Agnes has done it now. She has opened the Pandora 's Box of awkward. There are some things that the two of them just don't talk about and the animosity between Roy Chang's past girlfriends and Agnes is one of them. I can feel the awkward silence through the wall. Although I don't hear any words, I do hear some thumps and shuffling.

"Are you sure you want to put your head on my lap? What about rule 4?" Agnes asks.

"I think your dad's lap would be comfortable. I'm willing to risk it." Phew! awkwardness averted. Roy Chang is still the coolest.

"So what about you, any boyfriends on the horizon?" Now that I think about it, Agnes has never had a boyfriend. Roy Chang is the only guy she ever brings around. Even though I like it that way, it's still weird.

"You know I don't like other people. I think I might be asexual." There's a whole lot of shuffling going on as Agnes finishes her statement. I don't know what "Asexual" means but it has the word "sex" in it so it's gross coming out of my sister's mouth. I move my head around frantically on the wall to hear anything else they say. Finally I find the right spot and the sound returns.

"Excuse me for a second Roy Chang. I think I have a rat infestation in my wall that requires extermination!" Uh Oh gotta go!