There once was a chance I didn't take, and I regret it to this day.

It all started in a fifth grade classroom. I remember it being late January and the teacher announced that we would be having a new student joining our class. The new kid came the following day. He was a shy boy with crooked teeth and nerdy glasses, and I felt drawn to him. I was a nerd back then too,well I'm still a nerd, so I could identify with him.

We became quite close throughout the remainder of our fifth-grade year. His name was Lucas (I've changed his name), and he was from someplace north of here. We were both on the math team in sixth grade, and we started hanging out on the weekends. We were best friends, and had made a promise never to lie to one another.

I remember he got a cell phone during the first month of seventh grade, and I barely had the courage to ask for his number. I was shy back then, but I was somehow braver around Lucas. He wasn't quite the same as he had been in fifth grade; he was a bit more outspoken and was more self-confident. I liked this self-confidence of his and remember envying him for it. My seventh-grade year was the year I started volleyball, basketball, and softball. I had wanted to try out for the teams, but I was terribly afraid I wouldn't make it. Lucas was the one who finally convinced me to give it a shot. He said that it shouldn't matter whether or not I made it, the point was I had been willing to try.

It turned out that I made the teams. Lucas came to all of my games, even the ones my parents missed. He said he enjoyed watching me play, and that I was better than I realized. I'm not sure if I believe that, but it always made me happy to see him sitting in the bleachers.

It was the week before Christmas break of our eighth-grade year when I realized that thirteen-year-old me had a crush on a guy. I had liked Lucas as a friend since the day I met him, but over the years I had realized it was more than that. I had a major crush on him, and I didn't think he would feel the same about me. I came close to telling him a few times. Once, when we were having a conversation over the phone, I almost told him everything. I remembered the pact we made years before and how we had sworn never to lie to each other. Would this be counted as lying? Or was it simply keeping a secret? Or was it me being afraid to speak my mind?

I had made up my mind one April day; I was going to tell Lucas everything at lunch. We sat at our own little table in the back of the cafeteria, and since my other friend was absent that day, it would be just me and Lucas.

The lunchtime conversation started out the same way it always did. He asked if I had any homework from my social studies class, asked if I had softball after school. I answered the questions, a bit distracted. As the conversation became more serious, we both said "I need to tell you something." at the same time. I looked at him, deciding not to take the chance just yet. What if he was going to tell me that he liked me as more than a friend? Or what if it was the opposite? What if he had noticed how I acted around him, and wanted to end things before I could fall any farther for him? I couldn't risk blurting out my feelings for him now. I would wait to see what Lucas had to say.

I was by no means expecting what he had to say.

"Cayleigh, I'm moving." Those three words changed everything. I couldn't tell him how I felt. There was no way a relationship like that could ever work, especially if he didn't feel the same way. I found myself speechless, staring at Lucas as though I had lost the ability to look away. I remember Lucas explaining that his father, who was in the military, was being reassigned. I understood that Lucas had to leave, but it was still painful to think about. That was nearly seven months ago, and we've since lost contact with each other. I wonder a lot whether I should have told him about my crush, how I liked him more than a typical best friend should. Would it have made a difference? Would we still be in touch if I had voiced my feelings? I honestly don't know. I do wish that I had taken that chance now, though. As Lucas once told me when I tried out for basketball, "The outcome doesn't matter; what's important is that you tried."

If only I had taken that advice, taken the chance, and told my friend how I felt.