"Lilly," Steve slid down against the door and sat on the floor. He struggled to say something and sighed loudly. "You were tricked. It's alright. I understand. I really like you, Lilly. I don't want you to blame yourself."

Easy for him to say. He had never been tricked that way before. Blaming myself is the only thing I can do... I put my head in my hands as I leaned forward on the bed. I groaned and curled up into a ball on my bed. I heard him say it. He really likes me. Those words rang in my ears and lifted my heart a bit.

Steve had been at the door for an hour by now. His persistence was a strong quality of his, but right now, I didn't care for it. "Have I told you about Peggy?" His voice became quiet, almost like a whisper.

I perked up and listened intently. This was the first time he actually talked about her in front of me. He was really opening up to me.

"She...uh..." He hesitated and tried to piece words together. His voice shook a bit, "She was my first love. Back then, women in the military weren't treated as they are today. But, she made it through. Peggy's strong will and drive for success is what got her to be one of the founders of S.H.I.E.L.D.. She believed in me when everyone else saw me as a joke. An experiment with no purpose. A one man army that no one needed." Steve cleared his throat. This must have been a hard topic for him. "She's the reason I even got to be Captain America in action. She was my first kiss. Her voice was the last I heard before I went into the ice..."

I stayed quiet. My heart ached for a whole other reason now. Before he went into the ice, he probably hoped to start a life with Peggy. After he came out, she's too sick to even remember him at times. That's why he wanted something new. His love for her would never go away, but at least he could love someone else and try to be happy. And as he said at the café, that started with me.

Steve sucked in a breath and chuckled, "You're a lot like her. Strong. Tactical. Caring. Determined. Lovable..."

I waited for him to say more. Comparing me to a loved one warmed my heart. Knowing how badass Peggy was, it gave me more confidence. That wasn't going to help the fact that I almost killed him, though.

Natasha's voice became audible and got closer to the door. "Come on, Rogers. Give her some time." A rustling sound echoed against the wall and went away. She must have taken him to the living room or something.

A knock rose from the door. "Lilly, open up," Peter stated. When he was greeted with silence, he wiggled the door handle and pushed against the door. "Lilly, let me in."

If I didn't let Steve in, what makes him think I was going to let him in? I thought to myself in wonder. I just wanted to be alone. Didn't the boys understand that? I could have killed Steve. I was easily tricked into doing something I would have regretted for the rest of my non-ending life. I just...wanted to let it sink in before I had to face him again.

The outside hall fell silent. When I strained to listen, I could hear the faint sounds of the television playing a comedy. Somebody slammed the fridge door shut. Natasha laughed and Clint struggled with something. They were probably cleaning the floor from the bodily fluid and bodies littering it.

A loud crash came from above me. Must be Tony dropping something again. Pepper needs to teach him how to fix his clumsiness.

The small door to the vent in the wall hit the floor. Peter soon followed and crashed against it, moaning in slight pain.

I rushed to him. Had he been hurt? He was still recovering from the bullet wound to the shoulder. "Peter, why did you crawl through the vent? You could have opened your wound! Or stuck."

He opened his brown eyes and looked up at me. His eye twitched from the pain and sat up slowly. "I'm nimble enough to do that. How do you think I scare Clint sometimes?"

"All of you scaring each other is ridiculous." I got up and faced the window. It was cloudy. The sun's rays peeked out from behind some clouds, but went away after a few minutes.

"Eh, it passes the time." Peter ruffled his messy brown hair and adjusted his glasses. He fixed his gray shirt and blue jeans before talking again, changing the topic completely. "You know, it wasn't your fault."

"How do you even know? You weren't here..." I trailed off. The scene replayed right before my eyes like a silent movie. My finger was so close to the trigger...

Peter stretched his arms carefully and stood up. "Clint called and said there was a code black. Loki had been here. Whatever he made you do, it's not your fault."

"I'm a monster, Peter. He could have tricked me into killing the whole team."

He quickly replied, "But you didn't. We've all been deceived before. You're not a bad person."

I didn't say anything and crossed my arms. I could defend myself all I wanted, but there's no way I could get him to think differently. He was stubborn like Aunt May. Maybe I could tell him how I felt. "Peter..."

He spun me around and put his hands on my shoulders. His eyes gazed into mine deeply and made sure he had my attention. "Where is the Lilly that's proud to be a mutant? That Lilly kicks ass. She's no different than the rest of us. Most of us were created to be the way we are now and we chose to be heroes. People might see us as monsters in a way, but that doesn't stop us from doing good. Monsters aren't just horrible things. They can be good too."

"I...I..." I stuttered and my eyes widened. I hadn't thought about it like that before.

He continued, "Embrace it, Lilly. All of us are in danger everyday and we don't have time to mope about what could have been. We don't have time in general. We need you to be on alert. We need you to be okay. We're a team and we need to stick together if we're going to win this war."

All of that...actually made sense. Steve was engineered to be a super soldier. Peter was bitten by a radioactive spider. Bruce soaked up a bit too much gamma radiation. They were still heroes. Sure, at first they must have felt like me, but they chose to do good. They chose to save people. Now that he opened my eyes to that, I felt a lot better about myself. "When did you get so wise?"

Peter fixed my crooked glasses and one corner of his mouth lifted. "I've had time to think while recovering."

I shouldn't be mad at myself. I should be pissed off at Loki. He almost made me kill Steve. If I hadn't been tricked, none of this would have happened. Yeah, I had the capability of killing the team, but I couldn't help that. It's how I was made. That didn't mean I was going to go on a murder spree like I was meant to. I could choose to do good. And I will. My heart ached with guilt still. I didn't think I was a bad person, but I still almost blew Steve's brains out. I almost killed him... "Thank you, Peter."

He sat down on my bed, pleased with giving a great little speech. He could tell I was doing a lot better now. He couldn't even wait to change the subject, "How did your date with Steve go? You never told me."

I sat down next to him. He was going to bug me until he heard something about it. I knew that. "It went...great. He was very nice for once." I smirked at the memory.

"Ooooo, Lilly has a crush on Steve! Lilly has a crush on Steve!" Peter sang with the biggest grin on his face.

I pushed him over. "Shut up. You're such a child."

"You know, you're dating a man three times your age."

I gasped. "Shut up! He was frozen! He's still like..." I stopped and knit my eyebrows together. I didn't know how old he was.

Peter pointed at me and laughed, "Hah! I got you."

"Whatever. There's still more time to learn things about him."

Peter read news articles to me and talked about what he was learning in school. His brown eyes sparkled the whole time, so I didn't stop him. Peter showed me random videos and stayed up with me until he conked out on my bed.

That was hours ago.

I glanced at the clock. Three in the morning. Steve will be up soon for his morning jog.

Peter snored and stretched out on my bed. His brown hair stuck out in certain places and his brown eyes moved under his eyelids. His fingers twitched and his mouth hung open. Peter's wound was still healing. Only two more months to go before the doctor says he can go back into training. We had exactly two more months until April, but who's to say Loki won't start sooner than that? What was he waiting for?

We needed Peter in this war. Hopefully, he'll be okay.

I paced around my room. By now, everyone was asleep and the tower was silent. I was surprised that Steve actually fell asleep. But, on the other hand, that was good. Anytime any of the Avengers got some sleep was a good thing. They all usually just exhausted themselves so much that their bodies forced them to sleep. Except for Clint. He could sleep anywhere at anytime. He's been doing better lately.

I slowly opened my door, not wanting to make any kind of noise or indication that I was leaving my room. When the coast was clear, I tiptoed to the kitchen to get something to drink. When I turned on the light, I clutched my chest and bit my lip so I didn't scream.

Clint was perched on the countertop with his eyes wide open. He snored and continued sleeping.

I could never understand how he slept like that. Perched on a countertop in a cold kitchen while wearing gray sweats and a purple shirt, all just to scare Tony? That took commitment. I waved my hand in front of his face and cringed. "God, that's creepy," I whispered under my breath before waking him up.

He snapped to attention and knit his eyebrows together. A frown settled on his lips. "You're not Tony."

"No duh," I remarked and searched inside of the fridge for a water bottle.

Clint sat down and dangled his legs over the edge of the counter. He wiped his face to wake himself up and ruffled his hair. His light blue eyes followed me as I went around the kitchen in a search for something to snack on. "What happened?" When I didn't answer, he huffed. My body tensed up at the memory and Barton noticed. "You know you can tell me. We didn't get along at the start, but I think we can make this work. We're friends. Comrades. You know about me and Tasha. I can keep secrets too."

I set my water bottle and bag of chips down and turned around to face him. I was going to have to share my experience with somebody other than Peter, or maybe even the whole team. Might as well start now. I sucked in a deep breath and glanced around the kitchen. "Loki tricked me into thinking Steve was a Hydra agent. I almost killed him."

Clint's confused face softened upon hearing those words. His eyes held a deep pain in them, almost similar to mine. He ran his hands along the counter as he admitted, "I've been deceived by Loki too. He...controlled me. Got inside my head. Made me spill everything I knew to him." He glanced away and choked on the next few words he was going to say. "Then he made me almost kill Natasha..."

I bit the inside of my cheek. He remembered the pain. I saw it on his face. He remembered everything. The feeling didn't go away. He still ached. The guilt probably weighed him down. "Well, I guess two makes a club," I joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "Anyone else been tricked by him?"

"The trickster god?" Clint scoffed and looked back at me. "The club could be half of the galaxy."

"How did you deal with almost killing her?" I whispered. For some reason, I was worried about the answer. Frightened. The feeling hadn't gone away for him. Maybe never will. Maybe that's how it'd be for me.

He rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. Such a frustrating question. "I haven't forgiven myself for it." He stopped and his eye twitched at the memory. He blinked a few times and his face fell blank. "She had it handled. Nat wasn't going down without a fight. I've tried to make up for it, but she keeps saying that I have." He hopped off of the counter and walked towards me. "You just gotta learn how to let it go."

I nodded slowly and let the words sink in. Learn how to let it go... Maybe that should be my new life motto. A lot of things have happened that I should just let go. Barton was right. For once. "Alright..."

Clint pulled me in for a hug. He patted my back softly and lingered. "You'll be okay, Lil. I promise. We can go through this together."

I tightened my grip on the hug and pulled him closer. Barton being nice to me felt good once in a while, but this was the first time he hugged me. A warm feeling enveloped my stomach, and suddenly, I knew everything was going to be okay. I wouldn't get over the guilt today or tomorrow. I probably wouldn't forgive myself for a while, like Barton. But knowing someone else went through the same thing I did in a way and is still struggling with it made me feel less alone. We could do this. Together. I let go of him and grabbed my snack and drink. Barton went back to perching on the counter and left his eyes open. "I don't know how you can put that much commitment into scaring Tony."

"I'm not just scaring Tony anymore. I got Peter the other day," Clint chuckled and the corners of his mouth lifted into a sly smile. This was something he enjoyed.

Maybe it was a coping mechanism. Barton's sense of humor probably got him through the pain. Someone on the team needed to be the jester of the group, and I'm glad it was him. "Thanks, Barton."

"For?"

I turned to him and set my free hand on the light switch. "Being my friend."

"Anytime, Lil. Anytime," he nodded.

I turned the light off and headed back to my bedroom.