it was currently eleven-thirty at night and jimin had been resisting his call to namjoon for a whole week.

as much as he wanted to talk to the other— so badly— he was also extremely nervous.

he had been spending his saturday alone, working on assignments and doing a lot of thinking.

it was dark out now and jimin was just watching movies in his bed, with his blanket wrapped around him like a cocoon.

and he couldn't help but feel sad.., and lonely. 

his mind wandered and he thought about how much he missed watching movies with someone lying down next to him, holding him close and keeping him warm.

jimin sighed, before he rolled over in bed and just stared at his phone from where it was sitting on his nightstand.

maybe tonight would be a good time to call namjoon.

maybe.., just maybe... joon was out there in seoul, alone in his room, missing him, too.

maybe he had just been waiting for jimin to call.

at least... that's what jimin was hoping.

but now that his finger was actually hovering over the call button, staring down at namjoon's contact photo, he started to second-guess himself.

what if he was sleeping?

what if he was busy?

or what if namjoon just didn't want to talk?

jimin had gone over a month without talking to namjoon at this point, which was the longest break they had ever taken from talking— quite literally— since they met.

and it was causing all sorts of doubts and anxieties to spring into jimin's mind.

namjoon's love for him wasn't something that could waver, but jimin was so anxious about the distance between them that it was getting hard to remind himself of that.

he took another moment of hesitation, before sighing and hitting the green call button without thinking anymore.

he immediately gasped, his posture going stiff and a hand coming up to cover his mouth.

the phone rang once, then twice, then a third time, before it stopped.

the line was silent for a moment and jimin felt his heart beating out of his chest.

"jimin?"

he exhaled.

as soon as he heard namjoon's voice it was like something had been settled inside him. that longing, that ache that had been there for the whole month had calmed and he could think clearly again.

"h-hey," jimin said, not being able to hide the smile in his voice, while also feeling a bit embarrassed that his eyes immediately got teary at just one word from the other.

there was silence for another moment, clearly both of them not really knowing where to start or what to say.

"i-" namjoon stopped for a moment, before continuing, "you called," he said, "i was starting to think... maybe you wouldn't."

jimin felt a pang in his chest.

"i know," jimin said, biting down on his bottom lip, "... you didn't call me, either."

there was another pause.

"i didn't know if i should," he started, "i didn't know if you wanted me to."

and if jimin's heart wasn't hurting before, it definitely was now.

"i don't know how to act, jimin," namjoon said, genuinely, "i still... don't really understand... how to navigate this. what... this... even is."

another pause.

"i mean, i know.., but i don't."

jimin nodded.

"i know," he said, with a sigh, "honestly... i don't, either. i thought i did... but i don't know if i do anymore."

jimin didn't think or hesitate before adding,

"the last month has been awful, joon."

as soon as jimin said it, he realized he shouldn't have, but it was too late.

he heard namjoon make a noise of agreement and reply softly,

"awful," he replied, agreeing with the statement.

jimin continued,

"i thought... i don't know. i don't know what i was thinking. i hate not talking to you. i just... i just wanna hear your voice and know everything's okay with you, but i also don't want to make this harder, so i don't know what to do."

namjoon sighed into the phone,

"i know, jimin," he said, "i just... i want what's best for you and i didn't want to overstep or anything. i thought this was what you wanted and that i should just respect it."

a thought that jimin definitely shouldn't have shared crossed his mind, but he couldn't stop himself from speaking it,

"i don't want you to respect it."

there was silence, before jimin heard a small laugh from namjoon's end.

and jimin realized right in that moment how badly he had really missed that laugh.

"you're so confusing, jimin," namjoon said, still laughing a little.

jimin laughed in reply and there was another pause.

"i miss you so much," namjoon said, maybe becoming a little too vulnerable due to it being so late, "so much."

"i miss you, too," jimin replied, without thinking, "really bad."

they went quiet and namjoon added,

"is everything okay back home?"

jimin nodded,

"same old, same old," he said, "sung-ha misses you like crazy. the café is lame without you. class is lame without you."

life is lame without you,

he wanted to add that last part, but resisted.

"how's everything for you? do you like the school? how's your classes?" jimin asked, suddenly needing to know everything at once.

namjoon thought for a moment, before adding.

"they're... they're great classes. they really push me to improve my writing," namjoon said, "some of the students are... interesting. but the material is great. the campus is beautiful."

jimin hesitated, before replying,

"t-that's great, joon," he said, "did you... make any friends yet?"

jimin said it like he was hoping he had, but deep down— selfishly— jimin was almost wishing he'd say no.

"not really," joon said, like on cue, "it's not... easy... for me. you know how i am."

he said it with a small laugh and jimin released the breath he was holding.

jimin laughed with him a little, before it fell silent and jimin pushed away the selfish joy he felt at what namjoon had said to add,

"keep trying," jimin said, "for me. i know it's hard... but you're gonna have to spend years at that school, joon," he continued, "it'll be a lot easier if you make some friends."

he heard namjoon sigh into the phone, before replying,

"i know."

they went back and forth for a moment, talking about various topics, and jimin was doing his best to sound as supportive and happy for namjoon as he could.

they continued until they fell silent again, a bit of heaviness almost radiating through the phone.

jimin heard namjoon sigh deeply again, before speaking.

"we just have to get through this, jimin," namjoon said, breaking the silence, not wanting to say too much, "it seems like i might be able to come back for summer, though," namjoon added.

jimin perked right up at that.

"really?" he questioned, voice almost beaming.

namjoon continued.

"it seems like it... i mean i wish i could come and see you sooner. there's just so much work... so many extra projects and things they expect. i guess summer is better than three years, though," namjoon said, "i knew this was gonna be hard, you know? i just... it's... really hard."

that went straight to jimin's heart. he knew exactly what the other was feeling.

"yeah," jimin said, nodding, "it is."

there was another pause, jimin remembering how he promised himself he would try to keep the conversation as positive as he could.

"but... summer!" jimin said, happily, "that's amazing... i mean... i thought you were going to have to stay. it sucks you can't come for christmas... or spring... but i'm sure this first year apart will go by so fast and... summer break will be here before we know it. we'll... we'll have the whole summer to hang out. it can be just like it was before," jimin said, with small crack in his voice, so happy over the thought that he was almost emotional.

namjoon smiled brightly at that, realizing in that moment that he hadn't smiled that bright since the last time he'd been with jimin.

"yeah..," namjoon said, with a nod, "that sounds..,"

he thought about it, imagining the moment actually play out in his head— what it would really be like for everything to play out exactly how they wanted,

"amazing."

jimin bit his lip, doing his best not to give away how much the idea of seeing him over the summer really did just light him up inside.

it made everything feel lighter... easier.

it made the break they were having seen minuscule... like it didn't matter.

nine months... he could do that.

then everything could be like it was again. namjoon would come back... and his world would be fixed.

they would have a whole summer together. three months of jimin and namjoon.

he was going to be okay.

_________________________________

this ff gonna be 200 chapters atp 😭😭