"it was exceptionally well written. i really liked how vulnerable he was," a student in namjoon's class said, "i would have never expected that... judging by his character thus far. i mean... it's so clear how much he loves her. that last line tells you everything you need to know."

there was a group of six students sitting around a circular table in class, discussing the reading assignment they were given. their teacher had split the class up into groups to discuss and take notes.

namjoon, however, seemed to be completely checked out. he hadn't added anything to the discussion and it seemed his peers were starting to notice his lack of engagement.

namjoon had been adjusting to everything... decently. he hadn't really connected with any other students or made friends yet, but he wasn't really surprised by that either. he did his best to just focus on his classes and homework. he figured if he put all of his time and energy into that, maybe it would make the lack of connection a bit easier to manage.

in other words, make the losses that he'd faced easier to manage.

although, he wasn't sure how well his strategy was really working out for him.

the male student sitting across from namjoon who had been speaking previously broke him from his thoughts.

"namjoon," he said, glaring at him, before adding, "it is namjoon, right?"

namjoon snapped out of his haze and looked up.

"m-me?" he asked, pointing at himself, "yeah... yeah, namjoon."

the man laughed to himself ever so slightly, looking down and then back up at joon.

"you're awfully quiet," he said, "what did you think about the reading passage?"

namjoon just blinked a few times, a bit taken off guard, before speaking up.

"uhm... i agree, yeah. it was very... raw," he said, saying the first thing that came to his mind.

"raw?" the man asked, "can you expand on that?"

namjoon just cleared his throat.

"well... i mean..."

he was scanning over his notes, flustered.

as seconds ticked by, namjoon just shook his head and shut his notebook, clearly a bit frustrated.

"i didn't love it," he said, bluntly, "if... if i'm being honest. it wasn't for me."

the student squinted at him from across the table.

"it's written by one of the greatest authors in the world. what could you possibly dislike about it?"

namjoon was silent for a moment, before speaking up.

"i don't know... it just... it felt a little bit unrealistic, i suppose," he said, "it felt a bit... forced."

the man snorted at him.

"forced? it's called love, namjoon," he said, "because of the undying love that alexander had for the girl.., he sacrificed everything to be with her... to stay by her side. it's not... unrealistic. it's romantic.., it's unconditional."

suddenly, the look in namjoon's eyes changed slightly. his fear and anxiety faded slightly and he spoke up, almost lashing out at the other,

"well, sometimes," namjoon started, "you can love someone unconditionally... you can invest everything into them... and things still don't pan out the way you want them to. life is not some... fairytale. it's never that simple. there's always going to be something in the way. there's always going to be some... darkness that comes in... even with those who hold so much light. even in situations that are so pure and... genuine. it always ends eventually."

namjoon was so impassioned with what he was saying— almost too impassioned for a simple reading analysis, which was something his classmates clearly weren't used to. he was also going ever so slightly off topic which definitely raised a few eyebrows. they were all silent for a moment, just staring at him.

everyone was looking at him and namjoon realized what he had just done. he didn't know what came over him. it was so unlike him to go off on someone like that— for him to be so bold.

he thought for a moment.

maybe he had learned that from someone.

he cleared his throat.

"that's just my... my opinion, though," he said, nervously, "i don't know."

the other student he was speaking to just cleared his throat, not making eye contact.

"...alright, then," he said, hesitantly, "well... professor won said we could leave once we all gave our thoughts and took some notes, so..,"

everyone started packing up and namjoon could feel his face was bright red.

he wanted to curl up in a ball and never come out again. he wanted to cry.

he just wanted to be alone.

he took a deep breath before he started to back his things up, accidentally dropping his pen in the process.

"shit," he mumbled, passively under his breath.

he leaned down to reach for the pen and in the process his elbow managed to bump his notebook onto the floor. then, he went to lean up in annoyance and bumped his head on the top of the desk.

he stopped at that point, trying to take a deep breath and calm his heightened emotions.

he felt tears forming out of frustration and shut his eyes immediately, then let his head fall forward into his hands.

there was silence for a moment before he heard someone talking to him.

"hey... are you okay?"

namjoon took a moment before replying, not wanting to separate from his hands and show whoever was talking how upset he was.

"i'm alright," he said, into his hands, still not even knowing who he was talking to.

"you don't seem alright," the female voice replied, before sitting down beside him.

namjoon finally looked over, figuring it was unavoidable, and saw that it was the same girl from his group discussing the reading.

he sniffled and tried to quickly wipe off his face.

she just frowned.

"do you want to talk about anything?" she asked, "i mean... i know you don't really know me, but-"

namjoon stopped her.

"no," namjoon said, forcing a smile to try and convince her he was fine, "i...it's just been a long day. i-i'm just tired."

he was embarrassed— obviously.

he had been nearly crying like a child in front of a classmate in his fancy writing class, filled with extremely intelligent and sophisticated students.

she nodded and namjoon wasn't sure that she bought his excuse.

"don't let that guy from our group intimidate you," she said, "euudon acts like he's better than everyone else because his dad works for the school. in reality... that's the only reason he even got in here in the first place."

namjoon didn't say anything, so she spoke again,

"and i'm sure he knows you're like... a prodigy," she added, "everyone knows you're like the top student, so i'm sure he's just jealous of you. don't take it personally."

namjoon wiped his eyes again, giving up on trying to seem composed, and nodded.

he didn't think he could feel more embarrassed than he did in that moment.

"thanks," namjoon said, "i'm fine... really. i-i'm just having a bad day, i guess."

she nodded.

"well... you did give a pretty impassioned argument about the reading," she said, "i wasn't expecting it. pretty badass, though. euudon was caught way off guard."

she laughed a little and namjoon just sniffled again.

"i didn't mean it," namjoon said, "i just tried to give my opinion... i didn't mean to... argue with him. it just... it just came out."

she nodded.

"i know," she said, "still badass, though."

namjoon laughed just slightly and she spoke again.

"but... also mildly intriguing," she said, "hopefully you don't mind me asking, but," she paused, "who hurt you?"

she said it as a joke, but namjoon knew there was a bit of truth behind the question.

"nobody," he said, "really, it's just been a bad day."

she nodded again.

"well... i'm going to grab some food before my next class... if you'd wanna talk about it."

namjoon appreciated the offer, but truthfully he didn't want to talk about it..,

at all.

"t-thank you..," namjoon said, feeling a little anxious from being so vulnerable with a stranger, "i can't, though. i have an assignment i need to do before tonight."

she nodded, with a look on her face that somehow made joon feel a little better.., like he wasn't being judged or looked at differently.

it was like she understood in some weird way.

"no worries," she said, genuinely, "let me know if you need anything, though. my name's dasom."

namjoon nodded.

"... thank you," he said, "i'm namjoon."

"nice to meet you," she said, "or talk to you... i guess. we have been in the same group for a few weeks."

namjoon gave her a small smile and nodded.

"you, too," he said, "and t-thanks... for... checking in."

she nodded, before slipping a piece of paper from her pocket and reaching out to hand it to him.

"in case you change your mind about wanting to talk."

namjoon grabbed the paper from her and she spoke up again before he could reply.

"i'll see you around," she said, as she started walking away, "cheer up, okay?"

namjoon watched her walk out of the room before he could even process what she'd handed him.

and suddenly namjoon got another wave of nerves, wondering what the paper was.

last time a girl had given him a piece of paper it was a phone number to make plans for a date, so it was safe to say he was— ever so slightly— traumatized.

namjoon wondered if maybe he was giving off the wrong signals. maybe he needed to change something; the way he dressed... his hairstyle... his-

he was broken from his thoughts when he unfolded the paper, and to his surprise, it wasn't a phone number at all

it was a club meeting flyer. 

it looked like just a piece of the flyer, though, as the title and club information had been ripped off, the paper now only showing the meeting dates and locations.

namjoon thought it was a nice gesture, but he was still pretty certain he wouldn't be going.

he didn't have the energy to go. he didn't have the willpower to fake a smile and say he was fine for any longer than he already had to.

so without another thought, namjoon went to pack up his things, before he noticed that the notebook he'd dropped earlier was now resting on the table.

the girl must have picked it up when he had his face in his hands,

namjoon just smiled lightly at that, before putting everything back into his bag and finally heading home for the evening.