several weeks had gone by now since namjoon left for college—and somehow—  the world just kept on turning.

namjoon and jimin had exchanged those few texts right after he left, but that was about it.

the more time that passed, the lesser and lesser the two boys spoke.

namjoon hadn't reached out to him yet or called since then.

and jimin hadn't reached out either, so he really couldn't blame him.

he wanted to— more than anything, but he just didn't know what to say.

all he was thinking was..,

"i love you."

"i miss you."

"please come home".

obviously, he couldn't say those things, though, so it just became easier to just say nothing at all.

and it was sad.

it was so sad.

jimin did his best to keep up, though, with the world that was somehow still moving— to try and act like everything was fine.

after his talk with hoseok on the phone, things got a little better.

he visited his mom, saw areum and hoseok, and even brought sung-ha over some lunch that his mother had made and ate a meal with him.

everyone around him seemed to just try and avoid the topic of namjoon all together, but jimin still couldn't help asking about him or bringing him up in some regard. he got a little bit out of sung-ha, but it still wasn't enough.

jimin knew they were all trying to spare his feelings, but honestly, he didn't know if trying to ignore the topic at hand would make the pain any lighter.

he didn't know what to do really.

he didn't know how to cope— whether to shut down and cry or to be angry and upset. in front of others it was easy to hide his emotions, but when he was alone— that's when he'd break down.

he'd see a picture on his phone, or sweater in his closet, or even a ring slipped onto his finger (that he definitely should not have still been wearing)— and all the memories and feelings would just rush back to the surface.

to put it frankly, jimin was a mess.

and as much as he tried to hide it, he was almost certain everyone around him still knew.

but there was nothing that jimin could do about it.

the only thing he could do now was try to keep going.., to try and be okay with this new life.

this new life without namjoon in it.

-

jimin opened the café door, with his hair now cut shorter and his backpack slung around his shoulder.

he had started attending his classes again and areum and hoseok were barely in any of them. he had one quiz section with areum, but aside from that, jimin had become a bit of a loner during school.

it wasn't like him at all.

with that being said, it wasn't exactly easy to revert back to how he was before his freshman year of college— when in all honesty— he didn't even remember who that person was anymore.

as dramatic as it may have seemed, he didn't really know who park jimin was anymore now that he was missing his other half.

"jimin!" hoseok said, excitedly, as he saw jimin approaching his table with areum, "there's our favorite guy!"

areum smiled at him and pushed over the danish and hot chocolate they ordered for him, not expecting jimin to frown when he saw it.

areum hesitated, before looking to hoseok.

"you said he likes danish... you said this was his order," she said, with an accusatory tone.

"it is!" hoseok said, in defense, "he used to get it like every day with-"

hoseok paused and they looked back to jimin.

"it is my order," jimin said, stopping him from continuing, "thank you, guys. that was nice of you."

jimin walked closer and sat down, taking a sip of the drink to show that he was grateful.

"sorry," hoseok said, "i didn't mean to-"

"it's okay," jimin said, with a small smile, "i mean... you can say his name. we... we broke up," he said, hesitantly, "it's not like he's dead."

the two laughed a bit at that one, dryly, before areum cleared her throat and spoke up.

"i mean... are you really like... 'broken up', though? isn't it more of just a break until he gets back?"

jimin nodded.

"i guess so," he said.., "i mean... i hope so," he added, swallowing.

"you hope so?" hoseok questioned.

jimin nodded, not making eye contact.

"i hope so," he said again, "but he's also kim namjoon. he's the best," he continued, the speed of his words increasing the more he spoke, "he's handsome. he's smart. he's kind. he's funny. i'm sure he already has a line of people waiting for a chance with him," he rambled, tears forming in his eyes already, but trying to hide them with quick blinks, "and three years is a long time, you know? a really long time to expect him to wait for me... to expect things to be the same as they were before."

hoseok quickly spoke.

"he'll wait, jimin," he said, "you know that. you're the one for him. the only one."

jimin shrugged.

"i guess so."

he took another sip of his hot chocolate, trying to distract himself from his emotions.

"he's right," areum said, "and you know, jimin... when you think about it, maybe there's a good side to all of this, too. i mean... maybe this is your time to just... get to know jimin a little better, you know? until namjoon comes back," she said.

jimin thought about what she said, waiting for her to continue.

"like.., what you want in life... what makes you happy.., without having anyone else in the way," she said, "i think it could be a good opportunity for you... if you look at it in the right way."

jimin knew she was right, he knew that.

but honestly, it was hard for jimin to look at anything with a positive outlook at the moment.

it couldn't hurt to try, though.

"yeah..," he said, "that's true."

hoseok chimed in after a moment.

"have you heard from namjoon at all, though?"

areum glared at him and hoseok just shrugged at her.

"you don't have to answer that," she said, "hoseok's just-"

jimin shook his head.

"it's fine," he said, "i haven't. not since he left, at least. i haven't talked to him."

they stayed quiet for a moment before hoseok spoke up again,

"maybe you should call him... check in, you know?" he said, "it couldn't hurt."

jimin shook his head.

"i shouldn't," he said, "he hasn't called me or anything yet... or texted. he probably doesn't wanna talk to me. i shouldn't bother him."

hoseok snickered.

"you think calling will bother him?" hoseok asked, "jimin, the man is obsessed with you."

jimin looked up at the two and then sighed.

"i just shouldn't, okay?" jimin said, "i gave him that letter. he never said anything... so he probably just wants to be left alone."

areum and hoseok looked at each other before looking back.

"what was in the letter, anyway?" hoseok asked, curiously

areum chimed in immediately.

"don't answer that, jimin," she said, "i'm sure it's private."

jimin paused,

"it was nothing.., it was just something i wrote for him a while back... when we first got together. it said... like... all my true feelings. it wasn't much, i guess."

they both nodded at him, but judging by the look on jimin's face, it was clear that it wasn't actually "nothing much" to him.

jimin continued,

"i just thought... i don't know... even if we aren't talking much now, at least then... he'd know that i... l-love him," he said, quietly, a little embarrassed, "that it was real, you know?"

he said it with a crack in his voice and then sipped his hot chocolate again.

areum spoke up immediately.

"maybe hoseok was right," she said, "maybe you should give him a call and talk to him. maybe it will help you feel better."

jimin hesitated, before sighing and looking up at them.

he had tears in his eyes but the two did their best to pretend they didn't notice.

"you really think?" jimin asked, a glimmer of hope in his eyes, with a strain in his voice, "i just... i know he's busy and-"

"just call him, jimin," hoseok said, "there's no point in avoiding each other like this. it's not helping anyone. you guys can still talk, can't you?"

jimin nodded, wiping his eyes.

"i... i just... you guys saw me when we had that fight, you know? i was horrible... what i said was horrible," he said, starting to ramble again, "i just... i never want him to feel like that again. i don't want him to feel bad like that because of me ever again..,"

jimin paused, before continuing,

"and if i call him... if i get on the phone and cry and say i miss him like crazy... i feel like it's just gonna hurt him. it will just make things worse. i mean... that's why i asked for this break in the first place," jimin said, "i didn't want to hold him back. i never wanted that."

jimin wiped his face again and then shrugged.

areum reached her hand across the table to intertwine it with jimin's.

"jimin, namjoon loves you, okay?" she said, softly, knowing that jimin was in a pretty fragile state at the moment, "i know that. you know that. i'm sure he's dying to hear from you just like you are from him. but he wants to respect what you asked for, you know? the break... and all," she continued, "if you really think it's a bad idea, then don't reach out. but... i know namjoon would love to hear from you. you wouldn't bring him down. i'm sure all he's doing is thinking about how you are."

jimin nodded.

"okay," he said, clearly not needing much convincing, "maybe... maybe i'll call him soon, then? i'll give it a little more time... maybe in a week or two? i'll just... i'll try to keep it really positive and just check in at least. he can tell me how school's going."

the two nodded.

"i think that's a great idea, jimin," hoseok said, chiming in, "and you can tell him about your new classes and everything. i'm sure he's super curious how you are, too."

areum nodded in agreement.

"right.., okay," jimin said, with a shaky breath, "i'll just... be calm. talk like everything's normal. i won't get all worked up."

"i mean... it's fine if you do," areum said, "none of us are perfect, you know? this situation... it's difficult. it's gonna take time to navigate this."

jimin nodded.

"right," he said, "i'll just... do the best i can."

there was a pause, before jimin continued.

"it's been a month already, you know that?" jimin said, "it feels like just yesterday he was here with us."

areum and hoseok nodded, a little surprised by how fast time passed by.

"yeah," she added, "it's... weird... not having him around."

there was a pause, before jimin spoke up.

"it is."

there were about a million other words jimin could use to describe the feeling aside from "weird,"

devastating

soul-crushing

heartbreaking

but he kept those to himself.

"very weird."