the first few weeks were like hell.

jimin spent the majority of his time in bed- shutting himself away from the world.

he had seen all the stereotypes about breakups on television— the buckets of ice cream, the crying, the lack of personal hygiene.

jimin just assumed that's all they were..,

stereotypes.

but when he took a moment to process the fact that he was currently sitting in bed for what felt like the twentieth day in a row, with a pint of cookies and cream in his hands, and a stupid rom-com movie on that he kept rolling his eyes at, he realized that the stereotypes seemed to be a lot more realistic than he previously thought.

and he hated it.

he hated feeling so low.

he hated the pit in his stomach.

but most of all, he hated that namjoon was gone.

it felt like a stab to his heart every time he thought about it..,

about the fact that they were— by all technicalities— not together.

it felt so wrong.

and to make matters worse, he still hadn't called namjoon since he left.

he almost did... once.

his finger hovered over the call button and he was so close to caving. it was an emotional night— a painful night and he just wanted to hear his voice. he just wanted to talk to him.

but he used all his willpower to resist it— as hard as it was.

and namjoon still hadn't called him either, which just made him hurt ten times worse.

maybe he should have expected it, but that still didn't make it any less painful.

he did text back and forth with him a couple of times. it was vague, though, and it didn't in any way make jimin feel better about the situation.

it was just formalities— nothing intimate.

just a couple of basic questions that couldn't not be asked.

things like,

namjoon: hey, are you doing okay?

jimin: yeah, i'm alright. are you doing okay?

namjoon: yeah... i'm fine.

and things like that.

and maybe jimin was naive...,

but until now he hadn't fully realized what asking for this break between them really meant.

he knew things would change for the time being.., he knew it would be hard. but he came to the conclusion that it was still necessary for namjoon's sake.

he assumed that they would talk a little less, sure. he knew that there may be a little distance for a while,

but somehow... he just didn't realize that it would be this distant.

the type of distant where jimin felt it was wrong to say that he missed him... where he felt like he couldn't reach out when needed the other..,

where he felt like he couldn't say that he loved him.

and if it was already this different after only a few weeks.., what was going to happen over the years they would spend apart?

jimin assumed namjoon would have to come back at some point before he graduated... maybe for summer break or at least a quick trip just to see sung-ha.

but now jimin wondered if even waiting till then would be too hard.

but then again..,

maybe they could just stay like this for a little while, though.

maybe... they could get used to the distance? maybe after namjoon got settled... things could change.

maybe... maybe they could get back together sooner than jimin thought.

or maybe he was backtracking a little.

maybe he had made a mistake with his choice... or maybe this was the right thing to do..., jimin just wasn't so sure anymore now that he was hit with the reality of the situation.

but what was done was done and he couldn't change it now, especially since namjoon and him were barely even speaking.

jimin rolled his eyes at the movie he was watching and grabbed his remote to pause it.

he then forced himself out of bed, put the lid onto his ice cream, and tossed the empty pint into the trash, before walking to his bathroom.

he glanced at himself in the mirror and sighed.

"pathetic," he thought, before turning the sink on and splashing some water on his face.

when he was done, he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to fluff it a little.

it felt like physical pain.

an ache in his chest that just wouldn't go away.

he just stood there, sulking for a moment, before his phone started vibrating with a call.

jimin picked it up off the counter, turned it over, and answered the call immediately— not even checking who was calling.

"hello?" jimin said, without missing a beat.

"hey, jimin! it's hoseok."

jimin released the breath he was holding in.

"oh.., hey," jimin replied, with less enthusiasm.

hoseok snickered into the phone.

"happy to hear from you, too," he said, with a small laugh.

jimin sighed again, quickly speaking up.

"sorry, hobi. i just... i didn't know who was calling and i just-"

he cut him off.

"it's okay," he replied, already knowing what jimin was thinking before he said it, "i'm just kidding with you."

jimin smiled lightly at that, for the first time in what felt like weeks.

"so... what's up?" jimin asked, "is something going on?"

"no," hoseok replied.., "not with me."

there was a pause and jimin could tell what he was implying with his tone.

"i'm fine," jimin said.

hoseok sighed into the phone.

"jimin, i talked to your teachers," he said, "you haven't been in class for days."

he paused, before adding, "...and you quit your job."

jimin scoffed.

"stalker much?" jimin replied, defensively.

"caring friend much," hoseok corrected, "areum's worried about you, too. she's the one who told me you haven't been coming to the quiz section you guys have together."

there was a pause and jimin just shrugged defensively.

"i was always planning to just keep that job for the summer. and... i'm... i'm watching my lectures online," he said, "i've been... busy. i... i don't always have time to make it in person."

and hoseok definitely didn't buy that considering the silence on the other end of the line.

the silence went on for several moments, before jimin spoke up.

"fine," he said.

he swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke again,

"i'm... i'm sad, okay?" jimin replied, his voice shaky, "i'm doing the best that i can right now."

hoseok nodded.

"i know, jimin. i'm not reprimanding you, okay?" he said, softly, "i just... i want to help... if i can do anything. i mean... me and areum... we care a lot about you, alright? you can talk to us about it. that's what friends are for."

jimin had teary eyes now, wiping them and trying to settle the shake in his voice so hoseok wouldn't notice.

"okay," jimin said, "thank you."

"of course," he replied, "why don't you go to your classes tomorrow? we can all meet up after and hang out at one of our places. talk... have some fun."

jimin thought about it for a moment, a pang going straight to his heart at the thought of going without namjoon.

"okay..," jimin said, "that sounds good."

"good," hoseok said, "do you need anything now? are you doing okay?"

jimin nodded.

"i'm alright," he said, "probably just gained like ten pounds from all the ice cream i've been eating... but i'm okay."

hoseok laughed in reply.

"eat some real food, okay? and get some sleep tonight."

"i will," jimin said.

they said their goodbyes and jimin didn't move the phone from his face until he heard the beeping, signaling that the other had ended the call.

and he was alone again.