"what about that one there?" jimin asked, pointing up to the sky, "that looks like one."

namjoon nodded.

"looks like the little dipper," he said.

the two stared at it for a moment, a small distance between them, while they laid on jimin's big blanket and stared up at the midnight stars. the two were on a grassy field in a secluded spot, with the sky somehow casting a glow on them from the moonlight. 

and it was so beautiful.

usually, it would be the type of moment to celebrate, but with the current situation the two were in, it felt hard to celebrate anything at all.

"little dipper?" jimin questioned, suddenly, "why do they call it that, anyway?"

namjoon paused, before replying.

"... i think because the stars form into the shape of a dipper."

jimin's face scrunched in confusion.

"what's a dipper?"

"it's like... a ladle... a type of spoon, i guess."

they fell silent before jimin spoke again.

"what about that one?" he asked, pointing again, "that looks like something."

namjoon nodded.

"from what i can tell... it looks like cassiopeia."

"...and what does that one mean?"

he thought for a moment, then spoke up.

"they named it after a queen," joon started, "they say she was placed in the stars as some kind of punishment."

"...why?"

namjoon set a hand on his own chest to readjust, then replied.

"she was... boastful... and vain. they didn't like that, i guess."

namjoon continued on for a few moments, but all jimin could think about was how smart he sounded.

joon always sounded so smart and educated. he had a way with his words that jimin always found so admirable— ever since he met him.

it was ironic to him that namjoon had been so shy and scared to speak in the beginning— and even sometimes now, because jimin swore joon could make anything sound brilliant if he was the one saying it.

he loved that about him.

the two continued the little game they were playing, addressing constellation after constellation while jimin listened.

it was something to talk about... something that didn't have to do with everything else going on in their lives, clearly trying to avoid the topic as much as possible.

"well, what does that one mean?"

the two were staring up at a new constellation, and namjoon hesitated, before replying.

"well.., that one's simple, really," he said, pausing for a moment, then turning his head to meet eyes with jimin,

there was another pause, and then he continued,

"it represents love," he started, "unconditional... and eternal love."

they just looked at each other for a moment, eyes locked, until jimin broke the stare and put his focus back on the stars.

"oh," he said.

more silence fell over them, and then jimin spoke again.

"...do you," he paused, "do you really believe in that, though?"

namjoon looked over at him again for a second.

"believe in what? that constellations have real meaning? or-"

"no..," jimin said, "unconditional love.., eternal love,"

"...do you believe in it?"

the two stared at the sky some more, and namjoon took his time with replying.

namjoon eventually turned his head over and waited for jimin to cave and look at him.

they stayed there for a moment— just looking at one another again,

they stayed that way for so long and there was an intense heaviness that they could both feel.

there were so many emotions flowing through them without actually saying anything at all.

so much so, that tears almost formed in jimin's eyes.

and namjoon cracked.

"i do," he said, "of course i do."

jimin couldn't reply, because he knew he would start crying and he didn't want to do that.

not now.

jimin felt a warm hand come to his cheek and his eyes met with joon's again, the man's thumb softly caressing his face.

"jimin," he said, softly,

"how could i ever question eternal love when i have you right in front of me?"

namjoon said it— almost whispering, like it was a secret that only jimin could hear.

their faces were so close now and jimin knew tears had started streaming down his face, so he didn't even try to hide them.

he felt namjoon wipe away each one as they came, not daring to say another word.

and all jimin wanted was to kiss him.

he wanted to hold him close and act like everything was fine— even if it was just for tonight... even if it was just for a few moments.

even if it would make the goodbye ten times more painful, he didn't care.

"can you just..," jimin started, whispering now, too, "can you hold me?"

and namjoon was hesitant. he hadn't ever been hesitant with a question like that before.

but it didn't take long for him to cave and wrap his arms around jimin, pulling him closer.

and jimin was now tucked right up against his neck, so he used the position to his advantage.

he kissed him there— softly. not feverishly or carelessly, but tenderly. just one loving kiss.., one that held so many words without saying a thing.

he lingered for a moment, then pulled away.

namjoon looked down at him and jimin looked up slowly soon after.

they met eyes and without another word spoken between the two of them, namjoon kissed him.

it was passionate this time, and jimin didn't attempt in any way to stop him. in fact, he met joon with the same eagerness, having been craving his closeness all night.

namjoon brought a hand up to hold jimin's face, never separating from the boy even once as he adjusted them to have a better angle.

they continued like that for a while and jimin eventually ended up slotted underneath namjoon, arms wrapped around him tightly.

the kiss got progressively more intense as the minutes passed. it held so much emotion in it, so much love, so much hurt, and it was hard to control all the ways in which they felt for each other.

it was as if their whole year of falling in love was coming down to this very moment.

and it was intense— to say the least.

namjoon's mouth was hot against jimin's, and the smaller couldn't seem to hold back the whines that slipped out subtly, feeling oh-so overwhelmed and needy.

and namjoon responded by caressing his hand over jimin's waist and then slipping down to squeeze his ass, not having the willpower to resist any longer, lips still locked.

"i love you," namjoon let out, between kisses,

"god, i love you."

jimin groaned in reply.

"i love you more. so much," jimin said, struggling to catch his breath as namjoon kissed the daylights out of him, "you make me insane."

and yeah, they probably shouldn't have been saying all those intimate things to each other considering the circumstances, but at that moment they just couldn't bring themselves to care.

and before either of them knew it, namjoon had his hands on jimin's sweats, mindlessly going to pull them down, before the fog in his head cleared partially and he paused.

he was breathing so heavily, just taking a moment to process, before looking up at jimin.

he didn't say anything, so jimin spoke for him.

"do it," jimin said, breathless, "it's okay."

namjoon swallowed, looking down at his hesitant hands, then back up.

"here?"

jimin nodded, desperately.

"it's dark.., and nobody's around," he said, before adding, with a more serious tone,

"it'll give you something to... remember me by."

and namjoon tried to ignore the pang in his heart from what jimin said— tried not to actually process it.

he just nodded, then continued to pull down jimin's pants, and then toss them into the darkness surrounding them.

it was almost pitch black, but namjoon could still see jimin. he could still see his cute white briefs, paired with the imprint of his hard length pressed against them.

his eyes lingered on the sight, before pulling off his underwear, too, then leaning back over the boy and kissing him again.

it didn't take long for them to be feverishly grinding against one another, almost lost in the feeling.

and namjoon pulled away suddenly after a few more minutes, not wanting to release so soon— or in his pants at that.

jimin was reaching for him when he pulled away— his body naturally trying to get him back as soon as he separated.

and jimin hoped he was going to fuck him— he needed namjoon to fuck him.

he needed to feel it for weeks.

he needed to feel it when namjoon was far away at snu and he was left there alone.

at least then he'd still have something.

"fuck me," jimin said, desperate, "please."

namjoon was still breathing heavily, clearly trying to keep himself at bay.

"you have..?"

jimin nodded and namjoon wasn't even suprised.

he reached into jimin's mini-backpack, digging until he felt a little bottle, and pulled it out.

namjoon situated himself back in front of jimin, between his parted legs.

jimin bit his lip and leaned up a little bit, his hands coming to touch namjoon's legs, holding onto his thighs on both sides.

he glanced back up at namjoon for a moment, shyly, namjoon just watched him touch.

one of jimin's hands migrated down to the gap between his legs, sliding his hand there gently.

namjoon winced, trying to stay strong.

"mmmm," jimin let out, before latching onto his zipper and pulling it down, "need these off, huh?"

namjoon exhaled, winded, then nodded.

"not enough room in these tight pants for you, hm?"

"shit," namjoon groaned, as jimin's hand ran over his clothed length again.

namjoon grasped onto jimin's wrist, halting his actions.

"baby, lay down," namjoon said, no longer having it in himself to hold back.

and jimin smiled to himself, then leaned back on the blanket, doing as he was told.

namjoon got his aching length out of his pants and before either of them knew it, he lubed himself up and slipped into jimin quickly.

and it felt right in that moment, namjoon holding his legs up for better access.

jimin threw his head back and let himself be sent to another world with joon inside him.

namjoon used the position to access his neck, kissing there as he fucked him.

"feels okay?" he mumbled, into jimin's neck, hotly.

jimin just nodded, whining out softly,

"so good," he said, almost pathetically, "always feels so good."

namjoon just kissed him there again, nuzzling into his neck, and breathing him in with each thrust.

"...i'll miss it," jimin said, quietly, not being able to help it, "so much."

he grasped his hands onto namjoon's arms, anxiously, so scared of him leaving and losing him in this way— in every way.

joon couldn't bring himself to reply, and just thrust in deeper, possessively, clearly also feeling the same anxiousness that jimin was feeling.

he leaned up a bit, hovering over jimin as he thrusted into him gently.

"you're mine, okay?" he said, clearly lacking better judgment from the current state they were in, "i'll be back before we know it and you'll be mine again."

jimin knew it was his clouded and lustful mind speaking, but he nodded anyway, liking the sound of it.

"always,"

and namjoon was fucking him harshly now— so close.

jimin was right on the edge, too, not being able to censor himself when he was so far gone.

"i love you," jimin let out, with tears in his eyes, as he was finally sent over the edge with one last thrust, "fuck— i love you."

and namjoon thrust in two more times, before he was coming inside the other, his release coming only a few seconds after jimin, the boy under him still withering in pleasure.

"love you, too," he said, "so much. too much."

the two stayed like that for a moment, coming down from the high and catching their breaths.

within a few minutes, joon was pulling out and adjusting himself back into his pants. he then grabbed the extra blanket they brought and threw it over them, shielding jimin's from being so exposed.

as soon as joon laid back on the blanket, jimin was clung to his side immediately, head on his chest.

jimin just listened as namjoon breathed in and out, feeling his stomach subtly rise and fall with each inhale and exhale.

joon was warm and his hand was tracing circles on jimin's back.

and jimin was doing his best to commit every last detail of the moment to his long-term memory, never wanting to forget— scared to forget.

"jimin..." namjoon started, breaking the silent peace between them, "i don't want us to separate."

he paused and jimin waited for him to continue. 

"i just... i want you to know that's not what i want," he said, before continuing,

"and i'm scared.., to be honest," he said, with so much vulnerability, "i'm so scared, jimin."

and of course, jimin shattered at the words. he could hear the emotion in joon's voice, too, not even having to look at him to know how upset he was.

jimin nodded into his chest reaching his hand out to intertwine with joon's.

"i'm scared, too," jimin said.

he didn't look at him— he couldn't. one glance at joon's tearful face and jimin knew he would cave.

and he couldn't do that.

"i'm sorry..," jimin said, "i wish i was better. you deserve better.., you always have."

namjoon brought a hand up to jimin's head, running fingers through his hair.

"it doesn't get better than you," namjoon replied, "you know that."

jimin smiled at the comment, through his teary eyes, then he let his face fall again.

"you're gonna do great out there," jimin said, finally turning around and sitting up a bit, his head by joon's now, "i know you will."

joon smiled, wiping his eyes. he had clearly been crying through their whole conversation and that made jimin feel a little better about being emotional, too.

"i'll try," namjoon said, resisting him.

jimin put a smile on for him and sat back a bit, on his legs.

"we should probably go, huh?" jimin asked, finally noticing the pitch-black that surrounded them.

jimin paused, before speaking again.

"and i should probably put my pants back on."

jimin got namjoon to smile at that one and he couldn't help but smile with him.

his eyes sparkled and jimin melted a little bit, still so enamored by him even after all this time.

namjoon sat up and paused, like he was waiting for jimin to inevitably start grabbing his things to go. he looked anxious and jimin was searching for eye contact, until he finally got it when joon looked over at him.

they were both silent, breathing deeply.

"can i..?" jimin started, nervous for some reason, "can i... kiss you?

namjoon just stared at him for a moment, processing.

namjoon shook his head quickly, sitting up to be face-to-face with jimin.

he looked at him right in the eyes.

"...jimin, don't you dare ever ask to kiss me again."

and joon leaned in immediately, cupping jimin's face in his hands, and kissed him passionately. he knew it would be a long while before he got to do it again, but he didn't think about that. he just enjoyed the moment while he had it, held onto jimin while he still could.

because, unbeknownst to him..,

a long three years would pass before he would see jimin again.

_________________________________

atp im just gonna finish this ff for fun cuz ik damn well no one still gives af😭

might take like 10 years but i will see this through🫡