"joon!" jimin shouted, running inside his house.

on his way in, he saw sung-ha standing in the kitchen and ran over.

"sung-ha!" jimin shouted, a serious look settling on his face,

"my letter from snu is here."

sung-ha's mouth parted.

"oh god," he said, "you didn't open it yet?"

jimin shook his head.

"i opened my mail box, saw the letter, and drove over here as fast as i could.

sung-ha looked almost as nervous as jimin was, before namjoon ran out in a panicked state— his boxers and a t-shirt on.

"already?" he asked, intensely, figuring out for himself why jimin was there.

jimin nodded at him, wearily.

namjoon ran over to him and wrapped his arms around him, kissing the top of his head.

they stayed there for a moment, sung-ha getting started on a pot of tea.

"whatever it says," namjoon whispered into his hair, "we'll be okay. we'll figure something out."

jimin nodded into his shoulder, before parting away and taking a deep breath.

he liked the sound of that,

"we'll figure something out."

jimin spoke up.

"it's just a stupid school," jimin said, trying to convince himself it didn't matter as much as it really did, "it'll be fine."

it would be. he was going with namjoon either way. even if he didn't get in. sure, it would be nice to study with him, but whatever. at least he would still be with him.

"right," namjoon said, in reply.

jimin had his hands grasped onto the letter, before taking one last breath and starting to tear it open.

namjoon and sung-ha were watching intently, holding their breaths as jimin pulled the note out from the envelope.

jimin began reading, his face staying consistent as his eyes scanned the page.

a few seconds went by, before jimin's arms dropped, looking up to namjoon.

it was silent for a moment, like you could hear a pin drop.

he shook his head.

"i didn't get in," he said, forcing a small smile for a moment, "i...i didn't get it."

namjoon's face fell, while sung-ha's immediately went to looking sympathetic.

they were all silent for a moment, joon's eyes not taking long to fill with tears. he hurriedly attempted to blink them away. he didn't want to make jimin feel worse than he assumed he already did. he knew the boy would be crushed and he wanted to put on a brave face for him. but truthfully, he felt like a part of him died in that moment.

jimin hurried over and wrapped his arms around namjoon, squeezing him tightly, probably sensing his distress.

jimin was sad, sure. it sucked. but again, he wasn't loosing namjoon. he was going with him. that's what he wanted most, so it was alright.

namjoon needed to cry so bad, but he wouldn't. he was crushed. obviously he was. he wanted nothing more than for jimin to come to school with him—that's what he had been counting on. and now that chance was ruined. it was over. everything they had planned. it was done.

joon had been so convinced that it could happen— that they would just get to go to school together the next year and that everything would be fine. he was so sure of it— so dependent on it.

but now the rug had been pulled out from underneath him and the lights had dimmed.

namjoon blinked his tears away again.

"baby," he said, kissing jimin's head again, pulling him in tighter, "it's okay. it'll be okay."

meanwhile, sung-ha did his best to keep things positive and make light of the situation. and of course it was appreciated, but truthfully there was nothing that could be said to change how horrible it felt.

jimin had his head dug into his shoulder, not allowing himself to get too upset.

he expected this.

this was only a rejection from the school.

jimin still had his whole other plan lined up.

he knew that as long as he could go with namjoon everything would be fine. school or not. it was fine.

namjoon whispered sweet words to jimin as tears finally streamed down his face, with his boyfriend's head still dug into his shoulder.

and everything felt awful. just awful.

"i'll give you two some time," sung-ha said, turning off the boiling water and heading towards the front door, "i'll go pick up a few groceries."

namjoon just nodded, until sung-ha walked away and he heard the front door close.

"i-i mean... really i'm not shocked," jimin said, pulling his head away, his face bright red, "a school like that. it was ridiculous to even think it would work. of course not."

as hard as he tried to hold back, namjoon let a few more tears slip out with him.

jimin felt sad that joon was so upset. he really didn't need to be. jimin was sad, but he was alright. they had the backup plan, still. he really was fine.

"don't cry, joon," jimin said, "i mean.., it'll be okay, right? you know what i mean? we'll stay with each other, right?"

jimin hinted at it so closely, he was sure namjoon would bring it up.

it took a minute before joon tried wiping his tears away, nodding.

"right. of course we'll stay together. we'll work it out. it'll be okay. i mean... i'll visit as much as i can. we can call every night. you can come see me, too, whenever you have breaks and-"

jimin stopped for a moment, looking up at him.

"...what?" he asked, "what do you mean?"

joon shrugged, tears still in his eyes.

"i just mean... we can still see each other a ton. it'll be a few years and i'll be done, you know? it'll suck, but we'll get through it. whatever we have to do."

jimin froze.

he was shocked at what he was he hearing.

"what?" he asked again, still in disbelief.

"what?" namjoon asked in reply, clearly confused,

jimin couldn't believe this. he didn't understand what was happening. this wasn't in his plan. why wasn't joon asking him to come with him regardless like he thought he would? why was he just giving up?

just like that.

like it was nothing.

like three years— or more— without him was nothing.

jimin processed for a moment, and he couldn't help but sound so upset with his reply.

"...so that's it? you're just giving up, then?" jimin asked, his voice cracking, clearly on the verge of breaking.

and namjoon was still so confused.

"giving up?" he asked, "of course not, jimin. i'm just saying-"

"you really never gave a shit, did you?" jimin asked, clearly so, so hurt as tears came to his eyes, anger joining in his influx of emotions.

"what?" he asked, "baby, what are you talking about?"

"i don't know, namjoon," he said shaking his head, so hurt, so shocked that he simply didn't know what to say, "i just thought... i guess we just should have planned this better."

namjoon was confused.

"what do you mean?"

"i just... i don't know. it just seems like you made the decision to go to that school pretty quickly, that's all," jimin said, passive aggressively, "didn't take much convincing, did it?"

jimin was clearly pissed now.

so livid.

so upset.

he had gotten his hopes up so high, thinking his boyfriend really wanted him to come with him despite not getting in. he was such an idiot.

jimin would have done anything to fight for this and namjoon just crushed all his dreams so quickly. he just gave up. just like that.

like it didn't matter.

namjoon looked confused still, and now slightly offended.

"jimin... what the hell are you talking about?" he said, clearly frustrated by what jimin was implying, "i didn't make the decision quickly. i sat on the offer for weeks. hell, i didn't even make the decision; you did. i wasn't gonna do it. you're the one who practically forced me to go."

jimin laughed sarcastically.

"oh, did i?" he questioned, looking over to him and meeting eyes, "last time i checked, you're a grown man that can make his own decisions. and you chose to go. that was you're choice. that's what you wanted."

namjoon's eyebrows crinkled in confusion and frustration.

"why are you picking a fight with me, jimin? last time i checked, we both agreed that this was best. you told me that i'd be an idiot not to take this opportunity. you told me that-"

jimin slammed his hand on the kitchen counter.

"well maybe i was wrong, okay?" jimin said, tears coming to his eyes, "maybe this idea was fucking stupid! and maybe you should have been the one to realize that instead of just immediately agreeing to moving away and leaving me behind forever without a second thought!"

jimin knew that namjoon was right. jimin knew namjoon wouldn't have gone if he hadn't pushed him into it. but he was still so upset with him. not just because namjoon was leaving, but because he hadn't even offered to take jimin with him. he hadn't offered to stay back. he hadn't offered anything. he was hurt that namjoon— so quickly— just accepted their fate without putting up any sort of fight. jimin almost couldn't believe it; how little it seemed like he cared.

just days ago namjoon had said that he was his forever and now he was practically packing his bags.

it was the most hurtful one-eighty that jimin had ever experienced in his life.

namjoon, on the other hand, was taken aback by the outburst, going to defend himself quickly.

"i'm not leaving forever, jimin. jesus, of course not. who do you think i am?"

after taking a moment, he walked a bit closer to jimin, standing right beside him.

"listen, jimin, i understand that you're hurting, okay?" he stopped, his voice cracking with emotion, "but do you seriously believe that this isn't just as hard for me as it is for you? it kills me, jimin. do you seriously think i'm just gonna leave and forget about us?"

jimin stayed still, staring at the wall in front of him.

"if you felt how i was feeling right now, then you wouldn't leave me," jimin said, now crying, "you wouldn't be able to."

namjoon just stood there, feeling all sorts of emotions at once.

"...jimin, it's too late now. it's not about what i want anymore, it's about what i need. it's about what i have to do. i've already committed. i leave in three weeks," he said, bluntly, "i don't know why you insisted i go if it was really this upsetting to you. you... we agreed to this. i thought this was the right choice. i thought you wanted me to do this?"

jimin glared at him.

"what was i supposed to say, namjoon? what would have been the right thing for me to do here? force you stay... be selfish?" jimin asked, "it was my job to try and make you go and it was your responsibility to say, 'of course i'm not going, jimin. i don't want to. i want to stay here with you'. it was your job to say that you cared about me and this relationship more than going to that school. you were supposed to say that you didn't want to go. you were supposed to figure something out, but you didn't!"

"jimin, you're rewriting history! you're acting-"

"i would have never left you," jimin said, now looking at him right in the eyes, "if the roles were reversed i would have never agreed to go. ever. how do you think that fucking makes me feel?"

namjoon just shook his head.

"i'm sorry, jimin," namjoon said, clearly feeling horrible, "i just... i didn't think it would be such a huge deal like this. it sucks, i know that. but it's temporary. it's a couple years. and we can still visit and talk all the time," he said, "i just... when you told me to go... i didn't think you were... like... testing me to see how much i love you. i thought you already knew that. i thought we were above all this shit."

jimin looked so hurt and namjoon had no idea how to fix it.

he spoke up again.

"i mean... we won't be together physically for a while, but we'll still be together. that's what matters, right? and in like three years... or less... all this will be done and our foundation will be set. that's what this is about, okay?"

jimin hated it. he hated how it sounded when namjoon said it. he hated everything.

"i don't know," jimin said, shaking his head and wiping his eyes, "it just... it's so easy for you to just walk away. you never gave any other option to this. that hurts, namjoon. that fucking hurts me."

easy?

was jimin crazy?

"it's not easy at all, jimin. of course i'm trying to be realistic, but that doesn't mean i'm not devastated about this," namjoon said, "i don't know... it just doesn't feel completely real yet, i guess. i'm trying not to think about the reality of it too much."

jimin was trying to clue namjoon in on what he really wanted, but of course it didn't work. jimin was furious that namjoon had yet to ask him to come. he was so angry, because..,

he would go.

of course he would.

he would go with namjoon in a heart beat.

fuck school.

so why did namjoon never even bring the idea up? why didn't he ever offer? not even once?

because jimin knew the idea had crossed his mind. he was a smart man, far smarter than jimin. and he still hadn't offered.

jimin wouldn't dare ask to come.

not if namjoon didn't want him to.

"... if you're gonna go, then just go. but don't expect me to just put my life on pause trying to make this work, namjoon," jimin said, without thinking, "don't except me to put in all my efforts when you fucking left like it was easy, okay?"

jimin was being ridiculous.., he was being dramatic.

he was being so, so selfish and stupid.

and deep down... he knew it. but he was too livid to see it in all his fury.

he was too upset to notice that he was the one tearing them apart— not namjoon.

namjoon just looked at him, completely shocked at what was coming out of his mouth. it was so unbelievable, so unlike him.

"what do you mean by that, jimin?" namjoon asked, "all your efforts? i haven't even left yet and you're already doubting us," he said, "do you know how that makes me feel? do you know how shitty this is for me?"

jimin rolled his eyes.

"clearly not too bad considering one conversation at a café was enough to convince you to not see me for three fucking years and ruin everything we built together," jimin said, "and then there was the ever so simple, 'it won't be too bad, jimin! we can visit on breaks and talk on the phone every night,' spiel like it didn't fucking matter to you. give me a break."

namjoon was so angry. he had never seen jimin like this before. he had never seen himself like this before, especially towards the person he loved the most. everything about it was so ugly and wrong.., but still neither of them would back down.

"jimin, it's not like that!" he said, angrily, "what was i supposed to say? you didn't get in. did you want me to make you feel like shit about it?" he asked, "like... what do you think this is?" he asked, so confused, "jimin, i love you."

jimin just laughed, sarcastically.

"do you?"

namjoon just glared at him, clearly more mad now.

"you're pissing me off, jimin. really," he said, "we were supposed to have a nice couple weeks together before i go. why are you acting like this all of a sudden?"

"like what?" jimin asked, "i'm being realistic, namjoon. you can be so fucking factual about 'our futures' and 'our educations' and all this shit and now i'm the villain for being real with you?" he asked, "it's stupid."

jimin paused, then spoke up again.

"you know, it must be nice to be the one that gets to walk away. you don't have to be the one who gets left behind here all alone feeling like shit wondering if their boyfriend is ever gonna come back for them. you just get to leave everything behind and start over at some fancy new school."

namjoon just stared at the wall in front of him, taking a minute to think.

he couldn't believe this.

"i... i'm shocked, jimin," he said, not knowing what to say anymore, "i just... i thought we were above this."

jimin rolled his eyes again for the millionth time.

"well, i guess we aren't," he replied, starting to walk away from joon," you know, you should go. just go. meet a nice, pretty, accommodating, never-needy, pushover that will just hang on every word you say. someone that will just... watch you succeed and give you back rubs and cook for you and be your little accessory," jimin said, "cause it's not gonna be me. i can tell you that. i've got big plans of my own. i'm not gonna be anybody's stagecoach."

namjoon's eyes were wide, with raised eyebrows.

"wow," he said, "so that's it? you're done? your throwing in the towel? things don't quite go your way one fucking time and your just gonna give up?"

jimin was nearing namjoon's front door now, walking away at a fast pace.

"good luck at that school, really," jimin said, grabbing the doorknob.

jimin hesitated and spoke up one last time.

"i hope it was worth it."

namjoon heard the door open and then slam suddenly and he jumped.

he was just standing there for a moment, surrounded by his silent kitchen. he looked over at the fridge, then to the oven, then to the plate of leftover cookies on the table that sung-ha had made for the two of them the day prior.

and namjoon felt sick to his stomach. he couldn't believe what had happened. it felt like a nightmare that he was going to wake from soon.

but it wasn't.

jimin was all he had ever wanted.

jimin was his goal in life.

and he just lost him.

just like that.

over a fucking school.

over fucking nothing.

whatever trace of anger that was still lingering instantly faded and was replaced with regret. tears started streaming down his face uncontrollably, almost sobbing.

he was such an idiot.

he immediately ran for the door and prayed jimin was just getting into his car. he hoped it took him a minute to unlock it. he prayed that jimin was adjusting the stereo— calling his mom— that there was some kind of distraction that would result in jimin still sitting in his driveway.

but he wasn't there.

there was no trace of that cute white suv, or that cute, fiery boy that namjoon was still so in love with, despite everything.

namjoon cried harder at the fact that jimin was already gone, and ran back into his house.

he searched for his phone quickly.

he looked in the kitchen, the living room, he looked in his bedroom, and still, he couldn't seem to find it. he was running around the house frantically.

he had to call jimin.

he just needed to say sorry.

he just needed to tell him to come back.

he just needed to-

and suddenly, as a result from running so frantically around his house, namjoon had landed right smack-dab into-

sung-ha.

they made eye contact and his grandfather was shocked at how distressed he was. he had never seen that look on namjoon's face before. ever.

"joonie— oh my god," he started, clearly shocked at how distraught namjoon was, "what happ-"

namjoon cut him off with a tight embrace, now sobbing into his shoulder.

"it's over."

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</3 don't hate me !!