"please!" jimin begged, "i need to know what it is!"

it was finally christmas eve and the two boys were in the living room of namjoon's house watching a christmas movie, but jimin couldn't seem to stop thinking about the gift that was under the tree waiting for him, begging namjoon to let him open it.

"well... i guess you can open it now," namjoon said, finally admitting defeat.

"yay!" jimin said, excitedly, running to the tree and grabbing the beautifully wrapped gift that namjoon got him out from under it.

jimin, not wanting to be rude, walked over to his bag and got out joon's present as well, handing it to him.

"merry christmas," jimin said, with a little smile, "you can open yours first."

"you sure?" namjoon asked, with a small laugh.

jimin nodded, wanting to be polite and make namjoon happy more than anything, despite how excited he was to open his own present.

namjoon reached into the christmas themed bag and pulled out the nice candle he wanted from the same store he had bought jimin's sweater. he had been scoping it out, but decided not to get it, because it was a bit pricey.

joon excitedly gasped at seeing it, immediately pulling off the lid to smell it. he sighed happily at the crisp oak and cider scent, loving the fresh smell.

"i love it. how did you know?" namjoon asked, smiling.

"i saw you staring at it while we were shopping," jimin said, "and keep going. there's something else in that bag, you know."

namjoon excitedly reached his hand back in, grabbing something else out.

namjoon's mouth parted in shock when he pulled out the gift.

it was a figure of his favorite anime character, one of the ones he had to sell in order to buy jimin the pink sweater. except, this figure was the limited edition version, way more cool than the one namjoon used to have. he had always wanted it, but figured it was far too much money to spend on himself.

"i hope you don't have that one already," jimin said, "i kept the gift receipts for everything, so if you-"

jimin stopped talking when he felt namjoon pull him into a warm embrace, hugging him tightly.

"thank you so much," namjoon said, pulling away after a moment, "you didn't have to spend so much money on me, really. i know this isn't cheap."

jimin shook his head.

"i wanted to."

their eyes locked for a moment and namjoon just stared at him, taking in all of jimin's beauty.

eventually, he broke away the gaze and reached down to hand jimin his present that was sitting on the floor.

"here's yours," he said, "it's probably nothing too exciting, but i hope you like it."

jimin shook his head at joon, immediately starting to tear the wrapping paper.

"joon, i'm sure i'll love whatever you-"

jimin immediately stopped talking when he saw the pink fabric peeking out through the spot he'd ripped in the wrapping paper.

jimin just sat there for a moment, looking over to joon with his mouth slightly parted.

"you didn't," jimin said.

namjoon just smiled, shrugging his shoulders.

jimin turned back to his gift and continued tearing the wrapping paper, pulling out the cute pink sweater he had wanted so badly.

"joon!" jimin screeched, jumping up from the couch, clutching the sweater tightly, jumping up and down, "i can't believe you!"

namjoon just laughed at how excited jimin was, his cheeks turning a light pink.

"i'm glad you like it," he said, with a big smile on his face.

"like it?" jimin said, "i love it! when i went to buy your candle, it was gone and the lady said some girl came in and bought it. i was devastated!"

namjoon smiled, mentally thanking the lady for not exposing him.

jimin stopped bouncing for a second, the smile wiped from his face.

"but it was so expensive..," jimin said, suddenly feeling bad namjoon spent so much money on him.

"it's fine, jimin," he said, standing up from the couch, "you're happy, so i'm happy."

jimin just stared at him for a moment, looking into his eyes.

namjoon stared back, the atmosphere feeling a bit more thick.

they stayed like that for a moment, before jimin broke the silence.

"thank you so much," jimin said, leaning in and giving him a big hug.

namjoon held jimin in his arms tightly, wishing so badly he could have kissed him.

-

"this is too hard!" jimin groaned, "how do you write so many poems, joon? it's impossible!"

after jimin changed into his new pink sweater, sung-ha started on the cookies and the two boys watched a few more christmas specials.

eventually, though, they both got distracted when jimin said he was having trouble writing his poem for their writing class, eventually making their way to joon's room so he could help him.

"it's really not that hard, jimin," he said, taking jimin's notebook to see what he had written so far.

"easy for you to say mr. award-winning writer," jimin teased, lightly hitting joon's arm with the back of his hand, smiling.

namjoon just laughed a bit, adjusting the notebook in his hands.

"what you have here is good, jimin. you just need to-"

"no!" jimin whined, "i just want to start fresh. i want to write good poems. like the ones you write."

namjoon blushed.

"they're... they're really not that special, jimin."

the boy just shook his head, frustrated that joon was talking so lowly about his work again.

"we both know that's not true," jimin said, "just let me read a few of your poems. that will give me some inspiration."

joon shook his head.

"not gonna happen," joon said, grabbing his poetry journal and setting it next to him, away from jimin.

"fine," jimin said, "just... what do you think about... when you're writing, then. like... what's your inspiration?"

namjoon shrugged his shoulders,

"i mean... lots of things. just... the world around me and-"

"but how about recently? what's been your biggest inspiration recently?"

namjoon just looked over and locked eyes with jimin once again. he saw the cute pout on the boys lips, wearing his adorable pink sweater, and his pretty eyes opened a bit wider than usual, eager to hear what he had to say. namjoon quickly broke the stare, feeling his face heat up and butterflies fill his stomach.

"well..," he started, "these days most of my writing has been inspired by... by people that i love."

jimin just looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

"so... i would say... think about someone you love and go off of that. you can use metaphors or whatever. just think about how they make you feel and the words should practically write themselves."

jimin smiled, with a nod.

"okay," he said, "i'll try that."

jimin tore his eyes away from namjoon and began going back to writing in his notebook.

joon just sat there for a minute. he felt super giddy and he knew he needed to collect himself.

"i'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick," joon said, standing up from the floor and heading out of the room.

-

joon had only been gone for a few seconds now and jimin was busy working on his poem.

that is- before he glanced beside him to where namjoon was sitting on the floor and noticed something.

joon had left his poetry journal that he was always so protective over- unattended.

and jimin knew he shouldn't read it.

he knew it was a bad idea to invade namjoon's privacy. it had gone terribly the last time.

but for whatever reason, jimin reached over and grabbed the notebook anyways.

he couldn't help himself.

after grabbing the notebook, jimin flipped through the first few pages, stumbling across the iconic, "a caged bird" poem and laughing to himself. that damn poem really did cause him a lot of trouble. jimin flipped to the pages towards the back of the book, wanting to see joon's most recent work.

he began reading one poem, and then another, and another. they were all love poems, just like joon was talking about.

jimin couldn't help but wonder who they were about, though. joon wasn't exactly the most social and his inner circle was very small, only having a few people that he kept close.

maybe the poems were about his grandfather or some cute anime character that joon liked. or... maybe he had a crush that jimin didn't know about.

whatever it was, jimin was intrigued to know more.

that is, until he stumbled onto a poem that made him stop for a moment.

this poem was different from the rest. it was way more direct, with the use of fewer metaphors and more actual thoughts.

"those plush lips that i long to kiss."

jimin stared at the sentence for a minute, a bit shocked.

he could definitely rule out joon's grandfather now. and it most likely wasn't about a fictional character. joon said himself that he's writing about the people he loves.

so who was it about?

jimin continued to read on, stopping immediately when he read one word.

"he"

the simple use of one pronoun changed everything.

the love namjoon felt was for a "he". a boy. the one he wanted to kiss was a boy.

jimin obviously couldn't stop there. he continued flipping through the pages, stopping when he saw a page that stood out to him.

and his mouth fell wide open as he read what was on the page.

this wasn't a poem at all. there were simply two words written over and over again across the whole page.

"kim jimin."

jimin was completely shocked, just staring at the words with wide eyes and his mouth agape.

that is, until he heard someone speaking to him, looking up immediately

jimin looked up from the notebook and saw namjoon standing in the door frame, lips parted in shock.

"why are you looking at that?" namjoon asked, running over to him and grabbing the notebook, starting to panic.

jimin just sat there, in shock.

"it's not what it looks like. i swear," joon said

namjoon just looked down at him, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

he stood there and waited for jimin to say something.

anything.

"jimin," namjoon said, falling onto his knees beside him and shaking his arm.

tears started streaming down namjoon's face, leaning over and trying to meet eyes with him.

he felt like- in an instant, he was losing everything.

his best friend.

his love.

his life.

joon just sat there, tears streaming down his cheeks, waiting for any kind of response.

"come on... just forget about it. i swear... it's nothing."

jimin stayed silent.

and namjoon couldn't take it anymore.

he had been hiding and lying about how he felt for so, so long. he needed to let his feelings out.

it was like something snapped inside him. he just needed to tell the truth.

"... i...i'm in love with you," namjoon whispered, in between tears, head falling down on jimin's shoulder, "i'm so, so in love with you."

namjoon felt more tears stream down his face, as he sobbed onto the boys shoulder, the silence from jimin continuing.

after a minute, he collected himself slightly, and pulled his head from jimin's shoulder, trying to plead with him again.

"just forget it, jimin. please. we can just pretend this never happene-"

and just like that,

namjoon felt lips pressed against his.

it took namjoon a minute to process what was happening. the lips were on him for probably a good five seconds before he even knew what was going on. 

jimin was kissing him.

and it felt like a dream. better than a dream, actually.

it felt like watching a sunrise,

like flowers blooming.

it felt like every dead part of him was alive again, roaring like a fire.

the kiss went on, and on, and namjoon felt like he was floating.

eventually, joon realized jimin had made his way to his lap and that only sparked whatever was brewing in him further.

only made his love stronger.

but, in only a moment, he felt the emptiness again.

jimin had pulled away.

the boy was panting heavily, struggling to catch his breath.

joon just sat there, feeling jimin's pulsing heart rate from being so close against him.

the room was silent and all that could be heard was the two boys trying to calm their breaths.

eventually, their breathing settled, being met with complete quiet.

jimin was the first to look up, pulling his eyes from namjoon's chest to his face.

"... you... you like me?" jimin asked, breaking the silence.

namjoon looked up, still feeling a bit clouded, just nodding his head, not having the strength to try and hide it any longer.

"l-love... yeah."

he watched as jimin's face went from a small smile, then back to being shocked.

"y-you... really? you do?"

joon nodded again, quickly, needing to hear what jimin had to say.

whether it was good or bad news, joon didn't care anymore. he just had to know.

".... sorry... i just...," jimin started, not sure how to say it, "i-i just... i thought it was just me," jimin said, a shocked expression written on his face, like he couldn't believe what was happening.

namjoon's mouth opened partially, eyes widening.

"w-what?"

"i just... i thought..," jimin started, shaking his head, "i thought you only liked girls. when you went out with aruem... i just figured any chance of you liking me back was out of the picture... i-i had no idea."

namjoon couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"you mean... you liked me, too? the whole time?"

jimin just smiled.

"why do you think i asked to sit by you on the first day?"

namjoon shook his head, feeling overwhelmed.

"you... you always asked me about girls... tried to figure out who i liked. you're the one who told me i should date aruem," joon said, trying to process everything.

"why do you think i cared so much about who you liked, namjoon? i was scoping you out... or whatever. i wanted to know who you were into. i thought maybe you liked guys... but once you agreed to go out with aruem... i just assumed i was wrong."

joon shook his head.

"you're lying."

"i'm not," jimin said, "i tried to ask you out so many times when we first met, joon. like... the café and the coming to my dorm and all that stuff. it just always ended up being a friend thing and before i knew it... that's all we were. just friends."

namjoon looked completely astonished.

"i should have told you i was gay. it was stupid not to. i've been out since high school. i was just... i didn't know how you would react and i was scared that things would-"

"change?"

jimin nodded

"...this has to be a dream or... a prank or something," namjoon said, eventually locking eyes with him, "this can't be real. there's no way."

jimin just stared back, grabbing onto the sides of his face and letting his forehead fall forward, onto his.

"it's real, joon."

namjoon just sat there, melting as he felt jimin's lips back on his.

namjoon was never very religious, never sure if god existed.

but now he knew he must be real.

because, a gift from god,

that's what jimin was.

a living, breathing, angel.

_______________________________

here's my apology for all the slow updates 🥰

ik this is probably the most important chapter of the story, so hopefully i wrote it ok. it was super hard to write, but hopefully it doesn't sUck.

thanks again for reading! 💗💗