"thank you," namjoon said, as the waiter set his black coffee down on the table.

it had been a few days since namjoon's confession to his grandfather and he had been thinking a lot about everything he said to him. christmas eve was nearing as well and namjoon was excited to spend the day with jimin.

he was currently sitting at the café on his own because jimin was spending the day christmas shopping and insisted on going alone.

joon thought it was cute, but at the same time, wished jimin would have let him come along.

namjoon just sighed to himself, and took a sip of his coffee, trying to think of the next line of the poem he was working on. he had been stumped for a few minutes and was starting to become frustrated.

he wished jimin was there. he could always focus better when jimin was around.

everything was always better when jimin was around.

jimin.

jimin, jimin, jimin.

that's all namjoon could think about.

his perfect hair, round eyes, plump lips, sweet voice.

namjoon felt breathless just thinking of the boy.

so, instead of continuing to write the futile poem, he decided to flip to a new page and doodle.

"park namjoon," he wrote.

joon stared at the words for a moment, eventually scribbling them out and heading to write something new.

"kim jimin."

that had a much better ring to it.

namjoon continued to scribble the same two words all over the page, smiling, and adding little hearts here and there, fantasizing about what it would be like for jimin to actually take his last name as his own one day.

it was unrealistic, but a boy could dream.

-

joon continued to doodle until the page was completely covered. he smiled at his work and set his pencil down, then went to take another sip of his coffee, stopping when he heard someone speaking to him.

"namjoon?"

joon looked up and was very surprised to see aruem standing there.

he immediately set his coffee down and slammed his notebook shut.

"aruem... hey!" namjoon said.

the girl had a small smile on her face, walking to the other side of the table.

"hey. mind if i sit?"

namjoon moved some of his things out of the way, feeling a bit jittery.

"...sure."

aruem slung her bag over the chair across from him and sat down.

"how have you been?" she asked.

namjoon shrugged, reaching his hand over to grab his coffee.

"i've been... alright," he said, "how about you? i haven't seen you in class for a while."

it was just then that namjoon realized he hadn't actually seen the girl since they broke up. she hadn't been in their class for months.

"well... i switched my major so a lot of my classes got changed," she said, "but honestly... i've been great. my grades are better than ever, i'm enjoying school, and i even..."

"...you what?"

"i even... met someone," aruem said, with a smile, "his name is hoseok. he was actually in our class together. i'm sure you've seen him around."

namjoon knew he recognized the name, struggling to remember why.

and that's when it hit him.

"does he hang out with a group of a few other boys? one of them is named jungkook, i think."

aruem nodded.

"well... he used to. he doesn't talk to them much anymore. he said he didn't like how they were acting, so he kind of distanced himself."

namjoon nodded, happy that aruem had picked the nice one out of the group to date.

"that's good," namjoon said, "i'm glad things are going well for you."

aruem smiled.

"what about you?" she asked, "have you been dating recently?"

namjoon just stared at her for a moment, then back down to his notebook.

"no... not really."

"not really?" she questioned, with a small laugh.

"i mean... no. i haven't been dating anyone."

aruem took a sip of her drink, then spoke back up.

"so... things aren't working out with jimin, then?" she asked, casually.

namjoon immediately froze, not daring to look at her.

"w-what?"

aruem just laughed a little.

"it's okay. it's not like i'm gonna tell him or anything," she said, "have you talked to him about it?"

namjoon still was a bit shocked, shaking his head a little, not believing he was actually having this conversation.

"how did you-"

"i was born at night, but i wasn't born last night, joon. did you tell him you like him yet or not?"

namjoon just sat there for a minute, eventually shaking his head.

"well... you should tell him. i'm sure he likes you back."

namjoon just looked down.

"i... i can't."

"why not?"

namjoon just sat there for a moment, thinking about if he was really ready to let all his feelings out.

"he's not... he doesn't like... guys."

aruem laughed a little.

"did he tell you that?"

"...no," namjoon said, "but there's just no way. when we first became friends... he would always bring up girls. it was constant. he just looks at me like a friend. i know he does. bringing up how i feel now would just be pointless. it would make things weird and-"

aruem stopped him.

"telling someone how you feel is never weird, namjoon," she said, "besides, if you tell him and he doesn't like you back, then so what? if it gets awkward you can just find a new crush. it's really not a big dea-"

"it is a big deal," namjoon said, hesitantly, "he's not... he's not just... a crush."

aruem stared at joon for a moment, realizing what he meant after a few seconds.

"oh. so... what is he?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

namjoon just stared at his closed notebook on the table, not responding.

"i can't lose him, aruem. i need him. it's not worth the risk."

aruem looked at him sympathetically.

she felt bad for him. she understood how hard something like that must be- to fall for someone and be scared that the feelings won't be returned. especially when you're a boy that likes another boy and you're afraid that the one you've fallen for doesn't like your gender. no matter what you do, you have no chance with them. it's no one's fault, that's just how the world works. but it's still sad.

"i'm sorry you have to go through that," aruem said, "really. it's not fair."

namjoon just sighed.

"it's alright," namjoon said, appreciating how kind aruem was being, "it's just... every day it gets harder, you know? he's just... he's perfect."

aruem nodded, understanding what he meant.

he was in love.

"you really think it's best not to tell him, joon? i think you'd feel a lot better if you did. i'm sure jimin would-"

"i can't," namjoon said, "i wish i could, but i can't. i'd rather just be his friend than risk losing him."

aruem nodded.

"i guess that's for the best, then," she said, wishing she had better advice to offer him- wishing there was something she could do.

the two fell silent and aruem quickly spoke up.

"well... it was good to see you again," she said, with a small smile, "i should get going, but text me if you need anything... or just text me."

namjoon smiled at her and nodded.

"i know it's been a while since we talked, but... i hope we can go back to being friends. i didn't realize how much i missed you."

"...of course. it would be nice... being friends again," namjoon said, "and thank you.. for talking to me and everything. i've never really... been too honest with anyone about how i-i feel towards him... and it felt nice to just... tell someone... to talk about him."

"no problem," she said, "i'm glad i could help."

aruem stood up from her chair and grabbed her bag.

"well, i guess i'll see you later, then. friend," she said, with a small laugh.

"see you, friend, " namjoon said, smiling back.

______________________________

y'all i've been writing for hours omggg i wrote like a whole 2,000+ worded chapter- but i didn't like it so i started all over lmao.

some things are gonna be happening reeeaalll soon so get ready 😻

ALSO UNRELATED BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE ONLINE CONCERT LIKE HOLY FUCK!!!! JIMINS SPEECH AT THE END OF DAY 1 LITERALLY MADE ME CRY HSHSHSH HE LOOKED SO SADDDDD AND THEN NAMJOON CAME AND COMFORTED HIM LIKE OMGGG MY MINJOON HEART NDNSJSJS ALSO JUNGKOOK GRABBING HIS THIGHS IN MY TIME HOLY DJDKKDJSJD he rlly turned 23 and did that AND IM NOT COMPLAINING💀

BUT IM SO PISSED CUZ I WAS BOUTA WATCH DAY 2 AND I FELL ASLEEP ACCIDENTALLY LIKE 20 MINUTES BEFORE IT STARTED HXJDHDHDH HOPEFULLY I CAN WATCH A RECORDING OF IT LATER BUT IM SO MAD JDJDJDH