I whimper in pain when I open my eyes. My existence plagues me, and my reality bogs me down. I try to speak, but the only thing that escapes my mouth is a short moan of pain. It wakes up Mayank who strides towards me. He looks at me with tears in his eyes. I smile wearily, reassuring him.

"I don't know what got into me at that moment to have taken a step as grave as that, but before I knew it, I had done it. I screamed in pain, which brought Mayank to my room. He had just been out for less than five minutes. I was drunk, you know. The past few days had been especially tough on me. I had lost all desire to live. Maybe I had some, but then, I don't know.", I tell the policemen who have been waiting to get a statement from me. Like all other times, I know this case would be sealed without further investigation. "I have nobody to blame. It's just me and my internal world that is falling apart." I reassure them, hoping to reassure myself in the process.

The policemen leave, and Mayank keeps standing by my side. "You didn't tell anyone, right?", I ask him.

He shakes his head. "Nobody in your family knows."

"It means somebody does."

"I informed Palak. She told him. They are on their way here."

I look away, tearing up. "I don't want to be embarrassed in front of him. I don't want him to think that I was so desperate to get him back that I did this. I don't want this to be called a trick to have him.", I tell Mayank. In him, there's comfort, and an assurance that no matter what I do or say, I wouldn't be judged. There are too many to condescend and condemn, but a select few who would understand.

"We can't do anything now. He'll come.", Mayank says.

The thought of his return hurts more than I anticipated. For once, I wish for him to be removed from my sight. I don't want to see his face or hear his voice. "When can we go back home? I don't want to stay here any longer." My words do not waver Mayank. He has a rather stern look that tells me we aren't leaving anytime soon.

Around noon, I have visitors. Vansh enters, looking haggard and shaken. He staggers towards me, guilt being the only expression on his face. I never wanted him to feel this way due to me. He sinks in the chair beside me. I look away. There is silence for a while with nothing but the monitors beeping, telling me that I am still well alive. I should have died; it would have been better than a shameful life like mine. Death never became my ultimate escape. There is no escape. His hand slowly covers mine. He holds my hand. A flood of warmth gushes over me. This is what I sought. I face him. There's no avoiding him now.

"I am sorry.", he says, his voice barely more than an audible whisper. I don't need his apologies.

"Is that all you can say?"

"I- I. It is all my fault. It's because I couldn't..."

"Yes. You couldn't. It is your fault."

He goes silent and stares at me in disbelief. He gulps and looks away, letting go of my hand. He needed assurance, someone to tell him that it couldn't be helped. I am not giving that to him.

"You are a scaredy-cat. You are helpless. I took all those insults my entire life, fucked around with numerous men who were willing to give me their all, only to remain fixated on this one guy who can't stand up for anyone. You know what? Even if I blame you right now, I am to blame the most for believing that you had the courage to stand up for us. So now, leave, and be happy with your fiancée. I...", I take a deep breath, "I don't want you here anymore."

He tears up and starts sobbing uncontrollably. This is not what I had imagined. He holds my hand with both of his hands and brings his face to it. His tears trickle down my palm, making it all wet. Maybe, I was a bit too rude. I take a deep breath.

"I told Yashika.", he says, sniffing between his tears.

"What?"

"I love you, not her. I ended things with her."

I chuckle. He looks up at me, surprised. "Shashi once told me,", I say, "the two of us would be impossible. It seems true now. Hoping makes no difference. I need to face the reality.

"Did he say that?"

"Yes. He said the plain truth."

"It hurts."

"Like all truth does."

"Dhruv."

"Don't... Don't say my name out loud. Please."

"I left all of it behind for you. I could have made a perfect match with Yashika. I rushed here, without bothering to explain things. Do you know how much of a bastard I would be looking right now?"

"You always look one. No matter what."

"I came here for you."

"I never called you."

"You did this to bring me back to you."

"I did it because I had had enough of this bullshit. I wanted to leave this world and its people. Including you." I have stunned him more than enough for today. He gets up, and leaves. I see his legs wobbling under him.

***

I am allowed to leave next dawn. It has been kept discreet. My family doesn't know it yet. I have asked Mayank to keep his trap shut. They might have figured it out if Yashika told them about it. Or else, Vansh's disappearance was enough clue. I look out of the car window. I passed through this route numerous times, but it feels different this time around. It is familiar, yet unfamiliar. Perhaps, coming back to life after almost dying does something to you. When I first brought Vansh to the haveli, we were on this road, humming to and singing songs. The memory is still so vivid.

I expect an empty haveli. Nobody except Mayank around. It is not empty. I reach to find a car parked there. My heart starts racing. I enter through the side door. There's pin drop silence. I sigh. The cankerous morning would contrast the stillness of the dawn. Mayank holds me, helping me towards my room. I look around. The door of the room next to mine opens. I gulp. Vansh emerges out of it. Taking a good look at me, scanning me from head to toe, he takes his gaze away. He is still here, even when nobody else is. A part of me is happy, but a part of me fears for the worst. I have just been harsh on him without being able to hate him completely. I couldn't possibly undo all those years of love in a few days.

I enter my room alone and bolt the door. I walk towards the connecting door. It is shut. I heave a sigh of relief. I head to bed and doze off.

Waking up later, I find Vansh staring down at me. I rub my eyes. He places his hand on my head and moves his thumb over my forehead. It is a calming. I keep looking at him. He tears up again. This man and his buckets of tears! I shove his hand aside and sit up.

"What do you want from me now? My body? Take it. Use me all that you want and then throw me away. I am trash anyways.", I yell at him.

"You are not trash.", he tells me. His expressions has hardened with determination. "And I want you. Your heart. Bodies, I will find many. But that isn't what I want."

"I can't love you."

"You always did."

"I no longer do."

"Liar."

"Can you just-" Before I can complete my argument, his lips come crashing down on mine. My defenses cease to exist. I face my inability to resist him. All of these years must amount to something, right? I kiss him back equally feverishly. A while later, when we draw our faces apart to catch our breaths, he smirks.

"I told you. You love me."

I stare at the floor. "I slept with Shashi for one last time before breaking up. That was the final end. Final one."

He appears confused. "What do you mean by that?"

"I'll sleep with you one last time. Tell me when you want it. The final one is the most intense of all. I don't stop or tire that easily. Remember." I am uttering more nonsense than what I thought I was capable of.

"Stop making a bastard of me! I have had enough of your bullshit! Out there, everyone's disappointed in me. I am no longer sure about being able to do anything to save my place in the company, and here, you claim that I want nothing but your body. I have put every single thing on the line just to be here. When I return, nothing would be the same for me. My world would have turned upside down, more than it already is. There is nothing I can do to protect myself, yet I am willing to do everything to protect you. I want you alive, and I want you with me. Don't you get it? I acted chivalrous once, that too for you, and you treat me this way? Don't make me regret loving you, worrying about you, or running to you when I heard you harmed yourself. I have never mustered up more courage than I did in the past two days."

He storms out of my room through the connecting door and slams it shut behind him. I sit here, devastated. I have never been a greater fool. People turn fools in love. I am a fool, with or without. My phone rings. Shashi. I answer it. "Hmm?"

"Why would you do that...?", he asks me. His voice sounds weak.

"How did you find out about it?"

"Doesn't matter. But why did you...?". There's a pause. "Vansh. It's because of him, right? I told you it was impossible."

"I took it seriously. Very seriously. I kept telling him we are impossible, but..."

"But, what? You do realize that staying here is dangerous, right? Your family won't let you live in peace."

"I'm going to run away. From everyone. I promise."

"Where to?"

"Do you wish to visit me?"

"I will, if you want."

Neither of us speak for the next few minutes. We end the call just like that. My escape plan must now come into action.

I step down and leave my bedroom. I head to the living room for the morning newspaper. I sit there, Mayank keeping an observant eye on me while working on his laptop. I chuckle. Palak is loitering around the living room too. Vansh must be somewhere. I'll pretend not to care.

I hear the gates opening and a car entering the haveli. A sense of dread fills me. Not my family again. Soon enough, I hear footsteps. It is Yashika. She smiles at me. And while her smile is the warmest, I am scared for my life. I look around, avoiding eye-contact.

***

Privacy she demanded, and privacy she got. I and Yashika are the only people in the living room now, with cups of tea placed in front of us. As she slowly sips her tea, she studies me carefully, perhaps trying to assess why the man who was supposed to be hers fell for me. I feel bad for Yashika. I bet Vansh did not end things in the best of manners. I'll take this as a day of confrontations. Things seem to not go too well.

"I wanted to befriend you at my engagement.", she tells me.

I smile uneasily, plagued by guilt.

"My friend has had a crush on you since a year. She wanted me to set her up with you.", she adds, most nonchalantly.

I chortle upon hearing that. Set up a woman. With me. It sounds ridiculous to my ears. My family did try setting me up with women thinking I would eventually become straight. Didn't work. Someone assumed I am straight. It is preposterous. Good heavens I didn't go to the engagement. It would have been really weird to convince some girl as to why I don't wish to be with her.

"I mean...I don't know what to say here. I cannot explain myself here. If anything, I'll just apologize.", I say, looking at my hands the whole time.

"You neither need to explain, nor apologize. Someone else needs to do it. That someone has been unreachable." She sighs. Vansh is indeed a bastard to her. As much of a love triangle it is, I do pity Yashika. "I don't need your pity.", Yashika says. She definitely reads minds. "It's just that..." She lets the sentence trail off midway, leaving me to assume whatever I may want to. She puts her face in her hands, letting go of all that was holding her back from speaking her mind.

"I never expected things to turn out this way.", she resumes after a while. "Vansh was always distant. But they say marriage changes things. I just thought that he might be able to open up a bit more once we were married. Nah. My hopes were wrongly placed. I erred. It took me an entire day to realize that I had a one-sided crush on him which would never end. He might not have reciprocated my feelings later on too, and I would have lived the worst life possible, one that would just be about bearing each other's presence due to a marriage which would be nothing more than a business deal. Conglomerate marriages cannot be broken off so easily. You know about it. This is bad. I am going on and on...."

"Continue. Put it out there. I'll listen.", I assure her.

She smiles at me, warily. "Of all people, I never thought I'll be pouring out my feelings in front of a complete stranger."

"As humans, all of us do unpredictable things."

"True." She looks at my wrist.  "Are you fine now?"

I nod.

"You shouldn't have done that. Nobody is worth ending your life for. Nobody."

"I regret it now."

"He was so disturbed when he heard that. I saw him going pale, shivering, fearing that he'll lose you. The way he rushed here...I can understand..."

"Don't try understanding. Please. We won't be together anyways. I belong to a world which is alien to those around me. I have seen enough to allow him in my world. He has to remain in his world."

She stares at me for a while, contemplating upon my words. "It is the same world. As much as you think you are different from us, we are different from you." She gulps. "I'll break off the engagement from my side. I have a life to live. Vansh doesn't. He has nothing. Nobody. Except you, provided you take him back." She looks at me for an answer.

I have no answer. I stare at the floor. "I cannot." I look sideways, trying to avoid her gaze. I see feet there. I recognize them.

Vansh has been listening to us all along.