I interlock my fingers with him. I don't know if either of us intended to, or it just happened that way. It seemed to be the obvious and most natural course of action at that moment. His hand is warm. Our hands fit so perfectly- like pieces of a puzzle. As an afterthought, I could have done anything else to get his attention. Why did I choose to hold his chin?

Our hands are still that way. Neither of us wants to let go. I am relieved that the windows are tinted, lest Mayank and Palak see inside. I brush my thumb over his. What am I up to? I need to stop. I try freeing my hand, but he grabs it tighter. He has a determined look in his eyes. I waver. I lick my lips as they feel dry all of a sudden. Very dry. As if by imitation, he moves his tongue over his lips as well. I see the tip of his tongue touching his moustache. His lips are all moist and supple. Stop, my thoughts, stop!

I finally free my hand only to feel a lingering regret and a greater longing. "What's your plan?"

He smiles. "Are you willing to listen and follow without arguing?"

"I'll decide that later."

"You are always up for dissent."

"I'd be too drab without it." I smirk. "Go ahead."

"Right now?" He is baffled upon receiving my nod. All of this time he has been looking at me with the greatest sense of warmth. Holding hands did something to us. I remember what Shashi told me. Hope is a big thing for this supposedly strong kid.

Dhruv scratches his chin and shapes his moustache contemplatively before speaking. Once he commences his monologue, he goes on for the next fifteen minutes. It's just the two if us in the car, with nothing else to bother us. I am unsure of having listened to what he said as I have been busy admiring him. He speaks with an excitement to his voice, in the most enchanting tone. I am spellbound. His facial features are so sharp, so prominent, so masculine, so lovable, so sexy. I wonder how it would be to hold his cheek and brush my thumb across it. I have just held his chin.

As my gaze returns to his handlebar moustache again, I realize that my initial position towards it was horrendously misplaced. That moustache single-handedly makes him the sexiest man on this planet earth. I have weird fetishes. Although this is pure exaggeration, I do realize that I can no longer hide my feelings from myself. From the world, I might succeed at concealment, but from myself, it is no longer possible. The more I try to convince myself that it won't work, the more my heart suggests rebellion. In a perilous position like this, I have to be extremely careful with what I say and do. Henceforth, it is merely an act if holding it in.

He pokes me on my shoulder once he is done speaking, bringing me back to the present. He looks at me for approval, but I need to have heard it to answer, right? I bob my head, eliciting a squeal from him. "I'll ensure that it happens that way." What would happen what way? He alone knows.

I am scared for a moment. I am relying on him a bit too much. It is no longer about just showing him my vulnerability, but also letting him make important decisions about my business- personal, and professional. Something within me trusts him more than anyone else. I feel light. There is no burden to bog me down anymore. He is on my side- no questions asked, no explanations demanded, no expectations held. His selflessness floods me with a sense of guilt. He has nothing to gain from this deal. I would get everything in the end.

Mayank is now driving us to the schools that Dhruv mentioned. Only upon getting there do I realize why it is an actual necessity. Even though it is winter, and breezy for most part, the heat is rather direct.

As I inquire about the electricity supply in the area, and interact with the teachers (with great difficulty, that is), Dhruv plays with the children. He is out on the ground, playing dodgeball with the kids. He is a kid himself. I've gotten used to calling him a kid for some absurd reason. If we were to be in bed together, I am assured, he would be better. He would eat me wholly, and in parts. Come to think of it, he has seen me fully naked, whereas I have seen his cock just once. How I wish I'd have a full view. Where are my erotic thoughts running to?

I receive a call. Yashika. A sense of dread fills me. I take a deep breath before answering. "Yes."

"We'll be officially engaged next year. In February.", she squeals. "I am so so happy. I love you. I am so excited. When should we get married? June? July? Let's get married in Europe. Huh? I always wanted a small wedding. Are you listening to me..." She goes on and on, as I zone out. This is a bolt from the blue. Why was I not informed of it beforehand? The call ends, successfully souring my mood.

I call Tara to confirm, and she merely iterates the part I heard clearly from Yashika. The person directly concerned remains in the dark while everyone else around knows. At this rate, Dhruv would discover it soon as well. After all, he is my brother-in-law. My head is spinning yet again. I feel short of breath. I excuse myself from the teachers surrounding me and make my way towards the car. Palak and Mayank follow me. I get into the backseat and unbutton my kurta to breathe better. Palak hands me a bottle of water and my prescribed pills. I swallow them and rest my head. I shut my eyes and take deep breaths to compose myself.

Dhruv arrives soon enough and we head back to the haveli. I shut myself in my room avoiding all conversation and questions. Those prodding and concerned eyes of Dhruv ache me, but I cannot bring myself to face him in my situation. I try setting things straight on one front, and those at the other front collapse like dominoes. Is that all my life amounts to? A marriage with Yashika is a business deal I don't desire. This business deal with Dhruv is what I desire to transgress to gain something more out of it- something that is not demanding, something that's mine. And although just a few days back I would have hated admitting that I love him, I now want to shout out to the world that I love him. Yes, I love Dhruv. With all of my heart. I don't know how it happened, or even why it did. But the more I tried to supress it, the more it became apparent to me. I think that's exactly how love works. You fall in love without realizing. Time is of no consequence here.

I am lying on the bed, tossing and turning. My stomach is grumbling due to hunger, but I can't bring myself to head out and answer questions. I bet Palak knows by now, and Mayank and Dhruv would find out soon enough. I sit up on the bed and take off my kurta and pyjama. I head to the wardrobe to take out a fresh pair of clothes. I hear a knob turn, and a door open. It is the door connecting my room to Dhruv's; I don't need to look to know. There's no hurry to get dressed, there's no hurry to do anything. I can proceed in accordance with what fate holds for me. Unfortunately, my fate prevents me from being with the person I love.

When I shut my wardrobe and turn with my clothes in hand, I see his gaze hover all over my body. I bet he is leaving no part unchecked. His gaze burns me all this while, preventing me from dressing myself quickly. He scans me from top to bottom, from bottom to top, and then stops in the middle. Does his vision penetrate through the fabric of my underwear? Why has penetration become an intrinsic part of my vocabulary? As if it would happen in real life! Perhaps, he does succeed in a visual penetration. I feel my cock getting harder with every passing second. He must be seeing the change in shape. When I look at him, I find him staring at me with concern in his eyes. I was the only one obsessed with my erection.

"What's the matter?", he asks me.

I shake my head, unable to form cohesive sentences. If I blurt out anything right now, it would be pure nonsense. Incomprehensible. The only thing I do end up saying surprises me as well. "Can you hold me for a while?" I must have looked at him with immense longing for he comes towards me and takes me in an embrace. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and adjusts his chin in my neck. I feel the warmth if his forearm on my back. I can feel his day old shave on my neck. I want him to hold me that way for eternity.

My (almost) naked body feels free in his arms. I feel elevated, relieved of everything in that moment. I melt in his arms. I hold him by his waist and go closer to him, eliminating all distance between us. I don't care if he feels my erection; at least he'll know what his presence does to me. I adjust my face in his neck, with my lips and nose brushing against his skin. I feel goosebumps on his skin. I nuzzle my head tighter in hopes of giving him the only thing practical- an embrace. Time ticks away as we stand that way, both parties unwilling to move.

When we finally move away, I get dressed. Dhruv stands there, waiting for me to say something. I calculate everything that I have to say, before facing him. "I might have to return in less than two weeks." A blatant lie is what he gets from me.

His face falls. He purses his lips and observes me. His look makes me feel as if I am a person on my deathbed, from whom he'll part forever. We'll never fully part, but we'll never actually be each other's either. "Take care. I'll be here. Always. Whenever you need me." He turns to leave.

"We might have to hasten up things." Is that the best I could say? Apparently, yes.

"I know.", he says without turning back. He enters his room and shuts the door behind.

Soon after, when I step into the courtyard, I hear a car leaving the garage. Upon reaching the living room, I am informed by Palak that Dhruv and Mayank are headed to Sisodia to discuss the modified plans.

I and Dhruv do away with our nightouts in the desert. We never mention it, but it is understood to stand cancelled. That night, Dhruv tells me that he has gotten across Pulkit Kachwaha, who would come down for dinner in three days. I simply nod. I am not the one taking action, just the credit.

The next three days go by in a flurry, with both of us having not much to discuss except work. I try to avoid any other talk with him. So does he, for some reason. I find the latter more unnerving since it goes against his nature. His silence otherwise disturbs me more. I am desperate to take in as much of his voice as I can. Soon enough, we wouldn't be the same people to each other. The year would end in a week. And perhaps, so would our association. I remember Shashi telling me how he met Dhruv at Nikhil's New Year's party. We might part that night. Who knows?

I get dressed in a beige kurta and white pyjama. Upon looking up on Pulkit Kachwaha, I realized that's all he wears- kurtas and pyjamas. If nothing else, I can be of help through my outfit. I look at myself in the mirror. I don't feel like admiring myself. The door knob turns again and Dhruv enters. He is wearing a light blue shirt and dark blue trousers. I am enticed by him.

He walks towards me with meticulous steps. "Can you extend your stay?"

"Is there a change in plans?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know. I think we could ring in the New Year together. But you can leave early if you want to."

I go to him and grab his shoulders. "Are you okay?"

He shakes his head. Unable to say anything else, he takes a step forward and hugs me. Tightly. If he could, he would've just blended our bodies together. I hold him as well, and move my hand across his back to calm him down. He is indeed a kid. Perhaps not.

In that moment, a realization strikes me. He isn't the one to be confused. He never was. His feelings have always been crystal clear. He has always loved me. The support is a façade. It is all love. Was it from that night when he saw me getting wet in the rain? Could be. Only time will tell provided I have courage to ask. For now, I satiate myself with the knowledge of his unflinching love that his gaze has always expressed- the one that I was too blind to notice.

I hug him tighter. He loves me.