I've been dressing like Elvis and marrying off cute couples since the day The King himself died(supposedly). But the couple that I married today will definitely go on my top ten list of weird weddings. It wasn't like they were unusual people, I got plenty of them in the Heart Make Hotel Wedding Chapel. I was marrying people in Las Vegas, so outlandish things were to be expected. What I never saw coming were two seemingly normal kids who didn't at all fit with each other.

When they first walked in I noticed their outfits. She wore a tight white miniskirt with a beige top. The two piece outfit was off color enough that it made my eyes hurt. On her feet were black tennis shoes that she kicked off toward one of the pews as she walked down the aisle. It was like she got dressed in a hurry, in the dark, in a moving vehicle! He wore what was perhaps the nicest tux I'd ever seen. It was too nicely tailored to be rented. Somehow it seemed the groom had been planning for this day for months yet the bride only found out this morning.

In addition to the happy couple there was a third person, the witness I assume. He was noticeably older than the bride and groom. Much like me, the witness seemed confused by what was going on around him. He too did not look dressed for a wedding which made me think he was related to the bride, but after watching him pat the groom on the shoulder and give a pep talk I knew he wasn't. The witness sat at the back of the wedding hall in the last pew. In my experience, the people who sit back there are the ones who object to the wedding, but this man was silent throughout the whole affair. In fact, he looked downright proud.

At the start of the ceremony, I always give couples the chance to personalize their wedding. The bride requested that I keep the Elvis puns to a minimum. If she didn't want Elvis puns then why did she come to a chapel that was one big Elvis pun? Did she not see the huge sideburns on my face. I just couldn't fight a bride on her special day so I agreed. That meant I couldn't congratulate the couple on their "hunk a hunk a burnin love" nor could I serve banana and peanut butter sandwiches  at the quickie reception.

The groom asked that the ceremony go as quickly as possible. He mentioned that it took them 18 hours to drive to Vegas and he didn't want to give the bride time to change her mind. This made me hesitant because everyone should have a chance to runaway from their own wedding. But I made sure to keep the "if anyone objects..." line in the ceremony. 

When the ceremony started, the bride walked down the aisle noticeably nervous. It probably would have helped if she had a bouquet to hold. Her hands were empty and she fidgeted around trying to find a place to put them. She finally settled for gently resting both hands over her stomach. This made me think that this wedding was one of the shotgun variety. 

The groom watched her as if he was seeing the world itself being created before his eyes. She looked back at him seemingly more relaxed. I had never seen a groom like him before. He was so sure in that moment. Most men were shaking in their boots at the beginning of the ceremony. He was solid, strong. Maybe it wasn't a shotgun wedding after all.

Once the bride reached the alter, I began my usual speech. It was notably lackluster without all of my usual Elvis references. The two of them probably didn't even hear me with how intensely they were staring at each other. They only looked up at me when I said it was time for the vows. The bride quickly informed me that they had written their own vows.

"Please recite the vows now." I stated to the happy couple. They looked at each other and the bride gave a caring smile.

"You chose me Rufus Thompson." She stated simply. I waited for her to continue but her lips stayed firmly shut. She was done. I looked to the groom and I had never seen a smile so big. He was obviously satisfied with her words.

"You sat so close Clara." He answered back to her. Why were their vows so short? I know it was a quickie wedding but wasn't this too quick? 

"Do you Rufus take Clara to be your lawfully wedded wife?" I asked to the groom.

"I do!" He couldn't say it fast enough.

"Call me Ms. Reed." Stated the bride. It was another odd request but I obliged.

"Ms. Reed do you take Rufus Thompson to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." Said The bride, soft yet strong. 

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride!" I said to the kids before me. I couldn't help but add in a few Elvis hip swivels at the end. Luckily the couple didn't notice because they were tonsils deep in a passionate kiss. When they finally came up for air they were a married couple.

"It is my pleasure to introduce Mr. And Mrs. Rufus Thompson." I announced to the one witness. He seemed one harsh word away from water works. He had to be the father of the groom. Fathers of the groom were always close to tears at the end of wedding while fathers of the bride often just glared at the groom.

I took a picture of the happy couple and placed it on my satisfied customer wall. This couple, although strange, seemed sturdy. If any couple could make it, it would be those two. I should know, I'm the king.