it had been two weeks. gina had barely left the house other than for the funeral, but today she was going to the precinct. iggy and isla had stayed with rosa's parents last night whilst gina was on the couch at their own apartment.

rosa had made the bed that morning; she made the bed before she left for the day, thinking she'd return to do it all again the next morning... gina didn't wanna mess the bed up. she'd barely been in their bedroom at all, except to get clothes, because she wanted it exactly how rosa left it. she didn't wanna ruin how rosa had left the room or any of rosa's stuff. she'd even taken all of rosa's clothes out of the laundry basket because they were some of the last things rosa wore, gina didn't wanna lose what little she had left of rosa. she hadn't even washed the blood off her own clothes because she didn't wanna lose anything that was rosa's.

the only thing of rosa's that gina had moved was her leather jacket. it was the only thing her fiancé wore daily, without fail, and she'd always said it was her protection and gina believed that. rosa hadn't been wearing it in the precinct because it was a hot day in the middle of july, but gina liked to think things could've been different if she was wearing it. of course she didn't blame the latina, she could never, but sometimes... all the time, she wished rosa had been wearing her jacket so that she might still be here.

—————

gina pulled up outside the precinct and took a few deep breaths before leaving the car. she was internally grateful that jake was also just arriving because she didn't know if she'd even get inside by herself.

'hey gina,' jake smiled, trying not to act too happy even though he was secretly extremely happy to see gina. none of the squad had properly heard from gina in a couple of weeks, so a wave of relief hit jake when he saw she was okay. 'you doing okay?'

'holt wanted me to come to the precinct,' gina told him, lifeless. 'can you just tell him you saw me and i'm fine. i can't go in there,' gina said, turning away

'gina,' jake grabbed her hand. 'you're gonna wanna see what holt has to show you. he didn't just call you here for no reason, i promise.'

'my fiancé got shot in there,' a tear found its way down gina's cheek. she didn't think she had any more tears in her, but here she was outside the precinct crying again.

jake just wrapped his arms around gina, 'i promise you i'll be with you the whole time and you're gonna wanna see what holt found.'

'has ellis been sentenced yet?' the redhead asked as she pulled away from jake

'not for the shooting, but he's already going to prison for the case.'

gina nodded at him. she didn't really know what to say now that she didn't have to act strong in front of her daughters.

'you ready to go inside?' jake asked. gina nodded again, silent as they walked into the building and for the entirety of the elevator ride. 'i'm proud of you gina,' jake said as the elevator stopped.

'thanks.'

'you want me to come in with you?' jake asked

gina just nodded before walking through the bullpen without the usual grin on her face and entered captain holt's office, jake following behind her

'gina,' he greeted. 'i am glad you decided to come to the precinct and i am extremely proud of you for doing so.'

she took a seat opposite the captain at his desk. 'i nearly didn't, jake said i wouldn't wanna miss whatever you had to show me.' gina told him, making the man beside her smile at his captain

'yes. of course, i would not want to put you through the pain of coming back here too soon, however we emptied rosa's locker and found a few things. i hope you do not mind, but we all thought that it would be a much too painful job for you.'

'yeh, thanks.' gina looked at him, 'i appreciate it captain, i just... sometimes i forget, i'll make two cups of tea or i'll look out the window when i hear a bike to see if it's rosa coming home and then i realise she's not coming home.' jake placed a hand on gina's knee. 'and i can't cry in front of ig and isla, rosa never let me do that so i'm not gonna do it now.'

'gina, you know we're all here for you. you don't have to be strong all the time, you're allowed to cry.' jake told her

'i know, but... i just want her back.' gina sobbed heavily before she wiped her eyes

'gina i can assure you that everybody in this precinct wants to help you and wants what is best for you. we all deeply care about you and, as much as i know that nobody can fix the situation, we also want to try to make it better. we do not want you to go through this alone.'

'you think maybe you should just show her?' jake asked

holt nodded and handed gina two envelopes, one with linetti written on the front, in rosa's writing, and the other with my gina ♡ which made the redhead smile.

'of course we did not read or open them, you may do what you wish with them but we thought that we should tell you in person rather than having a uniformed officer drop them off with all the rest of rosa's things.'

gina didn't say anything. she just stared at the two envelopes in her hand, unable to take her eyes off them even if she wanted to. they were from rosa, her rosa. that was rosa's writing on the front.

—————

it was just gina in the apartment. jake had dropped her off outside and then 'left' but they both knew he was just gonna drive round the block a few times before leaving, just incase gina needed him.

the redhead picked up the letter with linetti written on the front first, carefully opening it and trying her absolute best not to tear the envelope at all.

september 14th 2014

linetti,

even the first word made her cry. she read it in rosa's voice, but she knew she'd never hear it again.

if you're looking through my locker then firstly, why? and secondly, go away. if you have this letter because i gave it to you then fine but i don't plan on ever giving it to you, so either you're snooping or i died and someone found it.

tears poured out of her eyes, she didn't even get the chance to take a breath because the tears wouldn't stop. she'd never thought of it like that before, she'd been trying not to. rosa died. her rosa had gone.

anyways, i kinda hope i didn't die because i wanna be there for you if you ever need me for any reason. not that you would, but if you did.

'i always need you baby,' gina sobbed

i'm tryna say something here, but i know i'm just rambling.

i like you linetti, maybe even more than that. i really hope you never find this letter because god if you knew i liked you, you'd never let me forget it. but i do like you, a lot. in an ideal world, i'd tell you this and you'd be single and i'd be single and we'd get together. but you're not single, and neither am i even though nobody knows that, so we can't be together. i don't like people but for some reason, i never hated you.

gina chuckled to herself, 'i never hated you either.'

but now i kinda do because you made me have feelings. good feelings. but still feelings, which i don't like.

i really have no idea why i started writing this, but here i am. you're pretty cool, i like you, you probably don't really care

those words made gina cry out. she cared, she cares, she always will care.

but i do. you'll probably never know how much, but sometimes i just wish i could tell you. i like you a lot linetti, probably always will to be completely honest. if you ever bring this up, i'll hurt you, but i won't kill you because i like you a lot and you mean a lot to me.

this is really weird and i'm glad you're never gonna see it.
- diaz

if the first letter broke gina, she had no idea what to do about the second envelope. she couldn't do anything without rosa.

the redhead turned the second envelope around to find it was unsealed. holt had said nobody opened the letters, and the second envelope didn't look like it had been sealed in the first place.

may 27th 2019

i love you gina. i love you so much. i don't really know what else to say except how the fuck do you ask someone to marry you?

gina laughed slightly, wiping her cheeks

i'm not gonna do it yet, it's gonna be a few years at least (i think?) but i know i wanna spend the rest of my life with you and iggy and the baby. i never even wanted kids and soon we're gonna have two.

i would tell you all this in person, and i will one day, but for now you just get this letter that you'll never even see. well i'm guessing you'll never see it, you never found the other one so you shouldn't find this one. maybe i'll give it to you when we get married, but that's gonna be a while.

okay so, i love you gina. i never want anything to happen to you or my other two babies. you all mean everything to me. i never wanna let you go, you're too special to let go. you're gina linetti (linetti-diaz one day). you're my gina. i can't let anything happen to you, ever. i don't know what i'd do without you, having to look after two kids without you there with me, having to still go to work without you there with me, having to do anything without you there with me. i wouldn't be able to do that gina. you'd be able to do anything, whether i was there with you or not

'i can't do this rosa. i need you here with me.' she wiped her cheeks again

but please just promise me that nothing's gonna happen to you.

you can't do that, i know, but i'm gonna tell myself that you did promise so that you'll be okay.

gina had tears running down her cheeks once again. 'i promise nothing's gonna happen rosa, just come back to me.' she held the letter close to her chest. 'i miss you.'

how do you even look after kids? i mean, i know how you do it, but you do it better. only you could do it better. you're the best mom to iggy already and there's nobody else i'd trust to look after our kids except you. only you, gina linetti (diaz), could have me writing a letter about our kids and how much i love them and how much i love you, but i really do love you for it. and i always will, always and forever.

i can't do this without you so i really hope you say yes when i ask you to marry you. you're my everything gina, and more if that's possible. you're the only person i have to think about and my day automatically gets better. please say yes, i love you so much.
- your rosa ♡

'i love you more.' gina mumbled, burying her head in a cushion. 'i love you so so much.' she was welling up again. 'of course i said yes.'

gina was about to put the letter back in the envelope when she noticed another piece of paper

NOTES
- breathe
- tell her you love her
- hold her hand
- give a copy of vows to amy
- have this piece of paper with you
- breathe
- talk slowly
- don't ramble
- BREATHE

gina laughed at her fiancé's notes. she knew they were notes for the wedding, probably for her vows that she hadn't written yet. there were scribbles of words and doodles of their initials in a heart around the rest of the page

she turned the paper around to find the wedding vows she assumed her fiancé hadn't yet written.

DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE

gina, from pretty early on i knew i liked you, i liked you a lot. you were different, you still are, i love that about you. i love that and so many other things about you. ✗

gina linetti, you're perfect. i don't know what i'd do without you most of the time ✗

gina laughed at the little crosses next to each little paragraph.

gina, i don't know how to do this, i'll be honest, but what i do know is that i wanna spend the rest of my life with you. whether we get 5 minutes or 5 decades doesn't matter to me, i'm already the happiest woman alive because i'm marrying you. i'm marrying the most perfect woman alive and i couldn't be any more grateful for you or our two girls. you three are my everything, you gave me the family i didn't even know i wanted and i could never ever thank you enough for that. you, gina linetti, are my everything and more. i  can't tell you how much you mean to me because it can't be put into words, but it's so so much. i don't know how to do this at all. i have no idea how to look after kids or be a good mom or anything like that, but i know that i'm okay if i've got you. and i'll always have you, you're too special to let go. gina linetti, i love you so much and i always will ✗

the cross was then scribbled out and replaced with ？, which made gina smile

i don't know how to write wedding vows, i don't really see the point in it. you know how much i love you, clearly i must love you a lot if i wanna marry you right? and we invited all these people to watch us declare our love and whatever, so obviously i love you. i don't know what i'd do without you and i feel so lucky to have you and our two girls in my life. i love you and i'll love you forever, gina. i love you so much. ✗

'i love you too baby. i love you so much, more than you'll ever know, and i always will.' gina looked up at the ceiling, holding the piece of paper to her chest, wrapped in rosa's jacket. wrapped in rosa's protection. she'd be okay if she had a little part of rosa with her, and she would. everyday, without fail.

written: august 2021
published: september 2021

a/n: so that's it... 23 chapters later and we're done. i already have an idea for my next fic, after i finish baby girl, but i don't know how often i'll write because i start college next week.
update: i started college already, but i also restarted writing baby girl and i'm writing something new too :)