Three Months Later.

I watch as Mama pulls the blind a little and peeks outside before closing it back and walking to the dining table. She picks a white envelope and drops it before pacing around. Then she goes back to the window and pulls the blind again, repeating her sequence of actions.

She has been doing that for the past ten to fifteen minutes. She's very fidgety today, and I have no idea what is going on. I can only pray that she didn't talk to Yasmin's mum again. Because then all my efforts would be in vain.

"Amina what's the time?"

I look at the top of my screen, "4.57pm."

Mama nods, "Have you prayed Asr?"

"Yes."

Mama nods again and continues whatever ritual that is that she's doing while I go back to watching my Instagram reels.

Less than ten minutes later, sirens come and Mama stops pacing. She rushes to the window and looks outside her legs shaking while she taps them on the floor.

I don't know why she is acting like that. It's just Dada that is back. Or did they fight earlier before he left? And she wants to apologize? That seems like a reasonable explanation to her behavior.

When Dada walks into the sitting room with a salam on his lips, I drop my phone and rush to him, hugging his lower body since my head is barely touching his arm.

"Dada sannu da dawowa." I say and he kisses the top of my head.

Mama is by the side, tears in her eyes. I wonder why she's being so dramatic.

"Toh. What happened to you ke kuma?" Dada says, handing me his things and walking towards Mama.

"Do you still love me?"

Dada bursts out laughing at Mama's question. Even I would laugh.

"What sort of question is that, uhm sweetie? Of course I love you. If I don't I wouldn't even be back here at all. What happened? What's wrong? Did someone say something to you?" Dada's hands are holding Mama's shoulders now and I know he's about to hug her any moment from now.

I start to walk away to give them their much needed space when Mama calls out to me. I turn on the spot.

"Hand me that envelope." Mama says and I walk back and pick the white envelope from the dining table. I don't even look at it, not interested in whatsoever is the reason for her theatrics.

Anyone who knows Mama knows her and attention. She lives for the attention she gets, especially from Dada. It's not a bad thing, I guess. Since he's her husband. But personally? I want none of it.

I hand her the envelope and she gestures to Dada to take it. He does so, albeit skeptically.

"What's this?" He says, tearing the top of the envelope.

"Open it and see." Mama says in Hausa.

Dada opens it and takes the paper inside, shoving the torn envelope in his pocket. His eyes rave over the paper before he shouts and goes down in immediate sujood.

I am taken aback by his reaction, and Mama is fully crying now as she joins him in the sujood. Dada finishes his sujood and turns to Mama, both of them now seated on the floor.

"Are you serious about this? You're sure?"

"Yes, three different hospitals naje. All, positive."

"How many months along?"

Along? Along what?

"Four months." Mama says with a shy smile and I am just left wondering what the heck is going on.

"Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. You have just made me the happiest man alive." Dada says gleefully and lifts Mama off the floor with such ease and suddenness she yelps.

I just stand where I am, wondering what is going on with my parents.

After twirling her, Dada drops Mama and turns to me. "Does Amina know?"

"Do I know what?"

They both ignore me as Mama replies him, "No, I wanted to tell you first."

Dada turns to me again, "Amina, you're going to be an older sister."

My hands slacken and I release the things in my hand to the ground. My hands go over my mouth and I rush to Mama, hugging her in happiness. She doesn't hug me back but I don't even care. I turn and hug Dada too.

I am do happy, I don't even know exactly what I feel. Perhaps I'm overwhelmed. I don't even know. But I am elated. I am literally vibrating with happiness.

I don't even realize when Dada and Mama leave me in the sitting room. I don't even know who to share this happiness with. I want to scream and shout and cry all at once. I am so happy.

It is at this moment that I wish I still had my friends. More than anyone, I suddenly miss Sayyad. He would have shared my happiness with me. I sigh, suddenly feeling sad and decide to take a nap.

Later in the night, deep into the night, I hear screams. I had been waking up due to nightmares of Mama losing the baby, or her dying in labor and stuffs like that. So I immediately assume it's one of my dreams coming to life.

I don't even bother with my abaya. I just rush out of the room in just my shorts and vest and then I barge into Dada's room. True to my thoughts, Mama is shoving at Dada's chest, screaming incoherent words at him while he just stands and takes it all.

But Dada is looking at me, Mama doesn't even realize I'm there.

"Au, waton I'm talking to you and you are looking elsewhere ma." Mama says and when she follows Dada's line of sight, she sees me.

"Amina, what happened?" Dada says to me.

"I heard Mama screaming. Is she okay, is the baby okay?" I look at her legs and when I don't see blood running, I heave a sigh of relief. I was scared she had a miscarriage or something.

"She's fine, the baby is fine. Go back to your room and sleep." Dada says, gently pushing me out of the room.

"No, why are you sending her away? Let her stay and see. Ai this affects her too." Mama says pulling my hand.

I'm suddenly conscious of what I'm wearing and feel a little bit embarrassed that I'm standing in front of my dad like this. He's my dad but I don't have that kind of relationship with him.

I'm just in a pair of shorts and a large t-shirt. And my hair is in a bonnet. I look nothing like the typical arewa daughter, and I'm sure Mama would have sent me away if she wasn't... Well, however it is she is now, because I have no idea what's happening.

After a short while of my parents staring at each other, Dada speaks, "Amina, go to your room. Everything is fine."

I turn to leave.

"Idan kika fita a dakinnan." Mama says threateningly and I halt in my steps.

"Amina leave my room." Dada says, his voice now grave. He only uses that voice when he wants to leave zero room for argument.

"Amina, try me. Leave this room."

I just stand there, not knowing what to do. I do not want to ever incur any of their wraths, neither is good. Mama will beat the hell out of me, Baba will give me the silent treatment. None of them sound appealing.

"Amina..."

"Oh for fuck's sake Muhammad!" Mama throws her hands up and heads for her dressing mirror.

I just stand there, stunned that Mama just cussed at Dada. My mother, Rn. Hassana, cussed at her husband. That's definitely one for the record books.

Realizing they are no more paying attention to me, I decide to leave. They probably need the privacy. I shouldn't be here.

I turn to leave when a bottle of perfume comes flying in my direction, I barely miss it.

"I said don't leave this room, koh?!" Mama thunders.

Dada looks just as stunned as I believe I look.

"Hassana are you okay upstairs at all? What if you had hurt her with that perfume? Are you okay?" Dada walks to me and I take an instinctive step back, not comfortable with my dressing.

"Are you okay, Mina?"

I nod and turn to mum.

"So, now, are you going to tell her or should I?"

Dada sighs, "Amina, I'm returning to base tomorrow."

I didn't know it was possible to feel more surprised than I already was, but I am. When did Dada return again?

"Oh."

"Oh daya koh biyu? He has known for three weeks and has been preparing since then. And he did not bother tell anyone. He will not be returning until after nine months, he won't be here when I give birth." Mama bursts into tears and Dada rushes to her side.

She pushes him away, "Don't touch me! You always do this! Always! Running when I need you the most. I am pregnant, Muhammad. And this is what you have decided to do."

"I don't have a choice, sweetie."

Mama raises her hand to stop his words, "Don't sweetie me. You could resign, take a break, retire, something! What is it that you are still looking for that you have not gotten? Is it the money? Muhammad you are a multimillionaire! I have money! There's also the unshared inheritance of your trillionaire grandfather. Haba!"

"It's not that easy, Hassana. It isn't."

Mama seems to be in thought before she turns to Dada, realization dawning on her. Of what? I have no idea.

"You have another wife, koh? Is that it? All this while, when you leave, you go to her, right? You are hiding it from me because you know I can never share you, that's it, koh?"

Dada scoffs, "Hassana wai nikam are you mentally okay? Koh this pregnancy is making you lose your mind ne?"

"Then what is it? I am too nagging? Overbearing? What is it?" Mama falls to the floor in tears. Dada holds her and this time she lets him.

"It's not fair, haba." Mama keeps saying and Dada gestures for me to leave.

I do and all through the night, I am unable to sleep. I toss and turn in bed. Dada is leaving.

The next morning, my eyes are bloodshot, I look like I spent the whole night crying. I take a bath and steal the key to Mama's car and go for a drive. I don't really know how to drive, but Sayyid had been teaching me before everything. The only thing I don't really know how to do is reverse properly.

At some point, a light starts blinking on the dashboard of the car. So I decide to head back home.

I find Dada shouting at the soldiers by the gate when I drive in. I park in the middle of the house and get down, ignoring his eyes on me as I walk to the kitchen.

I find the maids all looking like they've seen a ghost, standing in the sitting room with head bowed.

"You can all leave." I hear Dada's voice and they scurry away.

"Amina, you can't just take the car and run off like that. Since when do you even know how to drive? Who taught you?"

"You wouldn't know, I've spent my life without you, how would you know anything about me?" I want to say, but I bite my tongue, knowing better than to disrespect my father.

So instead, I turn to him with a fake smile, "Good morning, Dada. How's mama?" I greed Dada and he sighs.

"You don't want to talk about it, that's okay, we'll talk about it when you're ready to talk about it. Your mother is fine, she has come to terms with the fact that I will have to leave. And you should too."

I don't say anything, simply turn and start ascending the stairs.

"My flight to Kaduna is by 7pm. We leave for the airport by 5pm, we're going somewhere first though. Be ready,"

I continue to ascend the stairs and go to my room, I prepare the bath and sit in it, relishing the feeling of the hot water on my skin.

I hear someone knock on the door and I clear my throat from the bathroom, so the person hears and realizes I'm in the bathroom. The knocking comes again and I sigh, deciding to just ignore it. It's probably one of the maids, they'll leave when I don't answer.

The knocking stops and I lean more into the bath, swishing the water around with my hand. I hear the door being open and I immediately sit up, making sure to hide my nakedness under the water.

"Wayene?!" I shout from the bathroom, but no answer comes.

"Mama?" I say, yet no response. I decide to just wear my robe and go see who it is.

The minute I step out of the bath, the toilet door opens and I fall back into the tub immediately, yelping as my head hits the ceramic of the bathtub, or whatever it is they are made of.

My legs are hanging out of the water while my upper half is in the water. I don't even know why I jumped into the bathtub like it's a pool. What was I thinking?

"Amina." I pull the rest of my body into the water, thankful for the red coloring of the water due to the bath bomb I threw in, and hide my body in the water.

I look up to see Kawu looking at me with an interesting look in his eye. Subhanallah. God, no. I wonder what it looks like to him.

"Your mum is worried, she sent me to check on you. I'll tell her you're alright." He says, glancing at me once again before he exits the bathroom.

I sigh and decide I'm done with the bath. So I step out and drain it. I take a quick shower, brush my teeth and clean up the bathroom before leaving.

I pick a random pallazo and a t-shirt and slip on after doing my skin care which I have been ignoring for a while now. Even now, I am doing it simply because I want to stall. I am not ready to have a last breakfast with Baba, not yet.

I know saying "a last breakfast" sounds like he's dying. But that is how it feels everytime he's leaving. It feels like he will leave and die on the war front or battle ground or wherever it is he spends all that time.

And I hate the feeling. Tanisha once said her cousins would always jeer her, that she has lived with that feeling all her life, she should be used to it. But you can never get used to thinking your dad could be shot, or bombed up or something like that.

I wonder sometimes how mama copes, I would go nuts.

"Amina, your mum is calling you." A voice says from the door, a man's voice. I guess it's Kawu.

"I'll be down soon." I say and slip on a cap before wearing my slippers and going out.

When I descend the stairs, Mama, Dada and Kawu are at the dining.

"Ina kwana." I greet and take my seat farthest from Dada which is beside Kawu.

"Lafiya." Dada says. Mama doesn't respond, Kawu merely nods at me.

We say our Bismillah and begin to eat. Breakfast is elaborate, can't remember the last time I had such a large meal for breakfast. There's pancakes, chicken pepper soup, some bagels, fruits, orange juice, masa and puff puff. All this is probably because Dada is leaving today. The thought alone makes me sigh.

"Yadai?" Dada says and I shake my head.

"So, Ibrahim, I recommended you to the fire service department in Lagos. In Abuja it's something else, and due to your record with drugs, I doubt they'll pick you up anyways, but it should be easier in Lagos."

Kawu nods, "Nagode, Baban Amina."

"After some months, you can seek a transfer to Abuja."

"Allah ya saka," Mama says quietly. I can tell she's still sad about Dada leaving.

"Toh, nidai dan Allah, no matter the temptation, don't disappoint me. The moment you are caught with drugs, that is the end of it for you. And I have put in good word for you, I did inform them that you used to use, but you were in rehab for four years, and you are clean now."

"I won't disappoint you In Shaa Allah Baban Amina."

Dada nods and it's quiet around the table again.

I have a very vague memory of Kawu, most of which is Dada shouting at him and beating him while Mama cries. The remaining little bit is of him playing with me, I would always be stuck with him, and I cried whenever Dada was beating him.

That was before he left the first time, he went back to Kano, when I was in grade two or so. And then he returned later on, and when he returned, he always reeked of weeds. And he would give me this weird look and smile that made me utterly uncomfortable. I am still quite uncomfortable in his presence.

And then he left again the last time Dada was leaving. They left together. And he only returned now that Dada is back.

I don't like him, but I don't hate him either, he just makes me very uncomfortable. And I really hope he stays in Lagos forever.

After breakfast, I go back to my room and decide to crotchet something. I used to crotchet so much, but then after entering secondary school, I was always with my friends or Sayyid so I didn't have time for that.

Now all I do is crotchet. Morning, afternoon, night, I'm always crotcheting. Mary - one of the maids - once suggested I sell the things I crotchet online, since I mostly don't use them. And I've been toying with the idea.

All day, I remain in my room, crotcheting and watching Scandal, only leaving my bed to pray Zuhr and Asr. Mama sends food for me but I don't eat it, I simply send it back. I am not hungry anyways.

"Mina ta." I hear Dada's voice from the door.

He turns the knob and enters the same time a sex scene on Scandal comes up. I immediately slam my laptop close and he raises a brow at me.

"What are you watching?" Dada asks, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"A political movie." A say simply knowing saying nothing is not going to do me any good.

Dada hums and looks around. He hasn't entered my room since we moved in here. I can see his eyes lingering on the corner of my room I stash all the things I crotchet.

"You made those?"

I nod and he nods at me.

"Well, get up and get dressed, we are leaving in ten minutes."

"I'm not going, Allah ya kiyaye hanya." I say and continue crotcheting.

"I'm not giving you an option here, Amina. Get up and get dressed and be down in ten minutes." Dada deadpans and walks out of the room.

I scream into my pillow before picking an abaya and slipping on after taking off my oversized t-shirt and replacing it with a vest. I pick a random pair of crocs and wear before taking my phone and stepping out.

I see Kawu coming up the stairs and when he sights me, he takes me in before turning on the singular stair and going back down. I'm guessing he was sent to call me.

I take my sweet time walking to where Dada is standing with Kawu while Mama is seated.

"Muje." Dada says and we all go out.

He enters the owner's corner of one of the cars and Mama enters the other side.

I go to the car behind them and sit in the owner's corner. Kawu enters the passenger's seat of the car I enter and the convoy begins to move.

We stop fifteen minutes into the drive and I look up to note that we are standing in front of some tall buildings with glass windows or is it walls? I can see some people sitting by the window, with books or laptops, some wth coffee. Is this an office?

My door opens and I look at the person who opened it to find it's Dada.

"I read somewhere that eighty-four percent of women read for pleasure. I've never seen you read, so I thought to introduce you to some books."

I look at Dada, wondering where that came from.

"I crotchet for pleasure, Dada. I don't think I need another hobby."

"You wouldn't know if you need one until you try it. Let's go. If you don't like any of the books, then we'll go somewhere else and you'll get whatever you need."

I sigh and jump off the car with Dada's help. We enter the building and take the stairs. When the double glass doors are pushed open by Dada, I am in absolute awe.

The place is quiet, with hushed whispers buzzing. The scent of coffee and tea fill the place. There are rows upon rows of bookshelves, each section labeled.

I can see Dada's smile from the corner of my eye, probably due to my reaction.

"I will sit over there and wait for you. Pick as many as you want. And take as long as you want to." Dada heads to the windows I could see from the car and takes a seat in front of one, picking a random book from the stack on the table.

I look around and sight the romance section. I head there and see some books, I pick the first one by some Muslim author, Fatima Bala, I can see. I read the books description and I am immediately hooked, so I hold unto it.

I check the next book and immediately drop it. It's by Colleen Hoover. I don't really know the author, but I have watched Tiktok so much that I have stumbled upon some videos regarding books, and everyone keeps bashing her.

But I really want to know what it is about her books that makes everyone absolutely mad. So I pick it up, Ugly love. Eventually, I decide to just pick books by those two authors, Colleen Hoover and Fatima Bala.

"I think you'll need a basket, for the books." A girl says, smiling at me, her braces glistening with something, probably saliva.

"Oh, where can I get one?"

"I'll get you one." She chuckles and turns the corner, she returns seconds later with a basket.

"Thank you," I say and put the books into the basket.

"You're welcome, I'm Diana." She stretches her hand out for a shake and I take it.

"I'm Amina. It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too. You seem to like CoHo a lot." She says, picking a book called Classical Muslimah. Didn't think a Christian girl would be interested in a book that obviously stars Muslims, but I don't say that.

"Huh?" I say. Who's CoHo?

"Colleen Hoover, you have almost every book of hers from the store."

"Oh," I chuckle, "Not really. I'm just starting out reading, but there's a controversy about her on Tiktok, and I just want to see it for myself."

Diana nods, "Booktok can be brutal, she's not a bad writer, she's just really weird with her choice of themes. "

We talk some more and end up exchanging contacts. She recommends three books to me and then I head to where Dada is seated.

"Done?"

I nod and Dada stands up. We go to checkout and I am absolutely shocked at the price of books. Who knew they were so expensive?

"Still need crotcheting items?"

I nod as Dada calls for some of the soldiers to come help with the bags of books.

While we're leaving, I sight a beautiful red book with a padlock.

I pick it and we pay again before leaving.

21-09-2024
Unedited

Before y'all pull out the pitchforks and torches, let me apologize.

School has been very hectic, but I have been on a break for two weeks now. So at least, I might be able to finally get to write some more.

Thank you for sticking with me, regardless of me disappearing for almost nine months.

Fee amanillah!