Kyle Miller  [December 29, 2024]
<12:30am>

I lay in my hospital bed, starting at the ceiling. By now, I was very used to looking at it. I'm trying to remember all the nice times I've had throughout my life.

Jason, Arson, and Ani visited almost every day. Jason would always turn my whole room into a mess, chips bags everywhere. And loud music played all the time, though I Kent yelling at him to shut it down, but he never listened.

Mom and dad passed by a couple of times, too. At first, I refused to talk to them. Eventually, I  gave up and forgave them. I mean, what's the point of hating them now anyway.

Aunt Jeanne would bring me a lot of home cooked meals because I hated hospital food. I won't say I wasn't grateful, but I just didn't have much of an apatite.

I was just a burden on this world, even on the hospital staff. I didn't deserve any of this attention they were giving me.

Stupid Jason was affecting his school life and studying just to speed up to my room and spend as much time as possible with me.

Though I made it clear lots of times that I didn't need any company, he's as stubborn as a rock.

As for Anika, she would act normal as long as Jason is around but didn't leave any chance for us to be left alone. I understood why, but it still hurt a bit.

With a heavy sigh, I placed my hand over my eyes. "All my pain will end soon... just one more day... just for Jason." A weak smile formed on my face. "Just one last day..." I whispered as I sat up in the bed.

Soon, as planned, Jason and Ani arrived with a wheelchair. "Hey, come on, we need to be quick. The staff is taking a break only for 20 minutes." Jason whispered as he sneaked into my room.

I nodded, and with their help, I got into that wheelchair.

Jason pushed the wheelchair out of the room, being extremely careful and stealthy. The last thing we needed was to get caught now, not after all the effort we put into sneaking out. Ani followed closely behind, her eyes darting around to keep an eye out for any hospital staff.

The hallway was eerily quiet, the dim lights casting long shadows on the floor. We made our way silently towards the back door that Jason had scouted out beforehand.

Only to find Arson's car waiting for us outside, I was a bit surprised because I didn't expect him to agree to this that easily.  But Jason surely has his ways.

Arson jumped out of the car, a big smile plastered on his usually stoic face. "Damn, you made it!" he exclaimed in a hushed tone. "I thought for sure you guys would get caught by a nurse or something."

"Yeah, yeah, we're pros at this," Jason replied with a cocky smirk. "Help me get him into the backseat."

Arson rolled his eyes playfully but came forward to help transfer me from the wheelchair to the back seat.

"All right, let's get out of here before my luck runs out," Jason said, getting into the passenger seat. Surprisingly, Ani sat in the back seat next to me, a bit closer than I expected.

I glanced at her weakly, but she only gave me a small smile, her eyes glistening under the soft moonlight that escaped into the car. "It'll be okay, don't worry too much." She whispered as she grabbed my shaky hand.

I squeezed her hand gently, the warmth of her touch providing a bit of comfort in this overwhelming situation. "Yeah," I managed to rasp out, my voice betraying a hint of fear.

Arson started the car, and the engine hummed softly as he cautiously began driving out of the hospital parking lot. Jason was practically buzzing with excitement next to him.

The car ride was a chaotic mix of Jason's wild energy and Arson's silent disapproval. Jason kept switching between different songs on the car stereo, turning up the volume whenever he found one he liked.

Arson kept giving him sideways glances, trying to maintain a focused and responsible demeanor, but it was clear he was secretly enjoying the night's thrill.

"Hey, Ky, wanna hear something funny?" Jason suddenly asked, turning his head towards me from the passenger seat.

I jolted out of my thoughts and nodded at him, with weak, tired eyes.

Jason had a sly grin spread across his face, clearly enjoying having my attention after being ignored for the last twenty minutes. He leaned forward in his seat, looking back at me.

"So... Remember when we were kids, and we tried to sneak into the neighbor's garage because we thought they had a motorcycle in there?" he started, chuckling at the memory.

Ani looked at both of us disapprovingly. "Omg, you guys were always wild animals, even as kids!?"

Jason's chuckled, grew louder, his eyes glinting with mischief. "Oh man, you should've seen us. We were so hyped up, thinking we'd find this kickass motorcycle hidden in there."

I couldn't help but smile a little bit, the memory coming back to me clearly. "We were so damn stupid. But it was mostly your ideas just for the record."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I am just having fun, yknow."

I coughed a bit, then nodded. "Yeah... you've always lightened up my mood whenever I had a fight with dad back then..."

Jason's expression softened slightly at my words. "Hey, that's what best friends are for, right?"

"Right..." I whispered as I leaned my head into the cars door. "I forgive life just because it allowed me to meet awesome people like you guys..." I whispered softly as I glanced at Ani, remembering how deep our teen love was.

Our stupid late night talks, when I'd have to beg her not to go to sleep early so we can spend more time together.

We were really hopeful back then. We were just silly kids... thinking that love can last forever and ever.

Jason's smile faltered slightly, the mood taking a slight somber turn as I reminded all of us of the present situation. But he quickly plastered the smile back on his face, not wanting to spoil the mood. "Y-yeah, and we'll make even better memories in the future! Together."

"Yeah," I rasped out, my voice hoarse from the effort, "all of us... together."

What a beautiful lie... Together, yeah, we'll always... be together. You guys are the only reason... I made it this far.

Ani, however, wasn't able to manage the same enthusiasm. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, and she looked away, not wanting me to see her emotions. I just placed a hand on her shoulder and pulled her a bit closer. Trying to comfort myself more than her.

Jason's eyes shone with determination. "Damn right. We've always been stronger together. That's not changing anytime soon."

Arson grumbled from the driver's seat. "Can't believe y'all made me agree to this." He muttered, more to himself than to us.

Jason chuckled, patting Arson on the shoulder. "Hey, don't pretend you're not enjoying this. You know you love us."

Arson rolled his eyes, but a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Keep telling yourself that, dumbass."

~~~~~

Throughout the day, we did all sorts of fun things we could do before the festival started. We passed by the beach, and even though it was freezing, that didn't take away the beauty of the blue wide ocean.

We even bought like a LOT of street food, crispy Belgian fries covered in all kinds of yummy toppings, savory hotdogs, and thick, creamy milkshakes that tasted like heaven. We even tried some unique and spicy Asian street food that made our taste buds dance, and our noses run.

We sat on the edge of a dock, our feet dangling over the edge as we watched the sun begin to set on the horizon. The sky was a beautiful canvas of oranges and purples, a reminder of the beauty life could still offer.

I wish if I could stay here forever... how good would it feel if I was going to graduate with them this year... and make plans for the future like everyone. To not have any burdens or problems. To be able to be on my own without people worrying about me.

I glanced at them all while they laughed and nudged each other. They were happy. And that made me happy... they had each other.

At least they will stay together when I leave. They will succeed without having me pull them back. Though I will freaking miss them so much...

Jason glanced at me, sensing my somber mood. He leaned over and nudged me gently. "Come on, man," he said, his voice soft. "You look like you're about to start another pity party. I dragged your sorry ass out of that hospital bed to enjoy this day, not to dwell on the what-ifs."

I forced a weak smile, grateful for his attempt to lighten the mood. "Yeah, you're right." I whispered. "I'm being a downer, huh?"

Ani leaned on my shoulder. "Not at all! I've never had fun like this in ages... I am really happy you're with us today, Kyle."

I shifted a bit, wincing slightly in pain as I settled down. "Thanks, Ani," I replied, feeling a warmth in my heart. "I'm happy to be here too."

Jason raised an eyebrow at me. "Yeah, just don't go dying on us too soon, alright? We're not done bullying you yet."

I felt a lump form in my throat. Being here really hurt like hell. I was doing it for him.

Though the doctor already told me... once I get off the machines, I won't be able to last that long. He even offered to take permission from my family to stop the medication since it was just a waste of money and time.

But I am just happy that I got to celebrate my last birthday here, with the people I love the most.

"I won't.." I whispered thickly as I wiped my eyes.

Jason smiled softly, though I could see the concern in his eyes. He was well-versed in reading my expressions by now, and he knew something was up.

But before he could press further, Arson interrupted, sensing the heavy mood. "Hey, uh... maybe we should get going? The festival should be starting soon, right?"

Jason looked at him, realizing what he was trying to do. "Yeah, you're right. Come on, let's get moving. The last thing we need is to miss the best parts."

~~~~~
We spent a few hours at the crowded festival, enjoying the festivities and trying our hands at various carnival games. Jason won a large stuffed bear and gave it to me as a 'Get Well Soon' gift.

Eventually, the crowd started thinning, and Jason and Arson decided to take a break to grab some food, leaving Ani and I alone for the first time that night.

I took it as an opportunity to finally talk to her. We were sitting on some bench, the colorful lights of the different activities shining around us, in a soft glow.

I cleared my throat and turned my attention to her. "Hey... can we talk for a bit before they come back?"

Ani looked at me, her eyes shining in the soft glow of the lights. She nodded, her expression turning a bit more serious. "Yeah, I wanted to talk too..." she replied softly.

I took a deep breath and looked away. "I am sorry for not telling you about my illness earlier..."

The words escaped past my lips like a whisper carried by the night breeze. "I love you. In the past, and now... even when you lost your memory, I still did."

I looked into her eyes, seeing the confusion and heartbreak hiding beneath. I forced a shaky smile onto my face, my voice quivering with emotion.

"And if I traveled across the world, I know I'd never find anyone as pure and loving as you," I said, barely able to keep my voice from cracking.

I held her hand tightly, my eyes starting to tear up. "But... I want you to forget about me. I want you to find someone who will treat you right, someone who's worthy of you..."

Ani's eyes widened, a flash of fear passing through them. She squeezed my hand tighter, as if afraid I would slip away from her grasp if she loosened her grip even a fraction.

"No…," she whispered, her voice quivering. "Please… don’t talk like that."

My heart ached at the despair in her voice, but I pushed on, knowing I had to make her understand.

"You deserve happiness, Ani," I said softly, my voice cracking as I fought to keep my emotions in check. "You deserve someone who can give you a future, a family... I can't give you any of that. I'm just a burden, holding you back from living your life fully."

Ani's eyes flared with anger and anguish as my words sank in. "A burden? Is that what you think of yourself?" she demanded, her voice rising.

Tears streamed down her face as she gripped my hand even tighter, the hurt and frustration in her eyes like a dagger to my heart. "You're not a burden, and you never were. Don't you dare talk about yourself like that!"

I pulled my hand away from her. My expression is serious. "Please stop..."

"No!" she exclaimed, refusing to be pushed away. She placed her hands on both sides of my face, forcing me to look directly into her eyes.

"No, I won't stop," she said, her voice trembling with intensity. "I won't sit by and listen as you belittle yourself like you're just some kind of waste of space! I don't - "

"Anika!" I yelled sharply, cutting her off and making her flinch. My eyes darkened a bit, and I looked directly into her tearful eyes.

With a heavy sigh, my gaze softened, and I pulled her head into my chest. Embracing her in my arms. As if I was trying to make her understand. That this is our last goodbye...

"I am sorry, I am very sorry for hurting you like that. But please, if you love me, you need to let go of me. If you really love me, then don't hurt me by clinging to the past. As bad as it might sound, you need to understand that I... I am going to have to leave soon, and I want you to be safe, even when I am not around anymore." I said in firm clear yet a bit shaky voice.

I didn’t know what got into her after I uttered those words, but she started sobbing and crying loudly. Her hands clutched into my jacket so tightly that it could rip.

I had never seen her so desperate and broken before. Her body was shaking violently in my arms.

And then I knew it, I knew she understood what I was trying to say. Her mind accepted it, but her heart completely refused to believe it.

She was saying goodbye, in her own... unique way.

I hugged her back as tightly, gently patting her head, trying to calm her down. And trying to calm myself down as well.

My tears slipped without my consent, though I promised myself to stay strong for her.

But even... I didn't want to leave too soon.

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