"Am I even worth saving or am I just as worthless as the way the world has made me feel?"

❃ B l a z e ❃

I started walking to my class. I looked around me to see if Aiden was nearby. The coast was clear and I went to my first class, English.

As I opened the door, a familiar pair or green eyes stared back at me. I looked at the floor as I looked for a seat in the back. I didn't like drawing much attention to myself. To my dismay, all the back seats were taken and the only seat left was next to Rafael. Just my luck. What was it with him appearing everywhere I went like a genie? Or maybe it was just a coincidence. Stop flattering yourself. I internally rolled my eyes at my irrational thinking.

I made my way over to sit beside him. I had a feeling that things were about to get awkward. The way he had stared at me today in the hallway and when he returned my keys had me wondering if he knew something. But I wasn't going to indulge in saying even a single word to him. This was going to be one long class.

Throughout the entire class, I felt an intense stare on me and I did my best I could to ignore it. After some time, my fear kicked in and my hands started shaking. My anxiety rocketed and I grew skittish. What did he know about me? Why was he staring?

I felt the onset of a panic attack and my mind started to blur. My panic attacks came out of nowhere at times, leading me to always be on edge. I forgot where I was and my attention wavered.

My thoughts were muddled and I tried to calm myself down by taking some deep breaths. It wasn't working and I tried to anchor myself to the current situation. This wasn't the place to be having a panic attack. I was broken out of my daze by an annoying voice.

"Miss Davis, I understand you may have better things to do than study Shakespeare but pay attention in class if you wish to go on to Senior year" Mrs Lively, my Literature teacher spoke up. Her name was quite the irony, given her personality. I started to speak up, hoping no one noticed my shaky voice, but I was cut off.

"It's my fault, I distracted her" a low voice spoke up from beside me. God No. It was Rafael's voice. His voice was deep with a hint of a rough edge to it. He barely even knew me, why was he speaking up on my behalf ? Mrs Lively glared at both me and Rafael and continued on with her lecture. He's just messing around with you. I heard murmurs erupting from the entire class and internally groaned at being associated with Rafael.

Aiden was sure to get a whiff of Rafael's heroic act as one of his friends, Alec, was in the same class. I felt the same intense glare throughout the class but I pretended to ignore it. I wanted him to understand that even though his stand for me was appreciated, I had no interest in being around him, as rude as I looked or sounded.

As soon as the bell rang, I jumped up from my seat to get away from Rafael. If Aiden found out that I was talking to him, he would hurt me more than he had initially planned. That was certainly not something I was anticipating.

I attended my rest of my classes until Lunch, not quite paying attention and thankfully, Rafael was in none of them. I went to my locker to shove in my belongings and let out a sigh of relief. You're stressing over the silliest of things. The voice in my head was right. I was just being paranoid for some reason.

I made my way over to the cafeteria when I suddenly felt someone pulling me to a closed classroom. From his brown eyes boring into mine and his ruffled hair, I could make out that it was Aiden.

"You bitch. Alec told me all about you and that bastard Rafael. Did you think you could escape me? Baby, I'm not going away that easily. You should've learnt that by now" he spoke in a menacing voice. I stepped back trying to avoid his scorching gaze.

"I- I wasn't talking to him. I didn't even know him until today and I st-still don't." I stuttered and tried to defend myself but that just made everything worse.

"Did I tell you to talk back? You think you're so smart, but you're just the spineless whore you've been ever since she left." Aiden words stung me. Just like they always did. I thought maybe I would be immune to it by now, but it hurt just like the first time.

With that, I felt a sharp stinging across my cheek. I tried to shield myself from him but he grabbed me by my backpack and punched me in the stomach, knocking the air out of me. I doubled over and fell to the ground, my body screaming in pain. Then, Aiden pulled me up by my hair and whispered "This is just the first round". With that, he walked away but not before giving me a sadistic smile. I had learnt that he loved seeing me in pain.

I was left there on the cold floor, broken- both emotionally and physically. I sobbed quietly but I already knew that no on one would find me, maybe a teacher and I wanted to avoid that by all costs. I willed myself to get up and I walked to the bathroom, my backpack slung over my shoulder. I hoped no one saw our little ordeal.

Locking myself in a stall, I pulled out something from my backpack that eased the pain. Hidden deep beneath all the books. My razor blade.

Pulling up the sleeves of my top, I saw all the scars of my previous therapy sessions. There were too many to count. Pulling the blade across my skin, I watched as the blood trickled out. I no longer felt pain, just a feeling of satisfaction. A voice inside my nagged that my parents would be disappointed, but the devil on my shoulder retaliated. You're already a disappointment, what's a little more?

One after another, I cut until I couldn't anymore. My eyes were red from all the crying and I washed my face to hopefully hide it. The blood was trickling down and I washed it off before it stained my jeans. I slumped down near the wall, and while plastering my wounds, tears ran down my face. The tears were no longer sad nor a result of the pain. They just streamed down on their own accord. I lost track of time as I sat there with the darkness seeping in my mind.

When I left the washroom, I realized two periods had already gone by. There was no point attending the remaining one. I sat on an empty bench near the entrance waiting for the day to end. I felt all the memories of the past come flickering by. I welcomed them with open arms.

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"We'll always be together. Just me and you, Kiara and Blaze. B, You're always there for me and I want you to know that no matter where we'll be in the future, you'll always hold a special place in my heart". I smiled at the words Kiara had written on my 13th Birthday Card. I knew she was always here. I got up and hugged her tight. I had tears in my eyes but she was quick to wipe them away. "Hey don't cry. All the boys will run away. I don't want to die without my first kiss!" She chuckled and just her being there with me made my birthday even better. I forgot all about mum and dad, because she was there to help me through my nightmares.

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I still had tears streaming down my face and my heart ached. I didn't know how long I could take this anymore. But I needed to show that I was happy. I had to fake it because that's all I had ever been taught. By Aunt Mary. By Aiden. I was supposed to show that I was perfect even if I was falling apart inside. The truth was better hidden away from prying eyes.

Suddenly a shrill sound represented the bell ringing and the first face I saw in the crowd was Rafael's. It was weird how I had already spotted him three times in one day, and I had rarely seen him all throughout last year. I quickly wiped away my tears. He scanned the crowds as if looking for someone, and I kept my eyes to the concrete. It seemed more interesting than my surroundings. Suddenly he looked in my direction and I felt his heated gaze on me. He made his way over. Oh boy. What is up with this guy? I mentally seethed.

I instantly jumped up when he stood above me, his shadow looming over mine. He was even taller than I thought. Probably around 6"2 or 6"3 and I was a dwarf compared to him at 5"6. He said nothing, but his silence was worth a million words. His green eyes pierced into mine as he inspected my face for whatever it is he wanted to find. The sun made his brown hair shine and I noticed a few dark golden strands. Stop being a creep. I averted my gaze.

I looked around for Aiden but thankfully he wasn't here yet. "Go away" I willed myself to speak to him and make him leave. However, I still couldn't make myself to stare him down. He suddenly leaned down to me and said in a low voice "What's wrong?" His voice was calm yet dangerous, as if he could unravel me with a single word. There was an undercurrent of something like worry, but I quickly shot that thought down. There's no way he could care, he's just being a decent human being. Get over yourself.

When I didn't respond, he held his palm up and I instinctively flinched. He shot me a confused look and gently tilted my face to meet his eyes. I found myself not resisting his touch, and I couldn't deny the spark I felt when his fingertips grazed my jaw. His eyes  held a raw emotion I knew all too well. Sadness just like my own.

Rafael was leaning down to take a closer look at my puffy face. I knew I wasn't pretty, I just hoped that he didn't mention it, I heard it enough from Aiden. He was so close, our noses were almost touching. I felt my breathing pick up not only because we couldn't be seen in this position, but because I found myself wanting him to lean in closer. His breath fanned over me and I caught a whiff of cinnamon and pine, along with the slightest smell of nicotine. I would surely be receiving more than a few punches and kicks if both of us were caught.

Just as I was about to tell him to back off, I saw a face that scared me to death. Aiden. There was pure anger in his eyes as he stomped our way. I instinctively backed away, picking up my backpack. "She's Mine" Aiden growled at Rafael. My temper flared yet died down just as quick at his words.

Before Rafael could react, Aiden threw a punch to his face. Wrong move. A look of immense rage shadowed Rafael's face and he stepped forward, but Aiden pulled me in front of him, stopping Rafael in his tracks. He looked so angry, his breathing ragged. He was a few inches taller than Aiden, making him even more intimidating. I pleaded with my eyes to make him understand that I needed him to go away.

Suddenly, Aiden starting pulling me roughly and literally dragged me to his car. Rafael was still staring at me as if contemplating whether he should follow or not. I knew this was not over. I was scared to get home. As if snapped out of a daze, I saw Rafael come after us but it was of no use. As soon as we were in the car, Aiden sped off. I could see Rafael angrily staring at us from a distance.

"He's not going to help you. Once he knows how broken you are, he'll leave you just like everyone else" Aiden growled. All throughout the ride, Aiden painfully held onto my hand, not letting go once.

When we reached the house, I was scared for what was gonna happen. How bad would it be this time?

Hey babes. How is everyone? Maybe Rafael is interfering too soon or does he just care for Blaze? What do you think about her and Rafael together? Do you ship it or not? Give me your thoughts.

If any of you suffer from depression, message me or talk to someone you feel comfortable with. Self Harm or any other harmful way of releasing your anger is not the solution. It may seem hard, but once you have someone, it gets easier. We're all here and we can get through it together. Feeling alone is never an option. Always remember you have a purpose in this life and you have to find it.

I've been through it and came out strong. So can you <3

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