"Even if we come crashing down in flames, I would have known that for a fleeting moment we were soaring high amongst the clouds"

❃ B l a z e ❃

A rush of happiness washed over me as Raf's word finally sunk into my brain and I couldn't help the flutter of butterflies taking flight in my stomach.

However, my joy was short lived once I sat in the car, feeling a cold gush of air tease my skin and the deafening silence weigh upon me. "Jonah?" I gently touched his shoulder but he flinched away, running his fingers across his eyes.

"I'm sorry" he sighed after inhaling a long breath. "It's just been a long day".

"What's wrong?" he shook his head, causing his jet black hair to brush against his eyelashes. His exhaustion was radiating off every movement of his, as he didn't even bother moving his hair away. I didn't mention that we were still in the deserted parking lot.

"Everything" he murmured softly.

I fidgeted with my fingers, mulling over my next words. I know how it felt like, and patronizing him wasn't going to get us anywhere.

"One step at a time, Jo" a ghost of a smile crossed his lips, and his eyes crinkled as he turned to me. "It honestly feels like everyday is getting worse. It's all just so exhausting" he confessed in a hushed whisper.

"Talking helps, right?" I repeated Raf's word subconsciously. He nodded imperceptibly and laid his head back against the seat, shuttering his eyelids.

"Everything feels draining these days. Who would've thought breathing would feel so hard?" he shook his head lightly, taking another deep breath.

"I don't really know who else to talk to. I'm sorry for the sudden intrusion" his slate eyes drooped heavily, causing my forehead to crease in worry.

"Don't apologise, you're my friend. You can vent to me" my own voice reverberated against the empty car. It felt hollow and suffocating, and even if there were two people here, the loneliness seemed pervasive.

"Do I really deserve that?" the self loathe in his words made me wince, and my eyes softened as I regarded him. He was my friend, and I couldn't hold his leaving over him, because that was a choice for himself. That slow realization grounded itself into my brain.

"Yes, you do" I turned around in my seat to face him. "We're supposed to be here for each other, right?" his face paled further, if that was even possible and I immediately regretted my words. "That's why I'm listening" I added hesitantly.

Another languid nod indicated that he was hearing me, and he gripped the steering wheel.

"Things have become harder since we came back two weeks ago" he paused at my shocked expression, I hadn't known they had been in town this long.

"I didn't really leave the house, I had to look after the twins. But ever since school started, it's getting tougher. Mum has to take up extra shifts at the hospital, and Dad stays longer hours at the office because he missed out on that promotion. I'm not doing good, financially or mentally" he confessed bitterly in a raspy voice. He avoided my concerned gaze as he stared out into the dusky sky, entranced in it's cloudy blanket.

I waited for him to speak, knowing that he still had a lot more to say, and he did. "Everett and Emery have been sick these past few days, so they're not going to kindy. Mum hired a babysitter yesterday, but we can't afford it every time. That's why I had to stay back from school".

I watched as he struggled to continue and I placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He started talking again, and his voice leaked of all the emotions brewing inside.

"I barely get sleep, and then I have to stay up late till either mum or dad come home. But I'm not entitled to complaining, this is all on me" his voice trembled, but his eyes were dry.

"If we hadn't moved away, none of this would've happened" Jonah's words were regretful and brimming with anguish, and it caused my heart to twist in my chest.

"You can't think about the if's" it was pretty rich coming from me, considering I did it all the time. All the events preceding Kiara's death and even after, were all just a big if. What if I could have saved her, what if I had stopped her in time?

"I miss her everyday" Jonah admitted quietly, and a shaky sigh edged past my lips. "I do too".

A suffocating silence fell upon us and I looked out in the empty parking lot, teeming with a dreary absence of life.

A year ago in the same parking lot, Kiara would be blasting music and filling every silent moment with her cheerful voice. Jonah would look at her admiringly, while shaking his head and I would stare at Aiden from afar. My world was restricted to a handful of people, and they were my source of happiness.

Those moments felt all part of a dream, too good to be true. One day, that was all it had taken for our lives to turn upside down. For life to turn into an hollow cycle of pain. For relationships to turn into prisons, and friendships into abandonments.

I shook my head to ward off those thoughts. The amount of advice I'd dished out over the past twenty four hours could rival a therapist.

"I have to drop you home" Jonah spoke suddenly, dragging his fingers through his tousled hair. I nodded, and he reciprocated before pulling out of the parking lot.

I tapped my fingers together, trying to find a way to break the uncomfortable stillness. Thankfully, Jonah spoke up. "I got a job".

I smiled at him before answering, "Me too".

"Where?" the both of us spoke simultaneously and a genuine grin crossed his face. "Jinx. You first" I told him and he nodded.

"The same place Logan works" his smile fell as he answered, morphing into a grimace.

"He's an asshole" I dead panned.

Jonah's chuckles echoed throughout the car, bringing a smile to my face. This was almost like the friendship we had a year ago, and I could still feel it in fleeting moments like these.

"That's one way of putting it" he smiled while focusing on the road. "Here I was thinking he was my best friend" his face hardened and I shook my head.

"He's the one who doesn't deserve that title" I smirked at him playfully, and a small smile graced his lips.

"Your turn, where do you work?" my face lit up at his question, knowing he used to love going to Charlotte's store. "Remember Ellison Book Den?".

His eyes widened as he quickly glanced at me before turning back ahead. "You work there?" his voice bordered incredulity and I frowned at him.

"Are you saying I don't deserve the job?" I tried to hold back my grin as I accusingly glared at him.

"N-no I just meant... what I'm trying to say is-" I cut him off by my laughter, feeling a grin spread across his face. He was just as easy to rile up as I remembered.

"It's okay, I was just kidding" I smiled at him, and he scowled at me before stopping at an intersection.

"You should come by today, it'll be like old times" a sad smile crept across his face and he nodded. "I think I will".

"If you ever need anyone to babysit the twins, you can call me" I offered, and he grinned at me. "I might just take you up on that" his voice sounded happy yet tired, and I couldn't help but feel bad at the clear exhaustion diffusing off of him.

"I miss those two fuzzballs" I grinned fondly, remembering them. They were quite the duo, not to mention adorable. "Did you just call my siblings fuzzballs?" he looked at me weirdly and I nodded, feeling an embarrassed flush spread across my cheeks.

Another stretch of silence cloaked us and I looked out the window, admiring the sky which was laced with shadowy hues.

I didn't even realise when he pulled up to the Marshall's house, and Jonah tapped my shoulder. "We're here".

"Thank you" I smiled at him and he shook his head. "I should be the one thanking you".

"Stop with all the thank you's" I muttered, rolling my eyes playfully. "I should go, I don't want to meet them" he queasily glanced at the house behind me, his face dropping for a moment before he plastered on his faint smile.

I nodded and said goodbye, stepping out from the car. He waited for a minute as I made my way down the driveway, when a sudden idea popped into my head.

Jogging back towards his car, I leaned against the window as he rolled it down. He shot me a confused look when I smiled at him.

"We're all going bowling Saturday night, it's something we do every weekend. You should join us" I grinned at him, feeling quite proud of myself.

"I don't think that's a good idea. I barely know anyone" Jonah looked squeamish and I didn't miss the sullen undertone to his voice.

"This is your chance to make new friends then. They won't mind, and they're all amazing people" I murmured in a low voice and he sighed, shirking my gaze.

I took it upon myself to convince him like a conniving salesman, well saleswoman.

"Stop thinking up whatever scenario it is in your head. I promise you'll like this. Just trust me" I was about to continue but he breathed out a long puff before reluctantly nodding.

A squeaky noise of appreciation slipped past my lips and I meekly smiled at him. I was expecting more resistance, but this was Jonah after all.

"I actually have work, so I'll join you guys after my shift. At the arcade right?" he quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, due to some unfortunate circumstances I don't really think we're welcome there anytime soon. So we go to the bowling alley" I grinned sheepishly at him.

He shook his head in amusement and nodded. "I'll be there, thought a bit late".

"Great" I clapped my hands together, feeling determined to stay true to my promise to make it a good time.

I walked down the driveway to the front door for the second time, and waved to him as I closed the front door.

The faint thrumming of his engine faded further away as I smiled to myself, feeling the foreign emotion of contentment nudge itself into my heart.

For the first time in a long time, things felt okay. Not great, but not too bad either. Just okay.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

"How was school today?" Charlotte's voice carried across the empty bookstore as I dusted the shelves.

"It went well" I smiled at her, and her eyes crinkled up in amusement.

"Any male friends of that sort?" I tried to stifle a laugh at the way she said it, but my smile faded as another flashback of Aiden hitting me played in front of my eyes. I thought I was past this, but obviously the memories flashed out of nowhere.

"No" I said after a moment of recollecting myself, and noticed that my fingers were squeezing the cloth in a death grip.

"I'm sure someone will come along, you're a beautiful girl" Charlotte smiled at me warmly, and my face heated up as I looked away silently.

"Did you know that I hated Noah up until the last few months before I married him?" she grinned cheekily, and I knew this was an indicator of another story time. Charlotte loved narrating her younger escapades, as she liked to put it.

"You still do" Noah's gruff voice muttered from behind the counter, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

Charlotte ignored him as she started narrating one of her high school stories, in which she had ripped her dress at the school dance and Noah had laughed at her, instead of helping.

I was still laughing when I heard the bell chime, indicating the arrival of a customer.

Jonah looked timid and drained as he glanced around the store, an evident wave of sadness engulfing him. His eyes darted around to the couches, and I could practically see all the images that must've been running in his head.

Charlotte's face lit up with joy as she recognised him instantly. "Jonah, you're back" she grinned enthusiastically and Jonah nodded with a small smile on his face.

All of a sudden, she pulled him into a hug and I could tell it was awkward for him by the way his arms were squished against his sides.

"I miss you kids around here" she smiled softly at him, and his pain was evident on his face. "Why don't you go and browse some of the books?" I offered, feeling his discomfort rising with each second.

He smiled warily at me and went to the fantasy section, like he usually did. "You must be happy to have him back" Charlotte turned to me and I bit my lip before answering with a vague nod, "I am".

"Blaze, can you help me for a second?" Jonah's voice called and I went over to see him looking at the ground nervously. "I don't think I should be spending on books right now, when I should be saving" he whispered in a low tone, and his cheeks flushed red in embarrassment.

"You deserve a break Jonah. It's on me, don't worry about it" I told him and he shook his head furiously, a streak of anger flashed across his eyes.

"I'm not some charity case" I winced at the harshness in his voice, but tried not to let it get to me. "I'm sorry. I think I should go" he sighed and that's when I saw his hurt bubbling to the surface. His emotions were understandable, this place held a lot of memories for both of us and I had time to come to terms with it. He, on the other hand, hadn't.

"I'm paying either way. Consider it a forgiving gift or a token of friendship, yeah?" I raised an eyebrow and he ran his fingers through his hair, which was something he did quite frequently, before nodding.

"Only this one time" he muttered under his breath, and I grinned at him. "You're still into all that fantasy stuff?" I asked, and his face lit up. "Of course, they're interesting to read".

"I beg to differ, crime thrillers are much more interesting" I was saying this purposely to fire him up. Jonah didn't have much that annoyed him, but defending his favourite book genre was a fight he didn't back down from. It was amusing to hear.

"Sorry that I don't like reading books that middle aged women going through a crisis read. Possibly to research ways to murder their cheating husbands" he rolled his eyes, and I stifled a laugh at his outrageous statement.

"And anyways, why would you want to read about murders and family grudges? Everyone thinks it's the butler or the gardener, but it's usually the son or the wife having an affair" his face was serious and I couldn't help but laugh at his rant. He scowled at me, but I noticed the small smile creeping on his lips.

"I'll leave you to your dragons and wizards" I smirked at him, and he glared at me jokingly.

For the next few minutes, Charlotte kept on pestering me to go take a break and talk with Jonah. However, I could see him admiring the books and running his fingers across their spines as he retreated into his own bubble.

I didn't want to disturb him so I kept on organising the books and changing some of them out for the clearance section according to the list Noah had given me.

We didn't get heaps of customers, it was a bookstore after all but it also served as a hidden café of sorts. There was almost an unwritten rule that if you stayed for more than half an hour with a book, you had to buy it or several cups of coffee. Sometimes the coffee bill ended up being more expensive than the actual book itself.

The constant brewing of ground coffee soothed me and gave the store a warm ambience with the wafting cocoa undertones, paired with the woody interior and the corner seating. Jonah was siting with one of his books in an armchair by the faded world map.

"Will you just take a break? You've been at the same section for the past ten minutes" Charlotte narrowed her eyes at me, and I grudgingly nodded.

Grabbing two cups of coffee, I made my way over to where Jonah was sitting and plopped down on the loveseat beside him. "Coffee?" I held out his cup, and he looked up from his book to stare me in the eye. "Just like old times" he chuckled nervously, a peak of dejection coating his words.

"Just like old times" I muttered in a hushed voice, and as my eyes trailed over the familiar spot a rush of memories washed over me. It was almost as if I could feel her in spirit, and hear the tinkling of her laughter.

"You know Jonah, sometimes I wonder if you love your books more than me" Kiara's voice was annoyed, as she constantly let out deliberate huffs.

"Could you please pass me my coffee?" Jonah asked in a nonchalant voice, completely ignoring her previous statement. However his eyes met mine above the edge of his book, and I could see the playfulness gleaming in them.

Kiara's face scrunched up in anger and she picked up his cup and slammed it in his hand, almost causing it to spill over. "Why don't you go marry the Princess of Eviolon instead, cause she's been grabbing your attention for the last hour now" she glared at his book, before crossing her arms over her chest.

I couldn't stop the fit of chuckles that rambled out of my mouth as Jonah's mouth gaped open at Kiara's jab. "You're so dramatic" Jonah grumbled and Kiara put a hand over her heart. "Me? I'm dramatic? You're delusional" she narrowed her eyes at him before poking her finger on his chest.

"I was just joking" he put his cup down and raised his hands innocently. "Yeah whatever" Kiara grumbled and I just watched the two in amusement.

Jonah's arms wrapped around her in a hug and she scowled at him but eventually ended up giving in. That's how it usually was. Kiara would start an argument cause she was bored, Jonah would be laid back and hear her vent, and I would be the witness to their daily pointless rants.

I wish I could've preserved those moments, because these two were the only people besides Aiden that helped me move forward in life. If only I'd know that my healer would be my tormentor.

"I can practically hear her yelling at me" Jonah's voice brought me out of the flashback, and that's when I noticed I had been holding my cup in a death grip, causing the inside of my palms were burning from the heat.

"It was fun watching you two bicker" I smiled at him and he did the same, causing another bout of peace to swamp us. The silence was steeped by the ghosts of the past lingering in the air, haunting our minds.

"Where do you think it all went wrong?" Jonah's voice was a low whisper, as if we was talking more to himself than me.

"I wish I knew" I looked towards the yellowing map, and took a deep breath. "We can't keep going back there Jonah" I spoke to him in an urgent voice and he nodded.

"I know, I'm sorry" he smiled at me and then proceeded to pick his book back up.

"Cheers" I grinned before clinking my mug to his.

That's how we ended up spending the rest of my shift, as Charlotte refused to let me go back to work. Jonah continued reading his book, and I could slowly see the fatigue dissolve from his body. I grabbed a book of my own, and we read in a companionable silence, interspersed with a few conversations.

A smile crept across my face as this moment reminded me of a younger time, when we didn't know grief, or the pain of losing someone who we thought would stay. But somehow I didn't feel the usual tide of hurt pull me under.

It felt like progress in the right direction, and I wanted it to stay that way.

Hi Babes! Now please please don't come at me for the long wait, it's been over two weeks since I last updated. I've been really busy with studying and finals, and I still am but somehow I managed this. Don't kill me. YET.

Well let me be honest, I had writer's block and I couldn't bring myself to type even a single word. I'm literally my biggest critic, and it sucks cause I wrote and rewrote a lot and I still hate it. I even thought about deleting this book on a whim, so um yeah.

And yes, I'm breaking the chapters up I'm sorry if you get ads but amongst the responses I received, majority preferred it. By the next time I update, I'll probably be done with finals so let's hope I don't vanish before then.

I want to thank you guys so so much for 8K, I love all of you so much and honestly it means so much to me. Everyone's probably getting tired of me sounding like a sappy willow tree by now but still I appreciate it so much.

Thoughts on the chapter? I wanted to focus more on Jonah and Blaze here cause they need development and I hope I did a good job of showing it.

Question: What's the most used app on your phone?

Remember to vote and tell me your feedback! Stay safe and beautiful like the gems you are.

Love
A❤️