"There's a thin line between the dark thoughts in your brain and your sanity. Right now, it feels if I'm dangling on the edge"

❃ B l a z e ❃

I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room, hoping to get in some sleep. I called Charlotte to let her know that I wouldn't be able to come to work, considering I was exhausted out of my mind.

Switching off my phone, I laid down on the bed. I didn't expect sleep to come easily, but much to my surprise I knocked out like a light. It was proof that the day was overtaxing.

By the time I woke up, it was around dinner time and I groggily washed my face and attempted to look a bit presentable as I padded down the stairs.

I was greeted by the sight of just Mark and Andrea seated at the table. My eyebrows furrowed at the absence of Aiden, and Andrea was quick to address it. "He's out with Alec".

I nodded, a bout of anger flaring up in me at the mention of his name. But I would take this opportunity to talk to Andrea about moving back to Aunt Mary's.

Andrea shot me a look, her eyes flooded with concern. How obvious was it? I needed to get better at hiding my lack of sleep.

"Are you sleeping okay?" she asked and Mark echoed her worry. "Yeah" I nodded but it was evident that they didn't believe me. "Do you want to start seeing Dr. Lincoln again?" Andrea asked cautiously.

I snapped my gaze to her, shaking my head furiously. "No. I'm fine" my voice was clipped. Two months with her hadn't helped, I doubt there was anything she could do with my resistance to offer anything, especially now.

"Blaze, you're having nightmares again" Andrea looked at me studiously. I stiffened as she analysed me with a stern eye. "I'm not" I protested but she didn't seem convinced.

"I've seen you the first month after it happened. You look just like back then" her voice wavered as she spoke about period after the event. They had left after a few months, putting the ball of horrific events into motion. But again, I couldn't blame them. I had failed to be stronger and that was going to change.

"Can I talk to you after dinner?" I diverted the topic, glancing at Andrea who cinched her eyebrows. "Is everything okay?" I nodded my head and we shortly began eating, but the tension was suffocating, as the both of them shot me furtive glances throughout dinner.

As soon as I was done, I got up and placed my hands on the sink, taking a few deep breaths.

I just hoped Andrea wouldn't be too adamant on making me stay here. Either way, I had made up my mind. The sound of footsteps behind me pulled me back, and I plastered a smile on my face as Mark approached me with his plate.

"Andrea's worried about you" he said in a low tone, concern evident in his own voice. I felt guilty for lying to them about everything that had transpired between Aiden and I. But I consoled myself with the fact that it was my choice when to speak up.

"Neither of you should be, I'm fine. It's just school stuff" I murmured, afraid to look him in the eye. "Blaze, we've known you for about nine years. I'm not forcing you to tell me what's going on, but we can't see you hurting too" I could feel the pain in his voice, the hidden meaning behind his words was clear as day.

He paused as Andrea entered the kitchen and I excused myself, my heartbeat pounding in my chest. Why was everyone so hell bent on recalling the past on the same day?

I sat down on the couch, closing my eyes while I tried to reign in my frantic thoughts. I could do this. I was stronger than this. It wasn't anything too serious.

It felt like an eternity later when Andrea finally sat down beside me. Mark was nowhere to be seen, and I guessed he was back in his office.

"Hi sweetie, are you okay?" she placed her hand on my shoulder gently, and I refrained from moving away. "Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you about some changes" I said slowly, trying to gauge her reaction. She seemed confused, but nodded at me to continue.

"I've been thinking this over and this is what I want" I said firmly and then decided I should just go ahead and rip the band aid right off. "I want to move back to Aunt Mary's place".

Andrea's face morphed into shock and then, horror. She reeled back at my words. "Why on earth would you ever want to do that?" A gasp escaped her lips and I wanted to just confess that it was all because of her son, but my throat felt dry and cracked. When would I be able to finally say it?

"I need change. You're right, I'm getting stressed and I just can't live here anymore". Guilt slashed through my heart as I partly lied to her, but there was some truth laced in my words. I was playing right into her words, using her concern as a means to validate my moving.

"Honey, going back there is not safe. You know she's a horrible person" her face was drowned with worry and incredulity. I couldn't really blame her though, I had been the one to tell her how Aunt Mary had emotionally tormented me.

"I'm stronger now. I can't stay here anymore" I hoped she would just drop it without prying for details, but of course she didn't. "Why?" Even if she seemed confused, I could sense that she already knew a minor part of the answer.

"I need to move on, and for that I need to leave" I was winging these half truths, and hoping she would fall for them. "You can't go back there" she shook her head. "She's a terrible person".

"I know, but I'll deal with it" I persisted, determined to get my way. "Blaze, are you okay?" Andrea blurted out and her eyes skimmed my face and I reluctantly confessed, "I don't know".

"Can you please go back to Dr. Lincoln?" My heart warmed at her concern, but going to therapy was the last thing I could handle right now. It was quite ironic, considering therapy was supposed to help you.

"No, I really don't need her help. It's nothing of that sort" I smiled grimly. "Are you breaking up with Aiden?" her words wiped the smile off my face, as my nails dug into the underside of my thighs.

I didn't say a word and she took my silence as an answer. "This isn't how things should've turned out" her voice cracked, and I felt emotions overpower me as my throat felt clogged. I opened my mouth, but the words stilled on my tongue.

"I can't force you, honey. It's your decision. I just want you to be happy. We'll talk about your moving later" Andrea smiled tightly and I could see that things really had gone downhill. Kiara was holding everything together, now it was falling apart in shambles.

"You can talk to me" she said as she got up, her gaze seeking the truth, but I doubted she would be able to find it. I nodded my head as she left, and I suddenly felt the weight of the day drag me down.

Tears pricked my eyes as I thought about how Jonah returning changed things. Every time I would see him, I was at risk of being thrusted into the past. I had heard a bit of what he wanted to say, but there was so much more left unsaid. I didn't know where I stood with him and a part of me was plagued with worry for him.

I rubbed the base of my palms over my eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. I needed to face this, and I couldn't always let my emotions take control. But why did it feel like I was on the verge of snapping or losing my mind?

A sniffle escaped me and I bit down on the inside of my cheek to keep myself from making any noise.

I heard a noise behind me and saw a fuming Aiden, clenching his fists. His face was contorted in rage and I shot up, in hopes of escaping him. His hand darted out and before I could even step away, his fingernails dug into my upper arm.

"Let me go" I seethed, but my voice was wobbly and I cursed myself for being vulnerable. His eyes were darkened with rage, and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He was on a downward spiral of his own, and I didn't plan on getting caught in between anymore.

"Andrea. Aiden's back" my voice carried across the house and I could hear footsteps in the distance. If he wanted to mess with me, two could play that game.

He dropped my arm, his lips turning into an animalistic sneer and I stumbled back. My nostrils flared as I realised how inhumane he had become. He was barely even himself.

When Andrea entered the room, I saw Aiden's dilated pupils dart her way and I knew he was in some deep shit. High and drunk would definitely not sit well with her.

I feigned a shocked expression as Andrea stomped angrily over to Aiden. She pulled his face down and looked repulsed at the stench of heavy alcohol mixed with marijuana on his breath.

Her wrath was about to unravel, and I desperately wanted to stick around just to see Aiden's fate. But I was still fighting for control of my thoughts, and I needed time to myself. Even if I knew nothing worked anymore.

"That is the last straw. You're not going anywhere without our permission. You're high and drunk out of your mind. What the hell is wrong with you?" Andrea yelled at him and I heard heavy footsteps in the distance, who I guessed was Mark.

"You didn't ask my permission before making the decision to leave, did you?" Aiden yelled back, his anger getting the best of him.

"That's enough" Mark boomed from behind me and I flinched at the amplitude of his voice and the authority it radiated.

Aiden shifted his glazed eyes onto him and laughed bitterly. "You can drop the caring act. Being absentee parents for so many months really degraded your image in my mind" his words made Andrea flinch and I saw hurt splashed across her face.

Mark, on the other hand, grew more infuriated. "Aiden. I suggest you keep your mouth shut unless..." he was cut off by Aiden's yelling. "Do you really think I care about whatever shit punishment you'll make up? Let me elaborate. I. don't. care" He enunciated each word, the bitterness in his voice making me angry.

He was a bastard, everything he had done was beyond horrible, and then he had the audacity to yell at Mark and Andrea. Sure, they hadn't been around, but they had always called and tried their level best to check up on us. It had been him who had lied about everything. This was on nobody but himself.

I wanted to blurt out everything, but just the thought of someone else knowing made me want to escape and break down. Once I went there, I wouldn't be able to come back, and I wanted to be sure I was ready for that.

Mark was now shaking with anger, and I backed away from all of them. My chest was feeling heavy again, and I didn't want them to be here to witness another stupid panic attack.

"I'll be upstairs" I muttered, but the three of them were too busy having a stare off to even notice. I gripped the edge of the wall near the stairs as I composed myself.

Once I was in my bedroom, I immediately slumped on my bed, vigorously rubbing my eyes. I couldn't sleep now even if I desperately wanted to, I had some homework left to do.

For the next hour, I tried to focus on my books without letting my mind waver to the past. It was extremely difficult and after what felt like a century later, I was done and immediately rushed to take a shower and change in the bathroom next door.

I was exhausted and my eyelids felt droopy by the time I was back in bed and I snuggled under the covers, savouring the warmth they provided. I just hoped I wouldn't be swarmed by everything in my sleep again.

I had pushed back on my emotions and events of the day, choosing to deal with it later. It wasn't healthy but in all honesty, I wasn't in the state of mind to handle it. The possibility of interacting with Jonah and the ever changing dynamic between Raf and I scared me in ways that I hadn't felt before.

Before I could take some time to dwell on it, I felt myself lose to the clutches of sleep. My eyes fluttered close and I hoped that maybe, for once, I could have a peaceful night of sleep.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

My body jerked awake as I felt fingers wrapping tightly around my wrist, and pain spreading across my body as I felt the person's nails dig in. I already knew who it was, and my heartbeat quadrupled as I struggled to not make a noise.

I cursed myself for not locking the door as Aiden's face came into view, illuminated by the slight moonlight pouring in from the window. I could still smell the alcohol on his breath, which made me nauseated. I stopped myself from flinching as he raised his other hand.

In a moment of surprise, his hand caressed my cheek and his fingers brushed away the wayward strands off my face. Repulsion plagued my body at his touch and I jerked away, but his other hand held me in place with a steel grip. My breath hitched as he stared at me deeply, his fingers gently running across my jaw.

I was shell shocked to say the least, frozen in my position. What was wrong with him? What was he doing?

"You can't leave me, Blaze. I love you" his hoarse voice sent chills down my spine, and not in the good way. He pressed his body weight on my legs as I tried to kick him, his knee holding me in place. "Yes, I can. I fucking hate you" I gritted out, swatting his hand away harshly from my cheek.

In the next second, his palm came in contact with my face as he slapped me hard. I gasped, sheerly out of shock and I didn't register the stinging sensation at all. It had been almost been three weeks since he had laid his hands on me, and he was trying to break me down again. This time though, he wouldn't succeed.

"Get out of my room, right now" I sneered as I punched him in the stomach. I wasn't as strong as him, so I dug my fingernails into his flesh as he thunderously glared at me, and stumbled back from my bed.

"Baby, do you really think you can leave me for him?" his voice was barely above a whisper, and it was malicious as I felt fear spread through my body. He was a raging psychopath.

"I'm leaving you for myself" I was desperately trying not to lay all my cards on the table, but I couldn't resist biting back.

He pulled me up from the bed, and I struggled in his hold. His nails dug into my flesh in a bruising manner and I could already feel my cheek was sore. I elbowed him, however he had anticipated my every move, as he pushed me against the wall and my head thudded painfully against it.

I bit back on the pain and continued glaring at him, as I tried to slap the demonic smile off his face but he moved away, grabbing my wrist in his hold.

"You should know, he's no better than I am. Ask him about the charges against him. Violence is his turn on. It's what he lusts after" Aiden smirked evilly as his fingers trailed across the curve of my abdomen. I was frozen, unable to move as his words whirred through my head.

No, he was playing with my mind. He was manipulating me. But a part of me questioned what Aiden knew about Raf. Definitely more than I did.

His lips planted on my neck and I felt my eyes well up as familiar memories gripped my mind, and the familiar disgust spread all over again. I forced myself to snap out of it when his lips trailed across my collarbone, and with all the strength I could muster, I kneed him between his legs.

He didn't roar out in pain like I expected, which surprised me, but he doubled over and clutched his crotch in pain as his eyes welled up. I took the opportunity to punch him across his jaw, my knuckles painfully made contact with his skin as he stumbled back and his furious, teary eyes ripped me apart with a look.

I was flooded with energy as I gripped his hair painfully and he hissed in pain. I was surprised he wasn't yelling, but his pain threshold must've been high, or he didn't want to wake Mark and Andrea.

I yanked the door open and literally kicked him out with a glower, pushing back the tsunami of feelings that were threatening to destroy me from the inside.

As I closed the door behind me, I made sure to lock it and my hands trembled as I fiddled to check twice and then thrice.

"No, no, no" I gripped my hair as terror struck my heart. I needed to get out of here as soon as possible. Aiden was scaring me to the bone, and I would rather die then let him lay a finger on me again.

Quiet sobs escaped me as I tried to calm myself down. I had the sudden urge to pick up the blade and for a moment, I did get up. But Trav's word floated through my mind. We're all here for you. Raf's voice intermingled with his. Trust me.

I used that as a boulder to latch on to my thoughts, convincing myself not to give into my impulses.

By the time I regained my composure, I checked the time to see it was two in the morning. I gritted my teeth in anger, Aiden had ruined my first night of sleep that wasn't filled with horrific nightmares.

I laid down again, forcing my mind to drift back to sleep, and suppress the wild emotions running free inside me.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

When I woke up again, I checked the time just to realise that I only had half an hour till Travis came to pick me up. I stumbled out of bed, knocking my knee on the edge. I cursed as a sharp pang shot up my leg, and I grabbed onto the bedside table as a string of profanities left my mouth.

Fucking hell.

I quickly got showered and winced in pain when the hot water came in contact with my cheek. A bruise was blooming and I hated how I would have to hide it again, just when I was feeling confident without makeup.

No, this was normal. It could've been much worse.

Once I got dressed and concealed my bruise, I sprinted downstairs and saw Andrea looking at me frantically. "I was wondering why you were late" she handed me a muesli bar, as there was clearly no time for breakfast.

Aiden was perched on one of the stools, glaring down at the counter. My eyes caught colouring on his jaw, which he clearly wasn't able to conceal and I wondered how he had managed to explain it to Andrea. Either way, I inwardly smirked. But my face fell at the reminder of his disgusting lips on my skin and the horrific memories associated with it.

Before I fell back into the whirlwind of memories, I heard Travis' honk from outside and grabbed my stuff, while waving to Andrea who glanced between Aiden and I.

We hadn't been talking much, let alone touching and I had confirmed that I was going to leave him soon. I didn't want to know what she thought about me and this situation.

I hopped into the backseat as Ann had permanently called dibs on the front, which I didn't mind. "You look a bit better today" he commented while looking in the rear view mirror at me.

I shrugged, a few hours of sleep did wonders. A smile split across my face as I remembered that his words in a way, had been able to stop me from harming myself again.

"I'll take that as a compliment".

Trav soon pulled up to Ann's house. She seemed to be in a sullen mood today, as her face was wound with stress from the minute she set foot in the car.

"Are we all taking turns being sad for a day?" Travis jokingly smiled at her, as he nudged her with his elbow. She seemed to not even hear him, as she absentmindedly nodded.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I leaned forward as Travis looked at her with worry. The both of them had grown pretty close, and concern radiated off him in waves as she seemed lost in her own mind.

"It's nothing. We should go" she pulled out her phone, ignoring our inquisitive stares. After a minute, Travis sighed and started the car, but not before sneaking another glance at her.

"Ann, you can tell us. Do I have to kick someone's ass?" Travis was half joking as he looked over at her. She smiled stiffly, shaking her head.

Trav's face dropped and he looked back forward, driving in silence. I didn't pry further, seeing as she was already quite on edge.

When we reached school, I pulled her aside and nodded at Travis to go ahead without us.

"What's wrong?" I repeated and she looked unsure of whether to tell me or not. "I would never judge you" I put all my conviction into my words and she hesitantly nodded.

"Wait for Bree?" her voice quivered as she fidgeted with her hands. I nodded, and my concern grew as I had never seen her so tense.

Raf and Bree pulled up a few minutes later, and I saw both of them furrow their eyebrows as they approached us. I narrowed my eyes when I saw it was Bree's car instead of Raf's.

I shook my head at Raf, who somehow understood to leave us alone. He bit his lip in thought, drawing my gaze to them and I instantly looked away as I felt heat creep up my neck. 

Bree rushed over to us, and over her shoulder I saw Raf smirking before he left. Jerk.

"Morning kiddos" she was trying to cheer her up the same way as Travis. I shook my head to signal to her that it wouldn't work and her eyes strayed to Ann, who was avoiding our gaze.

"It's about my parents" Ann blurted out and we turned to her to see her nibbling on her bottom lip anxiously.

"I overheard them fighting yesterday, and then my dad yelled that he wanted a divorce" she rushed the words out and we listened intently. Bree had grabbed her hand, and I saw Ann take a deep breath.

"I-I never knew it was this bad between them. I just thought that fights happened, you know? It's even more horrible because my mum didn't even say no" she was pouring her heart out and I felt my heart squeeze at the pain resonating in her words.

"It's so fucking horrible because they're literally ignoring me in the house. If I came home drunk, they'd probably not even notice" her voice raised a notch, and some students were looking at us. Bree and I glared at them, and they instantly averted their eyes.

"Fuck all of this. My dad's too busy in his work to even address this issue, and my mum acts as if everything's fine. But I know it isn't, yesterday was proof of that. It's like they don't even care about me" her eyes welled up and Bree and I pulled her into a massive hug.

"Sorry for being so overdramatic, this probably sounds stupid..." she was cut off by Bree slapping her hand across her mouth.

"Don't you dare ever say that again. Ever" she glared at Ann who looked a bit taken aback. "I understand what you're going through. My parents split up when I was 14" Bree looked aggravated as she dropped her hand, and my eyes flitted to her. The turmoil in her eyes indicated that this was hard to talk about. She clenched and unclenched her fists as she looked away.

"You don't have to tell me about it" Ann looked at her worriedly, her entire mood shifting.

"No, I just want to tell you that it's not easy, but we're here for you. In my case, it was better that they broke up. But I'm sorry you had to hear that" Bree avoided our gazes as the words piled out of her mouth.

"I'm sorry for bringing it up" Ann mumbled and Bree instantly looked up. "No, it's not your fault. This came out entirely wrong. I meant to say that it's hard and fuck, how do I say this?" her breathing became ragged as she puffed out harsh breaths.

"No, I get what you mean" Ann smiled softly at her. "Are you both okay?" their gazes switched to me.

Bree skirted around the topic with a tight smile, as did Ann. Much like Raf, Bree withdrew as if she had revealed a vital piece of information that she didn't mean to.

Bree suddenly looked at us with a bright look on her face. "Wait, I know what will help. Sleepover at my house?". Wow, that was random.

Ann's face morphed into surprise and then amusement, "You seem pretty excited". Bree looked at us sheepishly. "I've never actually had a sleepover before" her cheeks flamed up.

"I've been over to your house" I pointed out and she shook her head. "That doesn't really count" Ann shrugged her shoulders, implying she was okay with the plan. She was still dejected, but I could see her mood had uplifted a little. "I'm keen".

I nodded too and Bree's eyes lit up, but then she coughed awkwardly. "Today?" Ann grinned at her. "Someone's eager".

She scowled and huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "It's fine. I don't have work today" I smirked at her as she covered her smile with a grim nod.

We went inside and I noticed Raf and Travis standing near Raf's locker. My eye caught Jonah's who was standing a bit further away from them. He looked uncomfortable and fidgety as he fumbled with his locker door, turning away from me.

Ignoring the guilt spreading in my tummy, I walked to where the others were, and Raf looked over to Jonah. His gaze wasn't hostile, rather it was blank and devoid of any emotion.

Jonah looked frustrated as he rummaged in his locker. A bunch of papers flew on the floor, which attracted attention. I could distinctly see his shaking hands as he stuffed all of them back inside. He ended up slamming his locker before atypically storming away.

I looked in shock at where he had stood, feeling a pit in my stomach. A part of me wanted to go after him, but I remembered the text he had sent me. The one I had responded to hundreds of times, looking for an answer for anything I did wrong, but was always met with no reply.

Quite a few pair of eyes turned to see Jonah's outburst and I couldn't stop the consuming guilt inside me. I wanted to help Jonah, but I also wanted him to know how I had felt. How selfish.

My eyes turned to the rest of my friends, and I could swear I saw a hint of empathy in Raf's eyes. It was a harsh contrast to his regular, snappy attitude to people he didn't know.

"You didn't pick up my calls" Raf stated and I knitted my brows. When had he called? I pulled out my phone and saw a bunch of missed calls from him and a barrage of texts from all of them. I smiled sheepishly, "I didn't really check my phone".

"How are you feeling today?" Raf turned to me, and his scrutinizing gaze roamed every inch of my face, causing me to shift on my feet. "Absolutely great" I smiled fakely, causing him to quirk an eyebrow. "See! No breakdowns today" I made jazz hands to prove my point.

All of them looked awkwardly at me, and Raf bit down on his lip again. He cocked his head to the side and smirked as my face flushed at the sudden uncomfortable stillness.

"So, I'm having a sleepover at our house" Bree broke the silence with her announcement to Raf. I had expected him to laugh or grin, but rather he looked at her in sympathy and understanding, as if he knew some deeper secret.

When he noticed me staring, he plastered on a huge smile and teased Bree "Is big, bad Bree excited for her first sleepover?". She glared at him, and threw her hands up in exasperation.

"I am not excited. I'm just informing you" she folded her arms across her chest and huffed in annoyance.

"Why are you so excited for a sleepover?" Ann asked and there was a tense look exchanged between Rafael and Bree.

"I never really had friends growing up, so yeah. Never really got around to all that" Bree smiled a bit tightly and Raf looked at her, his eyes portraying pain and regret.

Annikah looked guilty and apologised, but Bree brushed it off. I could sense this was something much more extreme. Luckily, Travis diffused the tension with one of his hilariously stupid remarks.

By the time the bell had rang, Jonah was still nowhere to be seen and the three of us walked to class in silence.

"We should start that Chemistry project, shouldn't we?" Raf asked and I nodded. "You guys should work on that, while Bree and I watch a movie" Ann suggested and I didn't miss the smugness in her tone.

"Nope. Today's about relaxing and enjoying the present. Go with the flow" I pretended to slip on sunnies and made waves with my hands. The two of them looked at me weirdly and I cringed at myself. Leave it to me to say the strangest of things without any context.

"I don't even know how to reply to that. You sound like a hippie" Raf suppressed a grin.

"I don't either. I don't even want to know what goes through her head when she says stuff like this" Ann muttered.

"She is right here" I glared at the both of them, and walked ahead.

I could practically feel their amused smirks as I entered the class. We weren't late today and Mrs. Lively acknowledged me with a look.

I was more in my senses than yesterday, and I didn't miss the frequent second looks I got from other students. I glared at a few of them and I even saw Raf and Ann doing that. It was like they were more interested in my life than ever. But in a way, it was shocking for everyone to see Jonah back, even if they didn't voice it.

I was able to pay attention for the rest of the class, without letting my focus waver too much. My mind was still spinning from the events of yesterday. I could actually see myself signing up my life story as a plot for some trashy soap opera.

The hurt I had felt from Raf's actions and his subsequent opening up had me spinning. What did I even feel for him? That was something that I was scared to know the answer of.

By the time it was Physics class, a thought had crept it's way into my mind. A seed of concern was sprouting, and despite the way Jonah had hurt me, I had a feeling that I should ask him how he's doing.

I rushed a little earlier to Physics and was surprised to see Jonah with his head down on the desk. I cautiously approached him, and his head shot up. His face was drained of colour and his eyes were warm, but tired.

"Is everything okay?" I murmured in a small voice and his eyes looked hopeful at the idea that I was initiating the conversation. Fuck, I should've thought this through. I wasn't ready to be his friend yet.

"I'm not sure" the bluntness in his tone caught me off guard and I narrowed my eyes at him, noticing the dark circles ringing his eyes. Why hadn't I caught them before?

I stood there awkwardly, not really sure what to say. "If it helps, I didn't sleep well either because of yesterday" his face dropped and guilt consumed his eyes. Fuck what was I saying? I should probably just shut up with my motor mouth.

"I'm sorry" he spoke in a low octave and my heart twisted at my own remorse. I was being a horrible person.

"It's okay" I nodded at him softly, and I couldn't ignore the kindness and hope in his eyes. His loneliness was unnerving as I compared him to myself, and I wouldn't want to do that to someone else.

He didn't say anything and I took that as my cue to leave.

I sneaked glances at Jonah throughout the remainder of the class, and it was obvious that he was on edge and twitchy. His gaze flitted around the classroom repeatedly, and my eyes fell on his clenched fists.

Once class was over, he left in a hurry and some part of me overpowered my body to follow him. I gave in, and saw him walk towards the back of the school and I discreetly tailed him.

He sat down on an empty bench and I lurked behind the nearest wall, like some budget spy.

As he emptied the contents of his backpack on the bench, some spilled on the concrete. He barely paid attention to the scattered objects as he rummaged around in his backpack.

As if finding the gold at the end of the rainbow, he sighed in content and pulled out a bottle of pills. I could make out that they were prescribed and my heart thumped loudly against my rib cage.

The next thing I could make out was Jonah's head suddenly turning to mine as his eyes widened. Fuck I just had to gasp, didn't I?

I walked towards him and silently helped him pick up the things off the ground. He was avoiding my gaze and his hands shook as he was barely able to pick up a pen rolling towards me.

My heart flooded with hurt and pain. I was being so selfish, when he had been hurting too. I, of all people, knew the stupid decisions we made when we were hurt or in grief. Maybe that text was one of them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry" my words were sincere as his eyes met mine. "It's okay. I trust you". His words hit a soft spot and I tentatively smiled at him, which he reciprocated.

I handed him his things and I sat down on the bench beside him. As if reading my thoughts, he started speaking. "I didn't mean to send that text" the guilt oozing out of him no longer made me feel angry. Okay, maybe a bit, but in a way I understood.

He took my silence as a sign to keep talking. "I wasn't in the right frame of mind when I sent it. I didn't come out of my room for three days after that, and when I did it was to tell my mum I wanted to leave" his eyes were downcast and his hands tightly gripped the bench.

"If I stayed a minute longer, I would've followed in Kay's footsteps" my breathing halted as I looked at him.

"It was hard for mum and dad to pick up everything and leave. Everett and Emery were still only two and a half, and dad had just got a promotion" my heart warmed at the memory of his younger twin siblings. They were the cutest toddlers I had met till date.

"I don't know what convinced them, but they didn't say a word. They packed up everything. For me. And now I couldn't handle that place, so I'm back" his eyes shone with so much pain, and I wanted to hug him. However, that didn't seem like the right thing to do.

"Where were you?" my voice was hoarse and I gulped as he averted his eyes. "We moved to Albanstown, it's about a three hours drive from here".

"You could've texted, called, hell you could've sent me a letter. Anything" I didn't mask the accusation in my voice. I needed to tell him how I felt too.

"Do you know how crazily worried I was? I thought you'd done the same thing" my voice cracked as his eyes pierced into mine. "You were like a brother to me, and you knew how hard it was for me to open up to you. I needed one text. But you chose to cut me off" he looked away as his grip on the bench tightened.

"I'm sorry. I regretted that text, and then I regretted leaving. I wanted to talk to you, but I didn't deserve it. Turns out leaving didn't really help" he scoffed bitterly. "What happened?" he turned to me, then looked away.

"I didn't fit in there, and it's like people judged me before they saw me because I was so scared of everything. They didn't even know about her, and the weird thing is I could have told someone about what had happened, but I didn't. I guess only you and Aiden would understand" I winced at his words. Aiden was the last person who would understand.

"Is everything okay between the both of you?" he asked warily. I shrugged, ignoring the playback of yesterday's events "A lot of things changed".

"He seems angry". My eyes fell to the ground at his words, "He's changed too".

"So have Logan and the others" his voice was full of hurt, and anger flared in my veins. They were horrible friends.

"I found that out the hard way". It was strange to see how I was sharing this with him, considering I had resented him for leaving. At least I had got some clarity on his reasons.

"The pills are for my anxiety" he voluntarily offered. "The therapist I used to go to gave them to me. I was a mess, I still am" his words resonated with my feelings and I had the urge to talk to him about everything that had changed.

"Therapy never worked for me" his head turned to me as the words left my mouth, and understanding flashed on his face.

"It didn't for me, either. That's why I'm back. I can't keep running and drag my family along" I was about to ask him about how his parents and the twins were doing. However, I turned around to see Bree and Raf standing a bit further away, wearing apologetic expressions.

"We were worried when you didn't come to Lunch" Bree offered and my heart swelled. The kindness in her tone was similar to the one radiating from Raf's eyes.

"Yeah, we were talking" I hesitantly glanced at Jonah, whose gaze darted between the three of us. "It's okay. You should go" he smiled sadly and I ground my teeth together. A part of me wanted to stay, but I also knew that whatever I had found out today was enough. He didn't have to tell me everything in a day. I would figure out our dynamic and where we stood, step by step.

I nodded, and shot him a look that hopefully meant that he could talk to me whenever he wanted.

Bree followed me when I started walking in the direction of the Cafeteria, but I didn't hear Raf's footsteps. We turned around to see him still standing there, as if contemplating something. Jonah was looking at him warily as he slipped all his things in his backpack.

"Would you like to have Lunch with us?" Raf's voice was filled with reluctance and surprisingly, a tiny amount of concern. My eyes widened in shock, as did Bree's and Jonah's. The previous hostile and impassive reaction of his had vanished, rather he was making an effort.

"I have some work to do right now. But, thank you" Jonah shot a small smile to Raf who nodded sharply. "Sure, that's fine".

He turned to us and then walked ahead, ignoring the equal shock and curiosity on our faces.

"Is this really Raf?" Bree whispered to me and I smiled at the incredulity on her face. "Seems like it". I couldn't shake the happiness sprouting roots in my mind.

Maybe Jonah coming back didn't necessarily mean a bad thing. Just maybe.

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I was now at home, grabbing my things for the sleepover. Bree was going to pick Ann and I up, then we had to gather 'resources', in her words.

I had already texted Andrea, and since Aiden's sneaking in yesterday night, I made sure to check the lock on the door multiple times. Even if I was awake, I couldn't trust him not to do something horrible.

I scrolled through my phone for a while and then got a text from Bree saying they were here. I grabbed my stuff and went downstairs. Once I closed the front door behind me, I noticed Bree's silver Mercedes in the driveway and the unmistakable sound of blaring music. How freaking loud was she playing it?

As soon as Ann saw me, she scrambled out of the front seat and rushed into the back. I looked at her weirdly and she muttered, "You'll see".

The pounding music made me flinch and Bree smiled at me sheepishly as she turned down the volume a notch. Alternative music was blasting from the speaker, and Ann looked like she was scared out of her wits in the backseat.

"Let's fucking rock this shit" Bree suddenly swerved out of the driveway and sound of gravel skidding against the rubber tires made my eyes widen. It took her practically no time to speed down the roads, and I clutched onto my seat for my dear life.

"How are you not dead by now?" I spluttered as I leaned further into the seat. Bree narrowly missed a black car, whose driver yelled at us when we raced past him. "Baby, I've got skills" she smirked and I glared at Ann, who set me up in the front seat.

"Could you slow down a bit Bree? I'd like to actually reach your house" Ann yelled over the music. "Preferably not in a body bag" I muttered and Bree grinned wickedly at me.

She continued to zoom and whizz past cars, that would probably note down her license plate number to add to their blacklists. Ann continued her jibes at Bree's driving, who conveniently ignored them.

I now understood why she never drove. If she did, she'd probably end up crashing straight after pulling out of the driveway.

After ten minutes of her horrendous driving, which seemed more like a lifetime, she pulled up to the store. "Grab whatever snacks you want" she shrugged nonchalantly as she stepped out of the car not sparing us a second glance.

Annikah and I looked at each other in bewilderment. "I'll get my driving license just to avoid riding in the same car as her" she shuddered.

We followed her into the store and she was randomly throwing things in the trolley, even if she was merely six feet inside. Ann blew out an exaggerated breath and stomped over to her. I saw both of them bickering as I approached, and Bree reluctantly put the items back.

"We're only getting stuff we need" Ann sternly pointed to the both of us. Bree pouted and even though she and Travis argued a lot, they were quite similar in more ways than one.

Bree grumbled and pushed the trolley forward, leaning her upper body against the handlebar. "We need lollies and snacks, and most definitely heaps of crisps" Bree told Ann and she nodded.

Bree threw in packets of Snickers, Reese's, M&M's, Skittles and Fruit Bursts. But she didn't stop there. She added bars of Crunchies, Kit Kats, Whittaker's and Twix. Her hands reached out to grab a few packets of Tim-Tams and Party mix, but was halted by Ann. "Only one each" she gritted out as she glowered strictly at Bree. "Whatever you say, mother" Bree muttered.

By the time we had reached the checkout counter, our trolley was filled with heaps of junk food and not a healthy thing in sight. Personally, I didn't mind. The girl at the till gave us a weird look as she eyed our items. "I'll be paying" Bree announced, shutting down our discreet hands creeping into our wallets.

"You better book all of us a dentist's appointment after this" Ann muttered and Bree glared at her, as the cashier shot us an amused look.

By the time Bree had paid and we walked to the car with our bags, it was already the evening and the atmosphere was illuminated with tones of lavender and coral, interspersed with streaks of indigo. Thinly stretched clouds adorned the sky like pulled out cotton. The faint outlines of dim stars twinkled in the distance, and it was moments like these that I wish I could go to Kiara and I's place and hope she was there with me.

"Hey, let's go" Bree snapped her fingers in front of my eyes and shot me a quizzical look. Ann was in the backseat and she had strapped her seatbelt on as if it were a lifesaver.

I smiled widely at her and I ducked my head in the back window. "Ann, I love you" she shot me a deadpan look as I surreptitiously whispered to her. "How do you feel about sitting in the front seat? It's such a beautiful place to be, a perfect view of all the cars and..." she held a hand up to silence me.

"I'd prefer not to get my skull smashed in when we collide head on with another car" she glanced at Bree who was scowling and glaring at the both of us from the driver's seat.

"I do not drive that bad. You're alive, aren't you?" she retorted. "Barely" Ann rolled her eyes and I sighed and got in the front seat. If I died, at least we'd be ghosts together.

As soon as I sat down and clipped on my seatbelt, Bree raced out of the parking lot. "We're not in some highway chase, you wannabe Vin Diesel" Ann yelled from the backseat and I laughed a bit too loud. However, that was cut off when I had to steady myself as Bree abruptly stopped at a red light.

"I'm walking next time" I muttered and Ann echoed my statement. Bree grumbled, but didn't say a word.

As soon as the light turned green, Bree characteristically began speeding up with a lead foot on the accelerator. My fingernails dug into the seat and I hoped they didn't leave marks. Ignoring the profanities and middle fingers thrown our way, Bree turned up the music while grinning at us.

"When you mentioned a sleepover, I didn't think it would be in the afterlife" I screeched as she narrowly edged past a large SUV.

She ignored me, bobbing her head along to the music and occasionally singing along. Now, if I wasn't terrified out of my wits, I would have joined in. But currently, Ann and I were trying our best to give whatever piece of advice about driving we could to the lunatic beside me.

When we finally pulled up to her house, it seemed like I'd bordered the spirit life about ten times. Ann looked in the same state as she yanked the door open and stumbled out.

"I've never been so glad to touch solid ground. I could possibly kiss it" Ann muttered with wide eyes. Her ponytail was now tangled and she looked at me in relief.

"Hail the lithosphere" I mumbled and sighed in content, which led Bree to roll her eyes. "Dramatic bitches" she muttered and stomped away with all the bags.

"Okay but in our defense, she wasn't the one in the passenger seat" I smiled at Ann who nodded.

We reluctantly trailed after Bree and I wondered what other crazy stuff she had planned for her first sleepover.

Hey Babes! How is everyone doing today, how was your day/night? Thoughts on the chapter? I'm currently crossing writer's block and I literally have no idea about the story line so I might need to sit down and plan it out.

Ugh I'll have to go back to school again in a few days so that sucks. Also, I've spent heaps of time just scrolling through Pinterest for no reason at all. Yikes. I'll be sleeping now.

Again, I have nothing to say cause I got nothing really going on at the moment. I hope you're doing much better, anything interesting happening in your lives? Also, thoughts on the newsfeed being removed?

Question: Are you a night owl or a morning person?

I love all of you and I hope you're staying safe!

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