"Firework exploded where they touched, wildfires searing through their fingertips"

❃ B l a z e ❃

17 years of life on earth today, and I still didn't know how to butter bread smoothly.

My hands shook as I clenched the knife in my hands, the fleeting impulse to relapse scorching through my mind.

I shut it down as soon as it came, the knife clattering on the counter.

No surprises were waiting for me when I awoke, all because I had promptly shut down all of Travis' inconspicuous attempts at planning one. I meant it when I said I wasn't too happy about celebrating my birthday.

I brushed out my damp hair with my fingers, feeling satisfied at my mini self-care session which consisted of shampooing and shaving. Thoughts of Kiara and my parents were constantly running through my head, prompting my first breakdown of the day in the shower.

I clenched my fingers around the marble tabletop, taking a few deep breaths.

Memories of my previous birthday flickered in my vision, drawing blood from scabbed mental wounds.

Instead of coloured balloons and confetti, I'd had a rainbow painted across my skin- violets, yellows, reds all mixing to form a tragic masterpiece. Instead of wrapped presents, I'd received the metaphorical gift of hatred.

The back of my eyes burnt with tears and I exhaled sharply. I was over that now, things were better.

I let my hair fall down my back and smiled as the smell of blueberries wafted past my nostrils.

No, I totally didn't wash my hair with blueberry shampoo because Rafael liked blueberries. I did it for me. Blueberries were nice and healthy.

They were rich in antioxidants and vitamin C.

Shut up.

I groaned loudly. Grabbing the knife again, I began buttering a slice and shook some sprinkles on top. I hated to admit it, but Rafael was rubbing off on me, something which he would no doubt gloat about.

The sound of the backdoor opening alerted me and I froze.

It could be a serial killer. This seemed like Dennis Rader's M.O.

I knew I shouldn't have watched those true crime documentaries last night.

I waited for a minute and then another noise thumped, this time closer to my location.

Fuck, dying on my birthday wasn't ideal.

"Shit," I grabbed the butterknife and clenched it in my fist. It would have to do, I mean Rapunzel made use of a pan.

The sound of multiple footsteps echoed through the empty house, and I stilled once again. Holy fuck, how was I supposed to fend off more than one person?

Frustrated muttering reached my ears as I tiptoed towards the corner of the kitchen. The stairs were a few metres away, branching off to a hallway that led to the backdoor.

I peeked my head out from the corner, careful not to give my location away. This felt like a real-life version of battleship.

"We'll scare her," a soft voice muttered and I frowned.

"We're not going to make her cry," another gruff voice interjected sternly. The voices were too muffled to recognise and I paused.

If I cried, it meant that I would alert someone else.

These people were professionals.

Holy crapnuggets, was this a targeted assassination?

Maybe I should just hide in a kitchen cupboard and call the police. Shit, my phone was in the living room.

"You can do this," I muttered to myself, my murderer's conversation never pausing a few feet away. They were dumb to be serial killers considering they were having a good old chat in the hallway of their victim's house.

Now was my chance to attack.

With my trusty weapon in hand and a will to not die in my veins, I slowly advanced to the source of the ruckus.

I panicked when I saw they were all wearing black ski masks, their backs to me. There were at least 4 tall perpetrators from my perspective, all of them huddled together in conversation.

The killer mob hadn't noticed me yet, so I raised my knife and advanced on them, planning to hop on one person's back and knock the others out with a roundhouse kick.

It was time to channel my inner Jackie Chan.

"Yahtzee bitches!" was my choice of battle cry, which was pretty stupid considering those could have been my last words if they successfully assassinated me.

However, a high pitched shriek rang out as I jumped on one person's back, causing him to sprawl over the stairs, followed by a collective yell.

"Blaze, what the fuck are you doing?" A familiar voice piped up from beneath me.

The person in question revealed his identity and my jaw slackened, my weapon stilling beside his neck.

"Rafael?"

When he placed one of his hands on my waist, I flushed and got off his back, offering my hand to him. Shit, that was mortifying.

"You gave me a heart attack," Travis interjected, his voice shrill as he placed a hand over his heart.

"I could've killed you, are you guys crazy?" Waving my knife around, I looked around the group to see there were 5 people instead of 4. Annikah was just hidden behind Jonah, all of their faces now recognisable as they removed their ski masks.

"With a butter knife?" Rafael looked amused as he sidled towards me and I pointed my knife at him.

"Want to be my test subject?" I narrowed my eyes and he raised his hands in surrender.

However, I wasn't able to continue my threat because a pair of arms wrapped around my torso tightly.

"Happy birthday," Bree murmured into my ears, and I hugged her back. As soon as she let me go, I was pulled into another hug. Judging by the way brown curls brushed against my forehead, Travis was the one who wasn't too eager to let me breathe any time soon.

After a harsh order from Rafael, Travis finally let go, a beaming grin plastered across his face. He was sunshine bottled up in a person.

Being passed around like a porcelain doll was not on the agenda for my birthday, but there was a first time for everything, right?

Jonah's hug was reassuring and meaningful, as though he was attempting to express a million different emotions through his embrace. Lately, he'd been behaving as if he was overcompensating for Kiara's allegations. Despite telling him there was nothing he could've done, Jonah was adamant on making amends.

"Happy Birthday." Raf's voice sent shivers through my body when he finally hugged me, his fingers brushing against the dip of my spine. Before moving away, he placed a feathered kiss on my cheek and my eyes widened in surprise.

A throat clearing drew my attention away from Rafael's eyes that were twinkling with joy. Bree looked between the two of us with a smug smile, and I stuffed my hands into my pockets before ducking into the kitchen.

"Where's your Aunt?" Travis asked and I noticed the distaste in his tone.

"At her pilates class," I grumbled and Trav nodded before jumping up on the central island.

Rafael looked amused as he held up the loaf of bread in one hand and the bottle of sprinkles in the other.

"I'm being a positive influence," he grinned smugly.

"Why were you all wearing ski masks?" I dodged. They were all wearing black outfits, head to toe. No wonder they looked like robbers.

I wasn't the one to blame for almost killing them with my ninja reflexes.

"Oh, that," Rafael rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, nervous laughter bubbling in his throat.

Jonah rolled his eyes as he glanced between Travis and Rafael, who were exchanging meek smiles.

"Travis said it would be fun to surprise you," Raf pointed an accusing finger at his best friend.

"Me? You were the one who said we should wear ski masks," Travis looked in bewilderment at Raf.

"You said we should scare her."

"That's because you told me to do something creative. What if I had been killed today you fucking gremlin?"

"With a butter knife?" Annikah groaned in annoyance.

"Penetrating trauma," Travis rolled his eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

There was a loud snort and I turned to see Bree suppressing her laughter.

"Get your mind out of the gutter," Travis grumbled, a heated look passing between the two.

"Is that a boombox?" I glanced at the contraption in Jonah's hand, drawing Rafael's attention away. How had I not noticed that?

"Homeboy here wanted to be John Cusack for you," Travis patted Rafael's back, who blushed, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Technically, we were going to play happy birthday," he muttered and I stared as he dragged his bottom lip into his teeth.

"Let me get this right. You planned to age me a couple of years by dressing like assassins and then blow music in my room, possibly rupturing my eardrums?" I slowly enunciated.

"Well, when you put it like that..." Bree muttered.

"Apparently we can't do one thing right," Travis added, rolling his eyes.

"So, here's today's itinerary," Annikah announced, banging a spoon on the table.

"Wait, wha-" I was cut off with a raised hand.

"Silence."

"We're hanging out at Travis' house till the afternoon and after that, we're going bowling and then dinner at a fancy ass restaurant that Bree got us a reservation at," Annikah listed off.

"Am I allowed to make any changes?" I asked and Annikah shook her head.

"But it's my birthday," I objected.

"I know it is, but let's face it. You're a homebody who would rather spend her birthday watching chick flicks than have a good time. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, but it's your birthday," Annikah rambled and I glared at her.

She was right, but that didn't mean she could call me out like that.

"Sorry," Ann sheepishly smiled.

"I could veto all that though, right?" I smirked and they all reluctantly nodded.

Before I could exert my power, Rafael placed a hand on my back and I stiffened.

"It'll be fun, it's our first birthday together." The way his lips tugged up in a genuine smile weakened my resolve and I sighed.

"Okay."

He grabbed the loaf from my hand and began buttering the slices, all the while the others watched in silence.

Rafael was dressed in a white tee layered with a vintage red and black windbreaker that clung to his defined torso. His light washed jeans brought out the green in his eyes and I poked the back of his jacket impulsively. My eyes widened when I realised what I was doing.

"Yeah?" He looked amused as he glanced at me and I stared at the wall clock behind him in embarrassment.

"Your jacket, it looked soft," I babbled and then shut my mouth. Could this get any more humiliating?

"You wanna wear it?" He tilted his head to the side and I shook my head furiously.

I looked down at my outfit, baggy blue jeans with an oversized cropped cream sweater. Fidgeting with the end of my sleeve, I glanced up to see Rafael's eyes on me.

"Probably not the best choice," I murmured when his lips quirked up.

He was about to say something but was cut off by an obnoxiously loud voice singing happy birthday. The music was blaring from the boombox, Travis' grinning from behind it.

As I heard the lyrics my jaw dropped open and I stared at the others in horror.

When a particular line sounding vaguely like 'you've got the cake and I'll let you blow my candle" came on, Rafael's hands cover my ears.

"What the fuck man?" Rafael yelled at Travis, audible through his fingers stretched over my ears.

"I didn't know that was the version of happy birthday that you downloaded on your phone," Travis looked baffled and I removed Raf's palms from my ears.

"It's not my phone that's connected," Rafael looked confused and then shifted his gaze to a sheepish Bree.

"Dude, I didn't know this song would come on," Bree threw her hands up.

"Why do you even have this on your phone?" Raf glared.

"It's a... good song?" she laughed nervously.

"Fairy bread, anyone?" I held out two slices to change the topic and Annikah and Trav grabbed one each, wolfing it down within several bites.

The next few minutes consisted of an awkward silence with Rafael and I handing out food to the hungry cavemen who didn't seem to get their fill.

"Should we leave?" Travis sighed, his lips dotted with sprinkles.

"Yeah," I nodded.

There was an idea forming in the back of my mind but I waited for the others to leave before tugging at Rafael's sleeve.

"Can I ask for a favour?" I asked when his gaze met mine.

"Anything," he smiled.

"Can you take me to the graveyard? I wanted to see my parents and probably Kiara too. It'll take about an hour so I get if you say no though I'd like to see them. Wait, I'm just repea-" My breath hitched when Rafael placed both of his hands on either side of my face.

"Yes," he smiled, his breath wafting across my face.

"Okay." Can I kiss you? No, don't say that out loud you hormone crazed fanatic.

"Can I hug you?" Much better.

"Why are you asking for permission? I'm always going to say yes," he looked at me funnily and I wrapped my arms around him.

Staying like that for a minute, I sighed softly, closing my eyes.

The sound of yelling outside prompted Rafael to groan and I eventually let go.

"Did you take your medicine?" he asked and I stared in stunned silence.

"Yeah, I should bring it along though," I mumbled, pocketing the almost empty bottle and my wallet.

"You guys go to the grocery store, we have some stuff to handle," Rafael said once outside and Bree nodded.

Rafael handed me his phone once we were in the car and shoegaze filtered through the speakers.

The rest of the car ride was filled with mundane conversation where I told him stories about my previous birthdays, carefully avoiding all topics leading to Kiara and Aiden.

Rafael didn't mention it, but I knew he noticed the way my hands were constantly fretting around the bouquet we'd bought along the way.

When the cemetery finally appeared, I clung to the flowers, feeling the stalks crunch under my grip.

"Hey, today's a good day, alright?" Rafael unclenched my fingers and I nodded uncertainly.

"I just wish they were here."

He didn't say anything, just watched as my knee bounced restlessly.

"Okay, I'm ready," I sighed.

"I'll be right here," he smiled and I bit my bottom lip.

"Actually, I was hoping you could join me?" I waited for his response and was relieved when he nodded.

My fraying nerves loosened as he walked by my side to the familiar headstones, his fingers intertwined with mine.

My eyes didn't water nor did the familiar noose of guilt tighten around my neck as I glanced at my parent's graves. Surprisingly enough, no words came out of my mouth either.

It was easier sharing my grievances when I was in a dark place, but right now I didn't what to say. I was in a good state and it seemed like all my worries had evaporated.

So, I stood in silence, feeling Rafael's thumb grazing over the back of my hand.

"I'm happy," I mumbled while placing the flowers between their graves, a rueful smile crossing my lips.

The confession felt liberating.

However, when the petals of the second flower bouquet brushed against my wrist, I realised I had one more grave to visit.

Kiara's headstone was close by, a few plots away and a nauseating knot formed in my gut. A few words from her letter flashed in my mind, prompting a burning sensation in the back of my eyes.

No crying, not today.

Even now, when I saw the ashen marble, I couldn't believe she was really gone. Almost eighteen months and it still felt like I had seen her dead body yesterday.

It was impossible to forget something like that.

Pushing all those thoughts away, I placed the flowers on her grave with shaky fingers.

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what I was apologising for, for not helping her sooner or for moving on and letting go of the guilt she wanted me to shoulder.

When I stepped back, I was met by Rafael's soothing touch again and it all felt right.

"You okay?" he turned to me and I nodded, squeezing his hand.

As we walked back to the car, I couldn't help but smile to myself.

Rafael was right, today was special.

It was the day I decided that I finally decided that Kiara's death wasn't my fault.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

"That looks like something 2010 Katy Perry would wear."

"At least my clothes don't look like Marilyn Manson puked on them," Annikah glared at Bree.

"Yours look like a unicorn died on them," Bree crossed her arms over her chest.

"Take that back," Ann gasped.

I raised my hand to say something but lowered it when they both glowered at me.

"Blaze, pick your outfit," Ann discreetly nodded towards the lavender dress in her hand, her face souring when she glanced at the leather pants and crop top in Bree's hands.

"Neither. Can't I just wear what I have on?" I frowned and they shook their heads simultaneously.

"It's your birthday, not Bingo night with the oldies," Annikah huffed and my mouth gaped open.

"Exactly," Bree chimed in.

"You're very mean," I pointed at the two of them.

"All best friends are."

"Fuck you, it's my birthday. I need some validation," I sighed dramatically before slumping on the bed.

"You get plenty of that from the dumbass downstairs," Bree smirked.

"Speaking of dumbasses, when are you telling Raf about you and Trav?" Ann turned to Bree, who visibly paled.

The boys were downstairs, playing a video game while we were up here fighting over clothes. Typical.

"Oh, that. Soon," she muttered.

"So, outfits?" Bree coughed awkwardly. She ruffled through her backpack that was stuffed with clothes, Ann holding a similar one.

"Okay, can I choose?" I offered and they nodded reluctantly.

Grabbing Ann's bag, I upended it on the bed and ruffled through the clothes. If they had just told me, I could've packed my outfit. But no, apparently I dressed like a granny. Well fuck them, I could look hot. Okay, maybe not hot, but... acceptable.

"This?" I held up a mint playsuit but then put it down when I saw the huge cutout near the stomach.

"How about this?" The yellow sundress seemed too optimistic. I wasn't the cover girl for post-its.

I sighed, shuffling through the clothes until my hands stilled on one piece. When I untangled it from the pile, my lips quirked up a smile.

The entire bodice of the mini dress was covered in delicately embroidered white and green flowers, overlayed with mesh. I loved it until I saw the thin straps leading to the tie-up back. My smile faltered but before I could put it back, Ann grabbed my wrists.

"That's it. That's the outfit," she looked at me seriously and I shook my head.

"It's not my style," I muttered. Bree glanced at me and then the dress in my hand.

"You'll look beautiful in that if you wear it," she quirked an eyebrow and I sighed.

"Isn't it too... revealing?" I nervously prompted, hoping they'd realise what I was trying to say.

Bree was the first to understand and a small smile crossed her lips.

"Do you have confidence in yourself?" she asked and I stilled. I did, at least more than six months ago.

"I don't know."

"Well, I do," Ann smiled. "Hey, take it from me. You'll look hot as fuck and your scars are the prettiest accessories."

"It's just, we're going out in public," I waved my hand around. What if someone stared or said something?

"Look at these guns, bitches will run after seeing them." Annikah raised her sleeves and flashed her nonexistent biceps.

"How about you try it on and then you can decide?" Bree offered and I nodded slowly.

I slipped inside the bathroom, feeling their gazes on the back of my head. Not wasting time, I stripped my jeans and sweater, slipping the dress over my body. The fabric felt soft against my skin and I took a deep breath before finally looking at my reflection.

Okay, I had to admit, I looked good.

Don't be a conceited airhead.

The dress fell to my mid-thigh, the strappy bodice showcasing all the bumps and white lines on my arms and I paused. It wasn't like I had the noticeable curves to pull off this dress anyway, I'd just take it off.

"Show it to us," Ann yelled and I sighed before creaking the door open.

"Woah," Bree whistled lowly and I scrunched my eyebrows.

"Is it good or bad?"

"Fucking amazing," Ann grinned.

"I don't know," I rubbed my arm nervously. "Aren't we going bowling?"

"You'll be fine," Ann waved her hand.

"You look amazing, trust me," Bree encouraged.

"We're not forcing you though. Just thought I'd put it out there, I'd totally bang you if I were single," Ann shrugged with a grin and I blushed. That was an oddly reassuring compliment.

"Okay," I nodded. "I'll wear it."

"Really? I thought it would be harder to convince you," Bree grinned and I exhaled sharply.

"You only turn seventeen once, right?" I tried to suppress a smile but it eventually broke loose when Ann hugged me.

"Are you trying to cop a feel?" Bree joked and Ann glared at her.

"I'm a committed woman."

"There should be some of my makeup here," Bree muttered.

"Seriously? We're just going bowling," I reiterated and Ann rolled her eyes.

"It's your birthday." That seemed to be an explanation for everything today.

"You must have spent a lot of time within these walls," Ann smirked, triggering a rare blush on Bree's cheeks.

She didn't deny it.

The next twenty minutes consisted of several arguments and not-so-discreet yanking of my hair in the name of curling.

"All done," Ann grinned after an eternity. I didn't have an epiphany while staring at my reflection but I did feel a small boost of confidence.

My hair was in soft curls, laying just above my belly button. Mascara coated my lashes, eyeliner lining my lids and I felt good.

"You look pretty," Bree commented and I smiled awkwardly.

"You too."

"Okay, can I do your makeup now?" I offered.

"No," Bree and Ann yelled simultaneously.

"Whatever, you guys don't appreciate me enough."

I watched them for the next thirty minutes as they got ready. This was a lot of effort for bowling.

Bree's final outfit had ripped blue jeans with fishnet tights underneath and an oversized cropped band tee. Annikah was wearing the playsuit I had discarded earlier and it looked amazing on her.

We probably looked like the Powerpuff girls but with a different colour scheme.

"Time to go," Bree announced and after packing all their stuff, we headed downstairs.

"Pew pew motherfucker" was the first thing I heard as we descended the stairs to Travis' living room.

"Die you piece of shit." I stared open-mouthed at the back of Rafael's head, the three boys engaged in a gory video game.

"Did you see that? I minced him like a fucking pie," Travis yelled and I turned to look at Ann in annoyance.

The clattering of a controller against the floor drew my attention back and my eyes widened when I saw Rafael staring at me heatedly.

"Holy fuck," he muttered and goosebumps lined my arms.

"You look fucking beautiful." Rafael's lips quirked up in a sincere smile, a fiery spark in his eye, and I smiled awkwardly.

"Thanks, you too."

"I look beautiful?"

"Yes."

The others were staring at us in amusement and I narrowed my eyes when Travis waggled his eyebrows.

"Can we go now?" I bounced on my heels, feeling unnerved by Rafael's burning gaze fixated on me.

"We still have some time to kill," Travis shrugged, nodding towards the TV screen. "Another round?"

"No," Bree scrunched her nose.

"Oh, I have an idea," Jonah raised his hand. "We can go to the bookstore to hang out."

"What? Noah said he got a new shipment yesterday and he ordered the books I wanted," Jonah grinned, his excitement palpable.

"Sure," I smiled and Travis frowned.

"But it's boring there," he whined and I rolled my eyes.

Everyone reluctantly got up. As I was slipping on my sneakers, I felt a hand graze against my back and I jumped when a wrist circled mine.

"Hi," Rafael smiled.

"How are you?"

"I'm good now that you're with me," he smirked and I frowned.

"Technically, I'm not with you." Yet.

"You look gorgeous," Rafael bent down and my breath hitched when his hair brushed against my forehead.

I placed my hand on his chest, nudging him slightly. "We need to leave."

He huffed but interlaced our fingers before pulling me out of the door and into his car. The leather seats felt cold under my bare skin and I shifted, crossing my arms over myself. Maybe this dress wasn't the best choice. Where'd that confidence go?

"Do you want my jacket?" Rafael offered, noticing my discomfort and I nodded grimly.

He handed me his windbreaker, and I slipped it on. The sleeves fell past my wrists and I grinned as I slapped him across the face with it.

"What was that for?" He glared at me playfully. I shrugged and then slapped his other cheek with the baggy sleeve.

Sleeve smackdown time.

As soon as Rafael started driving after a long glare, I assaulted his face with the baggy sleeves and his jaw ticked in annoyance.

When we reached the bookstore, I smiled sheepishly at Rafael who was pretending to ignore me. One more smack later, I was pushed up against his chest and he was looking down at me disapprovingly.

"Stop."

"Okay okay, I'm sorry," I grinned and he sighed before letting go and we went inside where the others were already waiting.

"Happy Birthday." I wasn't given time to breathe before being pulled into a hug by Charlotte.

"I made you cookies," she beamed.

"We got a new shipment, take as many books as you want," Noah smiled from behind her and I grinned. I was definitely taking advantage of that.

Letting go of Rafael's hand, I walked towards Charlotte who had a tray of warm cookies. I helped her hand it out to everyone, all of whom seemed to be drooling.

"Holy fuck. I think I'm having a cookiegasm," Travis moaned, prompting a round of glares.

"What? It's a perfectly natural reaction," he grumbled. I shrugged off Rafael's jacket and draped it across my lap as he went to grab our coffee.

Rafael sprawled down next to me, his fingers tracing designs on my bare arm and I relaxed into his touch.

"Can I have your cookie?" I glanced at Rafael who narrowed his eyes.

"Where's yours?"

"I ate it."

"Get another from the tray."

"Yours has the most chocolate chips."

He reluctantly handed it over and I smiled to myself.

"Only because it's your birthday."

"How charitable of you."

Jonah was engrossed in the pile of books in his hands and I smiled in amusement as he ignored Travis' attempts at making conversation.

"Oh, I need to go get my books," I rubbed my hands together in anticipation.

When I stood up, Raf did too.

"Can I come with you?" he asked and I nodded.

I pulled him with me through the hallway, pointing out the books that lined the walls on both sides.

"Last week I accidentally dropped this book on the floor and it just ripped."

"Mhm," he hummed.

"I mean, dude how was I supposed to know it had such a weak spine? So, I superglued it back together but I think I did a shabby job because I can't open it now. Don't worry, I put money in the tip jar, I'm not a thief. I'm going to tell Char-"

I was cut off when Rafael pushed me against one of the walls, my entire body pressed up against the poetry section. Oh.

"What are you doing?" I whispered and he placed a finger on my lips, running the back of his knuckles on my cheekbone and my breath hitched.

Orange shadows cast over his face as he leaned closer, his breath sending a wave of euphoria through me. My vision blurred until the only things I could see were the golden flecks in his irises and the outline of his sharp jawline.

"Can I kiss you?" Rafael's voice was raspy, evoking goosebumps across my skin when his lips marginally brushed against mine.

His fingers ran the length of my exposed arms, stopping at my wrists before gripping onto my waist. His chest rose and fell, brushing against me, and that was all it took for me to crumble.

I didn't answer, instead winding my arms around the back of Rafael's neck, pulling him close and pressing his lips against mine, a moment that had been stolen countless times.

I don't know what I expected from our first kiss but it certainly wasn't the eruption of nerves that blazed through my skin or the warmth that surged through my bones upon his touch.

My hips pressed against the shelf, books brushing against my elbows. Rafael's hands coasted past my arms and towards my back, his lips melding against mine in a way that could only be described as surreal.

Gentle tugs of Rafael's soft hair strands elicited a throaty sound from his mouth, surging newfound intoxication through me. Lightning, thunder, and a million other calamities coursed through my veins.

Rafael's wandering hands stopped at the middle of my back, his fingers digging into my skin and drawing me closer. His lips tasted of all that I needed, soft yet demanding, a languid dance entwined with a million wishes.

"Happy birthday," he murmured, ripples tingling throughout my entire body and when he eventually pulled away, giddiness erupted beneath my skin.

No, who said we were done?

Shut up.

My lips parted, then closed.

Then opened and shut again.

And again.

"You already said that." Really? That's all I could muster?

Rafael's eyes glimmered with joy, his fingers still pressing into my back and his lips an inch away from mine. My nerves dissolved into his, every graze against his skin evoking a thousand sparks.

When he smiled, I felt it against my lips, warmth nestling between my ribs.

"Thank fuck Travis isn't here, huh?" he throatily laughed and I smiled, resting my forehead against his shoulder.

"So," I looked up at him only to see his gaze fixated on my face, darting between my lips and my eyes. It's not like I wasn't doing the same.

This time, Rafael was the one to close the distance, his fingers digging into the dip of my spine. His lips seemed to have a pulse of their own as they pressed against mine unabashedly.

I could swear my breathing ceased for a moment because all I could feel was the soft touch of his lips parting against mine, drawing my air and replacing it with serenity.

The kiss was reckless, unyielding and completely ethereal.

When we drew back, our foreheads knelt against each other and our mingled breaths echoed against my ears.

"Holy fuck, you're incredible," Rafael whispered, his fingers tracing the back of my neck fleetingly.

"We should get back," I murmured and I felt the long huff of air he exhaled before pulling back.

"I'd rather stay here with you," he muttered and I frowned, internally smiling.

"Okay fine, let's go." He grabbed my hand and squeezed our interlaced fingers, prompting a giddy smile to spread across my face.

Tone it down.

I watched his back muscles extend as he walked, and I suddenly yanked him from the back of his tee.

"Woah," he grunted and I clamped my hand over his mouth.

"How do I look?" I gestured towards my face and a drunk smile plastered across his lips.

"Beautiful."

"No, you dumbass. Do I look like I've been, you know, doing something in the back of the store?" I narrowed my eyes at him and he scrutinised me with a small smile.

"You look great to me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Blaze."

I nodded and then we walked to the front. However, just as Raf turned the corner towards the seating nook, I yanked him back again.

"Jesus woman, it's like you're deliberately trying to choke me," he grumbled.

"The books, we were supposed to get my books," I whispered harshly. My eyes widened in alarm when Charlotte started to make her way over to where we were standing.

"Quick, think of an excuse," I urgently murmured to Rafael who looked sly.

"We were just kissing, Blaze. It's no big deal," his lips tugged up and I scowled.

"I work here. How would it look if I took guys to the back to do that kind of stuff?"

Rafael's smile faltered. "You said guys, plural."

Thankfully, I didn't have to correct my embarrassing mistake because Charlotte appeared in front of me, holding out her cookie tray.

"We ordered Castillo's new hardcover box set just for you, did you like it?" she beamed and I smiled nervously.

"Yeah, absolutely."

"Where is it?" she glanced at my empty hands and then Rafael's.

"Oh, it's still there. Rafael has a very tiny car so it won't fit in there." Raf's mouth opened in protest but I dug my fingernails into his palm. He nodded with a forced smile.

"I see," Charlotte's lips quirked up and she smiled to herself before walking away.

Rafael licked his bottom lip and I smacked the back of his head. "Stop making it so obvious."

He flashed me a toothy grin and I shook my head. When we sat back down with the others, I could feel their gazes fixated on us. Or was it just my imagination?

It was just a kiss, cool your jets.

"The books?" Jonah quirked an eyebrow and I crossed my arms over my chest awkwardly.

"I'll get them later." My cheeks burnt when Bree's eyes analysed my face.

"Your hair's mussed up," Ann looked confused and I patted my head awkwardly.

Rafael's arm slid around the back of the sofa, his fingers twirling a piece of my hair and I stilled.

Bree's gaze darted between the two of us and a devious smile split across her lips. She leaned back in her seat and crossed one leg over the other.

"It finally happened, didn't it?" she smirked and my eyes widened.

"What?" I chuckled nervously. I saw Rafael indiscreetly nod from the corner of my eye.

Jabbing my elbow into his ribs, I flashed a smile at everyone who looked like they'd been told that aliens were real and ET was Jesus.

"Hand over the 50 bucks," Bree held her palm out to Travis who grumbled but reluctantly gave her the money.

"What did you guys bet on?" Rafael sounded amused. Me? I was on the verge of strangling him for acting so smug.

"Travis here was innocent enough to believe you guys were actually grabbing books in the back." Bree shrugged and Raf grinned at her.

Rafael's fingertips brushed against the shell of my ear and I gave him the stink eye despite the chills that coasted across my skin.

I met Jonah's gaze and he flashed me a genuine smile. Unlike the others, he didn't say much and went back to reading.

There was a loud slurping sound and we all turned to Travis who grinned above his coffee mug.

Thankfully, no one pressed it further but the smugness on Rafael's face only seemed to deepen. Heavens knows for what.

A mug of coffee and time spent with my favourite people turned out to be the recipe for an amazing birthday.

Oh, and a mind-blowing kiss.

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"Do we have to go bowling?" I whined, tugging at Rafael's hand. He wasn't moving an inch, his face contorted into a barely concealed grin.

"It's basically a weekend custom at this point," he reasoned as I tried to yank him away from his car.

I nearly dislocated my shoulder but he didn't move.

We were still in front of the bookstore and the others had left long ago. I was staging a protest at not being handed the reigns to my birthday. Spoiler alert: It wasn't working.

"Are you made of stone?" I grumbled.

"Pure muscle, baby," he smirked cockily and I frowned.

"It's my birthday. I don't wanna wear stinky shoes."

"What do you wanna do then? It's not even 8 PM yet," he sighed.

"Can't we just hang out at my house and watch a movie?" I suggested and he pursed his lips.

"Not your house, mine," Rafael added and I narrowed my eyes.

"I don't think your aunt would appreciate it," he raised an eyebrow. I grimly nodded in agreement. She'd sent a happy birthday text, not even a phone call.

"I'll call the others to meet us at the house," Raf smiled and I finally let go of his wrist and sat inside the car. Watching as he animatedly gestured on the phone with my face squished against the glass, my thoughts ran to the moment back in the bookstore.

One kiss and I was already overthinking.

Two, actually.

I can't be the only one who thought I'd been handed heaven on a platter. Shut up.

"You okay?" Raf's brows creased as he sat inside the car. I nodded and he started driving with a funny look on his face.

"By the amount of movies you've watched, I'm surprised there any left that you haven't seen," he commented and I scowled at him.

"Would you rather be stuck with penguins for the rest of your life or seals?" Rafael seemed surprised at my question.

"Penguins."

"Why?"

"Seals eat penguins, someone needs to protect them," Raf shrugged and I smiled.

"This one is a deal-breaker so tread carefully. Mayonnaise or ketchup?" I stared at him seriously. He seems to be deep in thought.

"It's a trick question, neither." Raf seemed proud of himself and I patted him on the shoulder.

"You're still in the running."

"So there are others?" He glared at me jokingly and I shrugged.

"Yes, I'm living the Bachelorette lifestyle, Taffy." He glared at me but didn't say anything.

For the rest of the car ride, I learnt a lot about Raf's preferences and although some were questionable like choosing jam over peanut butter, I let it slide.

"Can we watch a Sci-Fi movie today?" I turned to Rafael once we reached his house and he nodded vacantly.

Grabbing his hand, I began to pull him towards the house but before we reached the front door, his fingers covered my eyes. I tried to wrestle them off, but soon his palms were replaced by a soft cloth.

"Rafael, what are you doing?" I chuckled nervously when his hands crept across my shoulders, at least I hoped they were his.

Not a good time to think about dismembered fingers, Blaze.

"You'll see," I could hear the excitement in his tone and I slightly relaxed.

"This is the most generic way to give a surprise. I clearly remember saying no surprises," I grumbled and his fingers brushed along my collarbones, gently propelling me forward.

"Who said anything about a surprise?" Rafael sounded amused and I frowned.

"Then what is this?" He didn't answer and I halted.

"Careful there, your serial killer tendencies are showing, Taffy."

He grunted but continued nudging me forward while I thought of various scenarios in my head.

"Holy fuck. Don't tell me your house is like H.H Holmes' murder castle. Do you have secret gas chambers and torture rooms? He was rich too, you know."

Rafael sighed but my rambling didn't stop.

"I mean it's my birthday. If you just want me to die, I'd prefer a gunshot wound so I can haunt people with a badass injury in the afterlife. I'm not really into the entire blindfold, then mutilate and kill procedure."

"Blaze?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

I huffed in annoyance but let him guide me to wherever the fuck he wanted. I trusted him but it didn't mean I wasn't sniffing around like a dog for the smell of poisonous gas.

What if he used carbon monoxide?

After a nice, long stroll with my potential murderer, I was pulled to a stop and I breathed a sigh of relief. My spidey senses couldn't detect any cleavers or machetes. Yet.

The cloth was finally pulled from my eyes and it took a few seconds for my vision to be restored.

When it did, I froze.

The entire pool area was decorated in fairy lights which hung above the water and over the lounge chairs, the ripples reflecting the orange glow. On one side, there were a couple of mattresses pushed against the wall, throw pillows scattered across the top. The table beside it had a bunch of boxes and board games, food and refreshments on another table.

Don't cry.

"Do you like it?" Rafael whispered in my ear and my bottom lip wobbled.

I sniffled.

"Fuck guys, she's crying," Travis suddenly appeared in front of me, and my eyes watered further when he frowned.

They did this. For me.

"If you don't like it, we can still watch a movie," Rafael looked nervous as he turned me around to face him and tears rolled down my face. Stop it.

I pinched my arms and bit the inside of my cheek, but that only prompted more tears.

"Crap. What do we do now?" I heard Ann's voice whisper from behind me.

"Everybody calm down," Jonah mumbled.

"I told you we should've just done a pizza party, Raf," Bree grumbled and I clamped my eyes shut.

"Guys shut up, you're scaring her," Rafael snapped, and I wrapped my arms around his middle to hide the incessant tears rolling down my face.

"Hey, it's okay. We'll watch a movie okay?" he murmured, his fingers brushing against my hair and I snivelled.

"I love it," I mumbled, my nose feeling stuffy.

"What?" Raf pulled back.

"You did all this for me and I just... damn it's hard to believe you know? I haven't had a surprise before," I blubbered, feeling unnerved by everyone's gaze on me.

Slowly, a smile spread across all their faces.

"Thank fuck," Rafael sighed, resting his chin on my head.

"You deserve everything," he murmured and my lip wobbled again. Stop.

"Can we play Uno first?" Travis clapped his hands together and everyone nodded.

We all sat down on the mattresses, and I shuffled into Rafael's arms. Travis became the dealer and he handed out everyone's cards. Bree was the first to go and when it came to Rafael, I peeked at his cards.

Oh, he's got a good deck.

"Are you cheating?" he narrowed his eyes and I smiled innocently.

The rest of the game proceeded and at one point, Travis had to draw twenty cards at once which launched him into an angry tirade about how we were all planning against him and there was a rule that the dealer couldn't lose.

Rafael munched on his fairy bread contently, watching the drama unfold with an amused stare. I swear the man would worship a fairy bread god if there was one.

Moving on to charades, it was Jonah's turn first from our team. Raf and I watched as Travis whispered something in his ear, causing Jo to flush a deep red and shake his head furiously.

"I can't sign that," he argued and Travis grinned slyly before nudging him forward.

Jonah reluctantly stepped in front of us and I rubbed my palms together. Game on.

The timer began and Jonah just stood there with a hand raised. No movement at all.

"The statue of liberty?" Rafael yelled and I groaned. The topic was movie titles.

Jonah shook his head, his cheeks bursting with red.

"The Pledge?" I asked and Jonah gestured a no.

"The Hand?"

"Is that even a movie?" I turned to Rafael and he nodded.

A dozen futile attempts only resulted in Jonah looking so ashamed that I was surprised he hadn't passed out.

When our time was up, we turned to him to ask what the movie was.

"I'm not saying it."

"Why?" Raf and I asked together.

"Because they set me up for failure," Jonah glared at Trav and Ann who were chuckling obnoxiously.

"Come on Jo, tell us," I groaned.

"The first three letters were Han and then the male reproductive organ."

"Handick?" Rafael seemed confused and Jonah turned a bright crimson.

"Hancock" he mumbled and Travis snorted loudly, his face contorted into pure joy.

Jonah sat down beside me and it took everything in me not to burst out laughing at his discomfort. I was a terrible friend.

Rafael was biting the back of his clenched fist, his eyes watering as he looked at Jonah's slumped figure.

"Stop bullying him," I glared at all of them and everyone eventually calmed down.

"It's alright, we'll get them back," I patted Jo's shoulder and he shifted awkwardly.

So, the next movie we gave them was just as suggestive.

Octopussy.

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"You want a Mountain Dew?" Rafael asked from near the chilly bin and I nodded.

He walked over, taking a spot next to me by the poolside and I smiled when he intertwined his fingers with mine. My toes brushed against his under the surface of the water.

Glancing at the presents at my side, a smile spread across my face. I had said no gifts but my inner child was flying in heaven at all the presents I'd received after cutting the cake. 

Bree had gifted me a scrapbook full of pictures, both of me and everyone, whereas Jonah had given me a bunch of books and a framed photo of the two of us from Freshman year.

Annikah's present was a jar full of tiny notes and messages, one of which I had to open every single day. It had almost made me cry whereas Travis' handbound journal and coupons for free hugs had made me laugh.

Rafael was the only one who hadn't given me anything, but it didn't matter to me because kissing him was probably the best gift I could have ever received.

"Do you like them?" Rafael motioned towards the pile of gifts and I nodded furiously.

"They're the best I've ever received," my gaze darted to his lips and I mentally berated myself.

"Yeah?" he mirrored my actions, his tongue sweeping over his bottom lip.

I was thankful no one was around to witness my pitiful adoration of Rafael.

After Travis 'accidentally' upended our game of Monopoly into the pool after going bankrupt, we were all doing sprite shots, being underaged for tequila.

However, one of Travis' shots was swapped with vinegar, courtesy of Rafael, and he ended up spraying it all over and him and a fuming Bree. Apparently, they were upstairs changing.

They'd been gone for over twenty minutes.

Ann and Jonah were downstairs deciding on movies to watch for our impromptu sleepover, leaving Raf and I alone in the pool area.

"I got you something," he smiled softly and I was surprised when he pulled out a rectangular velvet box.

"I'm not marrying you," I blurted out.

"I'm not asking you to," his lips tugged up in an amused smile. When he pulled the box open, my jaw practically hung up open and my eyes watered again.

It was a solid silver bangle bracelet, stars engraved on the top. I ran my fingers across them, sighing softly to myself. There was no way I could take this.

When I looked up at him, he looked hopeful and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He reciprocated, his head nestled in the crook of my shoulder.

"Do you like it?" he mumbled and I pulled back.

"I love it," I avoided his gaze.

"But?"

"I can't accept it." He frowned and shoved the box back in my hand.

"You can't deny a birthday present."

"Watch me."

After a few minutes of pushing the box back and forth, Raf finally slammed it in my hand and clasped my wrists.

"Stop, I'm not taking it back. It's not like it'll fit me."

"Try it on."

"Shut up." He glared at me until I caved.

"Fine."

"It's beautiful and expensive," I narrowed my eyes while saying the last part and he shook his head.

"It's not that expensive."

"Check the inside," he murmured, rubbing the back of his neck.

When I turned the bracelet over, I sucked in a sharp breath, a flurry of emotions took flight in my stomach and warmth spread through my chest. The soft music playing from the boombox in the background only served to heighten my senses.

♪ play: flicker//niall horan ♪

"Raf, you're gonna make me cry," I murmured as I stared at the engraving on the inner side of the bracelet.

The stars guide your way.

"Don't." He grasped my chin between his thumb and forefinger and my eyes were immediately drawn to his. It was pure poison, the admiration pooling between his moss green irises.

I was falling way too fast for my own good, barely escaping the clutches of my mind. Nonetheless, I couldn't bring myself to care.

Leaning forward, I stopped an inch before his lips, his breath mingling with mine and the chill in the air.

"Can I kiss you?" I murmured and the emotions shifted in his eyes.

Rafael leaned in until our lips brushed, pausing at the last second. "Don't ever ask me again."

Closing the distance between us, his lips were silken, pushing and tugging at the seams of mine. Warmth blossomed in my body as my fingers found home in the strands of his hair, the thump of our heartbeats echoing in my ears.

It was dizzying and addictive, the feeling of his fingers pressed against my skin and the sensation of his lips igniting my senses on fire.

When he pulled away, a secret smile spread across both of our lips.

"It just gets better," he whispered, and I wanted to pull him closer once again.

Holy fuck, I was a junkie.

Was there even rehab for a kissing addiction? Shut up.

Resting my head in the crook of his shoulder, I sighed deeply.

Looking up at the night sky and the stars glimmering against the ebony canvas, my thoughts flickered to the bracelet on my wrist.

"Do you ever wonder if the stars represent something or if they're just a messy cluster that are just omnipresent?" I asked. It was a weird question.

Rafael turned to me, an admiring twinkle in his eyes.

"They're the only thing that I remember being constant since I was a kid. I think they represent hope," he murmured, his fingers tracing random patterns on my wrist.

"For?" I bit my bottom lip as I watched his body stiffen before relaxing.

"A brighter tomorrow."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and Rafael smiled, running his fingers over my knuckles.

"A better future," he explained, his breath grazing against my temple. I nodded, feeling the need to curl up in his arms and just drift away.

As if answering my wish, he slung an arm around my shoulder, nestling me to his side.

Sitting like that, staring at the night sky with our feet dipped in the pool and a newfound warmth blossoming in my chest, I wanted to stay like this forever.

hi! this is the chapter i've wanted to write ever since i started this book and trust me flicker was the one song i had decided since then to make raf and blaze's song.

thoughts on the chapter and new cover?

serious talk, after the last chapter, i got a couple of pms from probably the same person who accused me of justifying aiden's actions. they were quite mean about it and i don't want to repeat the things the person said because they were triggering. please don't send hate because it's so hard to put my work out there and receive hate for it. i'm even scared to post this chapter because "i write shit" and it's really solidifying my insecurities.

if you feel that i was justifying aiden, i'm so sorry. it was never my intention and i have never ever romanticised blaze's and aiden's relationship, only shown it for what it was.

that being said, i'm taking a break because it's getting a lot to handle and my mental health is really taking a tumble. i'll still write, just behind the scenes and post when the chapters are done.

love
a