"My fingers ache from all the secrets I kept hidden in the lines of my palm and the stardust I licked off your salted wounds"

❃ B l a z e ❃

He overdosed, ten minutes from dying.

Bree's words resonated in my mind as I sat in the empty cinema room. Snippets of their fight constantly played in my head, the newfound information circling my head on a loop but one question pushed forward.

Who was Cairo?

The way Rafael had reacted told me she was someone close.

Glancing around the room, my eyes fell on the black backpack, remembering the way he had guiltily pulled out bags of white powder and weed from his closet.

Fuck, Rafael.

Panic set into my bones as I raced to the living room, trying to figure out if he went after Bree or not. The emptiness of the house was evident, only Raf's car in the driveway.

The sound of something breaking upstairs alerted me of his location and I headed up the stairs, the silence after the sound scared me.

The quiet persisted as I knocked on the door, waiting for him to open up.

"Raf, can I come in?" When there was no answer for a minute, I gently creaked the door open.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath as I saw the upturned desk, books and broken objects littering the floor. Light reflected over the broken shards of glass from the open balcony door, a lone shadow huddled near the bed.

Rafael was staring vacantly at the night sky, his fingers drumming restlessly on his knee.

Carefully tiptoeing over the mess, I made my way over to him. Déjà vu washed over me as I recalled the day in my room when Aiden had given me Kiara's letter. It was the same scenario all over again.

I crouched in front of him. However, that didn't grab his attention, a glazed look shielding his emotions.

"Hey Raf," I gently grabbed his wrists.

"Is Bree back?" He titled his head up. Despair, regret and a hundred other emotions in between flickered in those sage green eyes that I had come to adore.

"No." I teetered, not sure how to tell him that she hadn't even been gone for ten minutes. He seemed too dazed to hear my answer.

"Can you get up? You're going to hurt yourself." He sluggishly looked at the mess and back at me.

"I fucked up again, didn't I?" His eyes fervently switched from his palms to my face, tearing a fresh scar in my heart.

"Bree just needs time to process," I murmured, my chest aching at the grief in his eyes.

"I need the drugs, Blaze," Rafael's palms shook violently as he uncurled my fingers from his wrists.

"No." My attempt at getting him to stand up failed as he slumped back against the bed, resting his head against the mattress.

"I need to calm down," his voice quaked.

"I'm here, okay? Talk to me," Rafael glanced at me once, gently nodding his head before getting up and sitting on the bed.

"I don't like them but they're the only things that help." He fisted the sheets in his hands and I bit my bottom lip, wondering how I could help him.

I was terrible at consoling people.

"Can you sit there while I clean all this up? Here, listen to some music," I awkwardly handed him my phone and his AirPods, both of which he placed beside him.

"I can help." I pushed him back onto the bed and he frowned.

"Let me do it."

Rafael didn't say anything after, fiddling with the hem of his tee and constantly glancing at the pyramid tattoo on his forearm.

As I carefully gathered all the broken glass and cleaned the room, my hands landed on a shattered photo frame.

It was of his family, a young Rafael and Bree flashing toothy grins at the camera. An older man identical to Rafael stood behind him, his hair a couple of shades darker than Rafael's. His twinkling eyes the same brown as Bree's. Laugh lines edged his face whom I guessed was his father.

A woman with beautiful brown hair and sage green eyes resembling Rafael's smiled candidly at the camera, her skin a flawless olive. His mother. 

Now, I knew where they got their genes from.

However, what caught me off guard was the toddler on the man's shoulder, barely a day over five. I would be lying if I said they weren't the most beautiful family I had ever seen. The girl had the same eyes as Rafael, striking green, and a sunburned skin tone with brown hair matching her mother's.

Feeling a hand on my wrist, I startled as I saw Rafael tower behind me. His eyes clouded over as they fixated on the photo.

"Those are my... parents, and that's Cairo," he murmured as he pointed to the little girl, his index finger shaking violently.

Pieces from the fight dawned in my mind.

Cairo's been dead for seven years.

Stop using her as an excuse.

I'm not like our mother.

I felt Rafael tense behind me as he took a few steps back, slumping on the bed. My chest cramped as I noticed the tears edging his waterline.

Gently, I sat down beside him on the bed and placed the photo on the adjacent table. I pinned my fingers on his shoulder, raising his face to meet mine.

Rafael was murmuring something under his breath, digging his nails into his palm. The tears receded once again, a wall guarding his emotions.

I was at a loss for means of comforting him. So, I wrapped my arms around his middle and burrowed his head into the hollow of my neck.

The heady scent of cinnamon wafted off him and across my nostrils. I inhaled shakily, feeling the tremors rocking his body.

"She died in a car crash when I was ten. Cairo was five then, Blaze, she didn't get to live. It should've been me." His voice was raspy against my neck and I wavered.

"Don't say that, you're the one who told me not to blame myself for my parent's death. You can't do that to yourself." As Rafael shook his head, his hair tickled against my collarbones.

"That was because you weren't in the car and it wasn't your fault. I was in the car and she told me it was my fault," he mumbled dejectedly.

"Who's she?" A part of me knew the answer based on what I heard downstairs, the mutual hatred between the twins for their mother.

"Teresa." The name sounded so bitter on his tongue, a poisonous tone which one wouldn't associate with their mother.

But if his mother blamed him, I already painted her as the villain in my mind. Blaming one of your children for another's death was one of the worst things you could do.

"If you were ten, you weren't the one driving, Raf."

"She kept saying it was my fault." A lock of brown hair stuck to his sweaty forehead. I had the urge to brush it away and wipe his face that was slicked with a panicked sheen.

"When someone tells you something like that, you don't ignore it, Blaze. You accept it."

I paused, knowing the feeling. Aiden's words rang through my hollow ears. I shook my head furiously, trying to come up with a way to comfort Rafael but then I realised the only way I could help him was to let him talk.

"I don't remember much from that day, maybe it's amnesia or some shit. But Teresa made damn sure that I didn't forget it was my fault," he shrugged, a bitter smile on his lips.

Anger ebbed inside me, directed solely towards his mother.

Rafael rubbed absent circles on my pulse point, his gaze still fixated on the photograph as if his eyes could recreate the picture and bring it back to life.

"You know that one person who holds a family together? That was Cairo. After she died, we all fell apart." As he said those words, I realised how Kiara was the same. The carnage after her death was heartbreaking.

"Bree was over at a friend's house that day and it was just Cairo, Mum and me at home. Cai was quite a handful," he chuckled wistfully.

I noticed the way he harshly switched from Teresa to Mum without realising it, as if a part of him still ached to call her that.

"I don't know much but Teresa told me we were playing Tag in the house. She said I pushed Cai down the stairs," Rafael gulped shakily, his eyes frantically flitting across the room.

"It doesn't make sense because I would never hurt Cai," he bit his bottom lip.

"We had to take Cairo to the ER because she was bleeding a lot and I remember a few things. Mum was yelling at me once we were in the car, she used to yell at me a lot."

"I don't think Mum ever wanted me or Bree, even as kids. If Cairo wasn't born, she would've left us without a second thought." Rafael turned to me, his eyes swirling with pain, bitterness and hatred.

My mouth dried. I didn't know what to say.

"There was some parade on the way to the hospital and Mum had to divert to the highway and take an exit." I squeezed his fingers, seeing the way his eyes watered again.

"Mum said I distracted her and there was a... truck. It crushed Cairo, she died on impact," Rafael's voice cracked, tears trekking down his cheek. A lump lodged in my throat as I wiped my thumb across them.

"Emotions are weak," he muttered to himself and I stilled.

"They're not, you're human," I stared him in the eye and he lowered his gaze, his bottom lip shaking.

"If I hadn't pushed Cairo or distracted Mum, she would've been alive. Everything would be fine, I'd still have a family, right?" he turned to me, his face flushing with colour as he fought to hold back the tears.

I noticed both those things were accusations that had been fed to him by his mother. Rage simmered beneath my skin as a multitude of emotions built inside me.

"You don't know that, Rafael." I tried to keep my hostility towards his mother at edge.

"I still remember what she looked like Blaze. You never want to see your little sister like that." His gaze swivelled to the photo and I traced my finger over the length of his palm. I had seen Kiara but what Rafael had seen was completely different.

It wasn't just traumatising, it was haunting.

"I lost consciousness after a while of trying to wake her up. Her eyes, fuck, I still see them sometimes." Rafael rubbed the heels of his palm over his eyes as if that would wipe the visual.

This was the most vulnerable Rafael had been with me and I didn't want to break that spell by interrupting him.

"She was five fucking years old. Mum was right, it should've been me." The white in his eyes was now veined with red. Before I could say something, he cut me off.

"Why'd she have to blame me, Blaze? I was just a kid, a fucking kid." A stream of tears rolled down his face and he burrowed his head in my neck. Running my fingers through his hair, my stomach kindled with anger and agony that begged to be released.

Rafael didn't deserve any of that.

"Things were so much better back then. Dad used to come home after work every day and we used to be a normal family. He hasn't even been home in eight months, it's like he forgot we even exist." Hot breath cascaded over my collarbones as he murmured.

I didn't know what to say. I'd been orphaned at nine and the only family I'd known were the Marshalls. Lately, I'd been doubting every aspect of the past including if I'd ever had a family to call mine.

"Mum ruined everything with the drugs, she ruined me too." Tears stuck to my neck and I exhaled heavily into Raf's hair. It was hard to see him so unguarded yet not have anything to offer, although I knew he appreciated the silence more than empty words.

"You're so strong, Raf. You didn't deserve that," I whispered, grazing my nails gently over his scalp and he shook his head.

"I'm not strong, I'm weak, emotions are weak. Fuck, I need the drugs. You need to give them to me." Rafael looked up, his hair brushing my chin. His bloodshot eyes were desperate but I shook my head.

"No, Raf."

"I need something to help," He gazed at me helplessly and I sighed deeply.

"Get in bed," I nudged him and he furrowed his brows.

"What?" Rafael whispered, his gaze darkening.

"Not with me in it, just you," I murmured, looking away as heat spread across my skin.

"Oh."

He hesitantly shuffled under the covers and I got up. I smiled softly when his hair flopped over his forehead as he fluffed his pillow.

"I'll get food, stay there. Don't move," I directed and he nodded meekly in confusion, his body curled under the comforter.

The smile on my face dropped as soon as I left the room, replaced by anxiety. Trudging down the stairs, I grabbed my phone and dialled Bree's number only for it to go straight to voicemail.

I tried again but she didn't pick up and I tried Travis' number. I hoped they were okay.

"Hey," Travis murmured after a couple of rings and I exhaled in relief.

"Are you with Bree?" I asked while shuffling through the kitchen cupboards for sprinkles and bread.

"Yeah, but she's not talking to me and she's been crying ever since we left," he sighed dejectedly. Travis sounded tired, which was a first.

"Give her time. It must be tough." I balanced the phone between my ear and shoulder as I pulled the butter out of the fridge.

"I know, but why didn't Rafael tell us? He almost fucking overdosed, B." Travis' voice was strained as if he was fighting off rage.

My mind fluttered back to our conversation upstairs. Some things made sense, like the constant degradation put into place by his mother but I knew there was still a lot he wasn't telling me and I wasn't about to push him.

"Where are you guys?" I switched the topic and Travis exhaled sharply.

"We're at a Chinese restaurant and she's in the bathroom. She hates Chinese food, Blaze. Is this the beginning of her Britney Spears breakdown?" Travis tried to lighten the atmosphere with a laugh but I could hear the stress in his voice.

"I hope not, I love her hair."

"I do too," Travis chuckled lightly, the sound of chatter filtering in from the background.

"How's Rafael?" His question sounded reluctant and I detected a smidge of hostility.

"He's not good but it's okay, I'll take care of him." I washed my clammy hands under cold water.

"Did you flush the pills?" Travis asked.

"No, I'm doing it after he's eaten," I muttered, putting the butter in the microwave. Travis laughed on the other end.

"You sound like a mother, you know?" I grimaced at the insinuation, the stuff Rafael said about his mum running through my head.

"Oh, Raf told you about his mother, didn't he?" Travis murmured and I pursed my lips.

"Yeah."

"Make sure he doesn't get his hands on the drugs. He usually spirals again after shit like this happens."

"Yeah, I'll do that."

"Also, I don't think Bree wants to come back there tonight. She'll stay over at mine," Travis added and I frowned.

"What about your parents?"

"We're not sleeping in the same room, Blaze. I'll make up some excuse. Besides, my mum knows about us dating." The smile in his tone was evident and I nodded reluctantly.

"Right, okay."

"Go back to making your food, I need to check on her."

Travis must have noticed the heavy silence because he sighed.

"Bree can't relapse too."

"Being an emotional support animal is draining," I sighed dramatically and it relieved some of the tension as he laughed.

"I'll call you back later, do you want resources to help you in the meantime?" Travis asked excitedly and I groaned.

"If your resources consist of sexual jokes and crappy puns then no thank you, I'll handle it."

"You never know when they come in handy," he muttered and I rolled my eyes.

"Goodbye Travis."

"Goodnight nugget."

Placing my phone back on the counter, I took the butter out of the microwave and swiped it across the bread, covering it with sprinkles.

I made a couple of slices of Fairy bread and grabbed two cans of Coca-Cola from the fridge before going downstairs to the cinema room.

My eyes flickered across the room as I turned on the light. Putting the plates on the table, I grabbed the black bag from the corner.

"Flush them down the toilet," I whispered to myself. Yeah, I could do that. Was that illegal?

The drugs were illegal in the first place, idiot.

I shoved the drinks in the bag and over my shoulder and slowly advanced upstairs with the plates in hand. Knowing me, I'd probably trip and spill everything.

When I finally reached Rafael's room, I sighed in content and shoved the door open with my feet.

However, I halted when I saw the empty bed and the open balcony door. My heart slammed against my ribcage as a stream of memories assaulted my brain.

Kiara. The ledge.

No, he wouldn't do that.

Hastily putting the stuff on a chair that was the only unbroken thing in the entire room, I rushed out the open door and exhaled shakily when I saw Rafael gripping the railing with pale knuckles.

His void gaze was fixated on the sky and I wrapped my arms around his back. Even the thought of balconies scared me to the bone.

"Hey," I murmured, his body warmth a drastic contrast to the chilly air.

"Hi," his voice was rough and I pulled back, nudging his face to meet mine.

My chest sunk as I saw the raw tears still streaking his face, the skin around his eyes coloured an irritated red.

"I made fairy bread." Smiling shakily, I tugged at his hand and he reluctantly loosened his grip around the railing.

Rafael's eyes flashed to the bag on the chair and before I could even react, he grabbed it and stormed to the bathroom.

"What the hell?" I yelled after Rafael as I followed him. However, my mouth gaped when I saw him dump all the pills into the toilet bowl and the subsequent sound of flushing.

"Everything's fucked up," he ran his fingers through his hair nervously and I dug my teeth into my bottom lip.

"We're going to get through this, okay?" I mumbled, grabbing his face between my palms.

"I don't want to go to Rehab, Blaze." He confessed, his fingers twisting into my hair.

"I was there for six months and I lost an entire school year. It's so fucking lonely, no matter how much they try and help," he swiped his teeth over his lips and my eyebrows furrowed.

Rafael must have seen the confusion on my face because he elaborated.

"I repeated sophomore year once I came to Glensdale. Bree did the same, she didn't want me to be alone," His green eyes swam with regret.

"Rehab isn't everything it's chalked up to me. It works for some people, I drew the short straw," he chuckled bitterly and I winced.

"Don't cut that option out." My mumble prompted incredulity to flash across his face.

"I'm not going back there, I finally have something good going on here." My breath hitched when his lips tugged up ruefully.

"Oh," was all I could muster.

The awkward silence was broken when he tugged me back to the bedroom and smiled upon glancing at the food.

"Can we watch a movie?" I asked nervously, unable to gauge his emotions.

"I mean, we have exams," he glanced at me and I nodded strongly.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry. Should we study?" I murmured, twisting the end of my tee.

"I'm kidding Blaze. What do you want to watch?" It was the first time he had genuinely grinned since Bree left and my heart warmed.

"A chick flick," I rubbed my palms together and Raf's face soured.

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Pretty please, pretty like you," I poked his cheek and he scowled fiercely.

"Fine, alright. And I'm not pretty."

I smiled and linked my arm with his and pulled him to the bed. Grabbing our food, I handed him our plates which were heaped with fairy bread slices.

Pulling the duvet above our heads, I motioned towards Rafael. "Get in, loser."

He grumbled but eventually bowed under our duvet mountain. It barely touched my head due to Rafael's skull being immensely oversized and hogging it.

Rafael was Megamind. Mystery solved.

"Fairy bread can be our thing, huh?" Rafael murmured and I cleared my throat awkwardly, a fluttering warming my insides.

Our.

"Right. Let's go," I murmured as the 20th Century Fox song came on the laptop screen and I hummed along to it.

"Weirdo," Raf muttered and I elbowed him.

"Cheers," I clinked my drink can with his and he smiled gently.

Our arms brushed as I tried to focus on the movie playing but I was hyper-aware of the way his fingers were now tracing a path from my knuckles to my elbow.

"Thank you," he murmured after a while, his fingers now drawing patterns on my thigh.

"For what?"

"Not giving up on me."

My breathing wavered as I glanced at him, his face silhouetted under the duvet and dim light.

"Well you didn't either, so thank you," I smiled, the movie pushed to the background.

"Am I a bad person, Blaze?" he murmured, drawing away and I shook my head, the duvet sinking in between us.

"No, not at all," I answered without hesitation. He nodded reluctantly like that was the validation he needed.

"My parents forced me to grow up at a young age, of course I'm flawed." There it was again, the rippling pain in his voice.

"Everyone is, but like I said, you're pretty so it makes up for it," I poked his cheek until he smiled.

"Oh wait, I have an idea," I shot up, tripping over my feet and Rafael steadied me with one hand.

"Be careful."

"I'll be back, don't move."

Awkwardly shuffling out of the room, I raced to my temporary abode in the guest room and snatched my toiletry bag off the bed.

With a smile, I ran back to Rafael's room. That small sprint left me winded and I huffed as I stood in front of him.

Raf frowned as he saw the small bag in my hand and raised a questioning brow.

"We're doing face masks," I grinned as I grabbed the container from inside. However, Rafael grumbled under his breath.

"I'm not doing that."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Oui."

"Non."

"Arm wrestling. Let's go, buddy," I narrowed my eyes and Rafael pursed his lips.

"I'm not wrestling you, Blaze," he groaned, running a hand over his face.

"Why? Are you scared?" I flexed my biceps to him and he scoffed.

"Of what? Those twigs?" A cocky grin plastered across his face as he motioned towards my obviously bulky biceps and I glared at him.

"That's it," I muttered angrily before storming over to where he was sitting and grabbing his arm.

"Now, let's go," I slammed his elbow on the chair, effectively dragging him off the bed.

"This is ridiculous," he grumbled but sat down on the floor.

"You're ridiculous."

Rafael narrowed his eyes but didn't comment as I adjusted our interlocked palms.

"I'll go easy on you," I grinned as he rolled his eyes.

"3,2,1... Go." As soon as I said it, he slammed our hands down to the right, winning.

"I won, no face masks," Rafael made a move to get up but I pulled him down.

"Best of three, duh. Everyone knows that."

"You're intent on embarrassing yourself here, Blaze."

"And you're intent on being a stubborn bull," I mocked him but smiled sheepishly when he glared at me.

After much convincing, he finally settled down and I watched the way his biceps flexed, the veins on his arms cording tightly around inked skin.

"Eyes up here," he commented smugly and I scrunched up my nose to feign disgust.

"I was actually thinking of teaching you my arm workout, looks like you need it."

A few snide remarks later, we were ready for round two and I gripped the edge of the chair for extra support which prompted a smile on Rafael's face.

"Tally ho," I grinned, commencing the second round.

This time, I was able to stand my ground for a record-breaking ten seconds before I succumbed to his inhumane strength.

"I won," A corner of his lips tugged up and I grumbled.

"Now, let's get back to the movie," he nudged towards the bed and I followed him with a glower.

The only reason he won was because he cheated.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

"Why does this itch so much?" Rafael scratched his neck, inches away from the clay mask on his face and I scowled.

"Don't touch it," I swatted his hand away and he glared at me, looking annoyed.

"We're not doing this again," he grumbled, shifting his attention back to the movie and I grinned.

Of course, I convinced him. No one could resist my charm.

"When are we supposed to wash this?" he turned to me and I groaned, pausing the movie.

"Five more minutes."

"No, right now. I think I'm having an allergic reaction," Rafael muttered, scratching at his wrists and I rolled my eyes.

The mask was on his face, not his arms.

"You're so dramatic," I grumbled before dragging him to the bathroom.

Wetting a dark washcloth, I motioned for him to sit on the wooden stool and he smiled sheepishly as I wiped his face.

"Bree's not back yet," he murmured after a while as I cleaned the remnants of clay and the previous lighthearted atmosphere vanished.

"Is she coming home?" He looked up at me and I paused.

"She's staying over at Travis' house," I murmured and Rafael stiffened.

"How long have they been... dating?" The question was hesitant and bitter.

"You should ask Bree," I quirked an eyebrow but he just stared at me until I caved.

"Well, they developed... feelings this summer." The feelings being casual hook-ups.

"And everyone knew but me?"

"You're kind of slow, Raf. No offence."

There was a stretch of silence as he grabbed a new washcloth and nudged me towards the stool. My pulse thrummed when one of his hands cupped the nape of my neck and the other brushed the cloth across my face.

I scrunched my nose up when he accidentally wiped it across my mouth, smearing clay all over my lips.

"Sorry," his voice was significantly softer and distant and I knew he was stuck in his head again.

Observing the way his jaw clenched repeatedly, I pursed my lips. He was angry and hurt.

Rafael finally let go, his fingers fleetingly grazing against my shoulder blades.

"Do I wash my face or not? My skin's sticky..." He trailed off. I grinned and nodded.

"Right, I knew that."

I watched as he splashed cold water on his face, droplets rolling down his chin. They stuck to the front of his shirt and I gulped.

In a sudden move, he grabbed the back of his tee and pulled it over his head, revealing sculpted muscles and smooth, inked skin.

Oh.

Rafael must have not noticed my flustered state because he started brushing his teeth. Sweat clung to my forehead as I noticed the curve of his spine, dipping low into his grey sweatpants.

My gaze trailed lower and heat flushed my cheeks, he had a nice bu-

"You okay?" Rafael turned around and I snapped my gaze up. My cheeks heated as his mouth tilted up in a sly smirk.

"Yeah." I freed my hair, letting it fall over my face. I turned around and dashed out of the bathroom, the sound of chuckling echoing behind me.

I bit my bottom lip as I grabbed my toothbrush from the bag off the bed, muttering to myself. Really? Could I have made it more obvious?

"Where are you going?" I jumped when Rafael interrupted me. Pivoting around, I saw his tattooed body leaning against the doorframe, foam lathering near the corner of his mouth.

"Back to the guest room." My skin prickled with tension as I shuffled through my toiletry bag, dodging his gaze.

The sound of running water started and stopped. Cold hands dug into my shoulders, contrasting to the warmth bursting through my pounding heart as Rafael spun me around.

"I'm done, you can go." His minty breath fanned across my nose and I nodded. Unnerved by our close proximity, I placed my hand on the centre of his chest and nudged him away.

The cold water didn't seem to calm my flaming cheeks and I took a few deep breaths before brushing my teeth.

Rinsing my mouth, I took one last glance at the mirror and padded back to the room.

"Are we still watching the movie?" I paused when I saw Rafael staring blankly out the balcony from his bed.

"Yeah, sure," his tone was frosty and I bit my bottom lip in concern.

His abrupt mood swings were worrying me.

"What's wrong?" I perched beside him on the bed, the comforter pulled up to his neck.

"I miss my family," Rafael murmured, all the previous mischief devoid from his voice.

I was at a loss for words. I had lost my parents too, but they were dead. I didn't know what it was like to have an estranged family.

He turned to me, his green eyes glazed over again and my heart somersaulted violently. He was so beautifully broken.

"It wasn't your fault." I ran my finger along my knuckles when I saw the guilt swarming his face.

He opened his mouth to say something but I shook my head.

"Don't, we've been there. You're carrying this unwarranted guilt and you're doing bad stuff to get over it," I murmured meaningfully and he paused.

Sighing, Rafael ran a hand through his brown locks and got up, leaning against the headboard.

"Why does everyone want me to be perfect? They want to see all my issues glossed over by the fucking illusion of being okay. I'm not okay, alright? I'm fucked up," Rafael's voice rose and fell, cracks withering his tone.

"Bree wants me to stay sober and act like Cairo didn't exist in the first place and my dad just ignores everything Mum did. She was a terrible woman, Blaze. She didn't care about us." The tears bunched at his waterline again. He wiped them furiously, ripped the covers away and began to pace the room.

"Fuck, sometimes I just want to leave. It's not even worth it. Sometimes, I just wish I would have overdosed that day, at least things would be different," Rafael's fingers tugged at his hair as he muttered furiously and my heartbeat wildly thrashed about.

"No, no don't fucking say that," I rushed over to where he was standing, wrapping my arms around his bare torso.

Slamming my eyes shut, I felt my muscles loosen when he put his chin on my head. I didn't want him saying those things, especially not after Kiara.

"You're not going anywhere, okay?" I murmured, his heartbeat thumping in my ears through heated skin.

Grief was bricked into my skin and he was the only one who tore it's foundation.

"I won't," he murmured, dredging up old memories of Kiara saying the same. "I promise."

I believed him.

"Besides, I have you now, right?" he smiled weakly. My fingers tingled from the warmth that nestled its way in from that simple sentence.

"Always."

As I pulled back, my eyes fell on the tattoo etched right above his heart.

c.h. siempre en mi mente por siempre en mi corazon.

The initials meant Cairo Hernandez. I cursed my lack of Spanish skills, a vague meaning forming in my head.

"Always in my mind, forever in my heart," Rafael whispered with a dim smile on his face.

"That's beautiful, Rafael," I mumbled honestly.

"All your tattoos are," I added as I glanced closer. I noted how all of them were intricate and something told me they weren't all meaningless.

Looking at the pyramid on his arm and the stars behind it, it all connected in my head. It was for Cairo.

I wondered how many of his tattoos were dedicated to his family.

"Yeah," he scoffed bitterly and turned around, shielding them from me. I frowned. Did I say something wrong?

Nervously wringing my fingers, I watched as he leaned against the balcony door and stared at the starless sky. It was odd but the inky darkness was clouded by fog, making it impossible to see any stars.

I knew that was making Rafael restless.

Shutting the laptop and placing it on his table, I slowly approached him again.

"The tattoos aren't beautiful, Blaze. They're illusions," Rafael murmured, grabbing my hand.

Suddenly, he placed my palm over his chest and I flushed at the body heat that tingled through my skin.

"What are you doing?" I murmured, my voice uncharacteristically breathy.

He silently moved my hand down diagonally, across the planes of his abs, solid muscles warming my skin.

"Feel," was the only word he said.

My pulse quickened with every second he guided my hand across his skin. But when he stopped at a place near his ribs, I finally realised what he was trying to say.

He looked away ruefully as my fingers grazed the branched scars on his torso. Retracing the way he had moved my hand, I felt raised skin and marred scars hidden under the tattoos. At the patches of bare skin, I could see silver lines arc out.

"This isn't beautiful, Blaze," he tilted my chin up and I shook my head before grabbing his hand.

Gathering a boost of confidence, I shakily pulled the hem of my shirt up, stopping a few inches below my chest. He shook his head, making a move to retract his hand.

"Don't," I cut Rafael off and placed his open palm on my stomach, right where all the scars intercrossed.

Mimicking his actions, I dragged his palm fleetingly across the disfigured skin. My insecurities flared up, ugly thoughts deforming my confidence but Rafael needed this and so did I.

The silence was laden with unspoken words, emotions permeating into the air. Rays of moonlight diffused over Rafael's eyes as looked down at me, a barrage of feelings flickering in them.

This moment was intimate in a completely different way, it felt like I was bearing my soul to him.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, hoarseness lacing his voice and he tucked a stray strand behind my ear.

"You're beautiful," I shook my head, pushing lightly on his ribs where I could feel the longest scar running the length of his chest.

"No," he instantly whipped out and I pursed my lips.

His thumb rubbed patterns absently on my stomach and I sighed in content.

"Beautiful," I poked his tummy once and he frowned.

"Beautiful," he shook his head and jabbed my stomach in retort.

"Gorgeous," I ran my fingers up to the tattoo on his chest. Rafael sucked in a sharp breath.

"Breathtaking," he leaned in closer and his fingers traversed from my stomach to my back, pulling my body flush against his.

Rafael's body warmth encompassed mine and my breathing became dense. Stumbling back, my spine hit the soft mattress and Rafael's elbows rested on either side of my torso.

His lips descended gently on mine when I tugged at his neck, one elbow supporting his body weight as the other arm glided to my middle back.

Memories of Aiden on top of me dug into my vision but instead of jolting me away, I clung onto the nape of Rafael's neck and pulled him closer.

I needed better, safer memories.

Rafael's tongue slipped past the seam of my lips, my eyes fluttering when I felt his muscles tense above me.

He was still shirtless and I ran my finger up his spine and towards his ribs, eliciting a deep groan from the back of his throat. It tingled throughout my body, firing my senses to another level.

"Stunning," he whispered against my lips and his hand now ran back along the deep scars on my stomach, almost as if memorising each one.

His fingers never trespassed somewhere without permission, staying planted and firm against areas where I was comfortable.

"Magnificent," I could feel his lips curve up in a genuine smile, a breathy laugh fanning across my cheek as I uttered the word. Kissing him again and again, my mind wandering to brighter places rather than the abyss it usually sunk into.

"Cannibal," I murmured as Raf's teeth grazed my bottom lip. He laughed hoarsely.

Rafael's heartbeat wildly thrummed against my palm, his tattooed skin flooding me with heat. The way his fingers grazed against every inch of my stomach and skimmed the waistband of my shorts only served to make my cheeks heat up further but not uncomfortably.

A shrill ringing drew Rafael away from me and he sighed harshly before grabbing my phone off the bedside table.

"Fucking Travis," Rafael muttered angrily and handed the phone to me. Despite his annoyance, I could see the worry etched in the crease of his brow.

"Hey," I cleared my throat as I picked up.

"So, Bree's finally asleep," he sounded exhausted and I sat up, pulling my shirt down. I could feel Rafael's burning gaze as I tilted my body away from him.

"Is she okay?" I murmured, sensing Rafael shift closer to me.

"Yeah, she's burned out. She was crying a lot, I haven't seen her like this. Tell Rafael he did a great job of reminding her about their mother," Travis lashed out bitterly. I had never heard him so furious.

"You better not fucking touch her," Rafael snapped from beside me and I glared at him.

"Is really what you're thinking about right now? Fuck you Raf, you piece of shit," Travis yelled on the other end and I winced, bringing the phone away from my ear.

Rafael reluctantly moved as I glared at him and pointed to the other edge of the bed. He frowned but shuffled over anyways.

He had the worst way of showing his concern.

"I'm really fucking mad at him right now," Travis muttered.

"I know, just make sure Bree's fine. Maybe study a bit?" I heard Travis laugh tersely on the other end.

"Never."

"Goodnight, Trav."

"Goodnight, nugget."

I turned around to see Rafael staring at me with a clenched jaw and I frowned.

"Is she alright?" he murmured.

"She's sleeping," I whispered and he nodded.

"You should sleep too," I insisted and Rafael silently pulled the comforter up to his neck and watched as I trudged to the door.

"Where are you going?" I paused, looking behind my shoulder.

"Back to the guest room."

"Stay." The single word sounded desperate as he raised the duvet as a gesture for me to join him.

"Okay."

I didn't need convincing as I crawled under the covers with him, his arm banding around my waist.

Rafael nestled his face against my shoulder and I sighed as I felt his hot breath against the nape of my neck. His breathing was shallow and there was a heavy silence as his fingers traced circles on the strip of bare skin near my navel.

My chest rose and fell as our proximity drove me to the edge but soon Rafael's breaths morphed into muffled snores.

The reminder of Rafael's lips on mine still burnt bright and his fingers tracing the bumps on my stomach stoked a fire inside me.

I came to a realisation.

It wasn't sudden, rather it was an accumulation of little things like the way he always reminded me to take my pills and stayed up at night to deal with my nightmares. I trusted him enough to let him see my biggest insecurities, let alone touch them.

It was the way his thumb always rubbed circles on my wrist whenever our fingers were interlocked.

And the way our relationship wasn't based solely on physical touch.

And the way my first thought was to think of the stars whenever I felt down and dejected.

I think I loved him.

hi! i got done with this chapter pretty quick, i also had fun writing it. someone stop me from writing a 9000 word chapter because i don't think anyone reads that much.

thoughts on the chapter?

a huge, HUGE thank you to BeSmittenByMe for making a beautiful cover (attached in the code+art chapter), holy fuck i love it so much. ily.

heaps of people have added abt to their reading lists and voted and commented lately. i appreciate you guys so so so much and i love you. wattpad won't let me thank y'all individually due to error 1131 but just know i value you guys so much.

question: what's your stripper song? i know everyone has one, come on.

love
a