"In daydreams and nightmares, in the light and the dark, she fought wielding the sword of strength and the crown of courage"

❃ B l a z e ❃

"Hello Aunt Mary," I bit my lip nervously as her face turned a deep crimson, almost identical to the wine glass perched between her manicured fingers.

"Don't you mean Count Olaf?" she sneered, and Travis snickered before Raf and I glared at him poisonously.

He shot me a helpless look and I could see him barely containing an outburst of chuckles.

"Who might this be?" she glanced disdainfully at Travis and Rafael, and I tensed.

"My friends," I gritted out and she sniffed dismissively.

"If you're going to be staying here, I expect respect from you." I clenched my jaw at her show of superiority. I simply nodded, hearing Rafael exhale a sharp breath.

"Your room's upstairs, second door on the left." With that, she left, offering me nothing but her air of contempt.

I turned to Rafael, who looked annoyed and furious, his jaw ticking harshly as he glared at the spot where Aunt Mary had been.

"Do you have to stay here?" He looked at me sharply and I nodded my head, shaking off the discomfort that arose at his scorching gaze.

"Okay then," he sighed before stepping inside, and Trav and I followed him.

"You almost made her blow a gasket," I muttered harshly to Travis who was still on the verge of a laughing fit.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Did you see her face when you called her Count Olaf? That shit was epic," he whispered with a grin, and Raf turned to us, a small smile on his face.

We crossed the living room, and Aunt Mary frowned at the three of us from her recliner, a book placed facedown on the coffee table.

I rushed the other two out of there as quick as we could with boxes in all our hands, avoiding more than a second in her company.

I barely appreciated all the décor on my way up, cream walls cast in a soft orange glow by the lights along the staircase. They were decorated with various minimalistic art pieces which must have cost a lot, if the fancy signatures on the bottom were anything to go by.

Despite being a sordid witch, I did have to hand it to Aunt Mary. She was a single woman in her 40's with no one to spend all her money on but herself. She'd climbed up the career ladder in her law firm and was now a managing partner, all because of her hard work. I wished she'd just have a better personality.

When I used to stay with her when I was younger, she was still living a fairly average life. Maybe that was why she treated me miserably, but I knew better than that.

"Well at least the room's good," Travis commented, and I nodded in agreement, placing the box in a corner.

It was painted a pale ivory, the walls bare except for a few odd paintings. It was the same size as my room back at the Marshalls but surprisingly this one also had two beanbags besides a varnished wooden desk.

Rafael glanced around the room and when he turned to me, a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"I claim the black beanbag for when I'm over," he grinned.

"I thought you'd want the bed," Travis wiggled his eyebrows and my face heated up at his suggestive tone. Despite it, I glared at him till he walked out of the room with a sheepish smile.

"We'd better help him," I muttered and Rafael looked amused as he fought to hold back a grin.

For the next half an hour, we put all the boxes up in my room and unpacked my essentials, all under Aunt Mary's watchful gaze. She looked more bored than annoyed, and I was thankful for the lack of further embarrassing comments.

By the time we were done, my legs felt like they would snap by the times we'd went up and down the stairs. Who knew that would be such a workout? I really needed to up my fitness. Travis and Rafael hadn't broken a sweat and were smirking triumphantly when I laid face down on my bed as they brought the final boxes upstairs.

"I think I'll die," I muttered into the soft pillow, sighing as I flipped over and snuggled under the covers, still in Rafael's hoodie and my sweatpants.

"You're so dramatic," Raf rolled his eyes and I grunted.

"But you like it," Travis muttered cheekily.

"Shut up," Raf and I chided him half-heartedly. After Raf's little confession at dinner about our crushes, it was futile.

"Blaze? Are your friends done with the moving?" Aunt Mary's voice yelled from downstairs and I groaned into my pillow.

"Yes," I tried not to sound harsh as I shouted back.

"I think it's time they went home. Their parents must be worried." I wanted to chuck a pillow like a boomerang at her when Rafael stiffened, clearly uncomfortable at her statement.

I was about to go downstairs just to annoy her but Rafael shook his head.

"It's fine, we'll go," he murmured, and Travis exited the room with a small wave.

"You'll be fine here, right?" he asked, a crease between his eyebrows and I nodded.

"Yeah, she's actually mellowed down since I was a kid." It was true, she seemed to be much nicer than when I last saw her as a child, just silently observing as we trudged up and down the stairs. If she was the same person I used to know, she would criticize even my gait.

Raf looked confused but didn't comment.

"Okay, call me if you want to talk," he smiled softly and I nodded.

"Good night," he surprised me by placing a kiss on my forehead, and I watched with a gaping mouth as he switched off the light and shut the door behind him.

I only realised how tired I was when I finally heard the sound of their cars peeling down the street and the silence that followed.

There was a window right on the wall next to my bed, the stars casting one half of my room in a celestial glow. As if destined, my phone dinged with a message. It was from Rafael saying that he had reached home, followed by another saying that he was really happy after today.

I grinned like a fool as I pulled the covers over my head and reread the message a dozen times.

For once, I didn't regret or overthink my choices as the events of the day filtered through my head.

Not even punching Aiden and whatever repercussions it would cause.

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The next morning I went through my routine without a hitch, feeling less disoriented than I usually did. My shower was quick and I even decided to level up my dressing game by switching my sweatpants out for leggings. That was an improvement, right? I wasn't letting go of my hoodies yet though.

Who knew all it would take was a few punches to Aiden's face and two almost-kisses with Rafael to snap me out of my downward spiral? I grimaced at my optimism, I was just jinxing myself.

By the time I went downstairs for breakfast, Aunt Mary was already dressed to conquer in a beige pantsuit and her glasses were perched on her nose as she peered over some documents.

Giving me a cursory glance, she went back to reading before pointing me towards the french toast and the brewed coffee. I tried not to dwell on her small act of kindness.

Our breakfast was filled with an awkward silence and I shot up once I was finished, more than ready to end it quickly.

"Did you take your medicine?" She didn't glance up from her papers, but I froze in my spot at her question. Since when did she care?

"Oh, no I haven't."

She finally looked at me with a frown and I raced up the stairs to grab my pills and swallowed them, all as she watched at me with narrowed eyes.

"Can I go now?" I felt stupid for asking but she nodded dismissively.

"Have a good day." I froze at the door at her words.

I didn't reply, anger coursing through my veins as I clenched my fingers around the doorknob.

I wanted to call her out for being a terrible adult to me as a kid, but I wasn't going to ruin my good mood by engaging in a confrontation.

All I knew when I left the house was that I was done forgiving people for their mistakes and taking the blame for things that weren't my fault.

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"Is she on crack?"

I suppressed a snort at Bree's question. We all stared at Annikah as she bounced her knee restlessly against the table, effectively creating a rhythmic annoying sound.

Annikah had been hyperactive since the morning, a grin plastered on her face like a second skin. It was Lunch now and she still hadn't elaborated on the reason for her behaving like an energiser bunny.

"Nope, she's high off love," Travis commented. He glanced at Bree who awkwardly fidgeted with the bands on her wrist.

Ann finally looked up and her grin faltered as she caught us all staring.

"Well?" I prompted.

She sighed deeply, the smile never leaving her face, and I glanced at Jonah who finally looked up from his homework. He looked tired but managed a small smile.

"I came out to my dad yesterday."

Bree, who was sitting beside Ann, pulled her into a huge hug and the rest of us grinned when Ann made a strangled noise.

"Let me breathe," she rasped and Bree sheepishly let go.

"I think that's enough hugs for a day," Ann muttered when Travis opened his arms.

He pouted but reluctantly dropped his arms.

"My mum doesn't know though, I don't think I'm telling her anytime soon. She moved out a week ago after a fight and we haven't talked since," Ann mumbled and I was about to say something. However, Ann shut me off with a raised hand.

"I don't mind, it's better they get divorced. Spare me the sympathy," she frowned and then snorted at our uncomfortable expressions.

"Dad's cool about it though, he actually wants to meet Serayah," Ann grumbled irritably and I suppressed a smile.

"Any tips?" She looked around at all of us before stopping on Rafael who paled when she grinned like a shark.

"I'm not good with this stuff," he muttered, running his hand through his hair.

"What he means to say is he's never had a girlfriend before," Travis interjected cheekily.

Rafael flushed but didn't deny it and I admired how adorable he looked with an annoyed pout on his face and his arms crossed over his chest.

"Have you two kissed yet?" Bree smirked as she caught me staring at her twin. I glared at Bree as Rafael shrunk into his seat.

"No," Rafael muttered angrily before glowering at Travis, who threw his hands up in frustration.

Bree looked confused, but before she could ask, a shadow loomed behind her and my eyes widened in surprise.

"Hey, can I sit here?" Summer awkwardly shifted on her feet. I looked behind her to see that her usual table with Aiden was empty besides Alec and his friends, who were looking our way, some of them glaring.

Maybe I could punch them too.

I shook that thought away instantly. Since when did I get such violent impulses?

"Yeah, sure," Travis was the one to reply and I nodded, embarrassed that I hadn't spoken up.

Summer took a seat beside Jonah at the end, and his cheeks flushed a bright red. Jonah lowered his head causing his hair to shield his face, but I could still see the way his hand trembled as he wrote in his notebook.

Rafael was smiling smugly as he glanced at Jonah's flustered state while Summer ate in silence, curiously glancing at whatever Jonah was doing.

"He's blushing," Travis whispered and I nodded eagerly.

"They'd look cute together," I whispered back and Trav grinned in agreement.

Jonah was still too busy staring pointlessly at his book, and I wondered if he was even breathing. Probably not, judging by the way his chest hadn't moved in a minute.

Finally noticing all our stares, Summer and him looked up simultaneously. Jo looked like he might pass out from all the attention whereas Summer just looked confused.

"Leave them alone," Bree narrowed her eyes at Trav and me and I raised my hands in a placating gesture.

The bell rang at the exact moment and Jonah carefully got out of his seat, avoiding touching Summer. He didn't even glance at the rest of us before rushing out of the Cafeteria like his skin was on fire.

Summer watched him leave, and I grinned at the space Jonah was sitting at.

This would be fun.

The rest of us got up and Summer smiled at me before leaving, a meaningful look passing between us as I glanced at the jacket covering her arms.

"$50 say that Summer will ask him out within a month," Rafael chirped and Travis clapped his hand on Raf's back.

"You're on, I say my boy Jo will be the one to ask."

Bree glared at the two of them as they sheepishly smiled.

"Be ready to pay up," Rafael whispered before grabbing my hand and I masked my surprise with a grimace.

Bree's glare dropped to a soft smile, and Travis mouthed 'whipped'. I glowered at him.

A few students looked at us when Raf didn't let go of my hand through the hallway. I didn't like the stares and I dug my nails into Rafael's palm.

"They're jealous," Rafael grinned and I scoffed.

"Of you or me?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Me, of course," he shrugged and I bit my bottom lip to stop a smile from spreading. I didn't want to seem like an overenthusiastic freak.

"You're a liar," I nudged my elbow into his ribs and he laughed, attracting the attention of other people.

"Dude, shut up," I glared at him when he started chuckling like a maniac for no reason at all.

"It's hilarious how oblivious you are," he said once his laughing fit was over, his eyes twinkling with delight.

I rolled my eyes before pushing past him to the classroom with a small smile on my face.

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"I don't understand why people like reading legal thrillers, they're so boring," I muttered as I unpacked books from the boxes at the back of the store.

Noah frowned at my comment before shaking his head and sipping his coffee. Charlotte had gone out to get some groceries and I was left with his brooding self.

"I mean it's basically just a bunch of old dudes fighting corporate battles," I rolled my eyes and Noah glared upon hearing my opinion.

I smiled sheepishly as he did the inventory, all the while grumbling under his breath.

I had decided to come back to work today considering I was feeling much better.

However, the presence of the letter in the storeroom tingled in the back of my mind, where it had been for the past two weeks. The words on it constantly swirled around me like a demon trying to lure me in. I needed to show it to Dr. Lincoln so I could get past one of the many hurdles stopping me from accepting that it wasn't my fault.

Hence, the cause of my mindless babble. I needed to do something to take my mind off the impulse to self-destruct by reading it one more time.

"What do you think about self-help books? Personally, I think they're scams because they don't help," I shrugged.

"You're in a chatty mood today," Noah quirked an eyebrow.

"I've had a good day."

He gestured for me to elaborate and I took a deep sigh before grinning hugely.

I was about to tell him the mellowed version, but the chiming of the doorbell interrupted us. I stood up, making my way to the front through the hallway and I stopped in my tracks.

"Why are you guys here?" I furrowed my eyes at the five people huddled around the door.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Rafael narrowed his eyes and my heart thumped wildly in my chest at the accusation in his tone.

"What?" I clenched and unclenched my fists. What did he find out?

"Blaze, I actually thought you trusted me," he glared while the others just watched, stony expressions across their faces, even Travis.

"I don't know what you're talking about." My pulse pounded in my ears. I shouldn't have jinxed my momentary happiness like that.

"Go ahead, you don't have to hide it anymore." Bree was the one to speak now, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Guys, I think that's enough," Jonah muttered, not meeting my eyes.

"Tell me what's going on, what didn't I tell you?" I inhaled shakily, digging my nails into my palms.

"That it's your birthday in four days," A grin slowly spread across all their faces except Jonah who looked guilty.

I sighed in relief and took a few deep breaths, clamping my eyes shut to ward off the threat of crying. What the fuck was that?

When I opened my eyes again, I was met by huge smiles and cheeky grins and I glared at all of them with a burning passion.

"I'm sorry, it wasn't my idea." Travis threw his hands up in exasperation, and he had the decency to look sheepish. He pointed discreetly to Rafael who looked the happiest out of all of them.

He extended his arms for a hug and I glared at him venomously.

"I didn't think you'd be so scared," Raf rubbed the back of his neck meekly.

"Oh? You guys fucking ambushed me. Did you expect me to give you a confectionery basket?" I glowered at him, but internally I was smirking when his grin fell. Two could play that game.

"I'm sorry, I thought it'd be fun," he muttered lowly and I smiled, unable to resist the way his bottom lip jutted out.

"Got you," I grinned and he scowled before his lips spread into yet another smile.

"No, but seriously. Why wouldn't you tell us?" Bree asked and I shifted awkwardly on my feet.

"It isn't important," I shrugged. I wasn't lying, I didn't see the point in celebrating my birthday, it was just another reminder that I was a year closer to death. Morbid, but true.

"I told you," Jonah muttered and I shifted my gaze to him.

"I accidentally let it slip," he shyly whispered and I sighed.

"Why wouldn't you want to celebrate your birthday? You'll finally be seventeen." Travis did a little jig on the spot.

"Yeah, so?"

"It's your birthday, B. Shouldn't you be like, I don't know, a little bit enthusiastic? What's your plan?" Ann wrinkled her eyebrows.

"You guys can come over to my aunt's house to watch a movie and we could hang out or something. No gifts though," I shrugged and Ann's face slackened.

"We do that at least two times a week, we need to do something special, and of course we're doing gifts," Trav looked at me in confusion.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, slightly annoyed at Jonah for telling them this information.

I felt uncomfortable as everyone stared at me curiously, obviously confused by my lack of excitement for my birthday.

"It's just another day of the year," I muttered and Raf frowned.

"It's special," he argued.

"Look, I don't see the point in celebrating my birthday when the people who gave birth to me aren't here," I snapped.

Instantly, everyone's faces fell and I felt bad for acting so out of order. I crossed my arms over my chest limply when sad smiles and sympathetic looks spread across their faces.

"Do you guys want coffee?" I smiled brightly, trying to mask my hurt.

When no one answered, I exhaled sharply.

"I'm not mad, I just don't like celebrating my birthday. It's pointless so you better not think about pulling a stunt and throwing a party or I'll punch you," I glared and Trav grinned.

"I'll always cherish the way you punched the asshole," Rafael's lips quirked up and I sighed in relief when the tension diffused.

"It was hot," Bree grinned and I fidgeted awkwardly. Well, that was something I'd never thought I'd hear.

"Coffee?" I offered again and everyone nodded.

"You guys can go check everything out," I pointed to the shelves and Jonah didn't need telling twice as he rushed over to the sci-fi section.

Bree's lips curled in contempt as she regarded all the books before plopping down on one of the loveseats. Ann sat down beside her, mildly interested but not picking anything up.

Raf followed me as I made my way behind the counter. He leaned over the front as I got the mugs out of the cupboards, watching in silence.

"So do you like books?" I cringed at how formal I sounded. It wasn't like we had met for the first time.

"Yeah, I read murder mysteries," he smiled and I slammed my fist on the counter in excitement.

"You do?" I couldn't resist the huge grin spreading across my face.

"Finally someone who understands the beauty in death," I winced at how loudly I was talking and Raf watched me in amusement.

"Wait, that sounds wrong. I mean the beauty of solving a murder," I backtracked.

"Yeah," he hummed, the smile on his face only deepening.

"Jonah's stupid. He says it's something that housewives going through a mid-life crisis read, you're not a housewife right?" I quirked an eyebrow.

"I don't know about the housewife part, but I am going through a mid-life crisis," he nodded, the dimple on his left cheek popping as he leaned his elbow on the counter.

I turned to my side, still feeling his gaze on the side of my face.

"You know what an amazing plot twist would be? If the detective was the one who committed the murder. Holy shit, that's an incredible idea. I think I should become a writer." Raf nodded when I turned to him with a grin.

"I'd need to pass Mrs. Lively's class though, right? Yeah, well I guess I can trash that dream," I sighed dejectedly.

"You're adorable," Raf commented.

"Right back at you, cutie," I pointed my thumb and forefinger at him and his throat chimed with laughter.

What was up with my sudden motor mouth?

I dragged my fingers down my face and groaned. I should just tape my lips at this point.

A throat clearing saved me from my embarrassment, and I looked up to see Noah standing beside Rafael with an intrigued spark in his eye.

"Who might this be?" he raised an eyebrow.

"This is Rafael," I murmured.

"Oh?" he smiled knowingly and I ignored his curious stare on the two of us, pouring the coffee into five mugs instead.

"I'll help you with the rest of the books," I said once I turned back around and Noah nodded.

"You can take a break after." His lips rose in a smile and I grimaced.

Grabbing the tray, I made my way over to the seating nook where Ann, Bree and Trav were talking about something animatedly.

"I think we found a new hangout spot," Travis grinned as I handed him his mug.

"Please don't get kicked out of here, I intend to keep this job," I muttered and Bree stifled a laugh when Travis frowned.

"I'm offended, Blaze," he raised a hand to his heart and I rolled my eyes.

After handing everyone their drinks, I made my way back over to the counter only to see Rafael browsing through the mystery section. I grinned to myself as he picked up two books, his lips moving gently as he read their summaries.

"Is he your boyfriend?" I jumped as Charlotte whispered from beside me. I hadn't even realised she was back.

I shook my head, my face burning with embarrassment at being caught.

"Uh huh, sure," Charlotte smiled and I took that moment to slip to the back of the store through the adjoining door.

I hope Rafael didn't make it a point to be a regular here. I needed to focus on my job.

"Now I understand why you've had a good day," Noah's eyes twinkled with joy and I huffed before beginning to sort out the rest of the books.

For the next half an hour, we did inventory and decided arrangements for the new stock, all the while hearing faint sounds of talking from the front.

When I was finally done, I stood up and dusted my knees. "Time for your break," Noah smiled smugly and I narrowed my eyes at him. He seemed eager.

The sound of hushed whispers reached my ears when I made my way back to the front. However, they all stilled when I got closer.

"What were you guys talking about?" I asked suspiciously, but no one answered. I tried not to get annoyed, it's not like I was owed any information.

"Whatever," I sat down between Rafael and Jonah, both of whom were reading their respective books.

"Can I tell you a book joke, Blaze?" Travis leaned forward and we all groaned, causing his smile to dim for a minute.

"I'll pay for everyone's drinks," Travis slyly added and the grumbling instantly died down.

"What's a vampire's favourite book genre?" he grinned and I pursed my lips in thought.

"Horror?" I asked and Trav shook his head.

"Murder mysteries?" Jonah's lips curled at my answer and I ignored him.

"What?" I narrowed my eyes when Travis rubbed his hands together in excitement.

"Drumroll, please." He scowled when no one fulfilled his order.

"Fangtasy," Trav answered with a huge grin on his face, his cheeks beaming with pride.

"That was bloody terrible, my sanity's at stake," Rafael muttered from beside me.

"You just made a pun, two actually," Travis pointed excitedly at Raf, who smiled behind his book.

I sat there with them for the next couple of minutes, chatting about mundane stuff. I eventually got up, realising I still had some dusting left to do and when I did, Travis followed me to the counter.

Charlotte smiled at him when he asked for more coffee and then paid for everyone's drinks. The tip he left in the jar with a wink directed at me just served to make me grin brighter.

"The store seems lively with your friends around, they're good kids although they're a bit loud," Charlotte remarked and I stifled a laugh.

"Oh, this is them behaved, just wait till the coffee hits," I grinned and Charlotte furrowed her brows.

I left her to clean the front shelves and by doing that, I got a good view of everyone, especially Rafael reading. It was certainly unexpected that he read, but I guess that was the fun of discovering new things.

Humming to myself while I cleaned, I felt time pass by quickly as I worked in the presence of my friends and the smell of coffee beans wafting in the air. This was the kind of life that seemed headed towards something better than a rendezvous with Kiara.

Now wasn't the time to make morbid jokes.

When my shift finally ended, the others were still here but I was left feeling strange because of the reminder at the back of my head about Kiara's letter. Something urged me that I needed to show it to Jo before I gave it to Dr. Lincoln.

I had a feeling I wouldn't be getting it back.

I slipped to the back, running my hands along the bookshelves on both sides. I tried to calm my breathing when I neared the storeroom, my heart pounding as I approached my box at one corner.

Whenever a new shipment of books came through, Noah let me keep three books I wanted and I hadn't gotten around to bringing my collection home. Stuffed at the very bottom of the box was the letter and I made sure not to rip it as I fished it out.

The lighting was dim in this part of the store, so even when I peered at some of the tear-stained words on the corner, I was thankful I couldn't read distinctly. If I gave into it once again, all the progress would have washed away.

I rushed out of the room while stuffing the letter into my pocket, almost running back to the front and I breathed a sigh of relief when the sound of Travis' laughing ceased my fraying nerves.

"You okay?" I jumped as Rafael suddenly appeared in front of me.

"Did you intend on giving me a jump scare?" I muttered and he smiled.

"Can I drop you home?" he asked, his hands stuffed in his pockets and my heart fluttered at the grin he shot me.

"I was actually going to ask Jonah," I murmured, avoiding the way his face fell a fraction before pulling back up into a smile.

"Oh okay," he shifted on his feet, his earlier confidence wavering and I sighed.

"I just want to talk to him about something, otherwise I would totally go home with you. By that I mean, I would let you drop me home. Fuck, that sounded wrong, didn't it?" I clenched my jaw to stop my word vomit.

"Not at all," he bit his bottom lip and I frowned when he just stared.

"Okay, time to go home. Mine, that is," I muttered, stepping around him. I could tell he was suppressing his laughter as a muffled sound reached my ears.

The others were waiting out front, and after saying goodbye to Charlotte and Noah, I made my way over to Jonah's car.

He seemed surprised as I sat in the passenger seat, and I scrolled aimlessly on my phone. It wasn't like I could just say it outright that I was here to show him Kiara's suicide letter.

I winced at my thoughts, and an idea crept into my mind as I fiddled with the edge of my tee.

"Take a right at the next intersection," I muttered and Jonah looked confused but nodded. The lack of conversation didn't seem awkward and we sat in companionable silence as Jonah tapped his fingers on the wheel.

After another few turns, I told him to pull over at the side of the road. "What are we doing here?" Jonah furrowed his brows as he looked at the edge of the tree line we were parked near.

"Follow me," I smiled while getting out of the car. He looked a bit scared as the evening sky dipped into the horizon, casting the further part of the woods into an eerie darkness.

"It's not that far, Jo. I'm not going to kill you," I held back a laugh as he sighed before following me, the flashlight beaming from his phone.

Dried leaves crunched under our feet and soon the sound of traffic faded into a distant hum as we edged towards the spot that I had frequented over the years. I felt a pang of guilt for not coming here that often for the past few months.

I shook it off as the pond soon came into the view, the rusty bench still the same as I last saw it. Jonah sucked in a sharp breath as he glanced at the rippling water and the rustling tree branches.

"Why are we here, Blaze?" he murmured, his voice amplified by the silence and I dug my foot into the soil.

"This used to Kiara's and my spot, we came here to hang out," I muttered, walking over to the bench and Jonah hesitantly took a spot next to me.

He looked to be observing everything more keenly, almost as if he would find a part of Kiara in the whispers of the wind.

"I wanted to show you something," I shoved my hand in my pocket and squeezed the stapled papers.

"What?" he looked confused but when I handed him the letter, his face fell. His fingers brushed against mine as I handed it to him. I crossed my arms over my chest to avoid the nerves clipping at my skin.

Jonah paled when he opened it, sweat beading at his hairline and I averted my gaze.

"This isn't hers, right?" His voice quivered, his reaction akin to my own upon finding out. The desperate need to be lied to coursing in his voice.

"Jonah, it's real," I murmured, staring at the way the sky seemed to suppress on itself on the arrival of the nightly darkness.

"It can't be. Why are you showing this to me now?" He wasn't angry, just in disbelief.

"Aiden gave it to me," I answered and Jonah sucked in a sharp breath. I didn't feel the usual wave of guilt or pain that accompanied the letter like an inky mist.

Was this acceptance or denial?

"Just read it," I implored.

For the next few minutes, I focused on the way Jonah's breaths got deeper, causing a small current of their own and the way his knee restlessly knocked against the rusty bench. My eyes were shut, the lack of tears surprising me as I revelled in the way a cool breeze fanned across my forehead.

"She's wrong," were his words as he first looked up, his rosy cheeks stained with tears.

I didn't say anything. He was the only person who knew about this letter besides Aiden, and none of us knew what was going through Kiara's mind when she wrote this.

"Blaze, it wasn't your fault," Jonah's voice was raspy, interspersed with bouts of agony and I shuffled on my seat.

"We can't really question the dead," I shrugged and Jonah moved closer, his hands on my shoulders forcing my gaze to refocus on his.

"She's wrong," he repeated, his glossed eyes holding fiery conviction. It seemed very easy to find confidence in his words, after all, they loved each other. But I wasn't going to set myself up for a false notion, I'd leave it to Dr. Lincoln to decide if this letter was worth the guilt.

"I loved her, Blaze, but this is wrong on so many levels. She was the one who made that decision, not you," I could see more tears build up at his waterline but none fell.

His words rang true within me for a moment. But before I could even begin to voice my denial, he razed on.

"She wasn't okay when she wrote this, you can't believe this. That's wrongly placed guilt," his grey irises stared at me intensely and I clenched my jaw because I could feel myself believing him. I couldn't, what if he was wrong?

"She wasn't your best friend, I was too. Everything she said is wrong." Anger and disbelief ebbed and flowed through his voice, a rare occurrence with someone as calm and reserved as Jonah.

Maybe he was right.

Relief at telling someone who understood lifted a boulder from my shoulders and I felt a sense of peace buzzing in my body.

"Am," I whispered and he looked confused at my interruption.

"Not was, you are my best friend," I smiled half-heartedly and his shoulders sagged with relief. I believed him, at least for now. It was comforting that this wasn't a personal secret anymore.

His arms wrapped around me in a sudden hug, and I recovered from my momentary shock before doing the same. Travis' hugging habits seemed to be wearing off on everyone.

His tears rubbed on my shirt sleeves and I remembered Rafael in that moment. He was like my unofficial therapist, with added benefits, of course.

Shut up.

Eventually, Jonah's arms let go and we sat in silence, staring at the sky as stars started fading into view. Paired with the humming breeze and the murmur of water, a wave of serenity washed over me.

"Why would she write this?" Jonah spoke softly and I winced.

"We fought a lot before she died, Jo," I sighed and he ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

"No, she didn't mean that. She told me herself, she was just tired," I bit my bottom lip nervously at his words.

"Kiara called me selfish, she practically said I was blind to everything around me. I don't know how clearer it could get." The words felt leaden on my tongue.

"She seems so much of a mystery to me now, B. Did I even know her?" his voice reeked of hopelessness and I clenched my fingers around my thigh.

"All I know is my best friend blames me for her suicide, and I don't even know if I should believe her," I muttered, feeling guilt replaced by bitterness.

"You shouldn't because she's the one who's selfish for even writing this letter in the first place." My eyes widened at Jonah's statement and as if realising what he said, he slumped further into the seat.

The rusty bench creaked under our weight, but neither of us moved. This time the humming of nature only seemed to make my skin crawl, as if the place had suddenly been deprived of its tranquility.

The same question ran through my mind again and again.

Did she really blame me for her death?

g'day mate(s)! how are y'all today? how's life in your corner of the world?

remember how i said i might die from a ruptured stomach in the last a/n? well i jinxed myself because i now have a terrible stomach infection.

i've been reading royal conspiracy theories for the past few hours (rip prince philip), skipping sleep because i'm sick as fuck. thought you guys should know.

thoughts on the chapter? this seemed like a major filler but i think the next chapter is long overdue and might answer some questions.

also, @majesticzayn and @____rosesnmints____created AMAZING COVERS which are on the "code+art" chapter and i love you guys SO much, thank you so so so so much.

question: do you believe in aliens?

love
a