"Chiseled from darkness and woven from gloom, we're the pallbearers of inevitable ruin"

❃ B l a z e ❃

Sweat beaded at my forehead as I read with shivering hands, trying to distract myself from the ugly nightmare.

It was 3 AM and after jolting awake, I couldn't sleep again.

I could still feel it, Aiden's hands on my skin and the pain searing through my entire body. I had thought that if I just pretended like he hadn't violated me that afternoon, then it would slowly fade away. Of course, it didn't.

The first nightmare had started the night of my birthday, four days ago, after Rafael and I had kissed. It was the same thing since then- distorted images of that afternoon, Aiden's merciless eyes and blood.

I glanced at my phone on the table. Instinctively, I ran my fingers over my wrists and sucked in a sharp breath. If I wanted to, I could find a blade. No.

Picking up my phone, I opened Rafael's contact. My fingers hovered over the screen as I stalled. It was the middle of the night and things had been weird between us for the past few days. I could just hang up if he didn't pick up.

Yeah, I'd do that.

I listened to the silence and was about to cut the call but Rafael's abrupt voice on the other end spoke up.

"Blaze? Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"What happened?" he asked gently and I sighed.

"A nightmare." The past.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"Yes." I was surprised by my answer and there was momentary silence.

"I'll be there in ten. Don't get out of the house until I'm there, okay?" I heard shuffling on the other end.

"Why?" I asked solely to distract myself from the blades that were stashed in my closet.

"It's 3 AM. I don't want you to get kidnapped and sacrificed by some cult," he muttered and I smiled.

"You're paranoid, I'm pretty sure no one would abduct me from a suburb." A slow grin spread across my face when I heard his disapproving grunt.

"You never know these days."

"You sound like an overprotective mother."

"Only for you," he murmured and I twisted the bracelet on my wrist, rubbing the spot where the stars were engraved.

"Can we get food?" I blurted out and realised how dumb I sounded. It was the middle of the fucking night.

"Yeah sure," Rafael chuckled, the sound soothing my nerves and I slumped on the corner of my bed.

"Preferably dessert," I murmured.

"Of course, just stay on the phone, alright?" I voiced a yes.

"So, Travis sent me more facts today," Raf commented.

"Apparently, your pet cat might try and eat you if you died." He said it casually while I almost choked on air.

"Good thing I don't have a cat," I muttered, making a mental note to never get one.

"Also, do you know those tiny flecks we see in a ray of light?" He sounded excited.

"Yeah?"

"They're most likely flakes of human skin and dead insect parts, besides dust and we inhale them. So, does that make us cannibals?" I could visualize the grin on his face.

"I was doing better two minutes ago when I didn't know that, Raf."

The rest of our conversation consisted of such disgusting facts and I was beginning to think Rafael had a thing for creeping me out.

"I'm here," he said just as I heard the faint sound of an engine thrumming in the distance.

"Okay, I'll be down in a minute." I tiptoed down the stairs.

"Grab a jacket," Rafael added and I grumbled before trudging back to my room.

I made sure not to make any noise as I gently opened the back door once I was downstairs again.

Woah, my first time sneaking out. I was expecting it to be harder but this worked too.

Rafael's car was parked a few houses down and I awkwardly ran to it, sighing in relief as I slumped in the passenger seat.

"Hi." The moonlight caught on the left side of Rafael's face as he smiled, his gaze running across my face. His eyes were slightly bloodshot and I frowned.

"I'm sorry for waking you up, you look tired."

"Hey, no it's okay. I was just up studying for midterms," he smiled grimly and I nodded. Fiddling with the edge of my sleeve, I pulled it over my wrists, shielding the impulse to create long scratches.

"You okay?" he asked, glancing at my windbreaker which was technically his. I just stole it after my birthday.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully, seeing his smile dim for a minute.

"Will ice cream make it better?" Rafael rubbed his hands together and I nodded slowly.

"Unless you decided to buy an ice-cream store impulsively, I don't think anything would be open at this time," I frowned and his lips quirked up in a sly smirk.

"Oh, you'll see."

As he drove, my mind wandered to the nightmare that still festered in my head. It was terrifying, moreover so because I had never had a nightmare solely focusing on the day that Aiden did it. Everything was so clear yet hazy, the details glossed over by a multitude of other images that I'd rather not recall.

A hand rested on mine and I jerked back. Meeting Raf's eyes, I calmed down and ran my fingers through my hair.

"We're here," his brows were scrunched together and I sighed.

"Sorry, I zoned out," I yawned and he nodded unsurely.

Looking outside, I noticed we were parked outside a brick store with a glaringly obvious ice cream sign bearing the name "Midnight Cravings" scrawled in cursive across the front.

"How do you know about this?" I turned to him and he grinned.

"You're not the only one with late-night munchies."

I beamed as we got out of the car together. Upon pushing the door open, I was met by a gust of cold air and the mouthwatering smell of chocolate, coffee and a dozen other flavours.

When I looked at the counter, my jaw dropped and I tugged at Raf's sleeve in excitement.

"They have colourful cones, Raf." My eyes widened as I glanced at all the cone options, there was a rainbow cone, one made of chocolate and even one covered entirely in sprinkles.

"Yeah," Raf looked amused and I realised I was still wringing his sleeve between my fingers.

The lady behind the counter smiled at us tiredly and my grin faltered. Poor her having to work at night to cater to crackheads like us.

"What flavour would you like?" She smiled at me.

"You go, I need time to decide," I nudged Rafael and he glanced at me weirdly.

"No, you," he narrowed his eyes.

"I said it first."

"The last one to say it wins."

'"Shut up and choose," I glared at him and he crossed his arms.

"You're bullying me," he muttered.

"I'll punch you."

"Okay, okay I'm picking," he threw his hands up.

After ordering a double scoop of blueberry cheesecake, he turned to me and I ordered a double scoop of chocolate and salted caramel.

"Do you have an orange cone?" I asked, trying to keep the grin off my face when she nodded.

"I'll have that too," Rafael piped up and I smirked at him.

"Copycat."

"Shut up."

"Wanna wait in the car?" he handed me the keys and I nodded.

"Don't get kidnapped," Raf added as I stepped outside and I flipped him off.

Waiting in the car, I blasted the heater on and warmed my freezing fingers. Rafael joined me a few minutes later, handing me my orange cone and I grinned in excitement.

However, my face soured when I looked at his palm.

"Only psychopaths get their ice creams in cups," I frowned, glancing at the paper cup filled with ice cream.

He just shook his head with a smile. "There was only one orange cone."

"Oh, do you want mine?" I offered dumbly.

"How do you plan to do that?" He raised an amused eyebrow and I huffed.

"I could scoop out all my ice cream and replace it with yours," I explained stupidly. I was just arguing for the sake of not losing.

"And keep it where? Your pocket?" Rafael was having way too much fun with this. I was just doing the polite thing by offering.

"Shut up. You could've got any other flavoured cone. Now, I feel bad," I mumbled and he smiled.

"It's alright."

"There's a park nearby, do you want to go there?" he shrugged.

"Only if you promise not to murder me and stash my body parts in a dumpster."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not a serial killer?" Rafael rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Don't blame me, maybe all those warnings about not getting kidnapped were reverse psychology," I pointed out and he grimaced.

"You need to stop watching crime shows."

"I'm still trying to figure out your M.O, but yeah let's go," I pointed a finger at him and he huffed in annoyance.

Rafael was still sulking when we began walking to the park and I elbowed him playfully.

"Don't want to tempt a serial killer, now do we?" Raf taunted and I smiled sheepishly before offering him my ice cream as a peace offering.

"I don't like caramel," he scrunched his nose up. "Besides, you've already licked it."

"Well, we've already kissed," I shrugged and then slapped my free hand over my mouth. Oops.

Rafael's gaze locked with mine, his eyes scorching with passion. Ever since our kiss on my birthday, it's like we had reached a stalemate, waiting for the other to make a move. It was crazy, the tension that filled my body in moments like these.

"Yeah," he murmured, his lips tugging upwards but he made no move otherwise.

"We should sit on the swings," I mumbled awkwardly after a long pause. Did I do something wrong?

Raf nodded, and I waited for him to say something, but he didn't. I sighed to myself, thankful that he couldn't see my face because I was on the verge of pulverising my ice cream cone.

Thankfully, the swings were near a thicket of trees that cast them in darkness, enabling me to deluge in my thoughts. Eating ice cream and swinging in the middle of a deserted park at the devil's hour was certainly not on my bucket list.

"How are you feeling now?" Raf asked all of a sudden and I halted, digging my heels into the ground.

"Better," I smiled meekly and he nodded, eating a spoonful of ice cream. Mine was long over and the orange cone was something that would star in my dreams.

"Wanna talk about it?" Rafael pushed gently after a minute and I hesitated.

"Some bad things happened and I should probably tell someone, but I can't do it," I murmured.

My hands shivered as gruesome images filled my sight. Skin pressing against skin, bones crushing mine, hands suffocating my breaths.

"Don't push yourself to do something you're not ready for, Blaze."

"I feel weak for not speaking up."

"It isn't the right thing to do if you end up hurting yourself more, just take it slow," he mumbled meaningfully. His advice seemed framed for a dual scenario.

Was he talking about us? Did he regret the kiss?

Something must have given my thoughts away because his face fell.

"Do you not like me anymore?" I clenched my fingers around the metal chains on either side of me. Shit, I sounded desperate but I needed to know. He had been acting as if nothing had happened on my birthday.

"What? Why would you think that?" Raf shot up from his swing, stepping towards me.

"It's the way you've been acting," I shrugged, trying to act casual while a war was waging in my head.

He pursed his lips, staying silent and I slouched dejectedly. Rafael was avoiding furthering this conversation.

"It's alright if you don't," I mumbled. I could really use some reassurance right now.

Silence again.

"I don't know how to act, Blaze," he muttered lowly and I raised my gaze.

"What do you mean?"

"As Travis has ever so kindly mentioned, I don't have experience with crushes and shit. What fucking rate do I take this at? I don't want to push you," he muttered and I took a deep breath to calm the excitement bubbling inside me.

"You're not pushing me, I actually want this to happen," I pointed between us.

Woah buckaroo, calm down with the boldness.

"You do?" he sounded hesitant.

"I mean it's one of the few good things I have going for me. So, yes, I'd like to lock it down." I smiled and he returned it slyly.

"Who sounds like the psychopath now?" Rafael raised an eyebrow and I punched his shoulder lightly.

Suddenly, Rafael's arm wrapped around my torso and pulled me up from the swing, right against his chest. The darkness only made the planes of his face more appealing as he leaned in. His lips pulled in closer and closer, stilling an inch before mine.

When I realised he was silently asking for consent, I curled my fingers around the nape of his neck and closed the gap between us.

The taste of blueberries and chocolate swirled in the kiss, lighting up my senses. My hands got lost in his hair, his fingers gripping the base of my neck. For a suspended moment, it felt like we were in our bubble, the wind whispering in my ears and the feeling of his tender lips against mine.

Rafael pulled away, breaking the spell and our breaths mingled in short pants.

"That's our fourth kiss now, right?" he grinned and I nodded.

A smile curved across his lips and then we burst into laughter.

It was loud, echoing throughout the empty park and even when I calmed down, Raf was still chuckling like a maniac.

Slamming my hand across his mouth, I motioned for him to shut up.

"People will think we're psychopathic cultists."

Feeling a nip on my palm, I pulled my hand away and gasped at Rafael who was smiling cheekily.

"Did you just... bite me?" I asked incredulously and the perpetrator just shrugged casually.

"Technically it wasn't a bite, it was a little peck," Rafael's eyes twinkled with mischief and I narrowed my eyes.

"Are we switching up the serial killer tendencies for cannibalism?"

"Will you stop with that?" he dragged his fingers down his face.

The beginning of the day flickered in the sky with early rays of sunlight and I pulled Raf near a tree. Sitting against the trunk, I intertwined my fingers with his and smiled to myself.

"What time is it?" I asked and he checked his phone.

"Almost 5 AM. Want to stay for the sunrise?"

"What about my aunt?" I sighed and he shrugged.

"Just tell her you were out on a run if she's up," Rafael suggested and I nodded slowly, looking down at my outfit. I was already wearing sweatpants, so it could work.

"You're having a bad influence on me," I teased him playfully and he nuzzled his face into my neck.

"I don't mind," his breath tickled the hollow of my throat and I bit my bottom lip.

And that was how we ended up watching the sunrise in a deserted park at dawn.

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I clenched my fingers around the throw pillow, Dr. Lincoln's heated gaze intimidating me.

"How do you feel about this letter?" she gestured towards Kiara's letter that was placed between us on the coffee table.

I shrugged weakly, clamping my eyes shut. The nightmares were sporadic now, some of them appeared out of nowhere in the day.

"How should I be feeling?" I directed at her and a smile crept across Dr. Lincoln's face. It was the first in this session, she had evidently let her calm composure slip after I'd given her the letter.

"You're the one in therapy, not me."

I huffed and took a deep breath.

"When I first read it, I wasn't okay. But, I am now, I think," I muttered, rubbing the bracelet on my wrist.

"Being vague won't help, Blaze," Dr. Lincoln sighed and I nodded reluctantly.

Going on to tell her about how I had an episode after reading the letter and that was one of the reasons I was here, Dr. Lincoln didn't bat an eye as she noted it down. When she asked who had helped me before coming to therapy, I sheepishly muttered Rafael's name and even mentioned that I had shown the letter to Jonah.

"What do you keep writing in your diary?" I muttered once I was done explaining and she quirked an eyebrow.

"Just notes."

"Do you write about Rafael in there?" I blabbered and a small smile graced her lips.

"Depends, what do you want to know?"

"You should write he's got very pretty eyes and also commercial-worthy hair," I shrugged and Dr. Lincoln looked amused.

"Physical attributes are subjective, I don't write that in here," she looked at me funnily and I flushed.

"Right," I drawled and sunk back on the sofa.

"Have you been taking your medicine?" she inquired and I nodded. My bottle had been rapidly declining within the last week, probably due to the stress of exams and the nightmares. At least I'd been taking them.

"Can I ask you something?" I fiddled with the hem of my sleeve and feared raising the question that had been vaguely forming in the back of my head.

She nodded and I took a deep breath, my throat burning.

"If something bad has happened to someone in the past, does forgetting it mean it won't affect the future?" I murmured and Dr. Lincoln looked me square in the eye.

"What bad thing, if you're comfortable telling me?"

"Just someone doing something they shouldn't have done even when the other person said no." Tears pricked the back of my eyes and I inhaled shakily.

"Blaze, have you been r-" I cut her off.

"Please don't say that word."

"Has something been taken from you without your permission?" she pushed gently and I pulled my legs up, wrapping my arms around my knees.

"Yes."

It was easier telling her because I didn't have any personal relationship with her. It was a few sessions a week without any judgements.

"Do you want to tell me more?" Dr. Lincoln's eyes softened and I shook my head, rubbing vigorously at my wrist.

"Can you just fix me without asking for details?" I looked at the wall behind her and once again glanced at the stages of grief.

They should add one for people who knew something had happened but wanted to move on from it without acknowledging the trauma - the intermediate phase between denial and acceptance.

"Blaze, first of all, there is no fixing. You aren't broken," Dr. Lincoln asserted and I put my chin on my propped knees.

My cheeks were wet but I was too engrossed in listening to her words that I didn't wipe them away.

"Secondly, you can't pretend like it didn't happen, it'll hurt you more in the long run," she said softly and I shook my head.

"I just want to forget about it, is that selfish?"

"Think of it like this. If you keep repressing this, it'll become non-existent for the moment. But the more effort you put into keeping something like that at bay, the more you'll drain yourself. In the end, it'll spring back and you might not be able to deal with it. Trauma like this tends to multiply over time if it goes untreated," Dr. Lincoln explained calmly and I stuffed my trembling hands under my thighs.

"I can't tell you everything that happened." Her lips set into a grim line upon my murmur and she nodded.

"We'll take it at your pace, there's no rushing this."

"But you can't tell my aunt," I furiously asserted and Dr. Lincoln's face fell.

"I need to," Her voice sounded calm and shock wore me down.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"It's my story, not yours. The only reason I told you is because we're supposed to have confidentiality." My anger got the best of me and I snapped at her.

"You're still a minor and I need to tell your guardian about this, especially if you can't provide details to tell me you're safe," Dr. Lincoln gently murmured and I shot up, fear building inside me.

I couldn't tell anyone else, I didn't want to, especially not Aunt Mary.

"You can't do that." My voice bordered hysteria and I took a deep breath.

"Please don't tell her, I'm not ready." Tears gushed down my face as I pleaded but the steely set in her eyes assured me that she wouldn't listen.

A part of me understood that she was doing her job but I was too hurt and stubborn to accept it.

Wiping the tears with the back of my hand, anger bubbled up inside me. I grabbed my phone off the table, avoiding looking at Dr. Lincoln.

I wasn't mad at her, I was mad at myself for rushing into this just because of a couple of nightmares. She was wrong, I could just forget it ever happened.

"Where are you going? The session's not over yet," Dr. Lincoln stood up behind me and I clenched my fists.

"I can't talk to you right now," I whispered, stopping at the door.

"I won't tell your aunt what you narrate about the incident, but I need to tell her that it happened, Blaze. She'll understand," Dr. Lincoln tried to reason but I shook my head.

"You're stealing my choice and I don't know how to feel about it." My voice cracked and the impulse to cut again fleeted through my head. No, I wasn't letting this ruin my good streak.

"Bending the rules doesn't work for something like this. I've already told your aunt about my suspicions, I'm obligated to." Her words caused me to freeze and I turned around.

"What suspicions?"

"I suspected that you were a victim and I warned your aunt about the signs in case it was ongoing," My blood ran cold at her words and dread filled my body.

Did she tell her without me knowing?

"So you've been lying to me all this time? How could you not ask me first?" My tone was edging towards a yell but I didn't care anymore.

I was so fucking terrified.

"I've been waiting for you to open up to me at your pace, Blaze."

"And I was, but now I don't want to because I can't trust you," I confessed, barring myself from saying something offensive.

"We still have confidentiality here, but I need to divulge this piece of information to her. She's still your guardian." A bitter scoff escaped me and I shook my head.

Piece of information.

"Just fucking great," I muttered as I slammed the door behind me, furiously swiping my tears away as the receptionist glanced at me nervously.

Not like I was coming back here anytime soon.

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Peeking at my phone screen, I took a deep sigh before scrolling. The group chat was spammed with heaps of messages and I grimaced as I switched my phone back off.

Once again, the screen lit up by another call from Aunt Mary and I sunk against the rickety bench. It was well past 10 PM and I was still in the same spot I had been for the past five hours, at the place near the pond.

Considering it was the night, the entire place was cloaked in darkness. I didn't know what time I was going back, I'd rather not face Aunt Mary now.

"Fuck," I muttered as I saw the millionth text from Rafael in the last hour. Guilt pricked inside me for storming away from Dr. Lincoln's office like that. Who knew what she had told Aunt Mary after that?

Running my fingers through my hair, I winced as a sharp pain shot through my forehead. A headache was blooming after the hours of solitary crying and I didn't doubt that I looked worse than a homeless person.

My cheeks felt dry from the crusted tears and my nose burnt from the constant rubbing but it was nothing compared to pain bursting through my chest. It felt like my soul had been ripped in half.

The crunch of footsteps alerted me and I stiffened, wrapping my fingers around my phone. It was stupid of me to come here alone and stay till so late.

I was practically a sitting duck for a serial killer.

Oh no, it was happening.

"Don't step closer, I've got a pocketknife," I lied while raising my phone. What was the point? If I died, no one would find my body.

Rafael was right, I needed to stop watching crime shows.

The steps got closer and I panicked.

"Hey man, let's talk this out. You don't have to kill me, I'll buy you dinner. Chicken nuggets solve everything," I laughed nervously despite the terror swimming in my veins.

"I'll have you know my boyfriend is a serial killer and he's got a thing for cannibalism too, so you better not mess with me." I was just blabbering at this point and shook my hands nervously, unable to pinpoint the source of the noise.

"Blaze?" A familiar voice called out and suddenly, arms wrapped around my middle and I was lifted an inch off the ground.

In the dark, I couldn't see, only feel and I could perceive fingers grasping onto the back of my tee in a tight grip, constricting me from any movement.

If he heard what I had said, he didn't mention it.

"Fuck, you're okay," Rafael murmured and I froze when I heard the crack in his voice. Remorse weighed in but I eventually hugged him back.

Funny how I was scared about telling everyone what Aiden had done but I was depending on Rafael's touch as if it were my only salvation.

"Everyone's been calling and texting. Why didn't you respond?" He pulled back, a sliver of moonlight slanting across his eyes. Fury battled with concern for dominance.

"I just needed some time alone," I murmured guiltily, not mentioning the ideas that had gone through my head in these past hours.

"You could've at least told me. Fuck, we all thought you did something," he ran his fingers through his hair and inhaled shakily.

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

"What happened?" He asked gently and I shook my head.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Rafael hesitated but nodded after a minute, squeezing our interlaced hands.

"I'll drop you home," he mumbled and I stilled, digging my heels into the ground.

"I don't want to go." I felt like a child for arguing like this, but I didn't want to see Aunt Mary right now, not after the conversation with Dr. Lincoln.

"You need to, your aunt's pretty mad." The words were bitter on his tongue as his fingers tightened around mine.

"Can't I just stay over at yours?" Trying to keep the desperation out of my voice, I looked up at him.

"She's really angry, Blaze. I'm surprised she hasn't called the cops or some shit," he puffed out a long breath.

Rafael paused, closing his eyes.

"Fuck. Alright, stay over at ours," he sighed anxiously.

He didn't understand why I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to have that conversation with her. But I didn't want him to get into trouble either, so I paused.

"No it's fine, I'll go home," I twiddled with my thumbs.

"No, it's okay, you can stay," Rafael muttered.

I shook my head vigorously.

"How about you stay there for a few hours and call me as soon as she falls asleep? We'll get ice cream again." An unsure smile spread across his face and my bottom lip wobbled as I nodded.

"How'd you find me?" I asked as we trekked back out to the road and he pursed his lips.

"Jonah remembered this place, said you took him here," Raf explained.

"Yeah, um... Kiara used to spend a lot of her time here. I thought I'd show Jonah." I don't know why I felt the need to clarify.

Rafael nodded, a cheeky smile splitting across his cheeks.

"I don't mind. We've already kissed," he mimicked what I had said last night and I elbowed him. Some of the tension drained from my body and a laugh bubbled in my throat.

"I actually thought you were a serial killer a few minutes ago." My laughs transformed into snorts and I slapped my knee hysterically. I was officially going crazy.

"The one time you could have actually been murdered, you try to make conversation with your killer. Really smart, Blaze," Rafael huffed and I smiled sheepishly, temporarily pushing my problems to the side.

"My persuasion skills are top-notch, dude," I muttered and Rafael smirked slyly.

"Is that why you had to mention you had a serial killer boyfriend?"

I frowned, gently slapping his cheek.

"Yeah, he actually is. Quite a hunk, you should meet him sometime. Hubba hubba," I smirked to mask my embarrassment. Could this get any more humiliating?

"Hubba hubba, huh?" Rafael grinned widely and I narrowed my eyes.

"His name's Taaffeite, you'll get to meet him soon. He's French," I pretended to smile aloofly but Rafael rolled his eyes.

"That's the name of a gemstone."

"How do you know that?" I blurted out. It was actually a sophisticated version of Taffy in my head.

"I'm smarter than you."

"Fuck off."

When we finally reached the car, my nerves got the better of me and I twisted the bracelet on my wrist, imagining all the possible outcomes of the conversation with Aunt Mary. All involved it ending with me crying and the worst with me doing something I might not be able to reverse.

"Hey, I'm one phone call away, alright?" Rafael squeezed my fingers and I nodded nervously. When I opened the passenger door, my brows furrowed as I looked at the seat.

"Oh, I got you food," he added, nodding towards brown bags and my face lit up.

"I figured you'd be hungry, there are burgers and chips in there," Rafael mumbled sheepishly.

"Thank you," I smiled once we were in the car.

"Drink up," Rafael handed me a large drink and I grinned when I saw it filled to the brim with Coke.

"You're now my favourite person." He looked offended by that.

"Who was it before?"

"Duh, Taaffeite."

"I'd like to meet him someday," Rafael grumbled and I shot him a thumbs up while munching on my chips.

During the entire ride home, I was thankful for the stupid conversation Rafael was engaging me in. We had a heated debate about whether cereal was better soggy or crispy. I told him he was just confirming his psychopathy by choosing soggy.

"We're here," Rafael muttered distastefully after stopping a few houses away from Aunt Mary's and I inhaled shakily. Fuck, I wasn't ready for this.

I took a long sip from of my drink and burped rather unattractively.

"Oh," I hiccuped awkwardly, realising just how much I had eaten. There was only one burger left out of the four in the bag. Who knew crying burnt that much energy?

Sheepishly handing the rest of the bag to Rafael, I stepped out of the car only to be grabbed by the wrist.

"Call me alright?" he whispered and I stilled. I don't know if he picked up on my fear or the nerves twitching on my fingers. Nodding, I walked out of the car and didn't look back until I was right outside her house.

It was nearing 11 PM and Aunt Mary's house was the only one with a light on. My fingers trembled as I pushed the door open.

It was deadly quiet, the silence only amplifying my fear. Maybe I could creep upstairs without her knowing.

"Blaze, sit down." A stern voice cracked like a whip and I jumped at the memories it invoked. Too similar to Aiden.

"I'm tired, I just want to go to sleep." Attempting to keep the tremble out of my voice, I edged towards the living room where Aunt Mary was standing near the fireplace, her arms crossed crisply over her chest.

"I won't repeat myself. Sit down."

Shakily, I settled down on the couch, feeling her vulture-like gaze pitched on me. My eyes darted everywhere, tearing up at the conversation that I didn't want to have.

"Where have you been?" Aunt Mary's voice instigated a buried fear inside me, reminding me of times that had long been forgotten.

I didn't answer, trying to calm my breathing. The previous peace vanished. Didn't she realise I didn't want to talk?

"I asked you a question," she snapped and I flinched at the volume of her voice, but still didn't answer.

"Dr. Lincoln called," her voice suddenly shifted, taking on a more blank tone but I still couldn't detect concern.

"Is it true?" Tears welled up in my eyes at her blunt question and I rubbed my wrist vigorously.

"Is it true, Blaze?" The sternness was back and I shrunk into the couch. Could she stop talking?

A frustrated sigh escaped her lips, alerting all my senses. When I made a move to stand up and leave, she gave me a poisonous glare and I sat back down in fear.

Would she hit me?

"I'm just tired, can I go to my room?" I hated how fragile my voice sounded, it sounded so foreign.

"Look at me," Aunt Mary's voice was significantly softer and that was scarier because it was completely out of character.

"There's nothing wrong with you, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm sorry I couldn't help you." The words sounded rehearsed and vapid.

She wasn't meeting my gaze and that prompted tears. No one was there.

"You can't help me now, I don't want to talk about it, please."

"You need to tell me who it was, Blaze." Her tone dropped again, and I dug my fingers into the leather sofa.

"I can't."

"I know it's hard, but you need to. It's for your own safety." The volume of her voice rose.

Was this supposed to help? Didn't she realise that instead of helping, she was just discouraging me?

"I'm safe now," I wrapped my arms around myself, a few tears dropping onto my arms. A montage of flashbacks projected in front of my eyes, triggering memories of blood.

"Is it Rafael?" she muttered to herself before pacing back and forth and something snapped inside me.

"It's not him, don't ever say that again," I gritted out through clenched teeth.

"How am I supposed to believe you?" Aunt Mary shook her head.

"You're supposed to believe me because it's my choice." Her face slackened when I yelled and I realised how disrespectful I sounded. Funny thing that I didn't care.

"Is this why you've been nice to me, huh? Acting like your generosity would make up for years of neglect." As the realisation hit me, my eyes burnt even more and I rubbed my sleeve over my face. She was silent, providing me with my answer.

This was the only reason she was being kind.

"You thought you could slowly coerce me into telling you who it was? Why would you do that?" My voice cracked as the gravity of the situation sunk in. Two people knew now and I wasn't even given the choice to tell them, that wasn't fair.

Aunt Mary suddenly seemed to realise what I was saying and her face hardened, anger taking over.

I flinched, waiting for an impact that never came.

"I am your guardian and I'm supposed to protect you." There was no ounce of understanding on her face and I questioned if she really understood what had happened.

"Where were you when it happened then? No one was there, so I don't owe you anything." Salty tears spread across my tastebuds, my nose burning from the continuous crying.

"You're still a child, Blaze. You don't understand the-" I cut her off by an incredulous scoff.

"I'm the only one who understands cause it happened to me. Why are you trying to invalidate that?" Blurred colours blotted my vision as the tears thickened, obscuring the face of my aunt who seemed nothing less than a monster to me.

"I'm not doing that, I'm trying to help you move forward." She was making zero sense and my mind was going fuzzy from the threat of a panic attack.

"Shut up, just shut the fuck up." The words slipped out of my mouth and I clamped my hands over my ears. Everything was so loud and painful.

The yelling increased, probably because of what I said and my pulse picked up, pounding like a storm against my skin.

Scratching at my wrist, I tried to calm down the blood racing everywhere inside me. I could hear it gushing through my ears and tingle at my fingers.

I don't know how much time passed but I could still hear Aunt Mary talking, a particular statement of hers breaking my daze.

"What if he does that to someone else?"

My entire body stiffened and sweat beaded on my forehead. I curled my knees up, digging my nails into my thighs.

Aunt Mary noticed this and paused.

"Think about it Blaze. If this happens to another girl, you wouldn't be able to handle that guilt." Her voice was surprisingly softer now and I flinched at the implication of her words.

Things appeared hazy now, the boundaries of anger and grief blurred by the tears in my eyes. The caged up guilt inside me reared its head, prompting a shot of rage.

"Are you seriously trying to guilt trip me into reporting the person?" Disbelief coursed through my veins.

Didn't she realise how much she was hurting me by saying this?

"What do you even want from me?" My voice continued to crack and the burning in my throat intensified with each word.

I could really use one of Travis' hugs right now.

"I don't want anything, I want you to do the right thing and make sure that the person is behind bars," she shook her head.

Aunt Mary continued speaking but I zoned out, racking my mind for explanations about why she was adamant on being the one to encourage me to turn Aiden in.

One idea pushed to the forefront and it triggered a bout of nausea in my stomach. It was terrible, but it was reasonable.

"You'll be sued for child negligence if I told anyone I was alone during that entire period. That's why you want to hide behind this and help me so you don't look bad."

I wasn't an expert on the law, but from the blanched look on Mary's face, I could tell I wasn't too far off.

She stayed shocked and silent, not denying it.

"You are so disgusting," I stood up, stumbling over because of the weakness that weighed my limbs. Nonetheless, I stood right in front of her, making sure she saw the utter betrayal and agony I was feeling.

"You're supposed to be family, how can you even think of being so fucking terrible?" I spat out, rage pouring out.

Suddenly, a sharp stinging spread across my cheek and my mouth gaped open as I realised what she had done.

She slapped me.

A million memories flashed through my mind and I staggered away, almost falling back when I hit the coffee table.

Black dots shrouded my vision as I stumbled out the front door, trying to escape the memories that were chasing me in my consciousness.

It all came racing back at light speed- the blood, the bruises, the pain.

It spread through me like wildfire, igniting my skin and pushing me to the brink.

I don't know how long I ran or where I ended up because by the time I regained control of my senses, I was slumped on the sidewalk, fatigue taking over.

The neighbourhood seemed suburbian, just like Mary's, fucking illusions hiding behind picket fences.

All my energy had diminished, and with trembling fingers, I picked up the phone and dialled the one number that I had been waiting to call ever since I left his car.

It didn't even ring before he picked up.

"Rafael, can you pick me up?" I whispered, feeling scared as I realised just how alone I was.

"Where are you?" His voice brimmed with concern and I shakily sent him my location, small whimpers escaping my lips as everything sunk in.

Aunt Mary had slapped me.

She knew what Aiden had done.

What if I went back and she became like him?

"Blaze, talk to me. I'm so sorry, fuck I shouldn't have left you there alone." I could sense the panic in his tone but I didn't know how to calm mine, let alone his.

My tongue felt dry and I gulped. The lump in my throat only enlarged and I rubbed the back of my wrist over my neck.

I winced as a patch on my cheek burnt from where Mary's nails had scraped across it.

I was overreacting, it was just one slap. But that's what had happened with Aiden too.

Rafael was still saying something but I zoned out again, the back of my thighs grazing against the curb.

Time bled by and I felt exhausted by the time a car stopped inches from where I was sitting on the pavement.

White trainers met my fogged vision and fingers wrapped gently around my wrists as I was pulled up.

"I'm so sorry," Rafael's voice was tender as he ran his fingers through my hair and I clung to the back of his tee.

Raf pulled back, his gaze zeroing in on the glaringly obvious red handprint on my right cheek.

His fingers dug into my wrist and with a clenched jaw, he looked away.

"Did she do that?" It was so chilling to hear the unbridled hatred in his voice, dripping of poison.

I nodded my head meekly and he sucked in a sharp breath, dropping my hands.

"Rafael," I murmured, drawing his attention to me instead of the rage overtaking his face.

"Fuck." His fingers ran through his hair angrily, the muscles and veins cording his arms pulsating.

"Stop," I grasped his fingers and intertwined them with mine. When his eyes met mine, I lowered my head at the guilt swarming his green irises.

"I'm so sorry, Blaze." His head fell on my shoulder and I traced random patterns on his back to calm us down.

He calmed me down.

When I drew a star, I heard a small chuckle vibrate against my neck.

"We're cheesy as fuck," I muttered and this time, the chuckle was louder and I slapped his back.

"People are sleeping, get in the car." Dragging his hand, I pulled him to the car and once inside, I curled up on the passenger seat.

"Ice cream?" Rafael asked and I nodded with a yawn.

After handing me the controls to the music, I put on The Neighbourhood and closed my eyes.

The throbbing in my cheek was persistent and I didn't know if it was due to shock or the impact of her palm. No one had hit me in months.

Those thoughts plagued me again, a seed of fear germinating in my stomach.

"She doesn't care about me, Raf," I whispered dejectedly and I saw his fingers clench around the steering wheel.

"I do."

I was glad when Rafael didn't ask why I cried on the entire car ride to the ice cream store or why I had a breakdown after I attempted to kiss him to wipe away the memory of Aiden's touch on my skin.

He just told me he was always going to be there and I couldn't be grateful for anything more.

Rafael cared, and that was all that mattered.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

"Blaze, why did the coffee go to the police?" Travis asked and I groaned in frustration. This was his eighth joke in the past hour.

"Trav buddy, can we please focus on the thermodynamic laws instead?" Rafael muttered from beside me.

We were trying to help him study for our midterms which were in three days and Trav wasn't close to done with any subject. Sadly, his attention span was shorter than Rafael's temper and it was proving to be harder than expected.

"The last joke, I promise," Travis face lit up and I succumbed to his terrible attempt at puppy dog eyes.

"Why did the coffee go to the police, Trav?" I gritted sarcastically and he grinned.

"Because he, and wait for it, got... mugged."

"If you don't shut up, I'm going to shove a sock up your ass," Bree snapped at Trav whose mouth gaped open. He slumped back beside her with a pout on his face.

I refused to believe that they had been secretly dating for months.

"Okay then," I blew out a long breath, avoiding Raf's momentary glance on my right cheek.

He'd been doing that a lot ever since I was forced to temporarily move in a few days ago after the altercation with Aunt Mary. The events of that day had been pushed to the back of my mind. I was focusing on studying and it was working as a welcome distraction.

Maybe I was repressing everything but I'd handle the aftermath when it occurred.

"Look I just need enough to get a C, can't we just do the important stuff?" Travis groaned and so did the rest of us.

"This is the important stuff," Bree motioned towards the thin pile of notes in front of him.

"Fuck," Trav ran his fingers down his face and reluctantly picked it up, flicking through them as if it were a magazine.

"You have to read it to understand," Raf shot Trav a forced smile.

Ann and Jo were right to ditch this failure of a group study session. Traitors.

"I know that," Trav waved his hand dismissively and proceeded to peer over them.

After realising he was studying for more than three minutes at a stretch, the three of us silently cheered and I tiptoed out of the room to grab one of my textbooks upstairs.

"Get my phone charger. It's somewhere on my bedside table," Raf whispered and I nodded. Bree put a finger to her lips, motioning towards Travis who was breaking his record of staying focused.

I raced up the stairs and grabbed my textbook. A notification flashed on my phone screen and I sighed as I saw another one of Aunt Mary's texts. They were all the same, telling me to come 'home' and rare threats to drag me there. Not even a single apology for her apathetic reaction to the revelation of my biggest secret.

Shoving my phone into my pocket, I silently pushed open Rafael's door and took a momentary glance at his room.

His walls were a light grey, contrasting with the black silken bedsheets and there were a few paintings on the wall, all dark and abstract. I hadn't spent much time in here, not that I wanted to. Well, I did, but just not in that way.

Shut up.

After a futile attempt at finding Rafael's charger on the top, I opened the first drawer and tried not to invade too much of his privacy by shifting my gaze.

I finally felt a wire and when I pulled, a couple of things fell out with it and I groaned in annoyance.

Kneeling, I started picking up the crumpled dollar bills and candy wrappers. Ew.

The sound of the door opening matched my trembling hands as I dropped the last thing I ever wanted to see right now.

A bag filled with white powder.

"Fuck."

hi! i'm back, sorry for disappearing. i'm feeling quite a lot better, thank you for all the kind messages, they honestly mean a lot. i love you guys and thank you so fucking much for 91K, it's honestly so unbelievable.

so... thoughts on the chapter? some people were sus about mary so y'all were right.

something that i've noticed about sexual assault and rape survivors is that they're "forced" and "obligated" to report the person who did it. stop making it feel like it's the person's responsibility to turn the criminal in, it's the criminal's responsibility to not rape and/or assault someone.

with all the terrible things going on in palestine right now, i hope you are all educating yourself and doing your best to help by donating. it's honestly heartbreaking to see how disgusting humans can be. please stay strong and check out the carrd linked in my bio if you want information or help.

question: who's your favourite marvel character?

love
a