"I burnt a thousand years for someone who wouldn't flicker for a second of their existence"

♛ R a f a e l ♛

La familia lo es todo.

Family is everything.

It was something that my nana used to whisper to us every night before she put us to bed, her wrinkled fingers brushing my hair still flickered in my head. I was young at the time of her death, not many memories surfacing but this was the one thing I had always remembered.

However, the concept of family had been washed from my brain the minute my mother started ingraining into my brain that Cai was dead because of me.

Instead of resistance, I found acceptance.

The world tilted on its axis the day Cairo died, throwing our entire family off course. We were never perfect but whatever remnants of familial love we had dissolved with her passing.

Mum gave into the medications that were supposed to help her with the injuries from the accident and Dad sunk further into his business rabbit hole. They learnt to dismiss Bree and I, as if we were simply obstacles.

Nana was wrong, family wasn't everything.

So, right now when I saw my father standing at the poolside looking down at me with disapproval, I didn't feel a morsel of love nor regret.

All I felt was anger.

Consuming rage for the fact that he hadn't seen us in eight months and hadn't properly stayed with Bree and I for almost two years.

Burning wrath because he only seemed to care when it was of his use, never considering the effects it had on us.

Thunderous fury because despite sharing his DNA, he was nothing but a stranger to me.

"Get dressed and meet me in the living room," were the only words he uttered, not offering anything more, even though this was his first visit in the past eight months.

"No."

The single word was enough to make him stop in his tracks. I was well versed with the power he radiated. After all, he had built his tech company from the ground up. However, that influence held no power over a son he had abandoned.

Blaze's fingers traced circles on my naked back, an anchor against the impending storm. Her presence was the only thing that prevented me from lashing out.

Or relapsing.

"It wasn't a question." He didn't spare me another glance before charging away, his tailored navy blue suit flexing over his back with each step. 

My throat constricted as I breathed harshly, pain searing through my lungs from his brash words. Disappointment sunk deep as I realised he hadn't changed one bit, the same callous words and indifferent tone.

Blaze grasped my chin between her fingers, her cerulean eyes swimming with worry.

The fire that filled my veins on grazing her skin now died into an ember.

"Are you okay?" her voice was tender and I shook my head, droplets splashing across our close faces. The curve of her lips tempted me to defy my father by pulling her close again and inhale the only drug I wanted to be an addict for.

However, the emotional strain of having him back overpowered those feelings.

"He's only back because Bree told him to."

My mind flitted back to the conversation with Bree. After a bout of yelling and raw insults, we had finally talked it out. Things were better now, not that I'd tell Trav and Blaze that.

Bree was still angry but she understood. I'd grown up around these pills and we all needed a break. Although I was adamant on changing my escape route.

Blaze was silent as she mulled over my words in her head. She didn't know our family dynamic, it was beyond fucked up.

"Give it a chance," she whispered and I dragged my bottom lip into my teeth angrily.

"Not because he's your father," she shook her head. "It's because I see it, you want a family."

Family didn't equate to abandonment. But the steely set in her eyes and the leaden cloud in my chest begged to differ. Brushing those thoughts away, I shook my head. 

It wasn't a family I craved for, it was validation.

"Family is supposed to help you, not drag you down," I pulled myself out of the pool, offering a hand to Blaze.

"I know. It's up to you, but I think he's not as bad as you want him to be," she murmured heavily as I tugged her up. 

Blaze was right, I had told her about how much I loathed him for leaving us but in reality, my hatred wasn't as consuming as I wanted it to be. It was like a rolling wave, dragging riptides one day and dying into a gentle wave the next.

Yes, he had abandoned us, but I knew he cared. It stood proven in the multiple calls that I refused to accept and the constant checkups through Bree. The back and forth with him always caused a splitting headache.

But that didn't mean that I was forgiving him, because he never put in the actual effort. I still despised the man.

"I'm not letting him in." My damp hair strung around my forehead as I wiped it. Blaze simply nodded in understanding, not furthering the subject.

It was one of the many things I loved about her, she knew when to push my boundaries and when to respect them.

Loved.

How could I love someone when we had only recently expressed our feelings? But it was in the principle, I had fallen for her long before we actually accepted whatever was brewing between us. It wasn't like I had a clear cut example of how love was supposed to be. My parent's 'love' had faded away into nothing a long time ago and the lingering effects of that trainwreck still pierced our lives.

Maybe I was labelling my feelings for Blaze into a pre-determined box or maybe I actually loved her.

Not like I was telling her that anytime soon.

"Just allow yourself to feel, okay?" Blaze glanced at me and my gaze travelled down her body, slick with water. 

The wet tee clung to her figure, highlighting the curve of her waist that I loved digging my fingers into and the narrow dip of her shoulder. The hollow crevices of her shoulder blades were spotted with water droplets that rolled down the smooth, porcelain-like skin that I would love to explore every inch of.

I shook my head to myself to ward off those unholy thoughts.

Our relationship or whatever it was, was deeper than on a physical level.

Snatching my shirt off the floor, I handed it to her with a frown. Blaze's ocean blue eyes glimmered with mirth as she remembered how she had tricked me into the water.

I grabbed an extra pair or clothes from the cabinet near the pool where we kept towels and handed her a pair of my swim shorts.

"They have drawstrings, they'll fit you," I added as she flushed glancing at my clothes in her hand.

"Where do I change?" Blaze's cheeks burnt crimson and I tried to hide my amusement. Clearing my throat, I brushed a slick strand of hair away from her cheek.

"There's a stall down there," I pointed around the corner and she bounded away after grabbing a towel from my hand.

Once she was gone, I changed my clothes, making sure to lock the door to the pool area. I was stalling going back to the house, wanting nothing to do with my dysfunctional family right now.

Blaze rounded the corner and my eyes lit up, seeing the shorts rolled up to her mid-thighs as she grumbled to herself. The tee hung off her slender shoulders, her matted hair clinging to her neck.

"Don't you look dapper?" I nudged my elbow gently into her ribs and she glared at me.

"I'm going back to my aunt's house anyway," she wrapped her towel tighter around her shoulders and I stilled.

"Wait, what?" I barred my hand across the door as Blaze went to open it.

"I need to go back sometime and besides, your dad's home," she shrugged and I pursed my lips in thought.

"Are you sure?" she nodded at my question. I wanted to object and convince her to stay but with Dad back, things would be rocky. However, that didn't mean it assuaged my concern for her.

"We still have our late-night ice cream runs." A bright smile arched across her lips and I slung an arm over her shoulder.

My fingers tightened around her as we made our way to the living room, the bristles of the towel roughly dotting against my palm.

Dad was standing right in the middle of the room, his eyes glued to his phone screen.

"Good evening," I announced sarcastically and he looked up, a reluctant smile dancing on his lips. The previous disapproval was gone but I knew it still hid beneath that convincing façade.

"Glad to see you're dressed." A corner of his mouth tugged up in amusement and I clenched my jaw. The taunting quip didn't brush past my ears.

Did he expect to just waltz in here and have everything go back to normal? Well, he was in for a goddamn surprise.

"And who is this?" His swirling brown eyes shifted to Blaze, a cordial smile stretching across his face.

"Blaze Davis. Nice to meet you Mr. Hernandez," Blaze awkwardly stepped forward, nervousness lacing her movements. I suppressed my grin as she extended her arm for a handshake. 

This wasn't a business meeting.

My father, however, didn't hold back on his laughter as he chuckled heartily. Blaze stepped behind my back in embarrassment.

"Stop it," I snapped as Blaze twisted the back of my tee anxiously.

"Sorry about that. You can call me Jason, though. No need for formalities," he smiled warmly at Blaze who nodded, her cheeks still hot with shame.

"Where's Bree?" I cut in, keeping my tone curt. If he wanted a family reunion, I wanted it to be over quick.

"Imagine my surprise when I find both my kids canoodling with other people and I have to interrupt their... fun sessions." My father's tone sounded joking but it had a thorough amount of annoyance to it.

Blaze stiffened behind me and I squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"Yeah, kids tend to be a bit misguided when you abandon them for months," I bit out harshly and his face fell. His lips thinned with annoyance.

"You've changed since I last saw you. Less weight, more tattoos." His comment was neutral but it stung deep, finding their target in my chest cavity.

I'd lost weight due to constant puking because of withdrawal and I hadn't inked a new tattoo in over a year. They were the same as when he left, he just hadn't noticed.

"Wish I could say the same," I smiled falsely and Blaze tugged on my tee again. She shook her head and I sighed, backing down from sending a glare my father's way.

I just wanted him to ask how I was doing.

Thankfully, I didn't get to wallow in my anger because Bree came bounding down the stairs with a splitting grin on her face.

"You're home," she wrapped her arms around Dad tightly, burrowing her head into his chest. Jealousy and hurt ignited ferociously inside me, threatening to break through my mouth in a flurry of bitter words.

He returned the hug with equal enthusiasm and I looked away, a lump budging in my throat. Hefty breathing invaded my thoughts as my chest drew taut.

"You okay?" Blaze whispered gently and I shrugged my shoulders.

It didn't matter.

Travis sheepishly descended the stairs and I glared at the state of his rumpled clothes, knowing exactly what it meant.

But then I remembered Blaze and I were no different five minutes ago, so, I dropped my gaze angrily to the floor.

"How was Europe?" Bree looked ecstatic to see him as she bounced on the heels of her feet.

Envy soared inside me, they looked like a family. I felt like an outsider watching from a clear glass pane, tapping on the surface, desperate for a scrap of the attention.

"I'll tell you all about it later." My father smiled genuinely, shifting his gaze onto a terrified Travis.

"Good to see you again, sir," Trav cleared his throat nervously, and despite myself, I smiled.

They'd met the last time Dad was home, but obviously he hadn't anticipated Bree and Trav together. I gritted my teeth, I wasn't the only one who was blindsided.

"Nice to see you're happy." Dad's sight dashed between Bree and Travis, both of whom shifted on their feet.

"Yeah, I am." A goofy smile split across Trav's lips, giddiness coating his words and I frowned. Did I look that whipped too?

He received a dull glare from my father in return.

"I think I should go. B, are you coming?" Travis muttered in embarrassment.

"Will you be fine?" Blaze murmured from behind me and I nodded discreetly. Her fingers reluctantly unclasped from mine and I instantly felt alone as she stepped away.

"Yeah. Well, um, good night to everyone," Trav grinned, waving with two fingers and slipping out the front door.

Blaze followed after him and I watched silently, feeling Bree's and Dad's sight stuck on me.

"Call me." I couldn't help but add as Blaze stepped out and she nodded once before joining Travis outside.

When I turned back, my father's face was thoughtful as he glanced at the door and then at me.

"So, what now? Are we back to being a family?" The bitter scoff burnt my throat and Bree shot me a look to shut up.

"I brought tacos and churros," Dad grinned, casually brushing off my haughty words. 

Nostalgia overwhelmed me internally upon hearing him. It was a weekend tradition for us as kids where he'd break apart the churros and fill them in the taco shells. Then, he would glaze them will chocolate syrup. It sounded disgusting but a huge part of our fleeting childhood.

"I'm not hungry," I muttered and turned towards the staircase.

"Please, Raf." Bree's soft whisper halted me. I understood what Blaze meant by wanting a family, it was an inherent need in both Bree and I.

Dad would leave after a week and not come back for months, it was a cycle. These moments were the only fragments we had to savour of the bigger, false picture of a family.

I sighed, shifting my gaze momentarily onto my father who urged me with his eyes.

He's not as bad as you want him to be.

"One taco," I muttered, pushing past the two who grinned at me enthusiastically.

This wasn't me giving in, it was me giving him a chance. And that didn't mean I'd forgiven him.

"I brought gifts too, they're all in the car," he called after me as I edged towards the kitchen.

The only gift I wanted was for him to stick around and finally act like a goddamn father.

Shaking my head, I ignored him and grabbed my phone off the island. Scrolling through it aimlessly, I waited for Blaze to text me. She hadn't even been gone five minutes and I was antsy.

Clingy fucker.

The sound of laughter and the front door opening shoved a deep wedge in my heart and the feeling of neglect sprouted in my chest.

My ears strained to hear their conversation but the chuckles echoed across the empty home, from both Bree and Dad.

In my head, he was still my 'Dad'. The same guy who used to take us out on weekends and put family before work. The same man who would help us when other kids bullied us as kids. I just couldn't bring myself to call him that to his face.

Betrayal struck deep and right now it felt like my torso had been cut open wide.

They didn't seem to mind bonding in my absence.

Clenching my jaw, I composed myself. I wasn't a wimp.

I didn't know how much time passed as I sat in the empty kitchen, the sound of their laughter gradually fading away. My phone screen seemed to strain from all my incessant tapping.

"Food's here," Bree giddily slammed the bags down on the counter.

The grin hadn't moved from her face ever since he came back and I felt left out all over again.

Offering her a minimal smile, I pocketed my phone and helped her unpack everything. The sweet smell of churros warmed my body and I smiled at the memories it invoked.

Dad came into the kitchen with a bunch of bags and from the corner of my eye, I could see suitcases stacked in the living room.

I scoffed to myself. Was he planning on staying this time?

He had freshened up, now wearing a blue tee and black joggers that stretched over his physique.

Digging out the churros from the bag, Bree slid them over to our father who looked... excited?

"It's been a while since we've done this, huh?" he murmured with a small smile and I stiffened.

Bree glanced at me nervously, aware of the way my hands trembled around the counter.

"You've been 'busy' to visit. We understand, right Bree?"

"Cut it out," she whispered but didn't deny my snarky answer.

Dad stared at me once, guilt swarming in his eyes, but not once did he apologise. I reprimanded myself for even caring in the first place.

I ignored their stares on me as I fiddled with my phone nervously, checking for a message from Blaze. I sighed when there were still none, my hair straining as I tugged at the strands nervously.

Looking up, I saw my father glance at me in curiosity and I glared.

"What?" I snapped, looking at Dad and he just shook his head, sharing a sly smirk with Bree.

For the next few minutes, I watched as he prepared the churro tacos, drizzling chocolate sauce over the top.

Handing me one, his earthy irises watched my every move as I took a bite. Sweetness swirled on my tongue and chocolate coated my tastebuds. I hid my contentment with a grim nod.

"Do you like it?" Dad asked and I pursed my lips, wiping chocolate sauce off the side of my mouth.

"The churros are dry," I deadpanned and Bree elbowed me in the ribs harshly.

"It's alright, though," I added when she glared at me.

His grin unnerved me, as if food had solved all our issues and I schooled my features back into a frown. If Bree wanted to forgive him so easily, it was on her. He'd leave soon and she'd get hurt. I wasn't letting that happen to myself.

Silently munching on my taco, I kept my gaze averted and listened to their casual conversation.

"So, you've got a boyfriend now, eh?" Bree choked on her taco at Dad's question and looked up sheepishly.

"Well, yes," she sighed and Dad rubbed the bridge of his nose angrily.

"He better be good to you." That statement of his rubbed me the wrong way and I glared at him.

Sure, I wasn't the biggest fan of Travis and Bree together but he was still my best friend. Even though he was a dumbass of the biggest magnitude.

"You know him," Bree gritted out and our father glanced at her in surprise before nodding.

"Who was that girl earlier?" His warm gaze shifted to me and I stiffened.

"She's my..." I trailed off. What was she? My girlfriend or a friend? Or were we in limbo?

"Girlfriend," Bree butted in with a proud grin and I glowered at her. 

"Oh, I see." A smug smirk spread across Dad's face and I clenched my fingers around the table.

"I'm guessing it's time to give you the talk." My head snapped up as I crumbled the taco in my hand. Shock overtook Bree's face as she glanced at me.

"Dad, you haven't even been back for an hour. Is this seriously what you want to talk about?" she hid her face in her hands.

"I'm not having this conversation." Keeping my tone neutral, I rolled my eyes at him.

"Well, you're getting older and it's important," he looked at the two of us meaningfully and I sighed deeply. This man was just keen on embarrassing himself. It was a bit late for the birds and bees talk now.

"Neither of us are virgins so I'd prefer if we cut the conversation short, thank you." My jaw crept open as I glanced at Bree who blurted the words out, prompting a flash of anger on Dad's face.

"Wait, what? You know what, I don't want to know," he rubbed his chin angrily. He wiped his hands on a towel and went over to the sink. The vein on his neck bobbed as he flexed his jaw furiously.

Clenching the edge, he exhaled forcibly and turned back around.

"You better not get pregnant and you better not get anyone pregnant." He pointed to Bree first and then me. I grimaced, wolfing down the rest of my taco.

The heavy silence allowed me to drift in my thoughts, random moments from the past flickering in front of my eyes.

The chiming of Cai's laughter filled my ears as the smell of Dad cooking carbonara every Wednesday graced my nostrils. I felt catapulted into a daydream that felt too good to be true, as if one breath would topple the past. Sometimes, I wondered if Cairo ever existed.

Her memory flickered bright in my mind but it was dim in the eyes of my family. They didn't acknowledge her death or even grieve her like I did. Not even Bree.

Fingers tapping on my wrist suddenly shocked me to the present and I looked up to see Dad shooting me a small smile.

My eyes burnt with the sting of those memories but I took a deep, grounding breath.

"What?" The word was meant to be sharp but it faded into a brittle syllable.

"Call me Santa Claus because I brought you gifts." His gleaming teeth stretched over his lips and I grunted.

Bree, however, looked like she'd been told that she had won a ticket to the North Pole.

"Me first." I winced as her yell grated against my eardrums.

Steadily, Dad grabbed things out of the bags and I downcasted my gaze, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of thinking I cared.

Materialistic things didn't make up for abandonment.

My ears rushed with blood as I drowned out their conversation, glaring at the counter.

"You got me 90's vinyl's?" Bree's squealed. She never squealed.

"And a vintage vinyl player," Dad sounded proud, a subsequent scraping against the counter making me wince. I guessed it was the vinyl player.

Their chattering only proved to constrict my chest further, the feeling of exclusion burning strong.

"Blaze will like this, right?" The mention of her name snapped my head up and I looked at Bree. She was holding up a seashell charm bracelet, the kind of cute shit I'd seen scattered across Blaze's dresser.

I nodded, tracing circles on the counter and glancing at my phone screen once again.

"I got stuff for you too, Raf," Dad's voice chimed in and I clenched my jaw.

Offering no reaction, I just watched as he pulled out a couple of items. My eyes noticed the empty bags and realised that out of all of them, only one was for me.

It didn't matter, I didn't care for shallow objects. But then why did it slash through me like a hot poker?

"I didn't know what to get you, you wouldn't pick up my calls." His voice was soft and apologetic but it didn't resonate through me.

"Oh."

He showed me stuff like vinyl's and keychains and other souvenirs that would find a home in the back of my closet. However, I couldn't stop the quick exhale of breath that left my lips as he showed me the last gift.

A crystal paperweight shaped like a star was placed before me. The purple, black and red mosaic pattern reflected the overhead orange lights.

It was beautiful and out of everything, the only object I wanted to keep.

Just as that thought crossed my mind, I reprimanded myself. I wasn't supposed to give in so easily.

"I'm guessing you like it?" A hint of hope burst through Dad's voice and Bree grinned.

"He won't admit it, but I think he does."

Anger crawled up my spine at the relaxed tone of this conversation. Were we just going to pretend that he had disappeared for so long?

Pocketing my phone, I pushed the bar stool back and moved towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Dad asked and I sucked in a sharp breath, calming myself down.

"Back to my room."

"Aren't you hungry?" The corner of his eyes crinkled as a small smile split across his face and I looked away.

"No thanks, my appetite's full from all this bullshit you've been feeding us," I snapped, feeling guilt instantly well up when his smile sunk.

Why did I feel guilty? I should feel angry because he was the one at fault, disappearing for months and then acting like I hadn't spiralled the entire time. A fucking paperweight and some stupid keychains didn't make up for all the years of trauma.

"Rafael, stop it," Bree glared at me and I shook my head with a bitter scoff.

"Stop taking his side, Bree. He's going to leave soon and you know who's going to be here? Me." Bree's glower fell as she shifted her gaze onto her empty plate.

"I'm staying this time," Dad interrupted sternly and I quirked an eyebrow. Dormant rage ebbed in my bones as I fumed at his dismissal of how long he had left.

"Anybody else getting déjà vu here? Or is it just me?" I pursed my lips as the fire in his eyes shifted, the firm set of his jaw assuring me I had made him mad.

Good. The feeling was mutual.

"I'm not staying and pretending like everything's good when it's so fucking obviously not," I stormed out of the room. Dad yelled after me but it was overpowered by the fury rippling across my body.

Pounding up the stairs, I locked my bedroom door behind me as I went straight out into the balcony. My knuckles turned white against the railing and I sucked in a shaky breath.

"He's back, Cai," I slumped in one corner, the cool breeze grazing my skin gently.

Drumming my fingers on the lower bars of the railing, I scrolled through my phone to distract myself from the anger and anxiety rolling in my stomach.

The time read 9 PM and I sighed in agitation. Blaze hadn't reached out, she usually called around midnight or later. I didn't want to seem like an overenthusiastic asshole by texting her first.

Shuffling back to my room, I grabbed the book I was reading off my desk, a murder mystery that Blaze was forcing me to read.

'Maybe you can learn something for your next target, Mr. Serial Killer.' 

Her bright grin as she had handed me the book didn't fail to make me smile now as I settled back into the corner of the balcony.

The moonlight shed a silvery glow on the page as I thumbed over the lines. My concentration wavered as the words blurred together in exhaustion.

My gaze ran over the same ten lines over and over again. Frustration powered through and I slammed the book down.

Slumping my head back against the wall, I let the wind croon as my lullaby as I closed my eyes shut. The energy drained from my body as I sighed deeply.

The only company I had was Cairo's celestial presence in the night sky.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

A loud ringing jerked me awake and I winced as my back cracked.

Seeing Blaze's name flash on my phone screen prompted a sigh of relief and I picked up.

"Hey, Raf."

"Hi. You okay?" My concern washed away as I heard the upbeat nature of her voice.

"Yeah, Aunt Mary didn't say anything, actually."

"Thank fuck for that," I gritted my teeth and heard a laugh on the other end.

"How are things with your dad?" The worry in Blaze's tone felt like a jab to my chest and I shook my head.

"He's acting like he never left in the first place," I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip, the slow thrum of pent up anger surging beneath my skin.

"How do you feel?" A lump wedged in my throat and I stayed silent, running my finger along the spine of the book beside me.

"Angry. I'm fucking furious." My fingers shook around the phone.

"And?" Blaze prompted gently.

"Hurt," I admitted reluctantly, my eyes momentarily flickering to the night sky.

"Want to talk about it over ice cream?" A gradual smile tore across my face. Damn, I was in deep.

"Yeah, I'll pick you up," I got up, grabbing my things off the balcony floor. Flexing my limbs, I frowned as an ache settled in the base of my neck.

The house was quiet as I tiptoed down the stairs, hearing Blaze rant about how her Aunt had almost suffered a heart attack when she went home in my clothes.

"You could've told her we went swimming," I suggested and Blaze huffed.

"Oh really? I totally didn't think of that, Sherlock," she scoffed. "She didn't believe it, she was convinced that I was off canoodling, like your Dad said."

"Old people are weird," I grunted and Blaze hummed in agreement.

"Where are you going?" A sharp voice interjected our conversation and my eyes darted to the kitchen where my father was sitting on the table under a dim orange light.

He glanced at me over his glasses, the laptop screen casting reflections on his eyes.

"Taking a walk." Shit, that excuse was worse than Travis' dumb jokes.

"At 1 AM?" Dad quirked an eyebrow and I hid my phone behind my back, navigating my finger to end the call. Pocketing it, I took a few steps towards the kitchen.

"Around the house," I muttered and he frowned.

"With your car keys?" I glared at him as a smug smile plastered over his lips.

"Who was on the phone?"

"What is this? A police interrogation?"

"Consider it that, because you're on house arrest." He seemed to be happy with his dad joke as he chortled heartily and I rolled my eyes.

"I need fresh air." I was about to turn around but his laughing ceased and he cleared his throat.

"You're not going anywhere," Dad shut his laptop and I pursed my lips.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm serious," he folded his hands on the table and I clenched my jaw.

"Sit down, we have to talk about some things," he gestured towards an empty chair. My pulse thrummed louder as I realised where this conversation was headed.

Shakily grabbing the back of the chair, I quickly texted Blaze under the table as my Dad cleared his throat again.

"Car keys," he extended his arm and rage simmered in my chest.

When his arm didn't move, I slammed my keys down in his hand, purposely letting my glare intensify.

"You suddenly want to be a father, huh?" The bitterness cut the air and he silently placed the keys beside his laptop case.

"The preliminary hearing for the case is in two months, I managed to push it back," he exhaled, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Why isn't he dropping the charges?" My chest burnt with the memories of that day, anger and pain rumbling deep inside. It was all a daze.

"Rafael, you put him into a goddamn coma," Dad snapped and I flinched. I didn't need to be reminded of that.

I wasn't myself then.

"I didn't mean to, you know that. I told you what happened that day." Red hot anger had taken over and before I knew it, the blood on my hands matched the crimson trails on the ivory carpets.

"Son of a bitch deserved it." I didn't argue with his statement. I had lost control but never again.

"If it wasn't for that stupid lawyer, this case wouldn't be happening in the first place." Dad's voice was sharp and furious as he drummed his fingers on the table.

He was right. He had compensated Clave, my mother's ex and the guy who I had beaten up. They had signed an agreement, however, the dumb lawyer had left a loophole. Now, it was as if the agreement hadn't taken place at all.

"Did you talk to Clave?" I asked, knowing it was futile. The guy was a drug dealer who wanted vengeance against a teenager who had beat his ass.

"He's going through with the trial. We're looking to get the case dismissed during the preliminary hearing, though." A hopeful smile etched onto his lips but it seemed counterfeit.

What if I did go to jail? At least I'd go knowing Clave deserved it.

"There's one more thing," his voice lowered to a whisper and my eyebrows furrowed.

"What?"

"Your mother, she's going to come here in a couple of weeks."

As soon as those words left his lips, terror edged through my body, buried trauma tugging at my nerves.

No.

"No, don't call her here." My breathing became rapid as I clenched my fists under the table.

Parents were supposed to love their children, not make them afraid.

"I told you months ago that we'd need her for the trial. If it goes through, she needs to give a statement to say just how bad of a man Clave was." Dad's voice was patronising, as if he were explaining to a child.

It was understandable because I felt like a ten year old kid all over again. I felt stricken with terror, flinching at the click of his mother's heels against the polished, marble floor.

"She won't be staying here," Dad inputted and that relieved some of the pressure from my chest. However, just knowing she was in the same town as me sent jitters crawling across my skin.

No, weakness wasn't an option.

She had destroyed me as a kid but I was stronger now.

Dad's narrowed gaze tracked my every movement and I subconsciously rubbed at my wrist the way Blaze tended to. It calmed me down but not as much as her presence did.

"Can I go now?" I whipped out, keeping my voice brusque.

His brown eyes were still zeroed in on my face but I kept it impassive. Dad's face schooled into an expression that I knew all too well. It meant business.

"I've looked up some rehabilitation centres, but I'd prefer if you went back to Ardenford." His tone was gruffly blunt while blood pounded against my eardrums.

So, that was the swift change of topic? He'd just take me there like he was dropping me off at school? Wasn't he going to ask why I had relapsed?

"I'm not going." The words sounded like a blizzard of hurt and anger balled into one.

"I wasn't asking." A flicker of pain flashed in his eyes but other than that, he offered me no empathy.

"Won't you even ask me how I'm doing?" The question caught Dad off guard and he stilled.

"I know you won't answer."

"I would if you asked me like you cared and not a formality that needed to be done," I shook my head, feeling the strange pricking in my eyes again.

Weak, weak, weak.

"What's going on, Rafael?" I heard genuine concern in his tone. It still felt forced, though.

"It doesn't matter now. I'm not going to Rehab." The worry dropped from his eyes, replaced by concealed anger.

"You are going," his fingers clenched around the tabletop, similar to mine,

"No, I'm sober now." My throat burnt. It was the truth, Blaze had helped me.

"That doesn't matter, Raf. You still need to go," Dad toned down on the anger but I couldn't deal with the pity.

"No, I'll go to meetings and whatever you say. But please don't make me go to Rehab," The desperation in my voice wasn't enough as he pushed forward some brochures.

"Look through these and tell me what you think." One glance at the front pages told me what I already knew. Lavish centres built with expensive facilities gleamed over the expensive paper. It seemed more like a mansion built for the elite rather than a place made for struggling addicts.

"I finally have something good going for me here. I have friends and a girlfriend. I don't want to go, please Dad." It poured out of me like a pent up dam finally broken loose and I sunk back into my seat.

Girlfriend? I hadn't even asked her out yet.

However, when I looked up I saw him looking at me with a foreign warmth blazing in his eyes. That's when I realised I said it out loud.

It was the first time I'd called him 'Dad' to his face in over three years.

It was a label that meant too much to the two of us.

He cleared his throat, that moment of mutual vulnerability dissolving into paper thin air.

"I'll think about it. Until then, you're on house arrest and I'll be checking your room every day." Relief surged through me.

"Thank you," I smiled at him and he faltered.

"I haven't decided yet. And even if you don't go to Rehab, you're still attending an outpatient program," he quirked an eyebrow and I nodded.

At least he wouldn't be sending me away and abandoning me again.

"About the house arrest, can my friends come over?" I dragged my lips into my teeth and he seemed amused.

"Just say her name, Rafael. It's quite obvious." My skin heated up as it often did whenever I thought of her, my stomach tumbling with nerves.

I thought that shit was reserved for romance novels but I guess not.

"Can Blaze come over?" I gritted out and he grinned cheekily.

"Yes, but I don't want to witness what I saw today again. Keep it together," Dad's face contorted into disgust and I scoffed.

"Come on old man, it's not like you haven't had your fair share of canoodling," I grinned as his face fell, the playful banter lightening the atmosphere.

"Who are you calling old? I'm still fitter than you," he nodded towards his biceps and I rolled my eyes.

"Can I go now?" I murmured and he nodded.

"You're still on house arrest for a week. No parties or late night rendezvous with your girl."

My girl. The thought brought a smile to my face.

"I don't go to parties," I muttered as I dashed out of the kitchen.

I heard something resembling "lovestruck idiot" and I scowled at the empty space. Getting out my phone, I swiped to Blaze's contact and dialled her number.

"Go to sleep," Dad's voice yelled after me.

Sleep? I didn't need to sleep because I had finally got the person of my dreams.

Lovestruck idiot. He was right.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

"Tree, your ship name would be tree," Blaze snorted hysterically, pointing at Travis and Bree. She burrowed her face into her hands, her laughter echoing from the gaps between her slender fingers.

"Look up the local mental institution," Ann rubbed the bridge of her nose.

I watched Blaze in amusement. She'd been going off on random shit like this for the past twenty minutes ever since her weekend shift at the bookstore had ended. It was fucking adorable.

"Are you sure she's not drunk?" Jonah muttered, glancing in annoyance at Blaze who now had tears rolling down her face.

Before this, she'd laughed for ten minutes on the theory that onion rings were basically vegetable donuts.

"You should name your kids Herb and Shrub, it'll complete the family," Blaze burst into another fit of chuckles. 

Charlotte appeared momentarily, saw Blaze's deranged state and went back the way she came.

Even Travis looked weirded out.

"She got an A on three of her midterms so far," I muttered in explanation and the others nodded slowly. Jo took a sip of his coffee and returned to reading his latest book.

"I also got my paycheck. I'm rich, baby," Blaze flashed us a megawatt grin, waving her napkin around excitedly.

"Can we go out today? My house arrest is getting over today," I scoffed. It wasn't really a house arrest considering Bree was still allowed to invite everyone over and we had the same friends.

Dad was a bit slow like that.

It had been a week since he was home and things were gradually getting better. He'd taken me to a doctor for my withdrawal symptoms and even planned therapy and group sessions. We weren't picture perfect and I doubted we ever would be. But at least we could hold a conversation for more than five minutes, albeit awkwardly.

"I found this cool restaurant a few days ago with Serayah, if we want to go there," Ann nibbled on her chocolate chip cookie and shrugged.

"Yeah, okay." Everyone agreed.

There was a sharp hissing and I looked over to see Blaze had spilt her steaming coffee over her bare arm which was turning a deep crimson rapidly.

"Seriously?" I grabbed her other wrist as she smiled sheepishly and dragged her to the counter. Taking one look at Blaze's scorched skin and the coffee stains on her shirt, Charlotte pointed to the bathroom.

"Would it kill you to be more careful?" I muttered as I ran her arm under the cold water, my jaw ticking in accordance with her rapid breathing.

"It's just a coffee burn, Raf." A barely suppressed smile skimmed her lips and I glared at her. I dabbed a napkin over the stains on her shirt, right over her stomach.

"But still," I murmured.

"What's wrong?" Her amusement faded away to concern and I sighed, loosening my hold on her wrist as she pulled back.

"It's about the case," I muttered, rubbing my wrist, hoping Blaze would get the signal to do it instead.

She instantly understood and her delicate fingers wrapped around my racing pulse. My heartbeat seemed to dance at her command, it raced whenever she was near and calmed whenever she soothed me.

"What happened?" Her voice was a gentle whisper and in the confines of the bathroom, I felt her hot breath raise every hair on my arm.

I wanted to tell her about the day that I had put Clave into a coma, confess to her what had really happened. The words were stuck between my vocal chords, begging for release. No one knew what I had caught Clave doing to Bree that day except Dad and Bree.

Bree especially chose to ignore it, burying that day deep. However, the images were seared in the folds of my mind.

But before I could utter even a single syllable, there was a sharp knocking on the bathroom door.

"Get out now," Travis' voice was urgent and sharp, devoid of all playfulness and instantly my nerves stood on edge.

Blaze dropped my wrist, unlocking the door to come face to face with a grim Travis.

"What's wrong?" I asked as Blaze pushed past Travis and dashed to the front of the store.

Travis just pursed his lips and led me outside. A cold gust of air assaulted my skin as soon as I stepped out but that wasn't what froze me to my spot.

Jonah's eyes were red rimmed as he tried furiously to wipe at the tears streaming down his face. When Blaze took a step forward to comfort him, he shook his head.

"What's wrong?" I hesitantly traipsed towards where everyone was glancing at Jonah worriedly. He was having a breakdown right in front of the bookstore, tremors snaking across his hands.

"My mum called." The words were raspy in his throat and Ann and I shared a concerned look.

"Jo, what happened?" This time he didn't push Blaze away as she stepped closer, wrapping her arms around his shaking body.

We all paused as his hair curtained over his eyes and his breathing echoed through the heavy silence. The inky strands fanned over Blaze's shoulders as she held him close, his back heaving with silent sobs.

When Jonah finally looked up, fear was swirling heavily in his bloodshot grey eyes.

"Dad's been in an accident."

hey! having a shitty day so if you see me sobbing in my dorm room and throwing peace signs at my reflection, no you don't <3

holy crap thank you so much for 136K!! we're at 9K votes and the reads to votes ratio is quite low, so i'd really, really appreciate if you guys voted on the chapters if you want, thank you. i love y'all.

also, stream solar power y'all.

question: who's your most hated TV show character?

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