"Branches bloomed from the crevices you left in my heart, newfound flowers blossoming from the seed of pain"

❃ B l a z e ❃

The dull thud of my empty pill bottle hitting the bottom of the trashcan reverberated against my bathroom walls as I dug my fingers into my palm.

Ten days, I still had ten days to go until my prescription was renewed for the month, the lack of my pills frying my nerves. It wasn't like I had been chugging them down, they calmed the occasional nightmare and firing anxiety that had risen ever since Rafael's fight with Aiden.

It had been a week and I was pessimistically waiting for Aiden to retaliate but surprisingly, the tension had died down.

It wasn't like I was dependent on my medication, it just helped. Besides, ten days wasn't a lot. I'd work without them.

"B, you okay in there?" Bree knocked on my bathroom door.

"Yeah, I'll be right out," I yelled back and washed my face with cold water to tame my thoughts.

Unlocking the door with a grim smile, Bree gave me a once over and quirked an eyebrow.

"Are you excited?" Her excitement exuded into the atmosphere and I rubbed my clammy hands on my joggers.

Today was Rafael's one month sobriety anniversary and we were all having a sleepover at their house. Bree had planned the entire thing and her elation had been wildly palpable ever since they'd come over to hang out at Aunt Mary's house.

"Yeah." Forcing a boost of eagerness in my voice, I smiled shakily at her. The motion instantly set Bree on edge and she placed her hands on my shoulders.

"What's wrong?" I shook my head at her question, prompting a glare.

"It's nothing to worry about. We're going to have fun," I pumped my hands in the air weakly and Bree's eyes further tapered into slits.

"It's me or Rafael, he's right downstairs. I'm pretty sure he'll be quite convincing to get you to talk." Her pale pink lips turned down into a threatening frown, my stomach rolling with nerves.

"Why is it always blackmail with you? Rafael's a cannibal and now you're a blackmailer. What's next?" The playful mutter instigated a devious grin, Bree's cheeks flushing with joy.

"It's heredity. Our mum's a psychopathic bitch and Dad gets sociopathic at times. Couple goals, am I right?"

My lips sunk open as I struggled to form a coherent answer. Gentle laugher flitted out of her mouth as her narrow shoulders shook with delight.

"I'm kidding, at least about Dad. Sorry, dark humour is fun."

"Oh, okay," I murmured uncomfortably and Bree's head tilted to the side.

"So, what's going on?" She tugged me to my bed and I sprawled face-first on the sheets, glancing at my parent's photo on the bedside table. I'd gotten rid of Kay's frame, be it closure or anger.

"I'm having nightmares again." My voice was muffled against the pillow, the tension creeping back in. There was a suffocating silence, the sound of my heavy breathing pulsating against the walls.

"How long have you not gone to therapy?" Her words were soft and hesitant.

"Over a month," I mumbled, burrowing my face further into the mattress. The evening light was blocked by my dark curtains and I just wanted to curl up in bed and drift away.

However, today was about Rafael and I was going to be there for him.

"Were things better when you went to Dr. Lincoln?" I nodded gently at Bree's question, feeling her perch on the edge of my bed.

"I'm out of my medicine." The confession yielded a sharp exhale from Bree, her hand brushing across my back.

"Are you taking more than usual?"

"Sometimes I don't take them and some days I need double." It felt comforting to finally get the words off my chest.

"For how long?"

"Ever since the day at the beach," I clamped my eyes shut, the constant tug of war with my mind wearing me down.

"Will you please think about going back to therapy?" Bree's voice was a gentle whisper, urging yet not invasive.

"Yes." The exhaustion tore through my voice and Bree sighed deeply. 

"I'm going to help you control your doses after you get a refill, okay?" Gratitude swamped my chest as I nodded.

Suddenly, Bree's body slumped on me as she sprawled on my back. I groaned under my breath at the sudden weight, cursing under my breath.

"I wish all that never happened to you, Blaze," Bree shifted, giving me a soft hug. Her front pressed against my spine, soft hair strands unfurling against my cheek. Oddly, it was comforting.

Jonah and I had told everyone the truth about how Kiara had died and it was devastating yet cathartic. Annikah had cried and Bree and Travis had looked thoroughly disturbed. Ever since then, I felt one step closer to them, the slow unravelling of secrets easing the knots on my conscience.

"Me too."

"I'm here for you." Our awkward embrace was interrupted by my bedroom door slamming open.

"What are you guys doing?" I peeked an eye open to see Travis looking at the two of us incredulously, his fingers curled into fists.

"Sleeping together."

My cheeky comment elicited a glare from Travis and he stepped out into the hallway.

"Raf, our girls are cheating on us with each other." Travis' deafening yell rang out through Aunt Mary's house and I winced.

"Dramatic bitch." I heard Bree mutter from above me, her head still drooping on my shoulder. Seems like she wasn't moving anytime soon.

Footsteps stormed up the stairs and as I raised my head, I saw Rafael hustle into my room.

"Get off her," Rafael snapped at Bree and I rolled my eyes at the boys' over the top theatrics.

"No, she's a comfy pillow." Bree made a show of wrapping her arms around my neck and yawned. A fierce grunt escaped Rafael's lips.

"I knew you were a bottom." My head clouded with shock as she brazenly muttered in my ears with a cunning grin, loud enough for the guys to hear.

A sudden thud crushed my ribs and Bree growled, another body joining our little human pile.

"What the fuck are you doing now? Get off them," Rafael growled at the topmost body. I realised it was Travis, his signature tangy scent wafting off his skin as he wrapped his tree-trunk arms around Bree.

"I'm feeling tired too," Travis tone was airy and flippant, causing Rafael to rub his forehead in frustration.

"It's like dealing with fucking children. Even Em and Rhett are better than you." I couldn't laugh at Rafael's snarky comment due to the two huge boulders on my back, my lungs collapsing with the pressure.

"Can't breathe, get off," I smacked Travis' bicep and he reluctantly shifted, Bree moving away with him. I rolled onto my back, gasping for the much needed oxygen. Looking down at my chest, I frowned and glared at Bree and Travis.

"You flattened my boobs." I complained sourly and Travis mouth' gaped open.

"I'm not looking down there, I'm not keen on dying anytime soon." His sight flickered to Rafael who narrowed his eyes at the three of us.

"Don't even dare."

"They look fine to me," Bree tilted her head to the side, her gaze trailing down and Travis covered her eyes with a frown.

My grin was wiped off when Rafael twirled me around and crushed me to his chest, shielding Bree from me.

"Now they're nonexistent." 

Rafael ignored my sharp quip and I grinned at Bree slyly as Travis dragged her out of the room. Jealous assholes.

"What do you think about me getting with Bree?" It was meant to be a joke but the pissed look on Rafael's face indicated he didn't find it funny.

"I'm kidding," I punched his shoulder and he pursed his lips.

"Oh, come on," I wrapped my arms around his neck, twisting the hair at the nape of his neck between my fingers.

"Fine, whatever." His voice rumbled and tugged me closer, the sharp ridge of his hipbone digging into my stomach.

Rafael's lips descended on mine, possessive and fervent. Our tongues clashed, gentle yet eager and the air thickened with dormant desire.

"I love you." The grittiness in his voice aroused goosebumps across my flesh. Rafael's fingers slowly trailed under my shirt and up my spine, raising my skin and setting it on fire.

"I love you."

Before things could escalate, an irritated yell boomed from downstairs.

"Stop your copulation and get downstairs, we have to leave." Annikah's voice was irritated and I glared at the empty hallway.

"We're not copulating," Rafael mimicked her, pulling down my shirt and patting the rumpled fabric.

"How are you feeling?" I murmured as we plodded down the stairs, his fingers twirling a strand of my hair. It had been a full month without any drugs and even if he didn't count it as an achievement, I did.

"Good, I guess," he shrugged nonchalantly, a brash layer coating his tone.

"Well, I'm proud of you. You're doing amazing." A lazy smile spread across my lips as he leaned down for a kiss.

"Make it stop," Annikah made a show of shielding her eyes and I rolled my eyes.

"Disgusting, we have kids present." Travis upper lip curled in feigned disappointment as he tugged Ann closer.

"You stink, asshat. Get off me," she shoved Trav away and he pretended to be offended. Jonah's eyes rolled at their dramatics as he closed his book, tucking it under his arm.

"Get ready for a night of fun," Bree rubbed her hands together with a grin. Grabbing my overnight bag off the couch, I shot her a thumbs up.

"Unless you're taking me to a strip club, I refuse to believe that," Annikah quipped.

"You have a girlfriend," Jonah rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration as if he was fed up with everyone.

"We can take her along."

"I'd pay to see Jo in a strip club," Travis interrupted and Jonah's cheeks flushed a light crimson as he cleared his throat.

"I'm sure they'd all look beautiful. However, I wouldn't appreciate that."

"Okay, that's enough," I interrupted, seeing the discomfort overpowering Jonah's face and I glared at Travis.

Eventually, we all piled out of Aunt Mary's house. Locking the door behind me, I got into Rafael's car as he handed me his phone.

A photo of Cairo and a young Raf greeted my vision as I entered his password, a smile crossing my lips. Over the past month, Rafael had gradually told me stories about them and how she was the most hyperactive kid in her kindergarten. He wasn't as guarded and guilty as he used to be, rather more excited and my heart swelled with the progress.

After putting on our collaborative playlist, I curled up in the passenger seat.

"Dude, you used up all my boosters," I glared at Rafael, smacking his upper arm as I scrolled through the game I had downloaded on his phone.

"That level was hard, alright?" He explained sheepishly.

"You're still stuck on it, though."

"It's my phone."

"I don't care," I narrowed my eyes at Rafael.

"Fine, buy more if you want," he shrugged his shoulders, an irritated sigh airing out of my mouth.

"Dumbass. Who spends money on a game?"

"What do you want me to do then?" Rafael muttered in exasperation and I pinched his upper arm.

"Stop using my stuff."

"But it's my phone," he grumbled and I glared at him.

"Once again, I do not care," I enunciated each word with a jab to his cheek and he pouted.

"Okay, I'm sorry." I patted his shoulder with a small smile upon hearing the apology and went back to the level, which I cleared in record time. He was just an amateur.

During the rest of the car drive, his fingers traced absent patterns on my thigh as I fiddled with his phone. Upon reaching his house, his arm slung over my shoulder.

"Bienvenido a mi casa, señorita," Rafael grinned as he grandly opened the front door. My heart fluttered in my chest as I flashed him a bright smile. A surge of affection bolted through me as his glimmering eyes caught mine, playfulness etched in his brow.

"It's like they're married already." Annikah's voice made me jump as I saw her leaning against the opposite wall with a sour look on her face.

However, it dropped when Rafael's Dad entered the room, glancing at all of us with a wan smile.

"There's money on the counter if you want to order pizza and there are fizzy drinks in the fridge." A flash of surprise caught on Rafael's face and he grimly nodded, averting his gaze to the floor.

"Girls and boys sleep in different rooms, I'll come around to check."

A disapproving grunt rang from everyone's throats except Ann, who beamed and Jonah, who looked relieved.

"Dad, come on," Bree whined and Mr. Hernandez quirked an eyebrow.

"You move from your room and you're grounded for a month."

"Fine."

"I mean it. Do not try me, Bree."

"Yes, father," Bree drawled out sarcastically, earning a glare.

"If you need something, I'll be in my office." Mr. Hernandez left after that, shooting a tentative glance towards Rafael. He looked like he wanted to add something but stopped at the last minute.

"Movie time," Travis rubbed his hands together and we all shuffled into the cinema room after grabbing snacks from the kitchen.

"Can I get a back massage? I think I pulled a muscle or broke a vertebra from Travis' and Bree's weight." My grumble was received with confusion from Ann and Jonah.

"Oh, I have a surprise. I bought something for us," Travis swiftly changed the subject upon seeing Rafael's pissed face and ran to the other side of the room.

"What did he do now?" Disappointment infused Annikah's tone and Rafael mirrored her words.

"I got a blanket."

Looks of perplexity painted all of our faces as we glanced at each other, the huge box in Travis' hands further fuelling my curiosity.

"It fits up to eight people, I put it here yesterday." Travis explained as he unravelled the huge bundle, fabric pooling on the ground at the sheer size of the blanket.

"Where do you even find this shit?" Rafael sighed in dismay, lounging on one of the recliners.

"Hey, be a little excited. This was half of my month's pocket money." A pout curved Travis lips and I reluctantly stepped towards him.

"We'll all fit into it?" Suspicion doused my tone as I rubbed the soft fabric of the blanket and Travis nodded.

"I rolled around in it to measure."

"How did you do that? No, I don't think I want to know," Jonah shook his head softly, leaning against the sofa.

"Come on then, get in. We're going to be a jumbo burrito." Draping the blanket around his broad shoulders, Travis opened his arms. I reluctantly stepped ahead when no one made a move to appreciate his purchase.

It was cute, a dark beige with brown spots like Dalmatian spots all over the soft material.

"Cozy," he commented brightly, suffocating me in a bone-crushing hug and I sniffled.

"That's enough," Rafael dragged me back and Travis pulled him into the blanket as well. Strangled breaths rasped out of my throat and I had to pinch Travis until he let me go.

After being in the midst of a near death experience by suffocation, I sat cross-legged on the floor, Rafael taking a seat beside me.

"I'll tuck everyone in," Travis clapped his hands together and after a lot of grumbling, we all settled on the floor. Rafael's arm crept across my shoulder, his fingers lightly brushing over the fading hickey on my neck.

Travis deftly cloaked the blanket over us and shot me an enthusiastic grin before reclining beside me, Bree on his left.

"This is fun," he wiggled on his butt, curling up into Bree's side.

"You're hogging the blanket, dipshit," Annikah snapped from the far right of our makeshift line and Travis grumbled before releasing it.

"This is going to be one long movie," Rafael muttered as the tug of war for the blanket continued.

I shifted my attention to the screen, Raf's body warmth searing my skin. However, it was nothing compared to the inferno kindling in my stomach as his fingers grazed the outline of my thighs, his thumb pressing against my hip fleetingly.

"No groping under the blanket." The sharp chide came from Bree's throat, a devilish grin plastered on her face.

Rafael's hand retreated and I gritted my teeth in frustration, digging my nails into my palms.

"Fine."

The tension succeeding the awkward warning from Bree pricked my skin and tore at my bones. I managed to calm my rising breathing, my insides scorching with turmoil.

What was I feeling?

"I'm hungry," Travis piped up halfway through and the rest of us nodded. Our pizza had arrived ten minutes ago but we were too lazy to get it.

"I'll go get the food," I offered, needing a break from the discomfort crawling across my skin.

Ripping the thick blanket off my body, I shuffled to the door, feeling Rafael's gaze on me the entire time. The sweat beading at my forehead and the pressure encapsulating my lungs seemed to decompress as soon as I was out of the room and I sighed gratefully.

Maybe it was just the blanket.

However, my relief was short-lived as I edged towards the living room, a booming voice bouncing across the room.

"I don't care how you do it, but you're getting her to Glensdale sober and in her right goddamn mind." The furious growl resounded from Mr. Hernandez' throat, making me wince.

I halted in my tracks, hesitant between slipping into the kitchen or going back downstairs.

Eavesdropping wasn't a nice thing to do, but I was no angel.

No, go back.

Willing myself to move, I took a few retreating steps but paused as I heard his next words.

"You're her fucking sponsor, find her and tell her to be there for the son she abandoned. If you don't, I'm stopping the monthly payments, you won't see a dime." My feet stayed planted to the ground and my heartbeat thrummed in my throat.

There was no denying that Mr. Hernandez was furious and from his words, it seemed directed towards Raf's mother.

"If she's not here within the month, it won't be looking too good for you." I heard an enraged grunt as the conversation ended. Heavy silence weighed down and I composed myself.

Schooling my features into a neutral look, I slipped into the living room and dashed straight for the kitchen.

"Did you need something?" Mr. Hernandez's voice made me jump and I turned around, plastering on a meek smile.

"I'm just getting the pizza," My fingers shook and I hid them behind my back. At least now I knew where Rafael got his anger issues from.

"Right," he nodded to himself, suspicion furrowing his brow.

"How is Rafael holding up?" Mr. Hernandez asked, his tone curious yet hesitant and I smiled softly. He knew about the fight with Aiden but hadn't snapped, he had simply asked Rafael one question.

Did anyone else see?

Rafael later explained that if no one saw besides us, it basically meant the fight never happened and would hopefully hold no influence over his case.

"Great, a month sober is amazing." A feeling akin to pride amplified in my chest.

"I'm proud of him." The words were so inaudible that I would've missed them if not for the crackling silence.

Tell him that, please.

"Anyways, I hope you kids are having fun," he cleared his throat, the vulnerability dying down instantly.

"Yes, thank you." The awkwardness was evident as I stared at the ground, fidgeting with my fingers.

When I finally dragged my gaze up, my eyes caught on the rumpled state of Mr. Hernandez' dress shirt and the unkempt stubble lining his jawline. His murky brown eyes were lined with stress and exhaustion tugged at his high cheekbones. A bottle of whiskey laid near the corner table, a glass tumbler swirling with the golden liquid.

When Mr. Hernandez caught me looking, he pursed his lips and I took that as my cue to leave.

Rapidly grabbing the pizza boxes from the kitchen, I scuffed back downstairs.

"What took you so long?" Rafael mumbled when I cuddled back next to him, his lips fleeting behind my ear. It stoked my nerves and I intertwined my fingers with his.

"Nothing."

He didn't ask further, just continued with our dinner as everyone chattered about random topics. Travis' jokes wore down my weirdly placed stress and I smiled to myself.

Glancing at Rafael, I saw pizza sauce smeared near the corner of his lips and mirth glimmering in those beautiful sage green eyes. He looked genuinely happy, the edges of his lids crinkled with pure joy.

My heartbeat vibrated wildly in my chest when Rafael's gaze caught mine, his long eyelashes brushing faintly against his sculpted cheeks. My love for him only soared to new heights.

I wondered if he knew about his mother coming back.

However, I did know that it meant nothing good from the scattered mentions I had heard of her and I feared that Rafael might self destruct again.

My worry fizzled out as he smiled at me, his gleaming ivory teeth cutting across full, pink lips.

It didn't matter if his mother coming back affected him or not, because whatever it was, we'd get through it together.

I loved him and that was all that mattered.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

"Did you get the cake?" Ann whispered to Travis and he nodded, pulling out the dessert from behind his back.

"This is going to be messy," Jonah murmured from beside me and I hummed my approval. The door to Rafael's room loomed in front of us as we crowded around it.

"One month sober, come on guys. We need to make it memorable," Bree grinned in the dark, my flashlight catching the caramel flecks in her eyes. We all nodded, warmth brimming my chest.

"How do we wake him up?" Jonah questioned and Bree patted his cheek with a gentle smile.

"Leave that to me, just run after Travis slams the cake on his face. Got it?"

"What if he catches us?" I murmured, twisting the hem of my nightshirt between my fingers.

"You run the slowest out of all of us but he wouldn't do anything to you," Travis swung an arm around my shoulder and I glared at him.

"I'll have you know I run quite well. "

"Sure."

"Whatever makes you feel better."

"No more chit chat," Bree interrupted, glancing at the time on her phone. It read 2 AM and gently, I creaked the door open. The other's footfalls echoed behind me.

My lungs expanded at the sight of Rafael sprawled on top of his silken, ebony covers. The smooth, inkless skin of his back was thickly corded with muscles that shifted ever so slightly with each heavy breath. Tattoos swirled up his curved arms, dissolving into the dip of his shoulders. Tousled strands of mahogany hair fringed across his pillow, his body positioned on his stomach, facing the open balcony as the moonlight flushed against his lambent cheeks. His full lips were morphed into a serene curve, an arm thrown haphazardly over the edge of his bed.

"Quit ogling," Ann shoved me and broke me out of my appreciative stare, a blush washing my cheeks.

"Shh," Bree elbowed the two of us and Travis twirled the cake in his hand with a grin.

"Okay, let's go." We slowly advanced towards the edge of Rafael's bed on her command, my toes sinking into the plush carpet.

Bree edged closer to Rafael's face, a wicked grin cutting across her beaming cheeks.

"One, two..." Upon saying three, a loud bang vibrated across the room as she slapped Rafael smack across the face.

Raf's eyes snapped open, his torso shooting up with rage. Instantly, his green eyes caught onto Bree's. He reached out to grapple her but Travis slammed the cake in his face and he reeled back in shock.

"Happy one month sober. I'm so proud of you, I love you asswipe. Good night." The words bolted out of Bree's mouth and without wasting a second, she raced out of the room. The others followed, Jonah shooting me an apologetic glance as he was the last one out.

My reflexes were stuck in limbo as my muscles froze and Rafael's cake-splattered face glared at me.

Anger swirled with amusement as he advanced towards me and suddenly, I pivoted for the door, my pulse slamming in my ears.

However, the door wouldn't open, each turn resulting in a budge. When I heard raucous laughter on the other end, I realised Travis was jamming it shut.

I didn't even get to yell because an arm belted around my waist, déjà vu blurring my senses.

Why did I always find myself in this predicament with him?

Oh right, because my 'friends' always dipped on me.

"Happy one month sober," I pumped my fist but ended up slamming it into his nose and Rafael grunted in pain.

"Oh, sorry." It was a weak attempt at getting him to loosen his hold because he turned me around, the white frosting making him look like a clown.

I could only make out his sage eyes boring holes into mine and a sheepish smile pulled at my lips.

"Whose plan was this?" His gruff voice made my stomach tingle in the same way as before and I shifted on my feet.

"Bree."

"You fucking snitch." A yell roared from the other side of the door and I glared when I realised they were eavesdropping.

When I made a move towards the door, Rafael pulled me back, clicking the lock in place.

Oh no.

"Have fun." Amused laughter echoed through the hall, resembling Travis' deep baritone and I bared my teeth in the dark.

Their footsteps faded away, the heat of his arm around my waist making my nerves blaze underneath my skin.

"So..."

"Bree slapped me," Rafael deadpanned and when I glanced at his face, I burst out laughing.

"Yes, yes she did. Quite hard, I must say." Buttercream trailed across his cheeks as he attempted to wipe it away, his glower intensifying.

Rage flashed in Rafael's eyes as he suddenly tugged me towards his bathroom and my eyes sunk to his low hanging grey joggers, the Calvin Klein logo flashing above the dark waistband.

I'd love to touch... Woah, where did that come from?

My soles skidded against the marble floor and air tickled the underside of my feet as Rafael lifted me onto the counter.

"Look at you, macho man," I grinned as I squeezed his biceps, however, the look on his face made me drop it. It was hard to take him seriously with all the cream on his face and for the second time, my laughter got the best of me.

My nose nudged his cheek as I licked some frosting off his jawline, the move bearing a guttural groan from his throat.

"Could use a little more sugar," I commented as I smacked my lips together, tasting some more cream off his neck.

Rafael's pulse throbbed in the vein cording his slender neck, matching my wild heartbeat. His palms dug into my thighs, fingers pressing against my hips through my thin shorts.

My ribs ached with desire as his hands traversed higher, across the waistband and near my navel. I don't know what I was waiting for but my haywire nerves clipped at my skin as I basked in his unwavering attention.

However, my daze was broken when he suddenly pushed me to one side, lowering his head into the sink. Water splashed over the rims, my mouth gaping open with shallow breaths.

"Don't want to get you wet now." The deep whisper made me clench my thighs, heat skimming through my blood.

His innuendo didn't strike me until a minute later and my cheeks burnt brighter than a furnace when it dawned.

Rafael's clean face was staring back at me as he patted a towel on his jaw, grim yet smug. His lips seemed more pink and full, irresistible against the overhead bathroom lights. The tattoos on his chest rippled, the ink sinking perfectly into his tan skin.

Without thinking, I grasped onto Rafael's neck and tugged him closer. His heated skin pressed against my body, our lips colliding frantically. One of his slender hands cupped the back of my head as the other snaked up my thigh.

His tongue slipped past the boundaries of my mouth, igniting fireworks deep inside my throat. With my legs hooked over his waist, I could feel the sharp planes of his abs beneath me, every inch of his bare skin vaulting me into a frenzy.

"I love you." The words were slurred, intoxication running deep through my vocal cords and Rafael hummed against my lips. 

A sharp ridge brushed against my inner thigh, euphoria crowding in my lungs as his hands halted on my back. A flood of emotions coursed through me, their unfamiliarity nipping at my veins and Rafael's hands halted on my back, pulling me further away rather than close.

My eyes fluttered open, brows clenching when I saw Rafael's tight jaw, his fingers retreating from my skin. The crimson tint of his mouth didn't escape my notice, contentment flapping its wings in my chest at the swell of his upper lip.

However, Rafael sucked in a sharp breath and my head tilted to the side when he moved back. Slowly, my gaze trekked down his bare chest, my eyes widening when I saw the bulge in his joggers. Rafael shifted uncomfortably, angling his body away from me.

Oh.

Oh.

"I think you should wait with the others, I'll be down in a few," Rafael murmured and I instantly obliged, hopping off the counter, a thick shade of pink flushing my cheeks.

The silence only thickened when my arm accidentally brushed against his torso and Rafael hung his head, his dishevelled hair flopping over his forehead.

"Fuck, Blaze. Just go." Restraint thinned his voice.

I practically sprinted out of the room, my stomach swirling with nerves as I descended the stairs. My skin felt unusually clammy and a restlessness perched near my lower abdomen, unexplainable and hot.

"Woah, are you okay?" Bree's fingers dug into my shoulders and I licked my dry lips, nodding.

"You look flustered," her eyebrows pinched together but then realisation evolved, a satisfied grin pulling at her lips.

"Look at that. Bright red cheeks, sweaty forehead, dilated pupils, rapid breathing." Her scrutinising gaze made me shift uncomfortably as her fingers pressed against the pulse point on my wrist.

"She's horny," Annikah piped up, placing her head on Bree's shoulder and their faces stared at me in glee.

"Will you shut up? It's nothing like that, I'm just feeling a bit sick." I smacked the back of my hand on Bree's stomach and Ann perked up.

"Sick by Rafael's dick. See that rhymed," Ann grinned, her teeth gleaming with excitement and Bree scrunched her nose up.

"Don't repeat that, ever."

"What are you guys talking about?" Travis interrupted, his arm slinging over Bree and I shook my head.

"I'm getting the cake," I murmured, slipping away to the kitchen. The cool air of the fridge warmed my torrid nerves as I grabbed the cake. Just the memory of the feeling of his smooth back muscles under my nails sent a flurry of emotions springing through my blood. I wasn't really horny, was I?

My train of thought ended quite abruptly when Travis darted into the kitchen and ran away with my cake. Technically, it was just a stack of chilled fairy bread with whipped cream in between but at least I was creative.

"Hey, give that back," I sprinted after him and Travis just smiled in amusement, spinning the platter on one hand.

"If you drop that, I'm going to break that same hand." With one finger pointed at him, a sneer curved my lips and Travis faltered.

"Since when did you get so feisty?" he muttered, sheepishly handing the cake back. My glower made him cower away to Bree who shot me a proud smile.

"Our baby tigress. How adorable," Ann pinched my cheeks and I scowled at her.

Rafael chose that moment to languidly stroll down the stairs, his previously bare torso now clothed in an oversized hoodie that hung off his body.

A sizzling look passed between us when he raised his gaze, desire and understanding cording around my heart.

A sleek whistle from Travis made all of us glare at him, and meekly I extended the cake to Rafael to sever the tension.

"So, I made this."

"Yeah, I figured that out." Amusement doused his tone as he glanced at the scraggly words in chocolate icing on top.

Happy 1 month sober! From Blaze and others.

When I saw Ann frowning at me, I glared. "I made the cake, of course I'm going to put only my name."

"Does that even count as a cake?" Travis retorted and my mouth gaped open.

"Cut it out, I love it. Thank you," Rafael handed the cake to Bree and softly smiled, his hand splaying across my shoulders. A soft kiss was placed on my lips and before I could react, Raf had pulled away. Visions of the... predicament upstairs projected in my eyesight and Ann slyly smiled.

"This is just for a month of sobriety, imagine what she'll do for your birthday," her eyebrows waggled, prompting a hot flash within my stomach. What the fuck was wrong with me?

"Shut up. Now, what's the plan?" Raf cleared his throat, the slight pressure of his fingers against my neck driving me to the edge.

"Now, we hang out," Bree grinned, pivoting on her heel and making her way down to the pool.

"It's 2 AM, can't we go to sleep?" Jonah rubbed his eyes and Ann dragged him to the pool, chattering about how he could sleep on the mattress Travis had put there.

Slowly filtering to the poolside, I coiled my legs across each other on the mattress and Rafael suddenly laid his head on my lap.

"Hey," The grin that spread across his face gripped my heart and I smiled, poking his cheek.

"Hi."

"I love the cake."

"You didn't even taste it."

"I love you, so I'll love it." Glistening adoration halted my breath and I gulped. No matter how many times the words left his throat, they still invoked electric euphoria each time.

"They were better off as friends," Ann grumbled, our heads turning to glare at her.

"Shut up."

After everyone was seated, Rafael meekly cut the 'cake' and passed a slice to everyone.

"Wait, this is actually good," Bree murmured after a few bites, whipped cream streaked across her upper lip and I shot her an incredulous look.

"Did you doubt me?"

"Just a little."

Rafael's grin only widened when I sneered at her, the whipped cream forming a thin layer on his lips, the edges dotted by sprinkles.

Achingly slow, his tongue darted out and licked the extra cream off, my ribcage quivering with tumbling emotions. Feverish butterflies stirred in my stomach and I averted my gaze to the rippling pool water.

I realised Ann was asking me a question and I just nodded for the sake of it.

"I asked you if you've ever drunk alcohol," she supplied with a cheeky grin at my clueless state and I shook my head.

"No, but I tried wine once accidentally." I remembered the day from when I was ten and had accidentally mistaken Aunt Mary's wine flute for cherry soda.

Needless to say, she'd yelled at me until I cried and went straight to bed, still feeling the after-effects of the beverage on my influenced mind.

"Me next," Travis raised a hand and by the mischief glimmering in his eyes, I knew this was going to be fun.

"Have you two ever crushed on the same girl?" His finger shifted between Raf and Bree and while Raf shook his head, Bree nodded.

"Twice, actually." Bree's answer made Raf glare at her in discomfort.

"Only once," he murmured.

"Twice, I'll tell you why. The first was in intermediate school, we both liked this girl but sadly she rejected the both of us," Bree explained and Rafael grumbled beside me, munching on his fairy bread.

"Who's the second?" Confusion laced his voice and Bree's face contorted into unadulterated joy.

"Blaze."

All of our gazes whipped to Bree as she leaned back on her elbows, her dark maroon pyjamas creasing.

"What?" Rafael sounded both surprised and annoyed as he glanced at her and Bree shrugged.

"This is going to be interesting," Ann seemed amused as she curled up on the mattress, pushing Jonah to the side.

"Well, I saw you ogling her on the first day of school and thought she was cute." Her gaze sliced to me. A nervous smile lurked on my lips, Rafael's hand tightening around my palm.

"Weren't we a thing back then?" Travis gritted out, uncharacteristic jealousy swirling in his tone.

"No, we were on a break, dumbass." Bree flapped her hand dismissively and both Raf and Travis glanced at each other.

"Okay, next question," Travis tucked Bree into his side, glowering at me enviously.

"Besides, why do you think I went to talk to her the next day?" Bree ignored Travis, shooting me a massive grin and Rafael grunted in anger.

"Turns out Taffy was whipped for you otherwise I'd totally have got you," Bree concluded with a smug smirk and I shot her a thumbs up with a nod.

"You wish," Raf scoffed, remnants of a blush burning underneath his skin.

"Damn look at you B. You're pulling both the twins." Annikah smugly commented and Jonah grinned in interest. I shrugged, wringing my fingers together awkwardly.

"Next question." Travis burst out and I was startled at the magnitude of his voice.

"Okay, a question for Blaze. Would you date Bree if these two cavemen were out of the equation?" Annikah's finger waggled between Raf and Travis, who flipped her off.

I shrugged, biting my bottom lip and Rafael's mouth jutted into a pout.

"Okay, next question. Iron Man or Captain America?" Travis took matters into his own hands, glaring at all of us.

"Iron Man." Rafael's answer prompted a debate, even Jonah rising to the occasion and arguing in an uncharacteristically livid tone.

Thankfully, Bree was able to stop Travis and Jonah from drowning Rafael in the swimming pool when their insults got too creative.

"Off to bed, all of you," Annikah crossed her arms over her chest and pointed the boys upstairs.

"We should go too," Bree nudged me forward and two sharp gazes whipped to us.

"Like hell you're sleeping in the same room," Rafael grumbled.

"They wish," Travis scoffed, declaring his agreement.

"See this is why girls are better. At least you wouldn't have to deal with all this alpha male behaviour," Annikah egged them on with a plotting grin, riling their annoyance up a notch.

"That's it," Rafael suddenly charged at me and before I knew it, he swung me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. What the fuck?

"Put me down, you mutant ogre," I thumped his skull and then his back, Bree smiling at me smugly as he trudged up the stairs.

Rafael's warm arm around my bare legs made me take a deep, grounding breath. The same heat from earlier pooled in my insides as his fingers dug into my inner thighs. My hormones were going haywire today, I needed to see a doctor.

"Have fun," Jonah peeked his head out of his and Travis' shared room and I flipped him off, pounding my knuckles on Rafael's back.

"Nice butt," I commented and Rafael's back vibrated with deep laughter.

"You too." An audible gasp edged past my lips. I frowned as I realised he was escorting me to his room instead of Bree's.

"Hey, put me down, you ape." A mini heart attack slammed my chest as he pretended to loosen his hold on me.

My back hit the bed soon after, his hands trailing up my thighs, his body hovering above mine. Green bled into ebony, his irises swirling with deep admiration and hefty breaths wracked my chest. Anticipation ran high as I waited for his next move.

"Now sleep," he twisted onto his side and my mouth floundered open as he just clutched his arm around my waist, not even kissing me.

"What?" I cleared my throat, bending my neck to face him although his eyes were shut.

"Shh, sleep. My dad will be up at six for his workout so we'll have to switch rooms then."

"Oh."

A green eye cracked open as he brushed his nose against the curve of my neck.

"Why do you want anything else?" Amusement rippled across his lips and I shook my head, pulling the covers over our heads.

"No."

There was dense silence permeated by heavy breathing. However, none of us made a move as the blanket became stuffy with my body temperature rising, my thighs scorching as Rafael's legs moulded against them.

It was official.

I was going clinically insane.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

The wind whipped my hair around my face as I tightened my jacket around my shoulders. My teeth chattered in my mouth as the cold seeped through my skin.

It was fucking freezing right now.

My feet edged towards the place where Rafael's NA meeting would be drawing to an end. Usually, we didn't meet unless he came to pick me up after my shift at the bookstore. However, I was off early today and I thought I'd walk to meet him there.

It was about time I invested in a car.

Yeah, with what money?

"Almost there." The tiny boost of self-motivation wore down when I finally reached the steps of the building which housed the meeting.

The evening sky was streaked with sunset hues and I tapped my foot nervously on the coarse pavement, waiting for Rafael to walk through the doors. Cracks withered across my lips as I nervously chewed on them, agitation bleeding into my tongue.

True to the time, Rafael's tall, muscular form waltzed past the gate, his shoulders slumped casually. When he saw me, his plump lips tugged up in a surprised grin. Raf's cheeks were flushed a deep red from the frigid atmosphere as he made his way over to me, his slender torso clad in only a thin windbreaker.

"Hey." My lips ached from his warm kiss, his fingers threading through my hair.

"How did it go?" I buried my hands in his jacket pockets and he nodded, an easy smile on his lips.

"Amazing. My sponsor said I'm doing great." The words were a whisper as if he was unsure of speaking them.

"I'm proud of you," I murmured, honesty fusing in my words.

No matter how many times I said it, the surprise and gratitude that took over his face never failed to make my heart skip a beat. He deserved all the reaffirmations in the world.

"Fuck, I love you." Rafael's nose brushed against mine, the nip in the atmosphere nulling from his heated skin. My hands inside his pocket laid flat against his toned torso and he shot me a cheeky grin.

"I love you more."

"Impossible."

"Corny dumbass."

"By the way, you look beautiful today," he murmured, running a slim finger along the column of my neck and I scoffed as we walked to his car.

"I look like a lemonade popsicle."

"A popsicle I'd love to eat."

His remarks had been getting quite risqué since the past week, never failing to arouse the newfound emotions in the pit of my stomach.

I'd realised that I wasn't going insane, I was just in love.

Bree insisted I was horny but love was a more endearing term.

Okay, maybe I was a bit of both.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Rafael nudged his shoulder against mine once we were in the car as I warmed my hands in front of the vents.

I nibbled on my bottom lip, pondering over the decision I had made in my head. I wanted to tell Rafael about everything Aiden had done, all the ways he had violated me, but I also wanted this happiness to last longer.

I wanted to store it between the crevices of my knuckles and hold it prisoner within my soul so it would never leave. It was rare, fleeting and impulsive and I wanted to capture its essence.

But I knew there was someone else I needed to talk to first who would guide me through everything and how to overcome it.

"Can you take me to Dr. Lincoln's office?" I murmured and Rafael looked taken aback. Shock and relief flitted across his face.

"Are you ready for going back there?" Raf pressed gently, his fingers tracing my knuckles and I nodded. I had a condition, she had to keep what I said confidential, all the information until I was ready.

I didn't know if that was how it worked but I hoped she would understand that I was at breaking point and ready to get over that.

"Yeah, I'm nervous," I sunk into the passenger seat, curling my legs under me.

"You'll do great, okay?" His lips pressed against my knuckles and I sighed in relief.

"Actually, can you wait outside?" I wondered if it was too much to ask. I'd purposely taken the last appointment of the day, not wanting any interruptions and maybe get granted a longer session.

I knew that it was going to be difficult.

"Of course, babe."

"Okay," I smiled at him and he returned it, his fingers splaying over my thigh as he began driving.

The car ride was silent, fuming with anxiety and I aimlessly scrolled on my phone. When the building where her clinic was finally came into view, I buried my head into my hands.

"I'm right here, okay?" Rafael's fingers tenderly ran through my hair and I nodded, getting out of the car. He trailed behind me, his gaze running over the modern building as we took the elevator up.

Subconsciously, Raf's thumb soothingly rubbed circles on my wrist and as the lift split open, I took a deep grounding breath.

"Cool place," Rafael murmured as he took in the minimalistic yet sleek interior and I nodded.

The receptionist smiled at me, a small nod directed towards Rafael.

"Dr. Lincoln's ready for you," she gestured towards the door and I nodded, Rafael squeezing our interlaced fingers.

"I'm proud of you." The whisper was a mirror of my own earlier as he leaned forward, placing a fleeting kiss on my lips.

Reluctantly, I let go of his hand and he made his way over to the waiting room. Placing his elbows on his outstretched thighs, he shot me an encouraging grin.

The receptionist flashed me an impatient smile and I pursed my lips, shuffling towards Dr. Lincoln's office.

My hand stilled on the metallic doorknob but after gathering a small boost of courage, I pushed it open.

"Good evening, Blaze. I've been hoping you'd come back," Dr. Lincoln was seated on her beige chair and I nodded, detecting no hostility from her. Her dark legs were crossed one over another, her pen tapping gently against her notebook.

"Yeah." My back stiffened against the sofa and I grabbed the throw pillow, twisting the tassels between my fingers.

"I need to know you won't tell anyone about what I say." My gaze met her head-on and Dr. Lincoln nodded slowly, the corner of her lips crinkling with solemnity.

"As long as I know you're safe."

"I am, that's why I'm here. I want to talk about it."

The silence glided heavily as Dr. Lincoln waited for me to elaborate although the crease in her eyebrows told me she already knew. My vocal cords tangled against each other, the words stuck between the knots.

Minutes blurred as I stared at the wall, conjuring up the strength to utter the words, to finally open Pandora's box and brace myself.

"This is a safe place, Blaze. I'm here to help you," Dr. Lincoln's lips pressed together and I nodded. My ribcage splintered, my stomach slashed open and my chest felt clawed to the core as the memories frothed forward, tears blurring my vision.

Breathe.

"I was..."

Breathe.

"I was raped."

well this chapter was a major filler or not, idk how to feel about it. i lost my contacts and broke my glasses and i'm officially blind so love that.

thoughts on the chapter?

i'm facing sort of a burnout with this book but i'm trying to power through it. i'm sorry if the writing feels bland.

question:  cheeseballs or flaming hot cheetos?

love

a