"Was it really worth seeing my heart break into a million pieces? Why is it, that all I see before me is not a man, but a monster? A monster who tore apart my very soul with his bare hands"

( Check out the playlist loves x )

❃ B l a z e ❃

Mark and Andrea looked different from the last time I saw them, which was well over six months ago. Mark had come a few months back for some work, but it was only for a few hours. I had talked to them over the phone once in a week or so, but it was always awkward. Even though they were smiling, I could see the tiredness etched onto their faces, their premature wrinkles a tell tale sign of whatever stress they were enduring with work.

I saw Aiden clench his fists besides me, and I dropped the stone. Dropping the ultimate dragon-killer, eh?

"Hey kids!" Andrea brightly exclaimed and I flinched at her overly enthusiastic tone. "Hi Andrea" I tightly smiled whereas Aiden was dumbfounded beside me. They were never around, and I most definitely didn't expect them at this time. Guess he was wondering the same thing. "What were you kids doing?" Mark chuckled, his deep voice lit with amusement.

Good Question, Mark. I was just out here playing Dean Winchester, slaying monsters. The monster being your abusive son who makes my life a living hell. But hey, if we keep acting like we're fine, we could get an Oscar or something. I hated how stupid my inner monologue sounded at times.

"Just messing around" Aiden laughed, however I didn't miss the nervousness laced in his voice. I was grinding my teeth together in frustration. He slung an arm around my shoulder and I could feel my breathing quicken. "Come on in, then" Andrea ushered us in.

"Honey, it's been so long. I missed you" Andrea pulled me into a bone-crushing hug that wasn't helping my already tormented state.

"I missed you too" I sincerely said, and it was true. She was like a second mother to me, after the passing of my very own. She had been there for me through the endless nights I couldn't sleep because I was scared of facing nightmares. She had been there for me, when I had tried to be strong but ended up breaking down on my parents' death anniversary. She had always been there, along with Kiara, and I couldn't blame her for not being home as, in some way, that was her way of grieving and I owed her that much.

In a way, I knew she felt guilty for not noticing what was going on with Kiara. We all did. The fault lay with each one of us and we all dealt with our pain differently. The worst way was Aiden's. The void left in us was unbearable to even feel.

And I hoped maybe one day, the pain would subside, but even I knew that this was always going to be a major hole in my heart that I could never fill.

She let go of me and I could see the tears brimming her eyes, desperately trying to spill over. I could feel my own eyes well up and that familiar lump in my throat that I couldn't swallow. Here come the waterworks.

"How have you been?" she asked me, eyeing me up and down. Just dandy.

"Never been better" I lied through my teeth and as a reminder, my torso throbbed from the force of her hug. Mark and Aiden were talking amongst themselves and I could see Aiden shooting me warning glances whenever Mark wasn't looking.

"Honey, you've gotten too thin. Hasn't he been feeding you?" Andrea worriedly noted, and I restrained from bursting out in laughter at her oblivious observation. If only she knew. "Oi! Get your butt over here, Aiden" she yelled and he instantly complied, his face twisted in horror and equal parts fear. Mark was watching us in amusement.

This wasn't quite the reunion I was hoping for.

"What have you done to her?" she strictly said, her icy voice cutting through the uncomfortable silence. If I could see myself at that moment, I'd be sure to see a stark, white ghost. I discreetly shifted my gaze downwards, examining my clothes and skin. There wasn't anything showing. My cheek wouldn't bruise. Yet.

Aiden seemed to be horrified at his mother's question too, although he played it off expertly. "What do you mean, Mum?" he asked, his voice parallel to that of honey.

"She looks so skinny. I clearly remember asking if she was alright when I called a few days ago. You never mentioned she was sick" Andrea admonished, her steely voice just as powerful as I remember. She was quite literally the sweetest yet most stern woman you could ever meet.

Aiden swallowed, his Adam's Apple bobbing as he spoke "I know, Mum. I've been worried sick about her. I'm sure she'll be fine after eating, though" he said, and I swallowed bile at his overly-sweet tone. The fucking jackass.

"I knew you kids should've kept the cook around" Andrea muttered, concern flooding her voice. It was true, Aiden had let the cook go after he first began his affectionate gestures. The cleaners only came on the weekends for a few hours. It was like living in an empty house.

"It's fine. I've just been working out a little too much" I smiled, my cheeks suddenly protesting from Aiden's punch. Trying to get up and go to your room after being tormented was a workout, no matter what you believed.

I needed to get ice quick. "I'll be making dinner tonight, then" Andrea suggested. "I don't know how you have survived this long on Aiden's cooking. I'm sure Blaze would've had to help otherwise we would've been coming home to a burnt house" Mark chuckled and I once again smiled, laughing was way too much effort. Sure, if helping meant making snide remarks and treating me like a rag doll, Aiden should get a job as a cook's apprentice. Hell, Gordon Ramsay would be pleased with him on the team.

"I'll go get showered. I'm really tired today" I told the both of them, and Andrea smiled whereas Mark patted my hair.

I rushed into the kitchen, and gulped down a large glass of water, my hands trembling from the sudden appearance of the Marshalls. I grabbed an ice pack from the fridge and hid it inside my shirt. The coolness spread, and it instantly felt like my stomach was numb.

I rushed upstairs, avoiding bumping into something and darted straight to my room, locking it as I entered. I plopped down on my bed and applied the ice pack to my throbbing cheek. At least I could be sure Aiden wouldn't be laying a finger on me while his parents were here. I think.

And just like always, as soon as the silence enveloped me, so did my morbid thoughts and horrid memories. How could Mark and Andrea even trust Aiden to stay here with me alone in this huge mansion without any parental figure? Maybe it was because they were too submerged in their own hell. Why couldn't we help Kiara? Why did we realise just when it was too late?

Once again, the revolting images of Aiden's merciless crimes corrupted my brain. His fists pounding into me, his hands holding me while he derived his own pleasure. His forced kisses, his disgusting hands roaming my body. I hated myself for letting him dictate my life, dictate my actions. I hated how much of myself I had lost trying to help him to no avail. I just wondered how long it would be before he consumed me whole, leaving nothing but a hollow body behind.

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I stepped out of the shower, my body getting temporary relief from the water. I had an agenda in mind. I was going to get a job and find a way out for myself.

I got dressed, wearing something that would cover everything. I decided on a black jumper and high waisted black jeans. I slipped on a denim jacket and my white trainers. I second-guessed if I could even pull that outfit off. That's when I realised I still had to return Bree's outfit. Add that to the list.

It was generally pleasantly cold all year round so I was used to the chilly weather, but it was still a great excuse to dress conservative to hide all my scars.

I grabbed my phone and saw a message from an unknown number, who I guessed was Travis.

Unknown
Dropped him at home. His Royal Highness wanted to stay in the car. I got a good workout dragging him up the stairs. How did you even manage to get him out of school?
-T

I smiled at the attached photo of Rafael face planted on his bed. His cheek was squished against the pillow and his eyes were half-closed, just like the one time I had woken up next to him. His hair was rumpled and sticking out at odd angles. He looked absolutely adorable. It was just how he slept, and I could instantly feel the pterodactyls in my stomach take flight.

The memory filtered through my mind and I instantly felt lighter. His sage-green eyes flecked with gold staring at me, his pink lips twisted into that sinister grin. His deep voice that shivered me to my soul, but most importantly his comforting touch. His caress wasn't violating and for some reason, rather than moving away, I felt myself craving him.

The voices inside me were saying that I wasn't allowed to feel that way. I should feel repulsed by every man's touch after the horrible things Aiden had put me through and I agreed. How could I be so comfortable with a guy when I had been robbed of my innocence and stripped of my purity by a monster? I was everything that Aiden had said to me. I was disgusting. I was a vile human being.

I couldn't deny that I definitely felt something, and I was working through whatever it was. But after Aiden's threat and my own brain telling me he deserved better, I just couldn't help but feel that maybe I should dampen those feelings.

I pushed those thoughts aside and carefully made my way downstairs, careful not to put too much pressure on my body. As I neared the living room, I saw Andrea sitting with a cup of coffee in her hand, staring into blank space.

As if sensing my approach, she looked up and shot me a wary smile. Judging by the look on her face, I knew she was thinking about Kiara and the past. I could see the pain in her eyes no matter how hard she tried to mask it.

"You look lovely, honey. Where are you off to?" She asked me and I knew she wouldn't agree with my getting a job. She always insisted that I ask for anything, that I was their daughter. I didn't need to repay them and most certainly didn't need a job. I still remembered the fit she threw the last time I asked about getting a job. Aiden wasn't too happy either about me getting out of the house and 'whoring' around. Ah, good times.

"I'm looking for a job" I stated, gauging her reaction. She shot up. "Blaze. I thought we talked about this, honey. Why do you want to get a job? Focus on school, don't worry yourself with anything else" she exclaimed, but I was going to stand my ground.

"I'm sorry Andrea, but I really need this" I sighed, and it was the truth. "You might not think so, but I'll always be grateful to you for everything you and Mark have done. I need to repay you in some way and I'm not budging"

Andrea sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, contemplating whether to tell me off or not. After a few minutes of hesitation she said, "On one condition". I nodded as she continued, "You won't use that money on repaying us back, because I'm not even sure what you want to pay us back for. Use whatever money you earn for your college funds. Mark and I were planning on helping you out, but you're just as stubborn as I remember" she smiled, reminiscing over a part of me that I didn't even recognise anymore.

"I'll take you, Aiden's gone over to a friend's house and Mark's back at the office" she rolled her eyes and I subconsciously clenched my fists. I knew what friend she was talking about.

"I'll just walk" I suggested, I needed time to clear my head. "You're crazy if you think I'm letting you walk. Where are you thinking of applying?" she quizzed. "I was thinking Monet's Café, The Pizza Place or Rochelle's Diner. Whichever takes me" I bit my lip nervously. I didn't know why I was stressing over this.

"I'm sure they will, Blaze" she went to place a comforting hand on my shoulder but I backed away instinctively, sucking in a sharp breath at my stupidity. "Are you okay?" She squinted her eyes, looking me over. "Absolutely fine" I exclaimed, a little too brightly. She scrutinised me, her sharp gaze ever so steady. Then she stiffened.

"Why is there a bruise on your neck?" She boomed, and I flinched at the sudden spunk in her voice.

I looked down to see a faint colouring on my neck, which I had failed to properly conceal. Fuck. "It's not a bruise" I said, trying to stop my voice from quivering. "Tell me what it is then?" her authoritative voice like that of a mother.

"It's not a bruise" I emphasised once again, trying to deflect. As if catching a hint, she flushed. "Oh. Oh" she looked uncomfortable. Wait, is that what she's thinking? Fuck No.

"I don't want to sound overbearing, and I know you already take birth control, but I still need to let you know. I hope you're staying safe..." She trailed off at the ghastly look on my face. The memory flitted in front of my eyes, when she took me to the doctor for the first time when I had frequently irregular periods and had me started on birth control.

The revolting images flickered through my mind like a twisted movie, haunting me. This was the most in a day I had these sudden attacks and I immediately felt like everything was too much. I was a minute away from having a breakdown. I just needed it to stop. "I need to use the bathroom. I'll be back" I spluttered out and made a beeline for the bathroom adjoining my room, ignoring the resistance from my body as I climbed up the stairs again.

I leaned over the toilet and puked my guts out, all the while reliving the horror in my head. Make it stop. Just end it. Why me? STOP.

My breathing was ragged, and my chest felt like it was on fire. I tried to take deep breaths but it felt like someone was stabbing me with knifes all over. Tears were streaming down my face aimlessly and I could see black dots line my vision. This was happening too frequently for my liking. I knew there was only one thing that could calm me down, the last thing I wanted to do. The one thing that could maybe take my mind off the horrendous memories.

I grabbed the blade I had stashed in the cupboard, beneath all my products that I kept as a ruse, somewhere I knew Aiden wouldn't touch. I glanced at the pill of bottles that were safely hidden behind everything.

I had gone for therapy in the few weeks following Kiara's suicide, but following the sudden change in Aiden paired with my horrible nightmares that kept on getting worse, I just stopped taking them. They were probably expired but it was a painful reminder that I wasn't even worth the help. I was just broken beyond a point of repair.

I unbuttoned my jeans and my hands were shaking as I pulled it across my thigh, relishing in the pain.

The blood brought back all the memories I wanted to escape, yet somehow it served as a a sanctuary for me. The blood, the ledge, the dead look in her eyes. They flashed in front of my eyes. I turned my attention to my scars, old and new, lining my stomach and thighs like mesh work. After what felt like years, I felt my laboured breath slow down and my palpitating heart was slowly returning back to normal. Disappointment. Freak. Useless.

The words uttered by my own mind never failed to tear me down. I wondered if this was what they called the brink of life and death. I was neither alive yet my heart was still beating uselessly in my chest.

I willed myself to get up, ignoring the sudden weakness surging through my body. I washed the blade, and observed how the blood trickled down the sink in a steady stream of crimson. Did this make me a sadist for wanting to hurt myself?

I stashed the blade away and made a mental note to remove it later on. I slowly walked out of the bathroom after rinsing my mouth and checking my appearance. I looked like a haggard old lady who had too much to drink. At least that's what I thought.

Andrea was waiting for me near the kitchen. "You should eat something" she stated and handed me a sandwich. I politely declined and instead grabbed a bar of chocolate. I couldn't stomach an entire sandwich, but chocolate would have to do. It was crazy that at this moment I despised even chocolate. You're crazy for feeling repulsed by the food of gods.

Andrea looked disapprovingly at my choice of food but didn't comment. I gulped down a glass of water to prevent myself from throwing up and we were off.

Andrea made small talk throughout the entire way, promising to take me for a shopping trip in the weekend. She asked me how things were with Aiden and I. I vaguely replied, saying "As good as they can be right now". We talked about everything but Kiara, a topic we had since learnt to ignore, as if we had gotten over the pain.

The truth was, rather than the pain subsiding, it got worse every single day, piling on skyward until we couldn't breathe under the weight of the agony. Most days, I tried to shove my feelings under the rug, preferring to feel numb. Today wasn't one of those days. My mind and emotions were on overdrive.

Andrea was chirpily addressing anything and everyday and I slowly relaxed, my jitters fading away, but still lurking in the shadows. The pit in my stomach was always there like a hollow tumour, sucking my happiness, yet there were very few people who managed to help me restore a lost part of myself.

We soon pulled up to the Café, my first stop. The rest of the places were less than a ten minute walk. "You'll do great, honey. I don't doubt it for a minute" Andrea grinned, kissing me on the forehead as if it were my first day of Primary school. It was a sweet gesture nonetheless.

I called myself crazy for stressing over a job, there were heaps of kids doing this already. I was overreacting. However, for me it was more than a job. It was my first step to freedom, as dramatic as that sounded, it was true. This was something I had finally decided to take control of, and that was one win over Aiden. It was the little things that mattered for me. If I got a job, I wouldn't feel like a charity case anymore.

I stepped out of the car and the perpetually cold, yet pleasant bliss of Glensdale blanketed my bare face.

I entered the Café as a bell chimed overhead. I went up straight to the counter. "Hi. Who should I speak to if I want to apply for a job?"

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It was nearly an hour and half later, and I felt deflated. All three of the places were up to their full staff and weren't interested in hiring. I guess I ended up jinxing myself. I let out a long sigh, feeling my hands shaking of their own accord.

I don't know why, but I was getting more jumpy and anxious, especially after the events of the last few days. My mental health had taken a nosedive for sure, and all I could do was watch from the passenger seat.

I walked without a destination, wondering whether to call Andrea or not. I decided to just stroll around and call her later. I observed everything around me. The dimming sky was freckled with faint stars, yet to shine at their fullest. The sky was a beautiful colour, a blend between lilac and orange, like an artistic watercolour canvas. The blissful chill was still omnipresent, and I took a moment to appreciate it.

My world has crashed down over the course of a year, burning up and the licking flames had taken me down with them. I wasn't a Phoenix who could rise from the ashes. I was just an orphan. I had accepted it, but it still hurt me to acknowledge the fact that I had no real family. Aunt Mary hardly counted, she was as far from family as they came.

Wait so does that make her Count Olaf? Then I would be Violet. Sadly I had no Sunny or Klaus. Joke's on me. Ha. Ha. Very Funny.

As I was sorting through my idiotic spur of the moment thoughts, I noticed a bookstore ahead that sent a sharp pang through my heart. Ellison Book Den. We used to go there frequently during Freshman year. Jonah was a bookworm and he would drag me and Kiara along. It was kind of like our hangout. It was weird to see how opposite he and Kiara were, yet they used to fit together perfectly.

Kiara had a burning hatred for anything that didn't include pictures on every page. Jonah couldn't stand anything colourful. Polar Opposites.

Jonah and I were best friends, and he was the third leg to mine and Kiara's duo. It was crazy how all that crumbled apart. Quit the trip down memory lane, will you?

I made my way over to the bookstore and as I pushed the door open, it was just how I remembered. It was a quirky little store with a cosy ambience. On one side of the room, there were shelves of books, extending into another narrow hallway complete with books on both sides, the oak giving it a rustic feel and the signature musty smell of books made the place homey.

There was a little corner, tucked away to the other side, that had a few loveseats and wooden chairs, oddly arranged, yet it all fit perfectly. An old lady named Charlotte owned the store, along with her husband, and I was glad to see her dusting down the small little counter near the till.

She was a kind woman, and offered us coffee whenever the three of us visited. It was strange that she never charged us for it, but she claimed that we were the only teenagers that came. In her words, "the art of paperbacks was fading", which I thought was true.

I approached her and her eyes lit up as she regarded me. "Blaze, is that you? It has been so long since you visited!" She exclaimed, rushing over to me and pulling me into my second bone-crushing hug of the day. This was definitely going to hurt.

She pulled back and observed me, scanning me from head to toe, as if looking for something. "You look different" she murmured and I squirmed under her gaze. I already knew that and her words weren't really helping with my esteem, even if she was just being kind. Quit being a bitch.

"How have you been?" I diverted and she gladly obliged. "Business has been the same, as usual. The same old customers" she said.

"I hope you're doing okay sweety. I heard about your friend. It was quite tragic..." She softly said, pity shining in her eyes and I stiffened. Right, she thought it was a car accident. It still didn't fail to amaze me how the Marshalls had managed to keep everything under wraps.

"I'm doing okay" I curtly replied, desperately trying to avoid her sympathy. "What about that boy? Jonah, was it?" She enquired, her voice as gentle as ever. "He left town" I said and that didn't help the gaping hole in my stomach from expanding.

"Oh" was all she said before smiling at me once again. "What brought you here today? I've missed seeing your face." her voice still conveyed the same sympathy.

"I was actually on the hunt for a job in the area" I told her. "Did you find one?" she beamed like a Christmas tree. "No, I didn't" I smiled and I couldn't mask the hopelessness in my voice.

"That's a shame" she was deep in thought, as if calculating something. She spoke up after a few beats of uncomfortable silence."Noah and I are getting old and we were discussing about hiring someone. We could use a little youthful energy around here. Would you be interested?" she offered and my eyes widened. "Of course, I can't employ you on all days, as I can't afford the salary. I probably won't be able to pay you bags of cash too. That is if you want to work here?" she sadly smiled, her sincerity warming my insides.

"I'd love to and don't worry about it, I don't mind the pay" I couldn't help but grin. Even if this place would remind me of stuff I would prefer to bury, it was essentially the best thing that could be offered to me at this moment.

"I'm sure Noah will be thrilled to see you here" she said, mentioning her husband. I grinned at her, my momentary happiness bubbling to the surface.

She went on telling me that I was to work on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays for 3 hours, specifically 5:00pm to 8:00pm as she couldn't afford more. I nodded, however I was barely registering all this.

"I'll be looking forward to seeing you here, honey" she chimed and I still couldn't quit the grin. Dude, calm down. You look like a creepier, humanoid version of Dory.

"You too" I said and then mentally face-palmed. Of course I'd be seeing her here. This was her bookstore after all.

She looked amused and coyly smiled at me. "Should I get you a coffee? Grab a book if you want" but I instantly refused, I should be getting home. "I'm sorry, I can't. I have to get going." I informed her and she nodded.

"Thank you for the job, I'll be sure to be here on time on Tuesday" I smiled at her as I made my way over to the door. "Absolutely, dear. I'm happy that I'll be seeing more of you again" she beamed.

I waved at her and then opened the door, the chilly atmosphere once again cooling me. I called Andrea and she said she'd be here in about fifteen minutes.

I listened to some music while I waited, all the while smiling to myself. Maybe the day had taken a turn for the better. Just maybe.

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On the way home, Andrea seemed elated that I got a job. She remembered the bookstore, but as soon as Kiara's name came up, the conversation died down.

Once we got home, I rushed upstairs to my room to change and take a moment. I don't know why but my nerves were going haywire today. I couldn't stop my hands from shaking and I had this overwhelming itch to cut or cry my heart out. Stop being so pathetic.

Once I got changed into some comfy clothes, I helped Andrea set up the table and I noticed Aiden helping around as well. Huh. Figures he would keep the act up.

Dinner was awkward to say the least. Mark and Andrea tried to keep up small talk, but it was difficult to manoeuvre the conversation as we didn't have anything to say. It was like we were all treading on eggshells around each other. It was difficult to acknowledge that we had all drifted apart. I could see Aiden shooting me glares whenever Andrea or Mark made a comment about us, or asked how everything was going. From the look on his face, he wasn't pleased about me getting a job. At all. Sucks to be me.

I had the urge to just run out of the room and go upstairs but I stayed put. It was ridiculous how I couldn't handle normal things like dinner.

After Dinner, I helped Andrea out despite her attempts to stop me. Even after so many years, I still felt I need to make up for my staying here somehow.

Andrea and Mark were still downstairs, watching TV, when I called in for the day and made my way upstairs. Just as I was about to reach my bedroom, I felt Aiden grab my arm and pull me roughly.

"What the fuck. Let me go" I urged, my ears were pounding with blood. "You're getting too bold for your own good" he sneered, the faint light making him appear more menacing. I could feel the blood draining from my face as he clenched his fists.

"Whose house were you at? I think I specifically told you not to talk to her" I pressed, trying to keep the quiver out from my voice. "You're not the one supposed to ask questions. I have had enough of you acting like you're better than me." his voice was icy and I involuntarily winced.

"You don't control me" I gritted out, but my voice was undoubtedly scared.

"That's where you're wrong, sweetheart. You are mine. Mine to hurt, mine to do whatever the fuck I want. Don't think for a moment that you're going to get away from me. A job doesn't mean shit." the promise in his words didn't go unnoticed as my heartbeat increased tenfold. It was like my vocal cords had frozen and I couldn't get a word out.

He was gripping my arm so tight, I was sure he was cutting off circulation. His nails dug into my skin, but I didn't dare say a word about the searing pain that shot through me. I glared at him, trying to keep my tears at bay.

Whatever confidence I had mustered up from earlier had fizzled out, and my thoughts were muddled as I felt my vision go hazy. However, I wasn't going to show him that. I wouldn't give him the pleasure to see me vulnerable, even if he had seen it before a million times.

I squirmed in his hold, and raised my leg to knee him, but he caught my knee in his hand, as if he was expecting it. His grip on my arm loosened and I somehow twisted out of his grip and elbowed him in the ribs.

A look of pure anger overtook his face, but he didn't move towards me as I backed away. I rushed to my room and locked the door behind me. My breathing was very uneven and I would be lying if I said I felt alright. I didn't understand how to keep up with all of Aiden's moods and protect myself.

The feeling of dread had worked it's way throughout my entire body and I could hear the familiar voice nagging me. You deserve this.

I gingerly sat on the bed and gripped the sheets in an attempt to calm down. The exhaustion of the day was wearing me down and my wounds were hurting.

I crawled under the covers and snuggled in, not bothering to change, as I hoped to get rid of the nightmares in my life. But as I felt myself drifting off to my dark slumber, I should have known the nightmares would follow, as they always did.

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I was standing on the roof of the same dilapidated building, my laboured breathing breaking the silence of that dreadful, tragic night. I could see her shadow looming over the ledge, just a step away from falling to what she considered her salvation.

I was screaming, begging her to stop, but no voice came out. I tried to move, but my feet were planted in place, as if they had been bolted to the ground.

I could see her grey eyes staring into mine, the emptiness in her's scaring me down to my soul. Her sandy blonde hair, much like her brother's, was whipping in the wind,
some strands wrapping around her neck like a noose.

The image invoked so much fear within me, I could fear my blood still and it was as if my pulse paused. I could hear nothing, except a faint whisper over and over again- Why didn't you save me?

I saw her look at me with accusation gleaming in her teary eyes. And as if time was suddenly catching up, blood pounded through my heart and my pulse thundered as I saw her look over her shoulder to the ground below. My ears were ringing as I tried to reach out, to do anything as I saw the resignation in her eyes as she turned around and took that final step. Her last.

Just as her foot hovered in the air, I regained my voice and I let out an ear-splitting scream but it was too late.

"Kiara!" I screamed as I watched her plunge to the ground below and I closed my eyes to avoid the carnage that I remembered very vividly.

I cried till I lost my voice, as the sky loomed like an angry shadow above me. Suddenly, I felt the scene change as Aiden appeared with red-rimmed eyes as he hurt me mercilessly, his fists angrily slamming down on my body. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a certain green-eyed boy as he stared at me with disgust, hatred swarming in his sage orbs. That was the final nail in my coffin. I lay there numb, the only thought in my mind was- Why couldn't I save her?

I jerked awake, my sweaty body clenching the sheets as I tried to regain control of my mind. I was shaking as I felt tears pour down my face at the horrible nightmare I was so used to having, but this time with a new addition- Rafael.

I knew that the nightmare wasn't what actually happened, it was a manifestation of my own mind and subconscious. But even though I knew the truth, I still believed my version of that night was the actual incident. I failed as a friend and as a human.

I checked the time. 4:07am. There was no way I would be able to fall asleep now, but I still tried. I kept on turning and tossing, but I couldn't shake the dreadful feeling in my veins.

Tired of thrashing about, I got up about an hour later and stepped into the bathroom. I stripped off my clothes, and avoided looking at myself in the mirror. I turned the shower on and let the warm water soothe my bruises.

I lost track of time and by the time I got out, it was already 6:10. I got changed for school and took my time applying my makeup, making sure to hide the blooming bruise on my cheek, along with the other wounds marring my skin.

I let my hair down and decided to let it cover my face. I had dark circles and bags from my restless nights and my eyelids were puffy due to my impromptu sob session. Ah, Da Vinci could use you as a muse.

As I made my way downstairs, the unfamiliar scent of breakfast cooking wafted through the air. I saw Andrea in the kitchen cooking.

I sat down as she greeted me. "Good morning" I tried to mirror her enthusiasm, but it came out more like a grimace. She chuckled and placed my breakfast in front of me.

"I can't eat this much" I told her as I eyed the toast and eggs in front of me. She brushed her gaze across my frame again, making me uncomfortable. "Blaze, you have to eat. You're looking too thin" she admonished, and I refrained from flinching. I knew that, but it didn't make it easier to hear each time.

I tried my best to eat as much as I could and soon Aiden joined us, a scowl etched on his face. He ignored me and ate his breakfast in silence. Andrea was watching us carefully, and I could feel the weight of her gaze as I attempted to finish my breakfast. I had already eaten three quarters and that's where I drew the line. I didn't want to smell like vomit right now.

I got up and put my plate in the sink and Aiden followed me soon after. He was leaning over me when I turned around. "Act normal or I'll make sure you regret it" he said in a low voice. "Watch it, jackass" I snapped right back.

He grabbed my wrist and squeezed hard and I flinched. My cuts still hadn't healed from my little breakdown in school and I cursed myself for doing this. "I hope you remember just how bad it can get" he whispered, his voice fanning my face. I felt disgusted as I took a step back and the familiar self-loathing feeling swarmed my brain. It's all my fault. Mine. Mine. Mine.

That fear gripped my heart, seizing all my chances of fighting back as I struggled to comprehend the million thoughts racing through my brain. The overwhelming emotions made it hard to think- pain, self-loathing, guilt, anger, hurt.

Even if my mind was all over the place, there was one thing I was sure of. My fear of Aiden was back.

It was as if someone had flipped a switch, and I had found the confidence to stand up to him. But that switch was toggled back, and I had returned to the same scared, wounded, useless person that I was.

I was crazy to think that I could stand up to him. My entire life was entwined with his, from where I lived to the people I called my family. I needed to accept that this was my life, and there was no running from it. I didn't have it in me to run away.

I grabbed my backpack and slipped my phone into my pocket as I followed Aiden to the car after some time.

I was frazzled by my earlier nightmare and I was jumpy as I got in the car with Aiden.
As he sped towards school, there was one thing circling my mind again and again.

Aiden was playing a sick and twisted game, and he knew I had nothing in my corner. He enjoyed seeing me in pain, he loved seeing me squirm and he sure as hell loved controlling me. Even if I tried my best to convince myself that I could get away, the truth was I deserved this. All of it. I was a disappointment.

I just hoped it got better with time.

Hey Babes, This has most definitely got to be my longest chapter till date ugh. Plus, it isn't all that interesting. Tell me if it's as bad as I find it to be, because honestly I think it sucks.

Okay, so I have to address quite some stuff. Everything going on in the world right now really makes me shudder. The blast in Beirut, the concentration camps in China, the crisis in Yemen in addition to all the racism makes me feel disheartened. What kind of world are we living in right now? People think it's okay to drag down people that are different from themselves, and my blood boils seeing the horrible things people have to go through. Each one of us is beautiful, despite what some fuckers have to say about that, or what society tells us to be.

I hope everyone's doing okay right now, and talk to me if you're ever feeling down.

On a lighter note, thank you SOOOOOOOOOO much for 1K reads! That's fucking AMAZING, I never expected that many. Honestly I've got all you awesome people to thank for that, and it never would've been possible without y'all. Why does it sound like I'm giving an Oscar speech tho? Whatever, we'll ignore that.

Plus, I also wanted to say a few things regarding the story. I know some people may be thinking why Blaze isn't leaving Aiden. But you have to understand that in an abusive and toxic relationship, it isn't that easy. She won't go making out with Rafael out of the blue. We still have a lot of stuff to go over, but trust me I'll make it interesting.

I am actually really excited for the next two chapters because I've got them planned out, and then it'll be amazing. I haven't gotten around to the aesthetics just yet so sorry for that! But I have uploaded the playlist so go check out that. Trust me, I winged it and don't come for me for my lack of effort.

On the topic of music, I've literally been replaying all of the early 2010 music from the Disney/Nick stars these days. But like those songs used to be my jams back in the day and I still love them lol even if I'm becoming an adult in less than a month ugh. Currently I'm blasting 'Dancing Crazy' by Miranda Cosgrove. Trust me I had a dance fest to this song. And don't even get me started on BTR, I can fangirl all day.

Okay, I'll end it here haha. No one probably even reads my long ass author's notes.

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