Chapter 27

<Jasper Coven>

I'm staring up at the sky as it turns from day to night time; it's that time in between, when the sky in still light enough to see by, but it's changed from blue to a swirling mixture of pink and red. This was Callie's favorite time of day. I ignore my thoughts and instead, take a sip of the moonshine in my glass. It burns my throat, but it numbs the pain of losing Callie, so I continue to drink.

I know I'm drinking myself into oblivion, I know I'm just trying to forget the pain for a little while. I promised myself I would never touch a drop of alcohol in my life, that I would never turn into my father, but love makes people do things they never wanted to do and love is what scares me, I guess. But I only got my foolish pride to blame for making her leave me...

I don't know why I let her walk away, why I watched her get into her car without chasing after her and saying the apology that was hanging on my lips. I don't have an excuse because there was really no reason for me to let things escalate the way they did. Maybe I was mad at my dad, maybe I was mad at God for allowing my dad to come back, maybe I was mad that nothing ever worked out the way I wanted it to, but now I'm just mad that I was such an ass to the only girl I've ever loved. I made her cry, I broke her heart and yet I can't force myself to go apologize. I'd rather drink myself to death than go beg for her forgiveness. I guess I know where I learned to solve my problems. I think bitterly as take another long swig from the mason jar in my hand.

"Well she was precious like a flower. She grew wild, wild, but innocent. A perfect prayer in a desperate hour. She was everything beautiful and different. Stupid boy, you can't fence that in. Stupid boy, it's like holdin' back the wind." I strum on my guitar, my voice raspier than usual from the moonshine.

I hear some leave rustle behind me and then I feel another body slide into the truck next to me. I know it's Callie, but my drunk brain doesn't process this fact until she starts talking.

"You didn't tell me your dad had come home." She whispers, slipping her hand into mine.

"That's what I didn't want to relive."

"Was that why you wanted to push me away?"

I nod and don't say anything as I stare up at the darkening sky.

"I would've understood if you'd just told me. I've always been there to support you no matter what, why did you want to shut me out when it sounds like you could've used some support the most?"

"I couldn't even admit to myself that I was right back where I'd started. He just barged right back into my life, and I guess I went back to the way I was before; it made it easier to deal with everything."

At first, I didn't really know to react; I was just mad that things were starting to unravel. I guess that's why I went to Pastor Tate, because I needed someone to remind me that there was a better place if I just continued on. Then, once I got back to Mrs. Arthurs house, I realized that I was going to have to deal with all the same problems again because my dad was never going to change. I was going to have break up fights between him and my mom, I was going to have face his insults and him throwing punches at me when he smokes a little too much. It all became too much to bear and I snapped; I went right back to shutting people out and shriveling up into my little shell of anger and self-despair.

To be honest, living with dad hasn't been as awful as before. I mean, I know better than to think he's changed forever, but he hasn't gotten his hands on any alcohol or drugs and that makes him an almost civilized person. He's kept his insults to a minimum and I've even seen him try to help out around the house. I think my mom's scared of the new him, though, as if he's going to snap at any moment. Not that I'd ever blame her. Inevitably, he'll get his hands on something strong and it'll be right back to walking on eggshells and praying that he doesn't kill us, but I'm going to prolong that as long as possible.

"Well, was it worth it?" Callie asks simply.

"Anything that makes me lose you is never going to be worth it." I reply and turn to face her. "These last few weeks without you have been absolute hell, Callie; I never want to go through that again."

I watch as tears fill her eyes, a small smile playing on her lips.

"I'm really sorry about everything; the fight, pushing you away, all the dumb things I said. I don't think I've ever been this sorry in my life and I just pray that you'll give me another chance. I know I don't deserve it, but..."

Callie interrupts me by placing her forefinger on my lips midsentence.

"Quit rambling; I would've given you another chance in a heartbeat, Jasper. I love you and I never want to feel what it would be like to actually lose you." She murmurs and leans her head on my shoulder.

"I'm so lucky to have you." I reply and kiss her forehead gently.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Callie."

"I'm sorry about your dad."

"There's nothing I can do I guess."

"Just have faith and God will carry you through." She whispers and runs her fingers gently through my hair.

~~~~~

It's Sunday morning and I have a splitting headache from the moonshine last night, but I'm still up and dressed for church. I walk downstairs and grab my car keys from the kitchen. Rubbing my eyes, I walk out into the living room, expecting an insult from my father, but instead find him and my mom asleep together on the couch. I bite my lip and try to process what I'm looking at. They haven't slept in the same bed in years. I rub the back of my neck awkwardly; I should be happy that they're getting along, but it doesn't feel right that she's just going right back to him. No matter how hard he tries to change, he'll never be the man she deserves and nothing's going to change what he's done.

I let out a deep breath and contemplate whether or not it'd be safe to leave her home alone with him. Before I even have time to make my decision, my mom wakes up and looks around the room in a disoriented manner. When she sees my dad's arm wrapped loosely around her waist, she bites her lip and moves it gently. She stands up, careful not to wake him, and walks over to me.

"Are you off to church?" My mom asks with a soft smile.

I nod, but there's a question lingering on my lips, but I'm afraid to ask it.

"Good, could I join you?" She says and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Mama, do you think he's changed?" I ask without answering her question.

"I think the longer we keep alcohol out of the house the better."

"I asked, do you think he's changed? Like, do you believe he's somehow turned a new leaf?"

"I don't know." She shrugs and looks at my father's sleeping figure. "I don't think I'd believe it if he did."

"Mama, I just don't want you to fall for his lies again."

"I've been at this longer than you, Jasper. I can handle myself, baby, but thanks for your concern." My mom says and crosses her arms. "He doesn't get to control me anymore."

"Are you scared of him?" I ask in a quiet voice.

"I wish I wasn't; it'd make it a lot harder for him to control me then." She whispers as my dad stirs.

He wakes up and rubs his eyes before realizing that there's no one lying next to him anymore. He catches sight of us in the doorway and, much to my surprise, a small smile spreads across his lips. Be careful, sometimes even the devil tries to act like an angel before he traps you again.

"We were going to go to church, Johnathan, would you like to come?" My mom asks sweetly, making me wish I'd left long before he woke up.

"I don't know that Jasper wants me there."

Well, he's not wrong.

"Nonsense; we're all going to church, as a family."

Mama, why do you have to keep trying to fix something that's beyond repair?

I cross my arms and check my watch.

"I have to be there in half an hour." I say, my eyes never leaving my father's.

"We better get ready then!" My mom says in a cheery voice as she walk upstairs to get in her church dress.

"You should go clean yourself up." I mutter and pull my phone out of my pocket. "I'll be in the truck."

I fire a quick text to Callie as I begin to walk towards the front door.

"Jasper," I turn around at the sound of my father calling name.

My eyes narrow and I wait for him to say whatever it is that's weighing on his mind.

"I'm really sorry." He tucks his hands into the pockets of his tattered jeans. "For everything."

"If you're expecting me to forgive you, then don't hold your breath."

I know you're only a few steps away from relapsing.

"I wasn't expectin' you to; I just wanted you to know."

With that he walks upstairs and into the bedroom he supposedly shares with my mom. I let out a frustrated sigh and practically stomp down the steps to my black truck. I slip into the driver's seat and turn the truck on. I stare out at the quiet farm and try to forget the conversation that just happened. He's not going to change and I'm only setting myself up for more pain if I actually believe him.

A few minutes later, my mom and dad walk out of the house, side by side, for the first time in years. My mom's wearing her dusty church shoes and a floral dress. She's holding her purse in one hand and my dad's shoulder in the other as she carefully walks down the front steps. My dad is wearing a suit that's at least a size too small for him and has made some effort to comb his scraggly beard and hair. I grudgingly unlock the doors for them and watch as my parents slip into the backseat. I adjust my rearview mirror and avert my eyes from my father's as I begin to drive down the gravel path. I pull out onto the main road and drive towards the church.

We pull up in front of the church with plenty of time for me to setup to lead worship during the service this morning. I open the door for my mama and then avoid looking at my father as he gets out. People are already filing into the church by the dozen and a few parking spaces away, I catch sight of Callie. She smiles and waves to me before walking over. I pull her into a hug and feel her lips on my cheek. When I release her, she sees my mama and pulls her into a hug.

"It's so great to see you, Mrs. Coven." Callie says in a cheery voice.

"It's great to see you too, sweetheart." My mom says as she releases Callie.

Callie falls silent a few seconds later and that's how I know she's seen my dad. I slip my hand gently into hers and pull her towards the sidewalk that leads to the church. She looks shocked as I tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I don't want to talk about it." I whisper and lean my forehead on hers.

"Jasper, I, I don't know what..." She stammers, searching for words.

"Callie, just treat him the way you'd treat everyone else or just don't talk to him. The less attention he gets the better."

"Okay, you should go in, so you can get ready for worship." She says and smooths the hair on the back of my head. "I love you."

"Love you too." I whisper and kiss her forehead as I go into the sanctuary of the church.

I watch as she offers my mom her arm and leads both her and my dad towards the front doors of the church.

How did I ever get so lucky as to be blessed with a girl like Callie?