Chapter 26

<Callie Stevens>

It's been a few days since I've heard from Jasper; I'm not worried exactly, but every time I think about him, I get a foreboding feeling in the pit of my stomach. I heard that he was staying with Mrs. Arthurs, a retired policewoman on the other side of town, for the holidays. I thought it was odd that he didn't stay in his house what with his dad in jail and all, but I guess the house probably had too many bad memories to be very cheery at Christmas time. I tried to call him a few times, but it went straight to voicemail as if he never turned his phone on. It's didn't make me mad or anything, just more curious as to what's going on.

I'm currently helping my mom force Henry into some new clothes he got for Christmas, which is probably the most painful task on the planet. Henry is bored and it's nearing his naptime, which makes him unreasonably grumpy. There's also the fact that he got a new train set for Christmas and mom won't let him play with it until he tries on all the clothes people sent him. He's pouting and I can tell that there's a tantrum bubbling just below the surface. I hold in a deep breath while my mom pulls yet another sweater over his little head. He crosses his arms and that's my cue to exit before he gives me another reason to not want to have kids.

I pull out my phone as I walk down the hallway towards my room and am disappointed to find no new messages or missed phone calls. I sigh and plop down on my plush comforter. I stare at the picture of him on my nightstand; it was taken on Halloween while we were walking Henry around trick-or-treating. A smile spreads across my lips as I run my finger along the edge of the picture frame. My phone begins ringing in my lap and I pick up immediately. Sadly, it's just an advertiser and I hang up slowly, dread filling every crevice in my body. Things aren't going to continue on like this; he's not going to freeze me out.

I stand up and walk down stairs, grabbing the car keys and calling out to my parents to tell them where I'm going. My dad responds and then I walk out the front door to the SUV. I slip into the front seat and back out slowly before pulling onto the main road towards the other side of town. After talking to a few store clerks and some other people around town, I finally find Mrs. Arthurs house and sure enough, Jasper is sitting on the front porch scribbling in his tattered notebook. I take the keys out of the ignition and draw in a deep breath. Dear Lord, please don't let me screw this up. Amen...

I get out of the car and walk quietly up the front steps before going to sit in front of Jasper. He doesn't look up, but I know he's aware of my presence. I bite my lip and try to think of the right words to say without having all of my pent-up frustration come spilling out. I exhale slowly, but Jasper beats me to talking first.

"I'm really not in the mood, Callie." He says without looking up.

"Not in the mood for what? For talking?" I say, my tone much more bitter than I thought it would be. "I'm aware. I haven't heard from you in days."

"Sorry." He says in a quick, biting tone.

"For what? I didn't ask for an apology, Jasper, I just wanna know why you haven't called in a few days." I say, fighting to keep my emotions out of my voice.

"Sometimes people get busy, Callie."

"You're trying to freeze me out, Jasper."

"I'm not trying to do anything."

"You're trying to shut me out like you did before."

"I'm not trying to do anything." He reiterates, his eyes still trained on his notebook.

"Jasper, please don't do this to me."

"You have no right to tell me what I can and can't do. Okay?" He snaps, finally looking at me; his eyes are red and puffy.

"I, I..." I stammer, unsure of where his hostility is coming from.

"Your life is frickin' perfect, Callie, you've got nothing to worry about, you've got parents who love you and a life I'd kill to have. Sometimes I can't even look at you and not be mad at everything you have that I'll never get to have."

"That's not fair...I can't control that, Jasper."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't control the cards you're dealt in life. Whatever." He mutters and crosses his arms.

"What brought this on?" I practically whisper, my voice choking up as I try hard not to cry.

"I don't really wanna have to relive it." He replies and averts his gaze from mine.

"You can't just lash out at me and then shut yourself off again."

"You can't just worm your way into my life and try to save me; my whole world is going to fall apart anyway."

"This isn't how things work between us, Jasper; if you're not honest with anyone else then you can at least be honest with me."

"Honestly, I just want to be left alone." He snaps and I feel tears burn furiously behind my eyes.

"No, I refuse to let things end this way."

"I just want to be left alone."

"Please don't do this to me. Please, don't push me away again." I murmur, tears burning my cheeks.

Jasper doesn't say anything, but instead, stares blankly at me. I guess he's made his decision.

"Fine, I'll leave you alone, but someday you're going to wish someone cared as much as I do."

He doesn't say anything, but I can feel his intense gaze on me as I walk slowly down the stairs, waiting for him to say something, waiting for him to stop me, to make me stay. My heart breaks a little with every step I take and soon enough I'm back in the front seat of my parents' car, keys in the ignition and foot on the pedal as I speed away. Tears have turned my makeup to an unsightly smudge underneath each of my eyes and more tears blur my vision as I drive back across town. Before I know what I'm doing, muscle memory carries me to the field where Jasper and I spent many afternoons laying in the back of his truck talking and staring up at the sky. I guess that's all over now, isn't it?

I slam my palms on the steering wheel and scream out in frustration. I lay my head on the steering wheel and continue to cry; my voice cracking with loss and despair. I cry until I have no tears remaining and all I'm left with is my broken heart and thoughts about how I'm never going to be able to move forward.

~~~~~

Jasper and I haven't talked to each other in weeks. He won't even look my way in school; he just keeps his head buried in his notebook and then leaves before I have the chance to catch up with him. He's shut me out completely, as if all that time we spent together meant absolutely nothing to him. He made it clear that he didn't want to see me again, but I can't really help the fact that I still love him, that I still want him in my life, even if he's pretending that I don't exist.

The final bell of the day rings and I gather my stuff from anatomy as Jasper's blonde bobs quickly out of the classroom. I sigh and walk out of the room with heavy steps. I make my way home as it begins to drizzle rain and soon enough I'm back on my front porch. I unlock the door and find my mom and Henry reading a book in the living room. She asks me how my day was and I give her the same answer I gave her yesterday: it was fine. She's learned not to ask about Jasper anymore so, she lets me go to my room without so much as another word. I drop my bag on the floor and pull out my homework, but I feel no will to actually do it. Thoughts of Jasper cross my mind again and it makes me wonder whether he thinks about me as much as I still think about him.

After a few hours of aimlessly staring at my homework, I decide to go for a drive. I kiss my mom on the cheek and then grab the keys. I back slowly out of the driveway and cruise down the mostly empty roadway towards town. Within a few minutes, I find myself in front of the gravel path that leads the way to Jasper's house. I heard he moved back in after the holidays, but not from him, of course, it was from some gossip in the grocery store checkout line.

I sigh and begin to drive over the gravel towards his house before my brain even has time to process things. I pull to a gentle stop and contemplate what I'm about to do. I take the keys out of the ignition and then walk up the front steps, my fist knocking quietly on the peeling paint of the front door. I hear some footsteps behind the door and then his mom opens it. She gives me a weak smile and tucks some hair behind her ear.

"Hey, Callie." She says politely, debating whether or not she should let me in.

"I need to talk to Jasper. Is he here?" I ask and bite my lip.

I hear a grunt coming from somewhere inside the house and that's when Jasper's anger finally clicks in my mind.

"I'm afraid not, sweetheart. He went out somewhere a few minutes ago. You might try the field down by the train tracks; that's usually where he disappears to." She replies with a fond smile.

"Thanks so much, Mrs. Coven." I say and wave as I walk back down to my car.

I wait for her to close the door and then I set off down the path at the back of his house that leads to the train tracks and the field beyond. I walk quickly, not wanting to get caught in the dark, and soon enough the bed of a truck comes into view and the sounds of guitar playing fill the air.