Depression: It's A Silent Killer (prt 2) PLEASE READ!

I know what y'all were thinking. It'd been two months since I posted a rant and you figured that life was going well for me.

Faked you out, didn't I?

This weekend, we we're on a trip to Texas for my cousin's wedding. It was nice reuniting with family we haven't seen in a year (or longer). I had a blast at the wedding last night; whether it was with people-watching or when my siblings kidnapped me from our table and shoved me onto the dance floor with them.

This morning is when everything turned upside down — for me, at least. Mentally. Mom, my sister and her husband got back up from the lobby after having breakfast and mom brought me some food since I didn't feel like going down. One of the foods being an apple with peanut butter so that I would have some protein.

Innocent, right?

This is where things took a turn.

My sister, being a nurse, started saying how unhealthy I eat, how everything in our pantry is horrible for us, how I was going to pay for the consequences. Mom tried to defend me, arguing that some of the junk I got was thanks to family members. Like, my cousin got me a basket of candy for my birthday or how my aunt helped me pack my plastic bag of candy at the wedding.

I'm gonna get sick, I should know that I'm gonna be paying for the consequences (literally. Because I'll be sick with diabetes).

But would it really be a bad thing?
If I got sick and let a disease kill me? It's better than acting out my fantasies of trying to hurt myself, isn't it? The disease would do the killing, not me, right?

They act like I care.

I even told them casually that I didn't even care anymore months ago. And all I got was my sister telling me that I'll have to pay for the medicine or something.

What she doesn't know is that I won't even be using medicine. I'd let diabetes kill me so I can stop hurting and crying.

Sorry for passing this onto you. I just needed to get this off my chest before I think about it too long and start crying and ruin everyone else's day.