This song is truly heartbreaking but so touching. It goes perfect with what happened to Colson. Listen to it please so you can get the feel of the chapter. Lyrics are as followed...

I came by today to see you

Though I had to let you know
If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time
I'd have held you and never let go
Oh it's kept me awake night wonderin'
I lie in the dark, just asking why?
I've always been told you won't be called home until it's your timeI guess Heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you

Brave enough to stand up for what you believe and follow it through
When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to

Is that Heaven was needing a hero like youI remember the last time I saw you
Oh you held your head up proud

I laughed inside when I saw how you were standing out in the crowd
You're such a part of who I am

Now that part will just be void
No matter how much I need you now

Heaven needed you more'Cause Heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you

Brave enough to stand up for what you believe and follow it though
When I try to make it make sense in my mind

The only conclusion I come to
Is that Heaven was needing a hero like you Yes, Heaven was needing a hero, that's you

https://youtu.be/8IMn4c4MwM0

figured I would add a couple songs for this chapter as well, just gives the chapter more feeling.

https://youtu.be/yCSMCgqlc-0

Jake POV

It has been a week since we returned home. I had to contact Colson's family after they were notified about his death because I felt it was the right thing to do. I also wanted to be at his funeral. He wouldn't be buried on the pack grounds, he is being buried at the national cemetery in Raleigh NC, he had mentioned to me before that's where he always wanted to spend eternity and to retire at when he was older so I mentioned it to his parents and they also knew so me, dad, Craig, Jaylen, Jayden uncle's Hunter and Mason, papaw and mamaw, Ben and Conrad with their babies and brother's are heading to NC. 

I am not looking forward to this. I am not ready to say goodbye. I also am not ready to leave Connor, but I have to, he is still way to weak and little to even hold. I spend all my time with him. I don't eat much and hardly sleep; and when I do sleep, I have nightmares. I can't function without Colson by my side and I don't think I ever will.

Colson didn't even get to see the tattoo I got for him, I'm not even sure I can ever look at myself without losing it. That day is the worst day of my life, that is the day I lost Colson even if he was still alive, he was gone even before he died. 

I was told he may not make it, but I choose to not believe that, I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to think of a life without him in it. He was my whole world, is still my whole world. I will always love him; he may not have been perfect to other people but he damn sure was perfect to me. He was sweet and gentle, kind, had a big heart. Passionate, loving. Handsome, he was my soulmate and nothing or no one can ever change that.

Life without him so far has been horrible. I have nightmares where I see him being blown up and his body all messed up like it is, seeing him dying over and over again, watching him watch me and Connor as Connor grew up, I hate sleeping because of them.

As we get settled on the plane, I look at everyone with me and all of them except the babies have their mate with them. Yes, my brothers are mates to Ben's brothers, all four are mated to one another which isn't uncommon in our world. It's going to be interesting when they mate and mark one another, I can't wait to see their marks. I love my family truly but seeing all of them so happy is breaking my heart knowing I lost my mate and will forever be alone.

I close my eyes and the tears fall at that thought. I didn't have enough time with Colson, didn't have enough memories with him, didn't have enough love from him, just didn't have enough time. I don't know how I am going to be able to live without him. I feel like I'm just here but not living because part of my soul is gone, Stone has been so depressed he doesn't even want to talk to me which I completely understand. If I could, I wouldn't talk to anyone either, but I have to.

I put my ear buds in my ears and turn my music on my phone and put a mask over my eyes to just drown out the world for a bit and get lost in my thoughts and just imagine Colson was still with me, here loving me.

6 hours later

I feel someone poking my shoulder, so I remove the mask and take out my ear buds to see Jaylen looking at me.

"We're landing in a few minutes. How are you holding up?" He asked me softly and that voice just broke me, I broke down and he took me in his arms and rocked me back and forth gently.

"Shh it'll be ok Jake, it'll be ok. I'm so sorry." Jaylen kept trying to comfort me and he was able to a little bit to get me to calm down to at least get through the landing and off the plane.

When we landed, I got up grabbed my bag and all but ran for the door to get off the plane because I was feeling like I couldn't breath knowing we were a step closer to seeing Colson and his family. Everyone got off the plane and dad grabbed my hand and we headed to baggage claim and waited for our bags and people were staring at me for some reason. It's like they knew why we were there it seems.

"Can you all stop staring at my brother? He is about to go bury his fiancé who lost his life while he was deployed so a little respect would be nice." Jaylen said to the people around us and I couldn't fight the small smile on my face. I love my brother.

"Didn't mean any disrespect, I just happened to see the chain tattoo on your neck and was wondering if you were here for SSGT Colson is all. There are people who are coming for his funeral and we're here to take them to the hotel. We weren't sure if you were part of the group, I'm sorry." One guy said and he looked like he had been crying, just like me.

"It's ok, it's been a horrible past couple of weeks. I'm Jake, I'm sorry for your loss."

"As am I. I'm Luke. I heard you were there when he..."

"Yes, I was. I'm honestly um glad I guess I was there because it gave me a little more time with him. I was told he may not make it, so it was bittersweet. I was praying so hard that he wouldn't leave me and make it but as much as it hurts, it was his time to go back home. We will see him again one day, I just wish he didn't go so soon." I said and more tears fell from my eyes, but no one seemed to mind.

"I understand. I'm sure I will see you there. We need to find this group and you should go get some rest and eat." Luke said and we shook hands.

"Yea, see you there." I said and we grabbed our stuff and headed to rest a couple cars and I was driving both sets of twins and the others were in a van. I got a truck to drive.

We made it to the hotel and checked in and went to our rooms. I had my own, I didn't want to share with anyone besides everyone here was mated anyways so it made no sense to room with someone. I got a pair of jeans a shirt and boxers and put them on the bed and went into the huge bathroom and turned the water on for the bath and let it fill up. I sat on the toilet and just watched it fill up, lost in my head.

I undressed and got into the tub and turned the water off and sat back to relax a little bit and just let the warm water calm me down some and shut my eyes as I leaned back and felt my body actually relax and I felt so tired. I washed my hair and body and got out because I needed to sleep. I dried off and put my boxers on and got into bed and closed my eyes and went to sleep.

A few hours later I get woken up by a knock on my door. I went to open it and it was dad.

"Hey, we're going to go down and get something to eat. Get dressed and meet us down there."

"Alright." I said and shut the door. I got dressed and walked down the stairs to the main floor and went to meet my family at the café in the hotel.

We ordered our food, and everyone was talking but I was silent and wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, I just wanted tomorrow to get here.

The next morning.

I woke up around eight and took a shower. After I was done, I put on a pair of black slacks, a white long sleeve button up shirt, a vest and a jacket. I let the top two buttons of my shirt undone, and I put my shoes on. I fixed my hair and sprayed cologne on.

I met everyone in the lobby, and we went outside and got into the vehicles and started the drive to the church. I turned on the radio and we sat in silence the whole drive there. I was grateful no one tried to talk to me right now, I didn't want to lose it yet.

We arrived a half an hour later and went into the church for the service. I signed the guest book and greeted his mom and dad.

"Hello Jake, how are you?" His mom, Carrie asked me as she hugged me.

"Hello, one day at a time is all I can manage at the moment. I can imagine it's the same for you both."

"Yes, one day at a time. Such a shame he died the way he did, by one of our own at that. I hope the son of a bitch is caught and is dealt with appropriately." His father, Jim said as he hugged me.

"I agree sir, whole heartedly. I will see you in a bit, you have other guests to greet. I don't want to hold up the line." I said and they nodded. We made our way to the viewing of Colson.

I walked up to him and I stood there just looking at his handsome face. He looked like he was just sleeping, peaceful. I took the photo out of my pocket of Connor and me by his bed that dad took, and I put it in his jacket pocket so it's close to him in the afterlife. I kissed his forehead, "I love you. I miss you so much Colson. I will see you again one day. Look in after us from time to time and put in a word to the big guy to heal Connor. I can't lose him also, you not being here any longer is killing me. I don't know how to live without you baby, I don't know how to breath without you next to me. You were my light in my darkness, you were the happiness I craved, you were my reason for living and now, I have no idea how to go on without your smile, your touch, your loving embrace, your kind eyes looking at me, your beautiful heart. I love you; I will always love you and I miss you so much. Take care and fly high my love." I said as tears fell on his face from my eyes and I wiped them off and kissed him again and went to sit down.

After the service.

We went to the cemetery and it started to really hit me that he was gone, seeing him over a hole in the ground was a smack in the face and I couldn't do it. I turned around and went back to the truck and just stood there, leaning against the door watching the rest of the service. I couldn't watch him being put into the ground; I didn't want to see him leave me like that. I know it's going to take time to heal and to move on, but I don't really want to. Colson was my life, and I don't see how anyone can make me feel the way he did. I have my son to focus on and he is all I need.

"Goodbye Colson, I will always love you." I whispered as I turned around and walked away from the service to have time alone.