We have all short comings, and will be put into a lonely place someday. And the only one to help us out is our trust in ourselves.

These thought from kuya of Big brother this night caught my attention. Tumagos sa puso ko. (12/29/16)

I was actually motivated.

You don't fully love others if you don't trust them, and you don't fully love yourself if you don't trust yourself.

Cora of Pbb if you knew her, exclaimed this when kuya asked her to tell how important is trusting ourselves.

I don't watch pbb, nong nasa high school lang ako. Nanonood pa kasi sila dito sa bahay and I heard all of that while I'm reading dito sa wattpad.

I know, some of you may tell some ideas of who really I am in real life. Sabi nga nila "a author always leave a piece of his or her self in every book he/she writes. "

I know, some of my stories, I shared some of my experiences and even some of my attitudes. Not exactly but I know you can easily understand.

Like sometimes, if I read book here in wattpad or a hard copy. I always leave a reaction to the writer.

I feel sometimes that their stories or commentaries are something real or just a knowledge they're learned. And I used to admire authors who always makes me amazed of their stories.

So maybe, someone may guest na napakamahiyain ko or I'm not a girl who's very proud of my work or the stories I made. I always have doubts and I am not actually a author who will visit your profile and tell you to " please read my story" ( but don't make me wrong, I am not against of those kind of author, I guest they have the fighting spirit that I doesn't have.)

A lot of things happened to me. A lot of experiences that lessen my self confidence or self-esteem.

I do based everything I do to what others expected me to do. Their comments can greatly affects me and my work.

And I know this is not good.

When I was young, I got bullied. Kindergarten, that young I am. Nasiko ko kasi yong kaklase ko noong kinakamot ko yong siko ko. Dahil umiyak na siya agad, kaya hindi na ako nakapagsorry. Hindi dahil mapride ako, pero dahil wala akong lakas ng loob para sabihin iyon dahil sa sobrang nahihiya ako. At nagstart na nila akong tuksohing maarte pag-uwian na. Whole school year yan.

When I was in high school, the same thing happened. Inaamin kong sobrang itim ko before, dahil hilig ko talagang maligo sa ilog, plus kulot pa yong buhok ko. Kaya lagi akong natutuksong "ita". Not only that, nasubukan kong mabato ng papel habang sumasagot sa klase, umuwi ng may bato pala ang bag kaya sobrang bigat at mapagbintangang nagnakaw ng bagay na sobrang obvious naman kung sino ang gumawa. My teacher even let me paid that thing na kahit may suspect na siya ng totoong gumawa.

And I have grown in a poor family. Believe it or not, nagbabaon lang ako ng limang piso noong high school ako.

Kaya siguro ang babaw ng tingin ko sa sarili.

Kahit noong kristyano na ako, I was invited to attend youth fellowship. Sa church ng ex ko, syempre boyfriend ko pa siya noon. He had forced me to have a special number. I know he was the music director in their church.

I did sang, pero habang kumakanta ako. My boyfriend shouted "sintonado" kung saan alam kong narinig iyon ng buong congregation. Kaya naman nagkaroon ako ng stage fright, especially when I need to stand there to sing.

Kahit sabihin na nating nalagpasan ko na yan lahat, dahil matagal na yan. I am still me who still have short comings that always struck me down and put me to the very start.

And again and again, I always keep moving forward. I know it's tough, It is really temping me to give up.

But I think I heard a good advice from kuya tonight. I heard it like a voice from God.

I need to trust myself at maniwalang kaya ko.

Kaya kong magbago.

Kaya kong abutin ang mga pangarap ko sa buhay.

Kaya kong gawin ang mga nais ng Diyos sa akin.

I can overcome my fears, my doubts, my worries and even my thought of what people may say about me.

Trusting God first, then trusting ourselves.

The Lord say in

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them (persecutions, sins, things that troubles us or our problems) for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Joshua 1:1-9
"Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discourage, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."