Hi!  It's Assi again. Weird that I need to introduced myself in my book on it's 37th chapter, right?;)

If you are reading this book from the beginning,  you can guest that the writer is fragile.  Weak.  Emotional.  Anyways, that how I'll conclude also by reading my own writing. 

I always assumed that I am tough. 

But maybe I am sensitive in reality.  I don't know if it's only me or 'them'.

I am broken, and I know I must be healed.

So,  I need to bursting out here again to set myself free from hatred.  Because,  if I have to choose I really don't want to hate someone because in the end I know who were the loser.  It's me.

Korea is fun,  I love the place.  I enjoyed staying there.  I love the food I ate. 

But through the joy and excitement I shows in social medias,  behind it I slowly and slowly,  little by little breaking into pieces that I even pitied myself.

It traumatized me.  She is just one person but,  she became too big and scary.  A monster I wouldn't wanted to see again. My nightmare.

I underestimated her.  Or maybe I have expectations that she didn't met. 

Everyday,  I was praying for help from God. 
Everyday,  I was praying for courage.

A silent cry while taking a bath.
A silent cry through the darkness of our room.
A silent cry while looking at the sparkling light of the city from the rooftop.

How I wish to go home. How I wish that I may feel the comfort I needed. How I wish that someone who knows me very much could wipe my tears.  How I wish that someone could lift me up when I am down.

So I asked God; "Lord how long will you come to my rescue?  Lord how long will you come to save me?"

I don't want to leave korea with this impression.  Because five years ago I begun wanting to see this place. That someday I will come and visit my dream land.

But the Lord answered: "Be still and know that I Am God. "

So I put my hope unto the Lord.  I cried to him.  I may not understand now why all of these happened but I'm sure God has his reason.

I need to passed the testing of my faith.  Though it's really hard.

I need to smile,  keep moving forward, and continue hoping for the best in the future.  Hindi iisa ang araw.