I was looking for my significant in this world.

I am a trash being restored.

I gone astray, but the Lord brought me back.

I am no more worthy of his Love, but the same Love found me worthy again.

I made mistakes, I know I am not perfect but must live righteously for this is the will of God.

I confessed that I am still in the box, and I want to get out from it. The box is my past that continuously hunting me.

I am searching for healing and inspiration to move on. And I saw the Lord's faithfulness in the process. He never left me, nor forsaken me. He became my loving father and a understanding best friend.

I have so many reasons to be sad, hurtful, to hate and to lost my significant in life. Because I focuses on the wrong path, on the wrong angle and ride the wrong truck.

But Jesus continuously holding my hand guiding me his way like a father to a child.

Being a Christian or a Believer, it will not always be a bed of roses as they describe it. And there's no wrong about admitting it was hard to be one.

Today's generation is different. There are things that is not good before that are made legal today. Too confusing and too compromising. And a place such as this, is really tough to be who you are and to be what God wanted you to be. Sometimes, we don't want to please people but we don't have choice. We are doing this for the sake of 'pakikisama'.

I am a believer that was bullied and that is still weak when people look down on me. I am a believer that always cry and cannot fight for my rights because everytime injustices happened in my life, I always lost my tongue. I am a believer who always did a mistake and feeling regretful in the end. I am a believer who always believed others but never believe myself.

That's why even though I wanted to fly as high as where the sky boundary to galaxy but I always choose to cuddle on my nest, while watching others spreading their wings and fly.

I am a believer who wanted to become a writer, published a book..but not trying anything to made it possible.

I am a believer who wanted to become invisible than to sit under the spotlight.

And I know I can write a hundred more words to describe my imperfections and weaknesses.

But along with it though it is really contradicting, I am a believer with a big dream. A believer with a hope of a better future. A believer that wanted to influence and inspire. To motivate and empower others.

A believer that silently longing for my wings to fly.

Betrayal, injustices, bullying and sins ruined my significant in life. But I don't want to stay like this so I stand and start again. I walk and begin looking forward again. Though how many times I fall, I will always continue the race I am involved with, and it was like my coach always whispered on my ear " Assi, believe in me,  because I believe in you. " The precious voice of my Lord. God wanted me to trust him, to live with him and to find the true joy I was looking for from him. To exhibit the genuine curve again in this face he created me.

I want to smile again like how the Lord wanted on me. I want to become the person God wanted me to be.

I wish and pray that I can get over my past very soon and live a new life, begin new memories, and encouter more people whom God sent for me to influence me in my spiritual life.

Thank you for your supports, thank you for joining me in my journey of healing through Jesus (I know soon, all will be well) , thank you for enduring my nonsense rant here, I'm sorry if I became a bad influence ( I hope one day, I'll become a good influence), thank you also for bearing with my trying hard english and May the Lord bless you all. God wanted us to smile again, if we already forgotten how to smile.

No matter what happened in our life, we should remember that in our very breathe and in waking up every morning is already enough to bring back that curve in our faces. Jesus loves us, and he will always be there for us.

Smile again, believer.