Pure love...

That's what I long for.

I keep searching for it. What made me broken? Why I am so hurt today? What happened to me?

I got bullied when I was a kid, few months ago, bullied again in a foreign land. I remember crying to the bathroom. I remembered having fears to failed.

I tried to move on and search for my significance, but I failed. I became blind. From that moment I forgotten God, and how much he loves me. I don't know anymore how is it to be loved genuinely. I felt betrayed when a certain person showed me a fake loved.

And I became cynical. It's hard to trust people around. I always thinks that they are saying something behind my back.

It's hard to live like this. I cannot be on my own. I always fabricated my true identity.

And through it I am searching for genuine love. Searching for a love that's true and strong to change me. I know I've changed a lot. But it was the worse.

I committed mistakes. And I regretted all of it.

'Lord, you know me more than I know myself. Please forgive me and give me a second chance. Change my mind and how I think. Please Lord help me feel your love. I know you love me. You died on the cross to give me salvation. But today, you know how it was to me now the things I thought were amazing before. I've lost your love. I've lost your joy. I've lost my life. I'm on the wilderness, searching for you. I know your not afar, I know you're just there..but I cannot feel you. I became vulnerable...I don't know how to come back to you..help me God, please help me..I want to smile again, and I want you the reason of my smile.. '